Yes, parents are occasionally saddled with a truly difficult situation in which a child cannot be controlled. ...BUT, SACK UP and be a parent, don't turn your kids over to these money makers. If a child needs 24-7 supervision and discipline, DO IT YOURSELF and even take time off work if need be. The missed paycheck will amount to the money you send to these programs, who will only take your money and warehouse your child. When you become a parent, you take on a lot of responsibilities, including the chance that your child may have behavioral difficulties as they mature. NO ONE EVER SAID LIFE WOULD BE A ROSE GARDEN!!! Furthermore, only you know your child, from the moment s/he was born and only you should be the one to stay with them through thick and thin. I am not saying that therapy should be eschewed, but that the parents should be the ones to implement restrictions, otherwise anything gained will only be situational (under duress) and will not apply to other settings. As some children are grateful for the programs, I understand...some children are extremely resilient and will overcome hardships of any kind due to various reasons (outgrowing rebellion, preference for structure, i.e.). But why take a chance that your child's emotional structure is super-hardy, and risk permanent scars? You chose parenting and should see it through. Yes my family has been affected by similar problems. I was hell on wheels with my curfew growing up, as well as a frequent marijuana smoker. My brother at the age of 22 (he was 12 years older-so we acted up in waves) became a heavy drug addict and had multiple instances of "running away" and life-threatening situations (i.e., ODs and death threats from other users). Yes, my parents put him into a local drug rehab, but it was connected with the local hospital--and only a short-term stay for him to detox, not to have behavior modification (which is a vague term that should not be inflicted on a child without the parent's explicit notification). It was NOT isolated in another country and DID NOT restrict contact between parent and child, whose communication should be nurtured, not severed. Both of us turned our lives around when our parents made sure one of them was in our lives 24-7 and constantly over our shoulder (no money, no TV, not going out with friends, no telephone, no junk food, no luxuries, basically no materials except food, water, and basic clothing...and discipline and love...and constant talks about why everything was restricted--and even took my bed out when I got so mad I ripped it with toenail clippers), that's what worked. My parents were run ragged, but they were 100% there and made sure they were the ones modifying our behavior to fit the household they wanted. The WWASPS facilities are so suspect (and even have parent-brainwashing conferences to go along), and I can't believe anyone would send their kids there, unless it were for the parents' own convenience (Come on, you really don't know what's going on with your kid while they are there, yes the pictures and sales pitches are attractive, that's what the sales and business depts. are for--and, honestly, you just want a break from stress and heartache, right!!). For real, are you expecting to send your kid away for a couple of years and have them returned to you "fixed" and ready to fit right back in to the family, or are you really just looking for a vacation from the harder times of being a parent? Sack up, and work hard with the card you've been dealt. Really, I know parents are desperate, but anything that separates you from your child during recovery IS SO SUSPICIOUS!!! I know most parents would have their parental red flag raised...The mention of any kind of nanny, boarding school or behavior school bothers me, because WHY HAVE KIDS IF YOU DON'T WANT THE TROUBLE OF RAISING 'EM.
P.S. My brother and I are very close to our parents and the rest of our family, and use no drugs other than social alcohol once in a while. We are both in health care--he is an Occupational Therapist and I am a Physician Assistant. I am getting married to my boyfriend of 5 years in a month, Thank you so much, Mom and Dad, for being hard and strong when we thought we were smarter than you but were headed for self-destruction; for taking away money, the car, and privileges; for even physically barring the doors when I tried to run out and do "who knows what"; for taking turns sitting outside my room when I tried to sneak out; for picking me up every day and dropping me off to school; for giving me lots of chores that had to be done-and for no compensation-because I needed to learn that I had to give in order to receive anything, and that food/shelter/clothing were (after a certain age) things I needed to give work for in exchange. I also thank you that, when I corrected my behavior, that you never held a grudge, but always dwelt on my accomplishments. At that time you were not parents, but guardian angels that helped your kids get back on the right track; you always told us that we were good kids and that we needed to make decisions that would prove it and make us feel better (I always remember you told us that that we were in charge of how we feel and we can change it by each and every decision we make--we ARE NOT victims, but responsible for our selves and feelings). I know it was hard with T. and me, but you hung in there, and were hard and strong, and made decisions for us as a parent should, and most of all, allowed our behavior modification to occur in our own home--though we were often angry and sullen, you kept us a family and though often inconvenient, were TRUE PARENTS.
