Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Spouses of Survivors

Relationships in general

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Goodtobefree:
I'd like to add that finding a good therapist is a very difficult task, especially given the distrust towards the mental health profession that a program can impart on its victims.  Even among REAL professionals, the quality and character of an individual can vary just as much as it can anywhere else, there's a lot of psychologists and psychiatrists out there who are just as bad as whackjobs like Rudy Bentz, if not worse, since their credentials give them even more authority over patients.  But I still feel strongly that a good therapist, one with common sense, compassion, and good credentials can be an absolutely invaluable resource in living a happy and healthy life.  I urge all of you to proceed with caution, do a lot of research, and if the opportunity presents itself, don't pass it up.
    The reason I feel that this can be so helpful is that a good therapist is in a unique position to be of use in this area.  A good therapist will listen to whatever you have to say without passing judgment on your decisions or your character.  If they can't relate or understand, they will gently try to help you to communicate your thoughts or feelings, in a manner that is both respectful and effective, by helping to identify all the elements of an issue and how they interact, as well as offering the perspective of an observer with a wealth of insight you may not possess without their level of education.
     When meeting a new therapist, there are certain basic criteria I feel are important.  From the beginning, they need to be absolutely up front to you about what sort of things they would feel required them to hospitalize you or otherwise order you detained.  I've witnessed countless horror stories of kids sent to psych wards over tattoos or stretching their earlobes because a psychologist saw their expression as self mutilation.  Whatever your issues, I want you to be  able to trust that you won't be subjected to another forced stay in a facility, for trying to get closure over a previous stay in a facility.
     A good therapist should respect your right as an adult to make your own choices, especially those regarding drug use, abortion, body modification, religion, sexual preferences, etc.  Their role is to listen to whatever you have to say, and advise you accordingly, whether they agree with your way of life or not.  They should only intervene when they have legitimate reason to believe they are protecting you from causing serious harm to yourself or others.  Don't let anyone you just met talk down to you about your lifestyle because they have credentials.  They should be asking you about how YOU feel your choices have affected you and those you care about, and offer impartial counsel concerning what you want to do about it.  If they feel you're making a poor decision, they should say so, provided they can explain to you how your decision would impact negatively on your life based on YOUR value system, not theirs.  That's what a good therapist is supposed to be there for.
If you can find one, they can be a great addition to your life, giving you invaluable tools and information.
     Unfortunately in finding a good one, you may have to go through a lot of them, and this can be dangerous for the reasons I've mentioned above.  Whenever you meet with a new therapist, I recommend the buddy system method.  Make sure people you trust know where you're going, and are expecting to hear from you shortly after your therapy session is scheduled to end.  Leave instructions about who to contact, i.e. a lawyer, possibly parents or a spouse, etc., in the event they don't hear from you.
     If a therapist seems suspicious or untrustworthy, or just isn't getting it, trust your instincts and keep searching, this is one area where it's much better to err on the side of caution, for obvious reasons.  I'd rather have a therapist I talked to once a month on the phone and trusted implicitly, than one of low quality that I settled for because they were the best thing I could find in a 50 mile radius.
     Finding a good one really is worth the search.  I've been seeing psychiatrists, psychologists, and counselors since I was 5 years old, and I've been through quite a few both before ASR and after.  A bad therapist will hurt you over time, no matter what you do, hindering your progress the whole time, but a good one will help you no matter what, simply by virtue of having 2 ears and keeping their mouth shut, giving you a chance to vent, though of course a great majority of your progress will depend on your own efforts.  No matter how little you're able to work on yourself, a good therapist will always do one thing for you, simply by virtue of being there for you, and putting the offer on the table to give you a chance to work on yourself with professional support.  Just knowing that's available can be a huge help.
    I've been seeing a counselor and a nurse practitioner for a year or two now, and the relief that has come from proper medication and monitoring, combined with standard talk-therapy and EMDR therapy has been a huge help in dealing with my experiences.  (For those that don't know, EMDR is a newer method of therapy designed to help the mind process traumatic events and come to terms with them through a series of exercises involving eye movements and isolating painful images or feelings from a traumatic experience.  I'm not an expert, but the way I understand it, the eye movements help to break associations of pain from the memories, so that we can remember the trauma without re-experiencing the pain as if it was happening all over again, as is the case with traumatic events.  I've heard good things about it from both professionals and those who've been through it, and I myself feel that it has a lot of potential for good based on my own experiences with it.)
      I hope my experiences with the mental health industry can be of help to others.  Good luck searching and if anyone has any questions on this topic, feel free to ask.

