anonymity on this board

[Lars]

On 2006-04-12 12:21:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Lars said

I don't care what their reasons are, they have no business bringing it up with my family."

I didn't miss the point of your original post Lars.  I said in my first response that I actually agreed with you there are good reasons not to disclose one's identity here, but that it's also a personal decision.  I didn't elaborate on that, but personal or not, I only agree with this to the extent one speaks of their personal experience. Acuse Hyde of a crime or mistreating others when without having the details or inside info, yes, that seems inappropriate and self-serving and worthy of challenge, including exploration of the posters bias, which requires their identity.



The concept of bias brings me back to your (secondary?) point that "Hyde doesn't respect privacy".  Lars, when you were a little boy, your parents established a relationship with Hyde that focused on you.  When Hyde called you recently (out of compassion) and then mentioned this to your family, that was business in the ordinary course.  My issue is thus not with the primary point of your post, its how you chose to present it.    



Lars said

Also, when the school figured out who I was, they actually contacted me and later mentioned it to my parents in a fundraising appeal. Hyde does not respect anyone's privacy and I don't want anything to do with the place.

"When Hyde figured out who I was"?  Lars, you outed yourself.  That was your choice.  Take responsibility for it.



"They actually contacted me".  What I find interesting was your use of the word "actually", as it seems to imply impropriety instead of presenting the facts about the compassionate nature of the call.  And later Hyde "mentioned" your call with them to your parents.  (And that's really all it was, right "mentioned"?)  I have to say, big whoop there Lars.  So what?  You know as well as anyone that Hyde calls former parents and talks about former students.  This was no surprise, and was both predictable and standard in the industry.



Your point about not wanting to share your association with Hyde with the world is valid, at least to the extent you are talking about your personal experience.  Your jump to a point about Hyde not respecting privacty, based on your bizarre example which includes you outing yourself (a cry for help?), Hyde contacting you compassionately (and you leaving these details out), and then mentioning it to your parents like every fundraising group I have ever known, is unwarranted.  What I find more interesting is why you make this connection, because you do it again in your latest post.



Lars said:

I don't care what their reasons are, they have no business bringing it up with my family....who the hell wants to have a potential employer finding out that you've been involved with such a fucked up place?

In that Hyde actually does have "business" bringing your conversation up with your parents, it started me thinking about what was really going on for you, so here's my guess: The fact you left out was that Hyde mentioned to your parents you were posting on this site.



Your real concern is that now your parents know you are posting on this site and that fact raises a host of potential issues, as it potentially highlights your unresolved issues with them (they sent you to Hyde, right)...and you don't like that one bit, so instead of dealing with the source of your issues, you project them onto Hyde.



Just a guess.  I know I wouldn't want my parents to see all of my diary-like posts I make on various sites.  That's why I would never out myself (on those sites)....and if I did, then even a non-lawyer would know I can't hold anyone other than myself responsible if my post somehow ends up on the front page of the New York Times.

"

I'll ask you again, which campus do you teach at?  If you can't answer that, you have no business offering any criticism of those who choose not expose their posts to google searches.  I don't care that my folks know about my posting here.  In fact, I told them about it before this whole business came up.  And how the fuck do you know that their calls were compassionate?  The faculty member who called me spent the conversation trying to convince me that I'd really had a positive experience there.  It was none of my parents' business and your inability to understand this displays an astounding degree of ignorance and lack of respect.

And your guess was wrong.  I don't project anything onto Hyde.  I just told it like it was.  The place is an emotional toxic waste dump and a cesspool of hypocrisy and incompetence.  If you don't like the way I present my views, well you know what you can do...

[Anonymous]

Someone wrote several times about Hyde contacting Lars out of "concern."  It is that same arrogant "concern" that truly is hypocritical coming from Hyde.  I know of many times when Hyde has done something terribly wrong that has hurt families yet I have never known them to reach out and try to make things right.  Hyde has an arrogance that runs very deep.  Their way is the right way and if you don't like it, "there is the door" but you ain't getting the check back!

I know of one family who had a terrible incident with their 15 year old daughter. Hyde clearly did not handle things correctly.  This parent wrote many letters pleading with Hyde to show some concern.  They wrote to Joe Gauld, Malcolm Gauld and the headmaster. Hyde blew them off!

