My son is currently at Aspen Ranch

[kk]

Hi, My son is currently at Aspen Ranch.  Ask me whatever you want.  Ijust was there.  I think the Therapists are great and the Teachers are great too.
Yes, it is corporate run and the bottom line is money and I don't like that aspect of it, but the people there do care.  The things I don't like is that the babysitters, that's what I call them, mean well, but they are just not smart enough to understand the rules and make decsions that affect are children and these are the people who are deciding what level and what punishments should be handed out.  Thank goodness most of our kids are very smart and most of the parents are very concerned and at any given time there is a parent on the property.  I also don't like the fact that for all the money that we are paying the place is pretty broken done.  there great selling point the ropes course has been inoperable for 7 months.  The selling point that the kids can excellorate their schooling is void because they do not have access to computers or the library on the weekend.
I personally spoke to Matt Alexander about this situation and he pormised me this would change.  I also feel that they slap every kid with the lable of ODD.  My kid I feel did not have ODD and after I insisted on further testing which of course I had to pay 1300 extra for they now say that he may have an Autistic spectrum disorder and they may not be able to help him, only after 5 months of him being there.  All these things are aggravating but I do believe that the people there are trying to help.  The food is pretty crappy too, but I guess if you are selling drugs and go to jail it would be worse.  By the way my son was never doing drugs or in any trouble with the law he was very depressed and his grades took a nose dive and we thought he was suicidal.  He is doing better and he actually wants to remain in a boarding school just in one that is not as strict with levels.  After reading all of this I'm not comfportable with any boarding school and am hoping to convince him to come home, or just finish his Junior year at the Ranch and as soon as he is done we will pull him.  any questions? Feel free!

[Anonymous]

So I have a question. WHat the hell is wrong with you? It's nice to know you love your kid so much that you send him away to a fucked up place instead of helping him. I would wish for boarding school too.
Parents who farm out their parenting responsibilities so they don't have to deal with it are weak and pathetic.

[Anonymous]

KK--are you out of your frigging mind?
Your kid has been misdiagnosed. You don't trust the people who are in charge of "babysitting" your child because they don't understand the rules or the "punishment" to hand out. Did you send your kid there to be PUNISHED? You say the equipment is broken down. You complain about the education and no access to learning tools, and about the "crappy food."  NOW, you say you hope you can "convince your son to come home?" Are you NOT the parent? You need to wake up, and take control of this situation. Your son needs therapy (perhaps, perhaps not)...and he needs to be in a REAL SCHOOL for his education, and he certainly does not need some incompetent people dishing out punishment to him. Why don't you enroll YOURSELF there awhile?

[kk]

My son tore up my pictures in my house becuse I took his T.v. out of his room, becuse he stopped doing his homework.  He also took one of my paintings and urinated on it.  He also broke my thumb fighting with me when I tried to keep him from desroying more of my pictures because I asked him to please get out of my room because he was watching T.V. in my room and I wanted to go to sleep.  Also, his I.Q. is Off the charts in some areas so he is very smart and manipulitive, and when his genuis 41 year uncle commited suicide I was afraid for his life.  He told me he was going to come in my room and slit me or his dads throat.  He did willingly go to the Ranch.  We drove him there, we did not have him kidnapped.  We stayed there with him.  And have been visiting him ever since.  He doesn't hate us for sending him there.  He likes his teachers and his therapist it's just the levels and the food and the babysitters that he doesn't like.  no one has hurt him, and he is to smart to let them mentally abuse him.  He never has been in R and R.  He doesn't want to come home just wants to switch boarding schools.  I'm afraid of putting from the frying pan into the fire.  Believe me I love my son more then anything and I spend more time e mailing him writing to him and researching things everyday that he is in there trying to figure out how to help him so he doesn't end up dead.  Don't judge me if I knew it would cure my son I would sign up for any wilderness camp.  I would give my life for his health, but that's not going to happen.

[Troll Control]

On 2005-12-05 11:17:00, kk wrote:

"Hi, My son is currently at Aspen Ranch.  Ask me whatever you want.  Ijust was there.  I think the Therapists are great and the Teachers are great too.

Yes, it is corporate run and the bottom line is money and I don't like that aspect of it, but the people there do care.  The things I don't like is that the babysitters, that's what I call them, mean well, but they are just not smart enough to understand the rules and make decsions that affect are children and these are the people who are deciding what level and what punishments should be handed out.  Thank goodness most of our kids are very smart and most of the parents are very concerned and at any given time there is a parent on the property.  I also don't like the fact that for all the money that we are paying the place is pretty broken done.  there great selling point the ropes course has been inoperable for 7 months.  The selling point that the kids can excellorate their schooling is void because they do not have access to computers or the library on the weekend.

