On 2005-12-14 12:38:00, dragonfly wrote:
"You and Ginger both.
I am again spending a whole day just getting my shit together, trying to get my head out of the sky and my feet on the ground. What to do with all this potentiality and how to share it with the world. All these damn ideas about being functional. All this deep conditioning and work ethic brainwahing. I just want to develop my ability to create through intention. Where does my addiction to struggle come from? Like I told Beth, I just want sometimes to sit and watch my cats sleep, many days that is the extent of my ambition. Some where a voice tells me that watching a cat sleep is not a valid days activity.
"
see this is why i like to watch monkey movies, the cinema verite variety in the jungles of madagascar and so on. these chimps and gorillas get together and ponder over strange insects, they while away a morning and an afternoon fishing ants out of an ant hill with little sticks - no easy feat as you can see the little chimp working on his ant fishing skills. they like to steal stuff and get away with it. they work out who gets to eat first and so on. just monkeys. they don't go to church, they don't feel too guilty about this and that. one big guy gets out of hand, he gets told off so he backs off for a while.
they even get drunk i am not shitting you off fermenting fruits and so on. sometimes the big guys like to run back and forth and stomp and pound things and in general cause a lot of excitement and respect for the noise making.
i like to know what people are doing and how they are doing it. i think i get what Ginger is driving at, what John Gatto is driving at, and pirate too: the brainwash institution. it's like a fuck of a bad dog trainer who teaches a poor dog all sorts of useless tricks like how to show up on time and which fork to use. alas for all my mother's trouble, i still don't get the dessert fork thing. i messed it up on Thanksgiving at someone else's house. i got a little red-faced I suspect.
like I was saying in this other post about time torture, i kinda think that gets in there and pretends to be some basic instinct: rush and worry, then some of us crash having been too severely subjected to hateful rush and worry and perpetuating in our spirits such dreadful lessons... the seasons do things for our instincts naturally when required. suddenly in October we get some cold days and people are harvesting, people are putting up what they need, running around, they don't know exactly why.
i think it is worthwhile to be curious. dragonfly, you want to watch your cats i think that is exactly the medicine you need. i don't want to be told when or anything. i think in my spirit i am in some ways still waking up on a school day or on a Straight day. some of the damage is done by all those days waking up too early day after day and under heavy time and other demands to make your body and mind do what somebody else says to do that doesn't even make sense with your own talents and heart, like are you good at beading, making blankets, building lodges, making knives and other tools, and art, entering the divine. are you good at gossip, are you good at spying, are you good at tracking. see, i think monkeys wake up and they are really glad. anyways, that is why it is fascinating to watch them and cats and dogs. they don't pace around wondering what to do with their day, fretting the time and all. that anyone does could well be proof of a perversion in their training.