So when you say that Hyde contacted Lars out of "concern" I sincerely doubt this based on their past patterns.  I believe they contacted him to either try and get him to stop posting, or they need money from his parents.

[Anonymous]

On 2006-04-12 20:52:00, Lars wrote:

"

On 2006-04-12 12:21:00, Anonymous wrote:


"Lars said

I don't care what their reasons are, they have no business bringing it up with my family."

I didn't miss the point of your original post Lars.  I said in my first response that I actually agreed with you there are good reasons not to disclose one's identity here, but that it's also a personal decision.  I didn't elaborate on that, but personal or not, I only agree with this to the extent one speaks of their personal experience. Acuse Hyde of a crime or mistreating others when without having the details or inside info, yes, that seems inappropriate and self-serving and worthy of challenge, including exploration of the posters bias, which requires their identity.





The concept of bias brings me back to your (secondary?) point that "Hyde doesn't respect privacy".  Lars, when you were a little boy, your parents established a relationship with Hyde that focused on you.  When Hyde called you recently (out of compassion) and then mentioned this to your family, that was business in the ordinary course.  My issue is thus not with the primary point of your post, its how you chose to present it.    





Lars said

Also, when the school figured out who I was, they actually contacted me and later mentioned it to my parents in a fundraising appeal. Hyde does not respect anyone's privacy and I don't want anything to do with the place.

"When Hyde figured out who I was"?  Lars, you outed yourself.  That was your choice.  Take responsibility for it.





"They actually contacted me".  What I find interesting was your use of the word "actually", as it seems to imply impropriety instead of presenting the facts about the compassionate nature of the call.  And later Hyde "mentioned" your call with them to your parents.  (And that's really all it was, right "mentioned"?)  I have to say, big whoop there Lars.  So what?  You know as well as anyone that Hyde calls former parents and talks about former students.  This was no surprise, and was both predictable and standard in the industry.





Your point about not wanting to share your association with Hyde with the world is valid, at least to the extent you are talking about your personal experience.  Your jump to a point about Hyde not respecting privacty, based on your bizarre example which includes you outing yourself (a cry for help?), Hyde contacting you compassionately (and you leaving these details out), and then mentioning it to your parents like every fundraising group I have ever known, is unwarranted.  What I find more interesting is why you make this connection, because you do it again in your latest post.





Lars said:

I don't care what their reasons are, they have no business bringing it up with my family....who the hell wants to have a potential employer finding out that you've been involved with such a fucked up place?

In that Hyde actually does have "business" bringing your conversation up with your parents, it started me thinking about what was really going on for you, so here's my guess: The fact you left out was that Hyde mentioned to your parents you were posting on this site.





Your real concern is that now your parents know you are posting on this site and that fact raises a host of potential issues, as it potentially highlights your unresolved issues with them (they sent you to Hyde, right)...and you don't like that one bit, so instead of dealing with the source of your issues, you project them onto Hyde.





Just a guess.  I know I wouldn't want my parents to see all of my diary-like posts I make on various sites.  That's why I would never out myself (on those sites)....and if I did, then even a non-lawyer would know I can't hold anyone other than myself responsible if my post somehow ends up on the front page of the New York Times.


"

I'll ask you again, which campus do you teach at?  If you can't answer that, you have no business offering any criticism of those who choose not expose their posts to google searches.  I don't care that my folks know about my posting here.  In fact, I told them about it before this whole business came up.  And how the fuck do you know that their calls were compassionate?  The faculty member who called me spent the conversation trying to convince me that I'd really had a positive experience there.  It was none of my parents' business and your inability to understand this displays an astounding degree of ignorance and lack of respect.



And your guess was wrong.  I don't project anything onto Hyde.  I just told it like it was.  The place is an emotional toxic waste dump and a cesspool of hypocrisy and incompetence.  If you don't like the way I present my views, well you know what you can do..."

