On 2005-12-29 14:17:00, Anonymous wrote:
"re: truth searcher. First of all i disagree with the last poster in that sometimes I believe one's will must be broken down to a degree, then if done correctly, build it back up so they see a new self and willingness to persue that to make them happy and confident. I will get bashed on this board, but really, it sounds like your concerned, have done what you had to do, and things aren't going exactly right right now. If your really wanting to know what to do, this board, which is a very minute group of hostile people who never got it, is not the place to contimplate or make decisions. You should seek other neutral and knowledgable advise. That being said, reading your post, this is what I think. There is definitely recidicism. Not to blame you, because you do care, but that is again being taken advantage of. You ARE the responsible adult, and you CAN and WILL make the decisions based upon her living in YOUR house! She does not yet realize how much you care for her, what you've had to do, and how hard it is on you right now. Second, you and her have a definite communication gap. You MUST have regular communication sessions,and that is required to live in the house. If she's cutting herself, you'll have to decide if this is an attention thing, or does she need some real psychological help. You talk to her eye-to-eye where she knows you mean business, then do what you have to do, and tell her that you will because you love her. She will respect that regardless of what she might say immediately. Lastly, I can fully understand your confusion and grief, and this site will only add to confusion. I'm on here anonymously because i do it for a laugh at the people crying about their "abuse"= had to work, had to look at wall, had to not talk, had to not look. Sorry, not had to, but was "forced" to. No, everything in life is about choices. It is spelled out from the beginning what the rules are. In a program, or in real life. Now, I'll really get bombed for this. But you know what, when my teen was really headed for big trouble, and I had been through all the legal ramafications that went with it, I talked to many people, did my own investigations, and personally took my child to one I was comfortable with. About a year later, my child is about to graduate, thinks he is 10' tall, loves his family, respects rules, and is very serious about not being around negative influences. I think you have hope to get help for your daughter, but it HAS to begin with you putting your foot down. She WILL participate in your discussions and your decisions, because YOU are the parent. And she can CHOOSE what she wants to do from there. Being 17, if she refuses, she's on her own. Then she'll be back, to go by your recommendations. "
The only good thing about the parental dominance mentality youre trying to perpetuate is it makes everyone able of handling it leave and not look back, and the few weaklings that NEED someone to dominate and control their lives for them submit.
"Respect" is something a person has to earn. Authority figures who are just given it as part of their damn job, or someone who thinks what theyve done should make a total stranger just automatically treat them like a celebrity or someone who has earned their personal respect, dont get 'respect'.
Im not against treating everyone civilly, until they demonsrate they dont deserve it, or deserve better, btw. Power-drunk assholes get nothing but attitude becuase I love watching them blow up. Nice, friendly people get it in kind.
Trying to break down a child (which is
actually breaking them down mentally and emotionally, aka a psychological regression) and them rebuild them as a programchild who just defers to authority and does as told blindly doesnt work, and its very much arguably abusive anyway.
Nowhere else byt a program is it okay to totally wear a child down and then 'build them back up' (last I checked thats brainwashing...) to make them do as you want.
Now, just incase you try the Military angle, theres a reason they do that shit - they have to make sure that people who are going to go out and fight to the death can mentally handle it, and while theyre at it conditioning them to be able to survive in a regressed state is almost a necessity so they dont become shell shocked and get killed. But, thats not breaking down a CHILD, against their will, just to try to make them a little stepford kid. They know whats going on, choose do, can choose out at any time, and its necessary for them to be able to do what they do.
A Navy SEAL kind of has to be able to weather a psychological attack, and most of the men who try out for it dont make it. WTF makes you think that sort of treatment is what we should just force upon children? And just WTF do you think it does to a kid when they snap out of that bullshit? It hardens a man into a killer... you think a KID can just handle it better?
Regardless, the entire tone of your post and the entire objective of everything you would have the reader do is to totally dominate and control the child, and make the child disclose everything. Its BULLSHIT. Its like Im reading a slave contract for a TPE (thats total power exchange) S&M couple. Yeah, submissive people get off on that, (if they're horny...) but everyone else generally doesnt.
Being an overcontrolling bitch is a good way to make them leave when theyre able to. You making cutting out to either be "an attention thing" (how DARE that child try to want me to recognize them as something other than some recalcitrant minion I should punish and control!) or some SERIOUS PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUE (more coersion and unpleasantness) is ridiculous. Its by and large harmless, maybe you should be asking yourself why your kid doesnt have a healthier way to vent and release?
"Mean Business"... haha. If you did that shit and your kid ran off Id personally go take them out and do EVERYTHING youre afraid of them doing. Why?
1. Im free, white, and 21.
2. The VAST majority of people who imbibe alcohol (which I do rarely now and did rarely BEFORE I was 21...) smoke or take recreational drugs are a-oh-fucking-kay.
3. To spite you.
A family isnt about the oldest bitterest person calling the shots, its supposed to be mutually supportive.
Oh, and program rules and regulations, and the punishments for not doing as told are NOT "real world". Theyre BULLSHIT and the only thing theyre good for is teaching how to survive under a dictatorship.
To the mom who started this thread - Your girl isnt being threatened and coersed anymore, so shes not acting out of fear anymore. Try teaching her to be mature and act responsibly when shes NOT under duress, unless you want to lock her up forever (which is WRONG anyway).
Get her a fucking job. Most people just GROW UP anyway, but jobs help people be more responsible. The state of PA did a study on recidivism rates of teens who went through bootcamp vs just prison vs nothing, and they found no effect.
They did find recidivism was lower in those who had jobs, though. :wink:
I do not believe in the immortality of the individual, and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern with no superhuman authority behind it.
--Albert Einstein, German-born American physicist
