Losers!

[Anotherscaredmom]

Ok, here's one for you.  I have NO affiliation with WWASP and never will.  And I have even considered some of these claims seriously.  

Yes, I agree.  I see a lot of claims on here of abuse with little detail as to what the abuse was.  I also see people decrying a system that in some ways, seems less harmful than the alternatives these teens were heading for.  

So you tell me....WHAT DOES A PARENT DO when their child is on a destructive path??? WHAT?  Wait for them to be hauled off to jail?  I'm sure they will get real special treatment there.  Wait for them to drop out of school because they are failing every class?  Wait for them to overdose on the drugs they are using to self-medicate?  Let them abuse their families?  Because THAT, my dear friend, is what happens every day in this country.  EVERY DAMN DAY!  

And I am ONE parent who is NOT going to let that happen to my son.  I am exhausting every other alternative to an RTC, but if it comes to it, I will send him.  And I'm giving him the choice by asking him to comply with simple things, like a reasonable curfew  (for example, it is 3:00 a.m. here and he was supposed to be home at 10:00...do you think that is safe for a 14 year old?).

I don't abuse my child.  I don't neglect him.  But he abuses and neglects me.  Do you have a solution to this.  How about I just throw him out on the street and let him make his own decisions.  Would that be a better solution?  Or how about I keep letting him go in the direction he's going and when the school calls me for the umpteenth time to tell me he is suspended I just say, "gee whiz, I guess there's really nothing I can do except to just wait it out."  

And don't, DON'T, shoot back a reply suggesting that I haven't tried everything, or that I don't love my child enough, or that I must be doing something wrong, because thank you, I already lie awake every night trying to figure out what I must be doing wrong.  

I love my son, and I am going to get him help.

[Anotherscaredmom]

Everyone is laughing at the guy who didn't feel the need to use profanity to convey his message?? Hmmmm.  And what are you doing with your life?

[Troll Control]

On 2005-12-04 00:08:00, famjaztique wrote:

"And don't, DON'T, shoot back a reply suggesting that I haven't tried everything, or that I don't love my child enough, or that I must be doing something wrong, because thank you, I already lie awake every night trying to figure out what I must be doing wrong.  



I love my son, and I am going to get him help.  "

How about not letting a 14 year-old out at night alone unsupervised?  How in the world can you say you've "tried everything" and you're sitting on your computer at 3am while your kid is out UNSUPERVISED?  Get a grip, lady.  You haven't even covered the BASICS, much less done "everything."

The problem here is that you left out some words.  You' done EVERYTHING THAT IS CONVENIENT FOR YOU.  Try making a real effort.  Go out with your kid to supervise.  It ain't that deep.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, ok brainiac.  Try this.  I DON'T let him out unsupervised.  He was at a friend's house, I had spoken to the Mom.  They wanted to have a sleepover.  Then they took off.   So by supervise, do you mean sit on him?

[Anonymous]

How about this...let the child grow up.  I am a parent and a "successful" grad of straight inc.  I let my kid grow up and he is doing fine.  Oh, here is another thought.   Why don't you grow up and quit being a child.

[Anotherscaredmom]

Oh, and for the record, I was sitting on my computer at 3 a.m. because I had spent hours in the car looking for him, hours on the phone trying to locate him.   I couldn't sleep (! you know, because I'm a terrible parent who doesn't care) so I was on the computer looking for help.  And then, maybe you missed this part of my posting, when I asked what does work with a kid who is being totally defiant, I get an intelligent and thoughtful answer from you.  Brilliant!!  Thank you so very much.  

Yes, I do what is CONVENIENT for me as a parent.  Like stay up all night worrying.  Like taking time to talk to my son every day.  Like cooking, cleaning, laundry and providing a roof over our heads and food our belly.  Like exercising patience when my son is screaming.  Like taking the time to find a therapist that he bonded with and then after months when he refused to go, going myself.  Like calling the school every day for the last month to try to get them to evaluate my son for a learning disabilty.   Like making sure that I hug my son every day at least once if not 10 times.  Like programming all of his friends numbers into my cell phone so that when he doesn't come home from school I can start calling right away.  Like giving up graduate school so that he can stay in the same town where his friends are.  Like visiting the school and talking to everyone from his teachers to the principal and vice principal.  Like missing class/work to attend appointments and court dates for him every week for the last year.  This is not a complete list.

So maybe you think I messed up somewhere earlier on.  Let's see, I was a stay at home Mom for 7 years because I loved taking care of my children.  I thought they were bright and beautiiful and I wanted to provide them with every opportunity.  So, could it have been that?  

Let's face it.  Not every troubled teen has an ogre for a parent.  And in this case, if he does, it is his father.

[Anotherscaredmom]

I love how you people just insult instead of offering advice.  Why is that?

[Troll Control]

On 2005-12-04 06:28:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Yeah, ok brainiac.  Try this.  I DON'T let him out unsupervised.  He was at a friend's house, I had spoken to the Mom.  They wanted to have a sleepover.  Then they took off.   So by supervise, do you mean sit on him?"

If need be, yes.  Why is he at a sleepover if he can't be trusted?  BAD JUDGEMENT, MOM.

[Anotherscaredmom]

Ok, yes, you're right.  My son's lying and manipulation and drug use, and abusive behavior towards me is all my fault.  I will go out back and bury myself in the back yard right now for being such a shitty mother.  Thank you for enlightening me.  I'm so glad that now I know it has nothing to do with the long history of mental illness in the males on his father's side of the family, or a divorce, or that he was bullied in school and never told me about it.

And I should't let him go anywhere because he is untrustworthy.  Gee, it sounds funny that someone who is saying strict programs are abusive is advocating me being that strict.  