Hi Lars,

I want to applaud you for your honesty. I wish I knew you, for you speak from the heart and echo many of my sentiments about Hyde.  It is an "emotional toxic waste dump" and I am sorry you had some of the same pain I am suffering with.  I forgave, but I will never forget what Hyde did to me and my family.  Yes, we allowed some of it to happen, but Hyde advertised itself as something it is not and we unfortunately put our trust in the wrong place.  

Yeah, Hyde is concerned about you, as much as I am concerned about Suddam Hussein's future!  Good luck to you Lars. I put Hyde behind me for years and when this board appeared, I was elated to have a place to finally vent. Wish I knew how to contact you so we could share a little more.  I am hesitant to divulge too much.

[Anonymous]

On 2006-04-12 19:35:00, Eudora wrote:

"

On 2006-04-10 08:12:00, StephenLong wrote:


"I am not associated with Hyde, other than having been a student there. The only reason I found this website is because a friend who knows I went to Hyde sent me a link.





Opinions about what Hyde was or is like are fine. My biggest problem with the Anonymous posters are the ones who make accusations of criminal acts, but won't state their names.





If are not willing to sign your name to such an accusation, you shouldn't make it. I believe many of the posters who make such statements are just being slanderous and I want to make sure that everyone who reads the posts realize that.











Stephen Long


Hyde '81"

That's why the anonymity and confidentiality rule is a double edged sword. It's also hypocritical and deceptive from the get go. In AA and other Stepcraft sects, they frame it in the language of the well respected medical/clerical/professional tradition. In reality, the people entering into the contract are avowedly fucked up and none too good at keeping agreements, plans or even mental continence and discretion. What's the first step? Tell these admitedly untrustworthy people your most sensitive secrets and then take their advice and criticizm in the spirit of brotherly love.



Yeah, right?



So there is no meaningful protection or expectation to protect the member's legitimate privacy. But it sure is a handy tool for keeping potential marks in the dark about how it all works so they won't see it coming!



Rampant talking out in group! Often enough, the reasons people have for wanting to speak anonymously here are every bit as valid and even nearly identical to those of the founders of this Republic. Remember Publius? Extra credit, remember A Farmer?

Nothing can be more contrary to religion and the clergy than reason and common sense.
--Francois Marie Arouet "Voltaire", French author and playwright

"

or Silence Dogood

Sue Doenym

[Anonymous]

On 2006-04-12 20:57:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Someone wrote several times about Hyde contacting Lars out of "concern."  It is that same arrogant "concern" that truly is hypocritical coming from Hyde.  I know of many times when Hyde has done something terribly wrong that has hurt families yet I have never known them to reach out and try to make things right.  Hyde has an arrogance that runs very deep.  Their way is the right way and if you don't like it, "there is the door" but you ain't getting the check back!



I know of one family who had a terrible incident with their 15 year old daughter. Hyde clearly did not handle things correctly.  This parent wrote many letters pleading with Hyde to show some concern.  They wrote to Joe Gauld, Malcolm Gauld and the headmaster. Hyde blew them off!



So when you say that Hyde contacted Lars out of "concern" I sincerely doubt this based on their past patterns.  I believe they contacted him to either try and get him to stop posting, or they need money from his parents."

Our family also had a very bad Hyde experience.  When my spouse questioned some of Hyde's very inappropriate methods and practices (not in a hostile way in any respect) we were told to simply "let go" and let Hyde do its thing, even though some of what Hyde was doing was obviously negligent.  We were appalled at Hyde's arrogance and discovered a number of other parents who felt exactly the same way but weren't comfortable speaking out.  That's why we decided to look for another school, and we're sure glad we did.

[Anonymous]

On 2006-04-12 20:52:00, Lars wrote:

"

On 2006-04-12 12:21:00, Anonymous wrote:


"Lars said

I don't care what their reasons are, they have no business bringing it up with my family."

I didn't miss the point of your original post Lars.  I said in my first response that I actually agreed with you there are good reasons not to disclose one's identity here, but that it's also a personal decision.  I didn't elaborate on that, but personal or not, I only agree with this to the extent one speaks of their personal experience. Acuse Hyde of a crime or mistreating others when without having the details or inside info, yes, that seems inappropriate and self-serving and worthy of challenge, including exploration of the posters bias, which requires their identity.





