General Interest > Let It Bleed
Help for troubled chickens
Antigen:
People can be so fucking stupid and helpless sometimes! Look, just watch them during the day. See where the hens go when they casually wander off when they think no one's looking. There you'll find some little protected nook full of fresh eggs.
Still not worth it? Too much noise close to home? Ok, this you MUST do around twilight. Run the fuckers off before they settle in. Just make a lot of noise and comotion, shake their trees and pick them up and toss them to the ground (they'll flutter down and not get hurt, just annoyed and frightened.) Do unto them. Most of them will get the message.
The ones who persist and don't run off and find quieter and more considerate neighbors, well there are many ways to prepare them. They're very timid and when they roost they become comepletely helpless. Just walk right up to them, pick them up and take them to a lighted area. If you can, keep their little heads tucked under their wings (they usually sleep that way) or use your hand to cover their sleepy eyes.
Take them to a lighted area and, with one hand over the eyes and one foot on the feet, you pull a few feathers from just below the forward bend in the neck and use a very sharp knife to sever the major artery and vein and the wind pipe. Believe it or not, this won't even wake the one you're working on, let alone the others.
If you can, make one more move to go through the spinal chord. Nobody really knows for sure, but some ppl think this ensures that the critter never feels a thing. Once they stop running around, hang them upside down for a few more minutes to get the rest of the blood out. Dunk them head first in very hot (near boiling water) to loosen the feathers. Pluck them, gut them (being ever so careful not to rupture the gaul bladder, as that will spoil the whole bird. No joke. People have died from it!)
Then you butcher as you would any bird from the grocery store. One difference. It's always a good idea to rinse a bird from the store, but it's absolutely necessary to sanitize a free range bird. You can do it the Monsanto way w/ bleachy water or industrial grade sanitizer (yech!) or scrubbing the butchered parts w/ lemon or lime halves is a very tasty way to sanitize and tenderize.
Unless you happen to get one less than about 20 weeks old or so, that bird is going to be tough--"no spring chicken", as they say. So don't plan on fried or bbq recipes. These birds will need lots of time in a slow oven or pot w/ some acid (more lime or lemon, mojo or pineapple or other tasty acid componant.)
Enjoy!
I do not believe in the immortality of the individual, and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern with no superhuman authority behind it.
--Albert Einstein, German-born American physicist
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starry-eyed pirate:
Gandhi Rules.
starry-eyed pirate:
Whatever... ::birthday:: ::read::
try another castle:
Doesn't anyone in this neighborhood have big dogs? My friend had a dog who had to be euthenized because she got into someone's henhouse.
Well, now is the time to let the dogs have their fun.
Too bad there aren't any foxes where they live.
I remember hearing about this story a year or so ago, and thought it was hilarious.
Antigen:
I just can't believe it. I mean, I can, but... I don't want to.
Mayor, mayor! Please save us from these chickens!
But... I'm not your mayor and, uh, they're chickens.
But, they make noise and we hate them!
But... they're chickens. Just eat them.
But we're helpless victims, what shall we do? The chickens are taking over the world and before too long, why, we'll be tripping over them and slipping on chicken shit and somebody might break a hip and then sue the city for failure to protect us from these dangerous chickens!
Uh.... I'm not your fucking mayor!
God, oh, no... is this Brian's neighborhood?
Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.
--Ambrose Bierce
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