This doesn't have any real association with CEDU at all, but I've come to the realization that I hate almost everyone I knew before I went to CEDU. I'm not sure why really, but I think it's just because most people I knew back then were a negative influence. And I find myself thinking about them often. I look them up on the internet. I google their names. I even fucking MYSPACE them. These are people that had a direct influence on my being sent to CEDU. It's not like it's their fault I went there, but they caused so many problems in my life that I still hate them. I basically went to CEDU because I didn't have any friends. I was one of those kids who was made fun of and who couldn't seem to manage any social situation. And it's still hard for me, to be honest. But those people who attributed to some of my anguish I hate. I don't think that's really terrible. I mean some of these people did terrible things to me, made me feel lower than scum. Kids can be very cruel sometimes, and I just can't seem to forgive these people for what the did to me.
And yes, I could go on to say that my life has moved on and it has. I'm a much better person than I was when I went to CEDU, but I don't know how much of that can be credited to CEDU (if any). It's just that I still harbor hatred for these people. It's almost like I can't show my face in my hometown anymore. Not because I'm ashamed of what happened, it's just that I don't ever want to see these people again. There are so many bad memories there that I don't ever want to go back. These fools have gone on to lead their own lives and some probably have failed in their adventures. It's just that going back and the possibility of seeing them again makes me cringe
Any thoughts on this? Anyone else feel this way?