The concept of bias brings me back to your (secondary?) point that "Hyde doesn't respect privacy".  Lars, when you were a little boy, your parents established a relationship with Hyde that focused on you.  When Hyde called you recently (out of compassion) and then mentioned this to your family, that was business in the ordinary course.  My issue is thus not with the primary point of your post, its how you chose to present it.    





Lars said

Also, when the school figured out who I was, they actually contacted me and later mentioned it to my parents in a fundraising appeal. Hyde does not respect anyone's privacy and I don't want anything to do with the place.

"When Hyde figured out who I was"?  Lars, you outed yourself.  That was your choice.  Take responsibility for it.





"They actually contacted me".  What I find interesting was your use of the word "actually", as it seems to imply impropriety instead of presenting the facts about the compassionate nature of the call.  And later Hyde "mentioned" your call with them to your parents.  (And that's really all it was, right "mentioned"?)  I have to say, big whoop there Lars.  So what?  You know as well as anyone that Hyde calls former parents and talks about former students.  This was no surprise, and was both predictable and standard in the industry.





Your point about not wanting to share your association with Hyde with the world is valid, at least to the extent you are talking about your personal experience.  Your jump to a point about Hyde not respecting privacty, based on your bizarre example which includes you outing yourself (a cry for help?), Hyde contacting you compassionately (and you leaving these details out), and then mentioning it to your parents like every fundraising group I have ever known, is unwarranted.  What I find more interesting is why you make this connection, because you do it again in your latest post.





Lars said:

I don't care what their reasons are, they have no business bringing it up with my family....who the hell wants to have a potential employer finding out that you've been involved with such a fucked up place?

In that Hyde actually does have "business" bringing your conversation up with your parents, it started me thinking about what was really going on for you, so here's my guess: The fact you left out was that Hyde mentioned to your parents you were posting on this site.





Your real concern is that now your parents know you are posting on this site and that fact raises a host of potential issues, as it potentially highlights your unresolved issues with them (they sent you to Hyde, right)...and you don't like that one bit, so instead of dealing with the source of your issues, you project them onto Hyde.





Just a guess.  I know I wouldn't want my parents to see all of my diary-like posts I make on various sites.  That's why I would never out myself (on those sites)....and if I did, then even a non-lawyer would know I can't hold anyone other than myself responsible if my post somehow ends up on the front page of the New York Times.


"

I'll ask you again, which campus do you teach at?  If you can't answer that, you have no business offering any criticism of those who choose not expose their posts to google searches.  I don't care that my folks know about my posting here.  In fact, I told them about it before this whole business came up.  And how the fuck do you know that their calls were compassionate?  The faculty member who called me spent the conversation trying to convince me that I'd really had a positive experience there.  It was none of my parents' business and your inability to understand this displays an astounding degree of ignorance and lack of respect.



And your guess was wrong.  I don't project anything onto Hyde.  I just told it like it was.  The place is an emotional toxic waste dump and a cesspool of hypocrisy and incompetence.  If you don't like the way I present my views, well you know what you can do..."

Lars - I applaud your candor and courage.  You are  a much better example of integrity than many of the people at Hyde.  I don't see a shred of evidence that you're "projecting" your own issues onto Hyde.  You speak from your heart and say it like it is.  Whoever accused you of blaming Hyde for your own shortcomings and "issues" took their line right out of Hyde's playbook.  The way that person responded to you is so predictable at Hyde, the way they try to turn the tables on you and make every criticism of Hyde YOUR issue.  Hyde seems completely unwilling to own up to its own deep defects.  To think that a Hyde faculty member would call you and try to convince you that you really had a positive experience there despite your own misgivings - that's the height of arrogance.  Talk about invalidating, minimizing and demeaning one's critics!

[Anonymous]

Get the story straight...Lars was called to ask why he felt that way, not that he shouldn't feel that way.  When someone graduates from Hyde the way he did, as a leader and recipient of a Diploma, one would be confused when reading his numerous diatribes on how much he hated the school and how he "played" the game.

So the call was out of concern from someone who called him/herself a friend during the time Lars spent his time at Hyde.

