Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

My Moral Inventories

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Stripe:
Just my thoughts for Anon and others on the revered moral invetories.

First, go read some of the moral invetories posted on this site.  Then read yours.  Then tell me whether you see any significant difference between your detailed self-analysis and the writings of another seed kid.

My guess is that your inventories themselves will be formulaic and nearly identical. Is this intuitivness you credit yourself with really all that originial?  I was told by my old comer that I was not being honest when I could not understand how to arrive at the kernnel of truth needed to close out the inventory. The "kernel" being the Rule reinforcement that would answer the eternal WHY - why did I do that act, why did I feel that way, why, why, why.  Notice how moral invetories never were about what you thoughts or your thought processes?  Just feelings? Heaven forbid you should think or reflect.  Or use the words "I think" in a moral inventory.

The reason moral invetories felt like homework is because moral inventoried WERE home work.  Those moral invetories were lesson reinforcement. Those writings had not a darn thing to do with helping you or me discover or understand our own personal values at all. It was all about substitution of seed values for our own values.  And the less developed your value system was, the easier it was for them to do this to you.  

I guess, perhaps in her frustration, my old comer showed me what a "GOOD" moral inventory looked like.   Fortunately, I was smart enough to pickup the pattern and the circular reasoning and within a few days of that viewing, I was on my way home.  All self-renounced, fixed and emotionally flat - eating my 11:30 PM grilled cheese sandwich by myself and writing my moral inventory. Nice happy picture - not :roll: .

I remember this:  when I did write about any negative feelings, such as anger and loneliness because I was virtually friendless, by using the forumula, I was able to  bring that anger and loneliness around to an expression of some other acceptable emotion by linking it to some past behavior or attitude - some "druggie" fault in me. It could never have been  written that I just missed my friends or that I wished my parents would just let me be, or truth be told, after coming home from the seed, that I wished I just had never existed at all.    

It was all on me to make myself "happy" and that could be done only by following the rules, embracing the program, following the formula and seeking my love and light from the seed. Those were some dark times for me, my friends.

I knew those feelings of anger, loneliness and confusion were toally unacceptable and would plop me back on the front row.  It could never be written or said that I was angry, confused or lonely while I was at the seed.  Nothing negative, ever. So for me, those "moral inventories" were not helpful. They were control mechnisims used by the program to reinforce the faulty reasoning and lies of the seed.

Could the stuff you equate to "noise" these days be some other truths scratching through? Check it out -you've got nothing to lose. If you don't like what you hear, you can always stay with what you already know, no harm done.

marshall:
anon wrote:
"I became passionate about the real motivations behind my thoughts and actions. I would dissect something I had thought or done to such a degree that I was left with real satisfaction of understanding myself."

That sounds great. I've kept a journal of sorts off and on for years and it can be useful in doing just what you describe. I still try to honestly examine my own motives, thoughts and actions. Unfortunately, the moral inventories that I wrote at the Seed were not really attempts at honest understanding. At best, any real insight was warped by having to have it conform to seed ideology. Mostly I just parroted what I heard in group. We were not really free or encouraged to openly examine our true thoughts or motives and follow where that might lead us since doing so might lead us to points of view or ideas at variance with acceptable program thinking.

--------quote---
"The further I got from the seed days the harder it got to tune out the noise. There is a lot of bullshit in this world and I am amazed at how strong some people are in their beliefs based on erroneous thoughts."
-------

Funny, I had just the opposite experience. The further I got from the influence of the seed, the easier I was able to honestly examine myself. The Seed regarded anything that contradicted or didn't fit their worldview as 'noise'. Who gets to determine which thoughts are erroneous? What is erroneous to me may seem to be absolute truth to you. To me, many of the beliefs I was encouraged to embrace at the seed were themselves based upon what I later determined to be erroneous thoughts.

marshall:
Greg wrote:
"But for a while, somewhere in there, I bought in, and for months I was a 'real seedling', and It took me years to forgive myself for being so weak and for betraying myself."

Amen to that. Couldn't have said it any better. :nworthy:

SurRobinHood:
After 14 months on my 10 to 10 that's alot of MI's to be scrutinized by oldcomers. I don't remeber many details but I do remember them being like home work. Math homework but with language. There were only a certain number of acceptable entries and it didn't take long to find them all. It was like a game of checkers as opposed to chess. You can play checkers with me all day and there are only two possable outcomes. I win or it is a draw. I know all the possable combinations so you cant win. A real moral inventory, as was invented by Benjiman Franklin believe it or not, has as many possable combinations as life itself. ie infinate. No dogma involved. Something to help you keep a plan going in life. Gosh, maybe I'll try doing them again......

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