Author Topic: Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"  (Read 32656 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Day Zero

  • Posts: 9
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #165 on: February 10, 2006, 05:42:00 PM »
If I could, I would post as me, Withdraw. I was there in 86, it was horrible. We all know that, so I won't go over that again.. I layed it on pretty hard to your other staff friend.. and I would have done the same to you, had I not come to realize, I am done with letting you fuckers hurt me! I am no longer sitting inbetween the biggest girls in group -ie, YOU could have placed me there even..YOU, you personally. But whatever, I didn't let you or any of them break me. I never complied or even lied to you all for that matter. I didn't have any drug problem and knew I didn't belong there. I was on Day Zero for 6.5 months. I never made it off Day Zero. You personally have walked by me gasping for air, laying on the floor, bleeding with Allison W. et all holding me to the floor. I hate you all for it, all of you who entertained the thought of compliance to that crazy place.

But I know you are not those people anymore, I know none of you wanted to do those things or even allow those things ~out of complacency and "working your program". fact is I no longer care why you did any of it, or who did what or who owes who, etc.. I care about not allowing it to happen to children anymore. Just look at what it created in all of us, We are diffrent, we think diffrent then everyone who wasn't in a St8 like program. We all know it too. And we respond like it, all of us. Even me, who never even complied. They still got in my head, like some kind of dis-ease.. So it is for that reason, I accept what happened and all who played their role. Again, there is a common ground we all walk on, all of us.

This could sorta be like group, except one part! I can say w/e I want. I can speak period.(on day zero, you werent allowed to speak , except when addressed by staff) I CAN SPEAK HERE! and NO ONE will throw me to the floor, and no one WILL JUST WALK BY, like nothing is wrong. I can finally say all the stuff I thought about while I was forced silent for 6.5 months, and boy have I done my share of being pissed off by anyone who was on staff and thought for one minute they were helping kids. I can finally ask, How the hell did you convince yourself it was morally  ok to throw kids to the ground for not facing forward or motivating! How was it, you let me sit there for 6.5 months in silence, except when I was being restrained..which was almost daily?

See, it's not like group, because, I can say all that and you know what... I am not bleeding, I am still sitting in my chair, and no one is effing touching me...forcing their will on me. So newp, this isn't group at all :smokin:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Binky

  • Posts: 49
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #166 on: February 10, 2006, 05:44:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-02-10 14:30:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:

"Paul, even though I called you a mutherfucker(maybe that was a little harsh) a while back I wish you peace too.  $tr8 fucked us all up, and I consider that an understatement.  Healing from the wounds inflicted by our experience in $tr8 is painful. Peace ?? ... Absolutely, I wish it for you.



I will send you a pm so you know who I am."


Wow -- this is great -

Do I smell a group a hug?

How 'bout a song?

LOL!

Seriously - great wrap up and an end to this portion and these feelings - in this space and time.

I wish all of you -- and all of us Peace - and I hope that Matt & Paul find the peace with this that I know all to well is almost impossible to find - at least in this life --

Karma's a funny thing too --

Anyway - I got something really important out of this - specifically Paul's comment:

"You'll never forgive me, and I'll stop trying to make you. I'll never forgive you either. But I understand it better now."

Speaks to me about something I've gone through/am going through -

Life's a funny thing -

Peace
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Day Zero

  • Posts: 9
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #167 on: February 10, 2006, 05:48:00 PM »
Quote
"You'll never forgive me, and I'll stop trying to make you. I'll never forgive you either. But I understand it better now."



That is called: For the highest good. That is where I am trying to come from also. I can be a lil' rough around the edges though.  :razz:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline starry-eyed pirate

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3031
  • Karma: +3/-0
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #168 on: February 10, 2006, 05:49:00 PM »
Day 0...you have a smokin' avatar  :wink:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #169 on: February 10, 2006, 06:13:00 PM »
"for the record I threw your bong out the window and it bounced off your car"..."with the i brake for hallucinations sticker on it" :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #170 on: February 10, 2006, 06:31:00 PM »
hey pirate, your avatar looks like gene simmons
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline starry-eyed pirate

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3031
  • Karma: +3/-0
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #171 on: February 10, 2006, 07:09:00 PM »
Oh-no!!!... :rofl:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #172 on: February 10, 2006, 08:06:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-02-10 14:48:00, Day Zero wrote:

"
Quote
"You'll never forgive me, and I'll stop trying to make you. I'll never forgive you either. But I understand it better now."