I am so sick of your Hyde bashing, when you know nothing more than you've read on this hianus site!

[Anonymous]

On 2006-04-13 06:36:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Get the story straight...Lars was called to ask why he felt that way, not that he shouldn't feel that way.  When someone graduates from Hyde the way he did, as a leader and recipient of a Diploma, one would be confused when reading his numerous diatribes on how much he hated the school and how he "played" the game.



So the call was out of concern from someone who called him/herself a friend during the time Lars spent his time at Hyde.



I am so sick of your Hyde bashing, when you know nothing more than you've read on this hianus site!"

  Kinda makes you wonder how hyde decides who has charater and who does not. Karma hit the Dogma on this one. Better luck next time. Thanks for playing.
 Some one capable of the level of duplicity  required to fake their way thru hyde is ... is ... a good canidate for the practice of law!  Just kidding Lars.

sue doenym

[Anonymous]

On 2006-04-13 06:36:00, Anonymous wrote:

 When someone graduates from Hyde the way he did, as a leader and recipient of a Diploma, one would be confused when reading his numerous diatribes on how much he hated the school and how he "played" the game.

Not really.  It makes perfect sense that someone would play the game in order to lessen the torture or tenure in one of those places.  Many have done that, it's called survival.  When they finally get out and have less fear of retaliation, the truth comes out.

[Lars]

On 2006-04-13 06:36:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Get the story straight...Lars was called to ask why he felt that way, not that he shouldn't feel that way.  When someone graduates from Hyde the way he did, as a leader and recipient of a Diploma, one would be confused when reading his numerous diatribes on how much he hated the school and how he "played" the game.



So the call was out of concern from someone who called him/herself a friend during the time Lars spent his time at Hyde.



I am so sick of your Hyde bashing, when you know nothing more than you've read on this hianus site!"

Maybe this guy called to find out why I felt the way I did, but he quickly began to try to convince me that I'd really had a great experience.  So, Mr. Faculty Member, you're clearly the one who needs to get their story straight.  And I didn't fake anything, I busted my ass and EARNED that diploma.  Withholding one's opinions about the school in that setting isn't duplicitous, it's survival.  Of course, for the Hyde folks, anyone who doesn't praise their methods "doesn't get it."

[Anonymous]

On 2006-04-13 06:36:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Get the story straight...Lars was called to ask why he felt that way, not that he shouldn't feel that way.  When someone graduates from Hyde the way he did, as a leader and recipient of a Diploma, one would be confused when reading his numerous diatribes on how much he hated the school and how he "played" the game.



So the call was out of concern from someone who called him/herself a friend during the time Lars spent his time at Hyde.



I am so sick of your Hyde bashing, when you know nothing more than you've read on this hianus site!"

Your response to Lars is very irritating.  How do you know that he "played the game"?  For all you know, Lars has developed new insights since leaving Hyde and now, as a mature adult, has a much better understanding of what his Hyde experience was all about.  He seems incredibly sincere.  I have no sense that he played the game.  Rather, he now sees Hyde for what it was and is.  

The only satisfaction I get reading your judgmental, confrontational post (and believe me, it's very satisfying) is that parents who are thinking about sending their kid to Hyde read your rant when they Google Hyde and discover this website; they quickly figure out that they don't want their kid surrounded by this kind of pollution.  I have no doubt that your very public statements are hurting Hyde's reputation, and that's a good thing in my book.

[Anonymous]

On 2006-04-13 07:52:00, Lars wrote:

"

On 2006-04-13 06:36:00, Anonymous wrote:


"Get the story straight...Lars was called to ask why he felt that way, not that he shouldn't feel that way.  When someone graduates from Hyde the way he did, as a leader and recipient of a Diploma, one would be confused when reading his numerous diatribes on how much he hated the school and how he "played" the game.





So the call was out of concern from someone who called him/herself a friend during the time Lars spent his time at Hyde.





I am so sick of your Hyde bashing, when you know nothing more than you've read on this hianus site!"