I don't know.  It's become incredibly clear that all of your arguments lead back to the parents.  It isn't any wonder some of your parents were desperate.  You clearly never took any responsibility yourselves, and I feel sorry for you.  I won't be posting here any longer because, frankly, it's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

On 2005-12-04 06:42:00, famjaztique wrote:

"I love how you people just insult instead of offering advice.  Why is that?  



"

If you want to do more harm than good to your son, by all means, send him to a WWASP program. I hope you realize what you are saying by playing devil's advocate in this thread. I don't think you do, because if you did, you wouldn't be saying it. To those of us who have been through WWASP gulag's, you mine as well state you are planning to shoot your son in the foot for his own good, because at least it will keep him at home and out of trouble. This is what you sound like to all of us. This is why we laugh, but not because it's funny, but, because it's SO sad for the future teens who must endure what we already have.

[Anonymous]

You said in a previous post that your sons bad parent was his father. Hmm. perhaps then, the reason for his defiance is his feelings towards his dad. My step mom was abusive to me and my brother since I was age 3. I have been physically and mentally abused by her my whole life. My mother was a good mom, my step dad was a good dad, HOWEVER, because of the treatemnt I recieved from my step mom none of that mattered. I was horrible to my mom, even though I had no reason to be really. I think in retrospect, I was angry with her for not stopping the abuse.  Perhaps the reason really isnt you, but sending him off to a WWASP program will not help, at least not for long. I was good and brainwashed by the program and I really was "well behaved" for a while, becuase I was so scared of ever making mistakes. But it was a short term solution that only worked short term. It would be intersting to hear your whole story, how your son grew up, what his father was like, etc etc. Sometimes without even meaning to or realizing it, inderectly you can mess your kid up. My parents divorce and remmarige set the course for depression and major anxiety for a long time. It was only after being de-programed that I really am a whole happy person now. I certainly still hate the program, I hate what they do to kids, what they did to me, and I feel I have every right to be. I still get angry with my parents for sending me there, considering the reason I was depressed and suicidal was becuase I had been abused by my step mom ( the very person who suggested a program to "fix" me) for so long. Anyway, I will stop rambling now. I just really hope you can think LOOOONG and hard before you see WWASP as your final solution. Because really it isnt a soultion, it will only make things worse. If you want a kid who will be able to think for himself, WWASP is not the answer.

[Troll Control]

On 2005-12-04 07:48:00, famjaztique wrote:

"Ok, yes, you're right.  My son's lying and manipulation and drug use, and abusive behavior towards me is all my fault.  I will go out back and bury myself in the back yard right now for being such a shitty mother.  Thank you for enlightening me.  I'm so glad that now I know it has nothing to do with the long history of mental illness in the males on his father's side of the family, or a divorce, or that he was bullied in school and never told me about it.



And I should't let him go anywhere because he is untrustworthy.  Gee, it sounds funny that someone who is saying strict programs are abusive is advocating me being that strict.  



I don't know.  It's become incredibly clear that all of your arguments lead back to the parents.  It isn't any wonder some of your parents were desperate.  You clearly never took any responsibility yourselves, and I feel sorry for you.  I won't be posting here any longer because, frankly, it's ridiculous."

Good.  Now you can't devote your time to neglecting your son's welfare full-time.  What a LOSER.

[Anonymous]

"Ok, yes, you're right. My son's lying and manipulation and drug use, and abusive behavior towards me is all my fault. I will go out back and bury myself in the back yard right now for being such a shitty mother. Thank you for enlightening me."  

"I'm so glad that now I know it has nothing to do with the long history of mental illness in the males on his father's side of the family,"

AND A LOCKED FACILITY WHERE ABUSE OCCURS WILL HELP HIS MENTAL ILLNESS HOW??  IS HE MENTALLY ILL OR GUILTY BY DEFAULT BECAUSE OF HIS FATHER??

"or a divorce, "

LET ME SHED A TEAR FOR YOUR DIVORCE.  I LET OUT A LITTLE "WAA" FOR YOUR VICTIM PITY PARTY WHILE IT SLID DOWN MY FACE.  YOUR PHILOSOPHY MUST BE TO GET RID OF FAMILY WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH.  A PROGRAM IS A GREAT WAY TO DIVORCE YOUR SON, WAY TO GO, MOM.  HMMM, ANYBODY GOT A LINK TO THE POUND SO MOM CAN HAVE THEM ON SPEEDDIAL IN CASE THE DOG HAS AN ACCIDENT INSIDE?  

or that he was bullied in school and never told me about it.

AND HOW WILL A LOCKED PROGRAM WHERE HE'LL BE BULLIED BY ADULTS ADDRESS THIS ISSUE?


YOU'RE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE COMMENTS WOULD GRATE ON ANYONE.  NO WONDER YOU'RE DIVORCED WITH A KID WHO HATES YOU.

[Anonymous]

Your right about that one "no wonder your divorced and your kid hates you"  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol: Right the fuck on man!!! :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[TheWho]

Absolutely amazing -- this forum advocates against boarding schools and blames the parents for just sending their kids there without looking for altenatives and then a parents writes in for advice and what do you do !!!?  You offer nothing but ridicule and blame, this person was reaching out for help, she wasnt sending her kid away or restraining him as you advocate against.  Is that all this forum can offer is anger and hatred, if you were sincere about helping you would offer up some advice from a teens perspective.  As I read your responses what you are telling her is the only next step is to send him away, there is no hope, you already failed as a parent.
Just because one parent allowed their kid to "Just be a kid and do nothing" doesnt mean it works for everyone and all kids.  Each situation is different.
Put your personal anger and failures aside and try to offer some constructive advice, the person is stopping into this forum asking for help, isnt this what you want at this site?