      Last but not least, I'd love to hear about any positive experiences people have had with post program recovery and professionals, either therapists, support groups or organizations that study the effects of these programs and/or recovering from them.
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Inalienable: Adj: 1: That cannot be transferred to another or others: inalienable rights.   2: void where prohibited, restrictions may apply, you must be 18 or older to qualify.[ This Message was edited by: Goodtobefree on 2006-02-16 13:39 ]

Anonymous:
"I'd rather have a therapist I talked to once a month on the phone and trusted implicitly, than one of low quality that I settled for because they were the best thing I could find in a 50 mile radius."


I hear ya on that one...My therapist is almost 1000 miles away.  I sure am building up those frequent flier miles quickly.

Ramona:
Hello! I have just discovered this website, along with a few about CEDU and I am shocked....I was looking for information about Rudy Bentz, because he was hired as administrator at the school where I work and there are lots of unresolved feelings about him.....as far as I can tell, he was hired out of the blue, knowing nothing about the philosophy of our school....I don't even know how or why he was hired....anyway, if you could either send me an email at my personal address, or through this site, I'd really appreciate it...my husband and I are going to leave this school, partly because our board hired someone who doesn't have a clue, and we can't find out exactly why....some of the other teachers are considering leaving, too....we want what's best for the children and are very disturbed by the direction things are going in....we're a Waldorf school, which has nothing to do with any of the stuff I read about CEDU and the place where you were....Please respond or let me know if there's anyone else I can contact...we're trying to get to the bottom of this, because we've experienced a teacher who was sexually abusing children....we helped get himfired and sent to jail.....I am not accusing Rudy Bentz of anything, but just want to know more about him, as I am convinced he does not belong at our school and is hoodwinking the parents and faculty and board....thank you!!! And I'm so very sorry for what you and all these other kids I've been reading about have gone through...it's incredible!!! My husband has been a Waldorf teacher for 26 years, we've raised four children,  and I've been working in the kindergarden for several years....we have always tried to be gentle and respectful of children and I can't believe what I've read today!! I can only be grateful that the facts are coming out into the open....my email address is [email protected] name is Ramona von Moritz...please write asap!!! Thank you, and may God guide your steps along your healing journey. You are very brave!!! love, Ramona

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Ramona

Goodtobefree:
Good lord, he's working with little kids now?  That's absolutely terrible.  I wouldn't let him alone with any of them if I were you.

Ramona:
Thank you for your quick response....I'm pretty flabbergasted....fortunately, he is not in a position that puts him alone with the children.....but what we need to know is more about his past experiences, because we have to have something to show the parents....do you know if he was involved in any law suits? or if any of the places where he worked are/were being sued? or where we can get more specific information? The last thing we want to do at this point is bring something to the faculty and parents that is too easy to refute...at the same time, I feel that we need to show them something ASAP.....your response definitely has shaken me....by the way, our youngest son rooms with three other guys who sometimes can't pay the rent or buy food....they don't do drugs, but they do seem to love beer :smile: they are nice guys, all from different parts of Asia....they have a hard time with English....one hasn't been able to tell his father that he dropped out of school....his father lives alone and puts all his faith in the son.....our son is paying his rent, buying the food, paying the bills....and is also taking a full load of course work and working as a security guard....he's also 21...I just wanted to let you know, we understand at least a bit of what you're going through and support your hard work!....our hearts go out to you....well, that's it for now, I guess...my husband asks that you understand we're really going only on gut feelings about Rudy at the moment....but the last time we had these feelings, it was about the guy I mentioned, who was abusing kids....I don't want to accuse Rudy of anything without proof....and it IS possible that he has changed and I don't want to assume something that isn't true....or is no longer true...he mentioned that he's been doing "A Course in Miracles"....but this really has me wondering!!! Please let us know if there's any more you can say, or if there is someone else we could contact for more info....THANK YOU!! [ This Message was edited by:  on 2006-03-13 10:41 ]

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