I personally spoke to Matt Alexander about this situation and he pormised me this would change.  I also feel that they slap every kid with the lable of ODD.  My kid I feel did not have ODD and after I insisted on further testing which of course I had to pay 1300 extra for they now say that he may have an Autistic spectrum disorder and they may not be able to help him, only after 5 months of him being there.  All these things are aggravating but I do believe that the people there are trying to help.  The food is pretty crappy too, but I guess if you are selling drugs and go to jail it would be worse.  By the way my son was never doing drugs or in any trouble with the law he was very depressed and his grades took a nose dive and we thought he was suicidal.  He is doing better and he actually wants to remain in a boarding school just in one that is not as strict with levels.  After reading all of this I'm not comfportable with any boarding school and am hoping to convince him to come home, or just finish his Junior year at the Ranch and as soon as he is done we will pull him.  any questions? Feel free!"

Wow.  I read this, and by the end I was thinking "There must be some mistake.  The story didn't end with 'and because of all of the red flags of abuse/neglect/fraud I listed before, I've taken my son home and am suing Aspen for fraud and breech of contract.'"  Are you nuts or what?

[kk]

I am taking him home.  I just waiting to find a better place for him first.  He does notwant to come live here.  I even told him he could stay with his grandparents whomm he loves or his granma who he adores and he said no he wants to go to a boarding school one with small classes a therapist for intense therapy just one that will give him freedom.
So that is what I'm looking for.  I even thought about a regular boarding school with very small classes and then getting him a car so he can take himself for private therapy.  He will be out of there in the next few weeks.

[Anonymous]

You are some weird person! You are leaving this boy there "a few weeks?"  And you think you can depend on this child to get himself to and fro to "intense personal therapy" just because you will buy him a car? You have this CHILD in an abusive place that is dishing out punishment, and he is being denied a proper education, and has been misdiagnosed. Yet, you are sitting back and letting him call the shots about where he wants to live? You need to go and pick this boy up today, and try being a REAL PARENT!

[Anotherscaredmom]

Just curious...and I'm not saying this parent is right (I do think it's weird that someone would think deplorable conditions and "babysitters" are a good thing to pay for)...but what about the fact that this kid was clearly being destructive?  URINATING on property?  HELLO?  Threatening to kill his parents....HELLO?  Tell me, o masters of the forum, how does a REAL parent handle that?  Let me guess, grounding?  Talking?  Do you really think that works when a kid is that out of control?

And before you blast me thinking that I'm advocating sending a child somewhere they will be abused, I'm not.  So while everyone is busy saying that doesn't work, all of us parents who are dealing with out of control kids would like to know WHAT DOES??  I've been asking this question and have gotten some really thoughtful answers from some clearly great people.  But as of yet, not a single one from people who like to just bash parents for mucking the whole thing up.

Part of growing up is learning to take responsibility for your actions.  Some of these kids just out and out refuse.  You could say something Rockwellish like, "now son...surely you didn't mean to disrespect my property like that.  Would you kindly replace it?".  I have a good feeling I know what the response of a kid would be who has chosen to show his displeasure by breaking his mother's thumb.

Let's get down to brass tacks folks.  Dish it out, because believe me, I've already heard the worst on this forum.

[Anonymous]

Son stopped doing homework
Your Reaction: Took his TV out of his room. (What?s the TV got to do with his lack of motivation to do homework? Did the unrelated punishment work?. Did it motivate him? Obviously not. Did you honestly think it was a solution for his lack of motivation? Or just a knee jerk reaction?)
His Reaction to Your reaction: Destroy pictures and urinate on a painting. Watch TV in YOUR room. (What was the point of taking his TV if you were going to let him watch in your room?)
Your reaction, to his reaction, to your reaction: Physically fight with him. (Huh? You really physically fought with him?)
Sounds like two distressed teenagers in a battle of wills.

Option: Let him fail. There is absolutely NO reason to put SO much emphasis on homework and grades. He could still attend college even if he flunks out of high school. Have you read the stats on people with high IQs? They frequently don?t do well in school, they?re bored out of their mind.

Why are you scared to let him make his own choices and learn from them?  

So, he flunks out of school or gets expelled. Then he can assume an adult role, as a housemate rather than dependent. In other words, he pays you reasonable rent, buys his own groceries, buys a car/insurance or pays you to provide transportation or uses public transport. When he?s had a taste of adulthood he may or may not come around to what YOU want for him. It is his life.

[Anonymous]

How would you advise this parent, fam?

Do you think this kid is going to feel better about himself and heal all his emotional wounds by living in an environment where he is fed shitty food and hanging out with babysitters who don't know how to dole out punishments and god knows what else?
And this coming from a mother who physically fights with her son. And thinks taking his TV away will motivate/inspire him to do something she wants him to do.
"I want you to learn geometry."
"Fuck you."
"Okay, I'm taking your TV."
"Fine, I'll tear up your pictures and piss on your painting."
"Now I'm really pissed. Get out of my room. I want to go to sleep."
"Fuck you."
"Take that."
"Take that."
"You broke my finger, you're out of control. I'm going to pay to have you incarcerated and punished."

Are you under some misperception that these yahoos know more than you and have an equal vested interest in your kid?

Both of you could do exactly what a program does. If you genuninely believe the methods and techniques used (if you even know what they are) by a program are what's going to heal your kid's wounds and bring him peace, then WHY DON'T YOU DO IT at home?

You'd give your life. Hardly.
How about giving some time to learning a different way to be with young people. Time to cram, you're in crisis.
Google
alternatives to punishment
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=al ... punishment

democratic parenting
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=& ... +parenting

And if you don't do your parenting homework, I'll have to take your TV and other worldy distractions.

And read up on autism. The best book I know on the subject is Son Rise by Barry Kaufman. By bringing his son out, he discovered that kids with autism are afraid and they have to be shown consistently that the world is safe. And don't underestimate the behaviors that can manifest when a kid lives silently in fear. Punishment is not the cure.

[kk]

First of all, who said I fought with my son?  I weigh 90 pounds my son 145 I was trying to perserve my pictures ie; take them from his hands before he flung them to the ground and got more glass everywhere. that is how he broke my thumb him fighting me, not the other way around.  Two, he is not being abused at the Ranch, yes it isn't the Ritz, but he isn't being starved, he has shelter, he has protein bars and snacks at his therapist office that I brought him that he tells me he can get anytime he wants.  He also has books and CD's there.
He rides horses, loves his teachers.  The only thing he doesn't like there and we both agree on this is the level system which is behavior modifcation, which we agreed he didn't have to work on, and the fact that the babysitters were sweet but stupid.  The reason I care about his grades is because he cared, he was becoming upset and distressed and wanted to find out what was wrong with him.  After his uncle commited suicide and we were afraid that he was going to the same that is when we together went to the Ranch.  We all feel that it is not the right program for, but he has learned a lot there.  He has learned tolerance and we learned that he has a high I.Q. and he has high Functioning Autism or a type of Aspergers and High Anxiety.  Now we will be able to place in a better school.  We did not let watch in are room we had a lock on are door but he busted through it.  My husband has had 3 back surguries and my son knew that he could take his dad down if he wanted to.  He used to say I'm smarte and stronger than you and without respect it's all true.  We may have experience on our side but with a 150 verbal I.Q. he could out debate us.
I came home one day and found one of my other son's we have 3 boys and a daughter, locked in the bathroom fearing his life, thinking that this son was going to kill him.  I tried everything, before
resorting to sending him away, and it was at his request.  So don't judge me or twist my words.  My son loves me and we have a great relationship.  He doesn't hate me for a minute for sending him. KK

[Troll Control]

On 2005-12-06 21:16:00, kk wrote:

"My son...took one of my paintings and urinated on it."

That's fucking awesome.  Priceless.  God-damn, kid, you are "pissed off" and know how to express it!

Absolutely hilarious anecdote!!!

[Pinks Attorneys Friends N]

Ahhh yes, The Aspen Ranch-Excellent place for the kiddies!! :scared:  :scared:

[kk]

All I want to know is, does anyone have anything constructive to say on this site?  My son, and all of his therapist have told us that because of the other kids and my relationship with my husband the house isn't a great place for him.  His grandparents offered and he didn't want it either, he wants to go to a boarding school, so if this is what he wants is there any good ones out there with no behavior modefication where he can just get a good education and get skills to cope with his Aspergers and Anxiety and he can exceed where he is gifted.  Come and go as he pleases and everyone can be happy!  Is there such a place where there is good therapist and good teachers and good food and well meaning people.
I knpw not everyone or everything is perfect but is there a place that isn't purposefully malicious?  That's all I'm asking for a nice decent place where my son might learn to be happy and can go on to college and meet a girl and have a nice life.  All these professionals are telling me I can't do it.  That my husband and my relationship is to dysfunctional to come together to help our son.  My kids are so needy they are getting mad at me for spending so much time trying to research a good school and research aspergers or high functioning autism and my husband is mad too.  This is what I deal with too.  So do you have any help, not crule sarcasm.  KK

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a fight to me, kk. but what the hell, all's well in stepville.
Let us know if you find a program that can help your son get to the heart of his hurt and pain that DOESN'T employ BM- which is exactly what YOU did when you took away the TV. Apparently didn't help him figure out what 'was wrong with him'.
I also find it curious that you demanded and paid for a psych evaluation AFTER he was incarcerated. Why not before? If he requested a program, seems he'd be willing to go for evaluation first.