That is called: For the highest good. That is where I am trying to come from also. I can be a lil' rough around the edges though.  ::unhappy::  ::both::  ::both::
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #173 on: February 10, 2006, 08:18:00 PM »
update your meds dude
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #174 on: February 10, 2006, 08:19:00 PM »
No thanks, killing people would make me feel MUCH better about myself. Fuck you.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #175 on: February 10, 2006, 08:33:00 PM »
Hang yourself in effigy
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #176 on: February 10, 2006, 08:46:00 PM »
Wrong, wrong, wrong. You fucking stupid dope moron you. Homicide & suicide are two entirely different things. I'll hang YOUR dumb ass 'in effigy' just for bein' a dumbass though!  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #177 on: February 10, 2006, 08:55:00 PM »
Were you actually in straight?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #178 on: February 10, 2006, 08:57:00 PM »
You talkin' to me? Are YOU talkin' to me?? Well then who the fuck are you talkin' to???
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164653
  • Karma: +3/-4
    • View Profile
Stoughton - A question for "Staff/Old Comers"
« Reply #179 on: February 10, 2006, 10:06:00 PM »
i don't hate you paul,nor do i think you're a dick.....i was just blown away by the letter and didn't want to answer it wrong....i don't think it was all bs....i think you were manipulated by dean and sylvia...you "the flag saluting straightling" were told a series of things and asked to watch me,report me and bring your findings back to them....that was SOP in there!getting me fired on purpose? well,i knew it! i couldn't prove it.....the worst part was when they told me i'd be arrested if i stepped foot on thier grounds ever again!it put the zap to me....
i never really recovered from that while i was up there....i got that car right before i was fired,didn't have the tranfer money...didn't have a paycheck for awhile....then i got arrested for
driving w/o a registration.....and my problems just mounted from there....got pulled over again 13 days later....between rent and that and everything else in my fucked up head....lost my job so i couldn't pay my bills....i couldn't drive to work!...shit,i fell apart....i should've never gone up there....then sylvia and dean couldn't have worked thier magic on me.....and you and everyone else!i didn't mean to hurt your feelings.....its just that after i started writing about that time,all the old feelings came up in me again.....geez,paul,i didn't have anyone to really vent that shit out with.....who was i going to trust?jupiter jim?you?mike? dean? sylvia?
i was honestly all by myself......you guys wouldn't even look me in the eyes....guilt? i think so....i percieved it as a personal sabatoge
and went on a rampage.....and eventually a year later said f-it....i should've just gone home after that happened,but i was embarrassed and wanted to go home with my head held high....paul,it never was to happen.....mentally,i went down a bad road....what happened to me up there just about killed me......no,i don't hate you anymore,i don't think you're a dick either.....you have the right to think what you want about me....but for my sanity,i chose to forgive you for everything! i know some of you don't "do" the god and jesus thing,but i do....i went to confession and told everything to god that i could think of....do i feel better? no,not really..not yet anyways....but i guess i will in the future.....
as for me,the fornits drama is over....my counselor/doctor told me its not healthy for me..
at least for awhile i won't be on anymore....hope everyone had a little fun.....yeah,i see a counselor....because of all the crap that happened in str8 and afterwards,against my own feelings,{after the shit we endured in straight}i have been going for 3 years....i wasn't in there just for 28 1/2 months.....i was in there a lot longer....6 1/2 years of involvement.....the way it ended for me in boston,took a lot out of me.....honestly i never got it all back....i want to take this time to thank everyone .....kevin w.
my newcomer,...well,everyone! all of you are welcome to go to my concert...i'll keep you posted
right now,i'm very stressed out! i just need some time to heal.....hippie
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »