Author Topic: how do we make it betterfor our kids  (Read 1011 times)

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Offline Johnny G

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how do we make it betterfor our kids
« on: December 22, 2005, 11:14:00 PM »
the more I am reminded of myself before the Seed the more I want to do better for my kids, (7 and 9).  I wasn't thrilled with myself so I was pretty open to anything that would give me a second chance.  

I want the young'uns to do it right on the first chance.  

I would like to avoid the detour to some seed spin-off for my kids.

We homeschool the kids so they can learn the important book stuff without the "socialization" that we all loved so much.  

At 15 I said I would let my kids do everything I was doing, now, like any parent - I am sure my daughter can start dating anytime after she turns 30.  

SHe's 9 now and I can see the teen stuff coming and I don't want to ignore her killing herself but I also don't want to freak out over nothing, or let her and her brother go thru the same shit I did.

My wife managed to avoid it all, so there is hope - just want input from those who have been there, what were the mistakes and what should have been done?

The record of the earlier days just reared up and made me ineligible to adopt a baby from China so we need to do it right with the two we already have - no second chance.

THANKS AND MERRY CHRISTMAS
Happy birthday to me!
JOhnny G
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Antigen

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how do we make it betterfor our kids
« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2005, 12:06:00 AM »
Well, I've had good luck and bad. When my eldest was about 14 or so, I was shocked that she didn't want to be my buddy anymore. I had no influence on her, she was going to do what she wanted. She went to public school through 9th grade. I just didn't know any better.

So, as the younger ones came up (5 & 7 years younger) I just resolved to make damned sure they were better prepared for that eventuality. I took them out of school and went w/ the Gatto approach. Basically, we just realized one day that we weren't saying "School's a waste of time anymore!" so rhetorically. And we looked up the laws on how to file and meet the bureaucratic requirements to get them out.

Then we just lived. Paper routes are good for kids, I think. If they still let kids deliver the weekly ad flyer, let them do that. The old ppl will get to know them, sometimes talk their ear off. They'll get out and about, earn a small amount of money to manage and generally get to feel (rightly) all grown up. Teach them all you can about anything in which they show an interest, most especially some good ideas for finding out more than you have to teach them.

One thing you should NOT do is go around worrying that they're destined to become hardened addicts if you mis a step or fuck some little thing up. That's just not true. But if you believe it, trust me, they'll get little hints and clues of it. Nobody knows anybody in this world like a little kid knows their immediate family. And they might believe you.

Revelation indeed had no weight with me.
--Benjamin Franklin, American Founding Father, author, and inventor

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
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Offline cleveland

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how do we make it betterfor our kids
« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2005, 08:56:00 AM »
My wife's life as a kid is the example I want for our daughter. She was smart, did well in public school, was in the band, went to summer camp. She did all the  things I did too - experimented with drugs, sex and alcohol - but unlike me, she was a happy kid with a supportive mom and so it was just a phase. Her friends from HS are friends for life, and she is well-grounded and secure. When we were dating, I told her all about the Seed, and she was not shocked or horrified as some other friends/dates had been.

I realize that I can't protect my daughter entirely if at all from the world, I just want her to be equipped to deal with it. My own parents were still trying to grow out of their own adolesence when they had me - and their parents had been heavy drinkers and a little crazy too - so it has been a multiple generation healing from a bit of family unhappiness and even some tragedy. I hope that my daughter has a more secure upbringing than I had - there are certainly enough horrors in the world that she will have to cope with.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline JaLong

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how do we make it betterfor our kids
« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2005, 12:14:00 PM »
I have already raised two. Yes, when they went to live with their dad and new step mom they were treated horribly. Yes, they both got into experimenting with drugs. They both grad. from high school. Now they are parents themselves. I raised them to be independent people, both in thinking and living. Now being parents it kinda amazes me to see them raising my grandchildren the same way I did. Rules, boundries, honesty, and very open communication. I think that is the most important part. Letting them talk, and just listening without giving my two cents. I have a 15 and 12 yr old now, and they are wonderful girls. I am very strict when it comes to boys, group activities, and school. I set down groundrules from the day they could understand. We are all very honest and open about such things as sex, drugs, choices, and conseguences. My 15 yr old refuses to hang around anyone who does any kind of drugs. She has been offered weed, says no thanks, and that's it. There doesn't seem to be as much peer pressure when it comes to drugs now. They just leave her alone and don't ask again. Quite a difference then when I was her age. i also told them my story.
Merryy Christmas to all and Happy New Year!!!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline GregFL

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how do we make it betterfor our kids
« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2005, 09:39:00 PM »
Two kids here...

my son is 23 and getting ready to graduate FSU with a degree in physology.  Had a bit of 'normal' teenage trouble, you know..the kind that would land you 6 months in "rehab" back when I was young.  Him and I debate philosophy, religion, talk about music, women, you name it.  He is a great man.

My daughter is 15 (16 in one week) is drop dead gorgeous, funny, a real joy to be around, just please overlook her room and her occasional rude as hell attitude, you know, the kind that would get your attitude "adjusted" back when I was young.  She is fond of holding my arm when we walk in public and resting her head on my shoulder.  She loves it when I protect her, and hates it when I embarrass her.

I am a lucky guy.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »