3000 hits. Oh, shit, my cover is BLOWN.
I sent this to Matt privately, but I'm posting it here with a few deletes. Hope you don't mind, Matt. Let's take this conversation off-line.
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Well you know what, Matt? I am a dick. It's a role I play sometimes. It's not often lately that the role plays me, know what I mean? A guy that worked with me had the title "king of the shit stirrers". I'd suspect he learned a little of it from me.
I'd like to hear from you. I'll probably cry. I'm such a pussy. I miss being friends with you. Polar opposite pain in the ass that you are.
I think your gay bashing got me worked up. Three guys in my life have been gay, and were good role models. An artist, who showed me "my own thing" has virtue. One at work who tought me to be nice to people and listen. One was a minister and got railroaded a bit by the church even though he was celibate. He heard my confessions, but they were really a several year conversation about god. Motivation means something completely different in the real world. I have to try hard to achieve balance.
I tried being perfect. You should see my sock drawer. Anal Retentive does not begin to describe it. Seven years of therapy and now I do laundry like it's just dirty clothes. But I do the whole house full, like clockwork every sunday, without fail.
I suppose I should thank you, much as it pisses me off to do so. I had to re-look at all this. I feared being hated, rejected and despised. Not enough experience with it. You got the flip side, Matt. It WAS a witch hunt. You were a stranger here, with seriously strange ways, for new staff and new supervisors to deal with. You were threatening in hard to explain ways to some. I got tired of exlaining you. Sylvia was a bitch, but we never gave her a chance. She had a PhD, MSW, zeal, skills. We were so fucking stupid about everything. We could have actually LEARNED something, but we went us vs. them on everybody. We broke her. 6 years of college, 20 years on the job and we tore her ass up. She's DAMAGED. I wonder what her back-story was. Jim Murray? He hired real AA people and we tortured them too. He stopped trying to save many, and adopted just one. I hope it worked.
You could be such a tenacious pain in the fucking balls about EVERYTHING. #1 typical Matt tactic: "I disagree, so I'll talk or do nothing until you die of frustration, boredom or both".
Go to law school. Fight The Man. You'd drive Karl Rove to eat a bullet. How? by becoming a Republican Operative.
You'd leave dishes for 5 days in the sink and my sense of order would be destroyed. That Bumper Sticker! You have no idea, it was so much worse than the bong, incense, whatever. I hope you're laughing when you read this dickhead. You drove me insane, and you were barely trying.
I think Straight has two classes of survivors, people who blame others, and people who blame themselves. It's a generalization, I know, but almost everyone I remember falls on one side of that line or the other. Tamper with their perception of how they relate to that line, and bad shit happens. Damn, brother. I trashed you hard. I'm horrified at myself. I live on both sides of that line. But daily living compels me to pick one side and stay there. My side of the line says, "if I did it to myself, then I'm not a victim". But shit happened TO me, as well. You rubbed my nose in it. Sucks.
My neighbor is one of my best friends. He is a folk musician, has a '66 Mustang, used to grow grass behind his garage, and he's teaching my son to play guitar. Thought you'd get a kick out of that. Karma.
You've got my contact info.
