Anyone have kids that were bullied?

[Anonymous]

My daughter is in junior high and being bullied every single day. It usually starts with some girl accusing her of liking a boy and then goes to accusing her of doing something stupid or accusing her of thinking "she is all that". Girls have formed in groups taunting to rip her hair out. 2 girls in particular are the ring leaders.

Her grades went from all "A's" to "D's" in just a couple months. She is in the office every day crying about all of this. She has already been suspended for fighting and defending herself.

The principal refuses to call the kid's parents. I have been up to the school every week, not to mention I call several times a week. I have already been to the superintendent. The girl's have been spoken too, but won't stop harrassing my daughter. In short of telling my daughter to wup their asses (which could put her in more danger) I don't know what else to do for her to get through this.

I can't home school and the only other school district with open enrollment is worse. I am trying to get finacial aid for her to go to a Catholic school. I am at a loss.

Anyone been down this road either being bullied or had their kids bullied?

[Antigen]

Well, you can either take these little tin god bureaucrats to task and force them to take your daughter's side in defending herself, or you can realize that you can, indeed, homeschool. You just have to file the paper work and make sure your daughter understands that she's on her own wrt eduction. That's not a harsh sentence. Kids learn wherever they are, whatever they find themselves doing. If they're awake and alert, you can be assured that they're learning something. Right now, it sounds like she's learning to eat shit and like it. That's not somthing any mother wants her daughter to learn.

If you take the first option, play it like a shark. Ya know, of course, that the way the laws, regulations and local statutes are written, there's no humanly possible way for the bureaucrats to steer clear of all infractions. All you and your daughter have to do to win at that is take the time to study the rules and handbooks and proceedures and then demonstrate to the schoolpeople that you can, and will, make yourselves far more trouble to them than you're worth. They're not dumb ppl, exactly, just cowards. They'll work out the progression and fold, quickly, if you stand up to them. They're not used to that. It's important to know and demonstrate that you know the snags and catches in the rule book that they lose sleep over.

The other route is much simpler and much more enjoyable. A teenaged kid needs a job (one that pays even a little is better than the 12 year sentence) and just one (more if they're lucky) good adult advocate who will always, reliably, view every situation from the starting and ending point of what's good for the kid.

Look up the actual laws on compulsory school attendance in your state. You'll find that they don't require a set curriculum, set hours, personal supervision or any of the myriad regulations and stipulations that schoolpeople sincerely believe they're bound to. In most states, it requires only a letter of intent and a loosely defined yearly evaluation. How you go about ensuring the safety and appropriate supervision of your own child is up to you.

The last struggles of a great superstition are very frequently the worst.
--Andrew Dickson White (1832-1918)

[Anonymous]

This is a tough issue.  I just got a teaching job at a cyber charter school.  I will be teaching my kids online through a variety of technical resources. It is funded by the state and the state provides the learner with all the necessary equipment free of charge.  The reason I sought this job was because I wanted to promote education for non traditional learners and away from harmful socialization factors.  My students will have to take accountability for their own education, which can be pretty empowering.  

If you work and can't home school, then perhaps you can apply for financial aid at a private school.  

It really tugs my heart strings to hear of kids whogo through the kind of experiences like your daughters'.  

Last year, I taught at a middle school and developed very special relationships with the kids. Many of them were quite rough. I made it my mission to befriend the bullies and try to steer them into learning other ways of relating to people. I took an interest in their lives, but also questionned their motives when they were disrespectful to others.  I didn't leave it at "no bullying allowed."  I really strived to make it uncool to bully.

One of the first assignments I made was on the topic of bullying. I put a newspaper article about kids who developed an anti-bullying platform at their school. Everyone read it and had to work in groups to discuss the issue using a guide that promoted both reflective and critical thinking. Then I had them write a paper where they discussed how bullying personally affected them -- in the position as the perpetrator, the victim, and the bystander.  It turned out to be one of the most successful topics of the year.

I also shared two anecdotes about two girls in my school who committed suicide, and part of the problem may have been rampant bullying. I talked about what it would be like to realize that your last effect on the victim was so malignant and hurtful?

