I was reading some of the posts, and wanna welcome the new bloggers from the 80's and early 90's. The medication issue was case in point that things were done (at the time) from a sheerly ideological perspective. The reality of being told to drink water and take care of your feelings for even obvious medical inconsistancies was staggering. There was no mental diseases,(or gayness) just mental weakness.
I thought it was harder 1-3 years later, and then was life whizzing by very quickly as I ran like crazy...then when I realized something was wrong with my life, down in the very roots of what I believe about myself, I started re-examining all the things that I re-examined at RMA, and came to the conclusion, that they DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY WERE DOING. The more emotional you became and mnore fear you had, the more they would leave you alone in raps and work details. It became a recognizable incentive to fit in. I never did, but I tried so hard and believed and swallowed more and more as the program painfully went on and on for 2.5 years, WITH NO DOCUMENTATION of what "therapy" I was receiving, save that what I told on my visits home.
Oh these many years later I know and recognize, there MAY have been some issues that led me there, but the compounded treatment and therapy involved with leaving the program successfully altered and deteriorated my very soul. And it ain't never coming back. But, soon, I will have done everything I can in terms of purging this time and this fusebox of automatic thinking in me. I will rip it out and examine that time for what it was...I can't describe accurately what it "did", because it ain't done doing.
Bad messages ingrained over 2 years didn't make me prone to believing good things for the last 6 months, it made it difficult to ever believe anything good about myself, in reality. Though I did go through a very self absorbed time and was CONTRARY for a long time. Adjustments are still being rendered.
I will be ranting more.
