Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Aspen Education Group
My son is currently at Aspen Ranch
kk:
I am taking him home. I just waiting to find a better place for him first. He does notwant to come live here. I even told him he could stay with his grandparents whomm he loves or his granma who he adores and he said no he wants to go to a boarding school one with small classes a therapist for intense therapy just one that will give him freedom.
So that is what I'm looking for. I even thought about a regular boarding school with very small classes and then getting him a car so he can take himself for private therapy. He will be out of there in the next few weeks.
Anonymous:
You are some weird person! You are leaving this boy there "a few weeks?" And you think you can depend on this child to get himself to and fro to "intense personal therapy" just because you will buy him a car? You have this CHILD in an abusive place that is dishing out punishment, and he is being denied a proper education, and has been misdiagnosed. Yet, you are sitting back and letting him call the shots about where he wants to live? You need to go and pick this boy up today, and try being a REAL PARENT!
Anotherscaredmom:
Just curious...and I'm not saying this parent is right (I do think it's weird that someone would think deplorable conditions and "babysitters" are a good thing to pay for)...but what about the fact that this kid was clearly being destructive? URINATING on property? HELLO???? Threatening to kill his parents....HELLO???? Tell me, o masters of the forum, how does a REAL parent handle that? Let me guess, grounding? Talking? Do you really think that works when a kid is that out of control?
And before you blast me thinking that I'm advocating sending a child somewhere they will be abused, I'm not. So while everyone is busy saying that doesn't work, all of us parents who are dealing with out of control kids would like to know WHAT DOES?? I've been asking this question and have gotten some really thoughtful answers from some clearly great people. But as of yet, not a single one from people who like to just bash parents for mucking the whole thing up.
Part of growing up is learning to take responsibility for your actions. Some of these kids just out and out refuse. You could say something Rockwellish like, "now son...surely you didn't mean to disrespect my property like that. Would you kindly replace it?". I have a good feeling I know what the response of a kid would be who has chosen to show his displeasure by breaking his mother's thumb.
Let's get down to brass tacks folks. Dish it out, because believe me, I've already heard the worst on this forum.
Anonymous:
Son stopped doing homework
Your Reaction: Took his TV out of his room. (What?s the TV got to do with his lack of motivation to do homework? Did the unrelated punishment work?. Did it motivate him? Obviously not. Did you honestly think it was a solution for his lack of motivation? Or just a knee jerk reaction?)
His Reaction to Your reaction: Destroy pictures and urinate on a painting. Watch TV in YOUR room. (What was the point of taking his TV if you were going to let him watch in your room?)
Your reaction, to his reaction, to your reaction: Physically fight with him. (Huh? You really physically fought with him?)
Sounds like two distressed teenagers in a battle of wills.
Option: Let him fail. There is absolutely NO reason to put SO much emphasis on homework and grades. He could still attend college even if he flunks out of high school. Have you read the stats on people with high IQs? They frequently don?t do well in school, they?re bored out of their mind.
Why are you scared to let him make his own choices and learn from them?
So, he flunks out of school or gets expelled. Then he can assume an adult role, as a housemate rather than dependent. In other words, he pays you reasonable rent, buys his own groceries, buys a car/insurance or pays you to provide transportation or uses public transport. When he?s had a taste of adulthood he may or may not come around to what YOU want for him. It is his life.
Anonymous:
How would you advise this parent, fam?
Do you think this kid is going to feel better about himself and heal all his emotional wounds by living in an environment where he is fed shitty food and hanging out with babysitters who don't know how to dole out punishments and god knows what else?
And this coming from a mother who physically fights with her son. And thinks taking his TV away will motivate/inspire him to do something she wants him to do.
"I want you to learn geometry."
"Fuck you."
"Okay, I'm taking your TV."
"Fine, I'll tear up your pictures and piss on your painting."
"Now I'm really pissed. Get out of my room. I want to go to sleep."
"Fuck you."
"Take that."
"Take that."
"You broke my finger, you're out of control. I'm going to pay to have you incarcerated and punished."
Are you under some misperception that these yahoos know more than you and have an equal vested interest in your kid?
Both of you could do exactly what a program does. If you genuninely believe the methods and techniques used (if you even know what they are) by a program are what's going to heal your kid's wounds and bring him peace, then WHY DON'T YOU DO IT at home?
You'd give your life. Hardly.
How about giving some time to learning a different way to be with young people. Time to cram, you're in crisis.
Google
alternatives to punishment
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=al ... punishment
democratic parenting
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=& ... +parenting
And if you don't do your parenting homework, I'll have to take your TV and other worldy distractions.
And read up on autism. The best book I know on the subject is Son Rise by Barry Kaufman. By bringing his son out, he discovered that kids with autism are afraid and they have to be shown consistently that the world is safe. And don't underestimate the behaviors that can manifest when a kid lives silently in fear. Punishment is not the cure.
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