One of the key ingredients to remediating a bully's behavior is to develop a personal interest in them,and having a dialogue about their choices outside the classroom. Had I only paid attention to the bully when they did something wrong, they would not have opened up to em the way they did.

I also made time for kids who were being bullied by constantly reinforcing them and ways to deal with bullying.  I will say that our school had a strict no bully platform, but it was done in a way that was similar to the Just Say No to Drugs campaign.  It wasn't personal; you have to make it personal.

I saw myself how teachers either turned a blind eye OR sent the bully to the guidance counselor (who I was unimpressed with).  I want you to have specific anti bullying policies in place, but there are also opportunities in the classroom to make it personal.

Anyway, it is understandable that your child's grades are dropping in an environment she dreads. Look up the possibility of cyber charter school. Maybe she can even attend a brick and mortar charter or magnet school and make a fresh start.  Some of these schools are very effective at minimizing the type of harmful socialization factors that are endemic in the public school system.

[Anonymous]

I really like your idea regarding the anti-bullying policy. I have actually been asking for this and for the school to have workshops and assemblies for this during school hours. Of course I'm not really being heard and they are steering me to some parent advisory board meeting on January 24th. I should add only one parent from the school attends and she is looking to take her daughter out of the school as well. She's fortunate enough to live in another city with a different school system.

I went online to greatschools.org and was reading reviews on our local charter schools and I wasn't left with much hope. I am at a loss.

I plan to keep being vocal and active to get some results, but if I end up finding a better school I plan to be a thorn in this districts side to remind them of what a failure it is. This is the 2nd year the school has "failed" under the No Child left Behind Act so now they are compelled to provide transportation to other schools if parents wish to remove their children. I will be insisting on they provide my daughter's transportation.

[bandit1978]

I know what your daughter is going through- I was also bullied in junior high, mostly by one or two girls.  

My mother didn't do much about it.  I never even considered going to another school, but that would have been a great idea and may have signifigantly changed the course of my adolescent years.  

Catholic school is an EXCELLENT idea.  I went in grade school (then switched to public school in 6th grade).  Probably I should have just stayed there, as all the kids were relatively well-behaved, and bullying would never be tolerated.

I know lot of kids who graduated from Catholic school, and they are all very respectful, never mean spirited, they all went to college.  They are very, very different from those I went to public school with.  

Go to the Catholic school, and tell them your situation.  Try to meet with as many of the administraters there as possible.  Who knows?  They may just let her in.  Good Luck.

[BuzzKill]

For a very good read on the cruelity of little girls - and how it can color their world for decades after:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/custom ... 55&s=books

Cat's Eye (Paperback)
by Margaret Atwood


I tend to agree with the reviewers who say the book looses steam toward the end, as Elaine the adult becomes the focus. Even so, this is one I'll keep and read more than once as the years pass by.

[The Liger]

I think you should get a lawyer and sue the school officials and the district.  Where the state makes a law that kids have to be in school, they have a duty to keep them safe in those schools.  Plus, sometimes people get scared to action when lawyers get involved.

What a nightmare for you and daughter.  I hope that you find a solution.  I have lots of friends who did self-study homeschool and were very successful with it.  If you trust your daughter to be at home alone, you could look into it.  I think self-study is totally workable after the early years.

[Anonymous]

Another option to consider would be filing complaints with the Juvenile Justice department against the mean girls for assault and terroristtic threatening. You have an assault charge if any of them hit her in an act of aggression or intimidation; and   terroristtic threatening if they threaten to hurt her for any reason -  as in "we'll pull out your hair". . .
This may differ from place to place but around here al you need are the girls names and what school they go to. The JJD will get the addresses and inform them of their court dates.
From what you say it sounds like you've left a paper trail, and thats good. You can show you have tried to solve the problem through the school first. This will make it more likely the JJD people will take your case seriously and pursue it.
Now, the reason I think it will help. Charges and court dates will get the attention of the adults concerned - and this should serve to help convince the girls it is in their best interest to back off.
Also, taking this step might help focus some attention on the lack luster performance of the school officials in helping you find a solution, and helping your daughter feel safe in her school. This might help get them replaced with others who will take their responsibilities more seriously.