Maybe this guy called to find out why I felt the way I did, but he quickly began to try to convince me that I'd really had a great experience.  So, Mr. Faculty Member, you're clearly the one who needs to get their story straight.  And I didn't fake anything, I busted my ass and EARNED that diploma.  Withholding one's opinions about the school in that setting isn't duplicitous, it's survival.  Of course, for the Hyde folks, anyone who doesn't praise their methods "doesn't get it." "

Doesn't surprise me that Lars was a "poster boy" for Hyde yet is now letting them know how much he hates the place and their practices.  How many more of the "poster boys" are out there either hating their Hyde experience or not doing anything in life other than living off of their parents.  

One kid who was featured as a "turnaround" in the Hyde newsletter has been out of Hyde for 4 years and yet is doing nothing other than sitting drinking beer and bumming around the country.  Another one is living off of Mommy and Daddy's trust fund and hasn't done a thing with his life. He is following in his parents footsteps.  They too live off of a trust fund and do nothing other than try to raise money for Hyde and participate in Hyde activities.  They happen to be very nice people, but have clearly turned their lives over to Hyde.

[Anonymous]

Lars, fascinating to see how you lawyers work.  Bob and weave.  Deflect.  But whatever you do, when you are wrong, stay off the original topic and never admit your were wrong, correct?  

The question to you stands:  How does a former friend calling you ONE TIME out of concern, and then Hyde calling your parents for funraising and mentioning you -- how does show that Hyde does not respect privacy?

That's all I've asked.

Now, as to antigen/antipasta whatever your name of the week is....brilliant comment to bring up anti-stalking laws!  How close exactly do you think one call is?  Shite, we must be right up against the edge here, dontcha think?  How insightful of you.  Lars, quick, call the police so they can get right on this!!  Oh the humanity!!!

[Lars]

On 2006-04-13 08:51:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Lars, fascinating to see how you lawyers work.  Bob and weave.  Deflect.  But whatever you do, when you are wrong, stay off the original topic and never admit your were wrong, correct?  



The question to you stands:  How does a former friend calling you ONE TIME out of concern, and then Hyde calling your parents for funraising and mentioning you -- how does show that Hyde does not respect privacy?



That's all I've asked.



Now, as to antigen/antipasta whatever your name of the week is....brilliant comment to bring up anti-stalking laws!  How close exactly do you think one call is?  Shite, we must be right up against the edge here, dontcha think?  How insightful of you.  Lars, quick, call the police so they can get right on this!!  Oh the humanity!!!"

Actually, my response was pretty straitforward and you know it.  Feeble lawyer bashing can't change that.  They have no business discussing my feelings with my parents.  I don't go to school there anymore.  My conversation with my former schoolmate was a PRIVATE conversation, get it?  They have a moral duty to respect that.

And you still haven't answered my question - which Hyde campus do you teach at (sure sounds like Bath)?  And while we're at it, (and since, as you claim, it's not a privacy issue)which Hyde faculty member discussed the matter with you?

[Anonymous]

On 2006-04-13 08:39:00, Anonymous wrote:

"

On 2006-04-13 06:36:00, Anonymous wrote:


"Get the story straight...Lars was called to ask why he felt that way, not that he shouldn't feel that way.  When someone graduates from Hyde the way he did, as a leader and recipient of a Diploma, one would be confused when reading his numerous diatribes on how much he hated the school and how he "played" the game.





So the call was out of concern from someone who called him/herself a friend during the time Lars spent his time at Hyde.





I am so sick of your Hyde bashing, when you know nothing more than you've read on this hianus site!"

Your response to Lars is very irritating.  How do you know that he "played the game"?  For all you know, Lars has developed new insights since leaving Hyde and now, as a mature adult, has a much better understanding of what his Hyde experience was all about.  He seems incredibly sincere.  I have no sense that he played the game.  Rather, he now sees Hyde for what it was and is.  



The only satisfaction I get reading your judgmental, confrontational post (and believe me, it's very satisfying) is that parents who are thinking about sending their kid to Hyde read your rant when they Google Hyde and discover this website; they quickly figure out that they don't want their kid surrounded by this kind of pollution.  I have no doubt that your very public statements are hurting Hyde's reputation, and that's a good thing in my book."

How do we know Lars gamed it?  He said so in a prior post.

How does hyde let that get by?

sue