Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS)
Losers!
Anotherscaredmom:
Antigen,
I did look it up last night actually and it looked pretty decent. And I'm a huge fan of John Taylor Gatto. I was introduced to him years ago.
I don't know if it would work for my son or not. I am honestly mystified about what is going on with him and am anxiously awaiting the neuropsych. It's like he can't control any impulse whatsoever. It is very hard to explain here, you would have to spend time with him to get a sense of it. He is an incredibly unique kid and draws a lot of attention from adults who either love him right away or despise him right away.
Early this morning he took off again! I know that he was seen this morning with the same kid who has run from foster care. His friend tried covering for them but didn't do a very good job. I am waiting for my daughter to get picked up then I'm going over there. It's a very weird situation. I don't think he intends to run away...he didn't take anything with him, we didn't have a fight, he was telling me what he wanted for Christmas....yet at the same time, he keeps sneaking out and taking off with this kid. I don't get it. He even gives me information that always leads me to where they are. He comes home willingly every time, and then as soon as I turn my back he sneaks out again!
This has been going on for about a week now! Very strange behavior. He's been refusing to go to school, has walked out of school. I've been missing work, and have gotten extensions in all of my classes in order to offer more intensified supervision. Where I felt "at my wits end" a week ago, I now feel completely stumped! I get that teens rebel etc, but most know how much they can get away with, or still stay within some range of norm. I.E. they know they still have to go to school. My son doesn't seem to care about any aspect of authority or normality, yet at the same time, like I said, when I find him, he comes home willingly, talks to me (and he could be feeding me a line of BS for all I know), I make clear the consequences for sneaking out and he agrees and then the next second that I'm not looking he takes off. ????????
I should probably be on a different forum, but I think the reason I prefer this one is because many of you were that same teen. I rebelled too, but when I got caught, I would give it a rest for a while, you know?
TheWho:
--- Quote ---On 2005-12-09 09:31:00, Antigen wrote:
"Famjaztique,
This is just a hunch, but what do you think of these folks? http://www.sudval.org/
All I know about them is that John Taylor Gatto, with whom I'm quite impressed, has been impressed by them and what they say about themselves in their website. So I don't have any basis to say yes, this is good and safe and just right for your kid (who, of course, I've never met either). But I would be interested in your take on the concept and, if you visit or actually send your son there, how it all turns out.
If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides.
--Old Yiddish proverb
--- End quote ---
_________________
Drug war POW
Straight, Sarasota
`80 - `82"
--- End quote ---
Great school and a good concept. I toured Sudbury Valley a few years ago and it seems to be a good fit for kids who dont do well (for whatever reason) in a class room environment. There is tons of freedom, you can sign up for classes and work at your own pace towards college prep or G,E.D. first. You can just hang out and play guitar if you want to some days, but you must stay on campus. Lots to do, books everywhere,plenty of people to talk to etc.
Anonymous:
Famjaztique,
Is there a compromise that could be worked out? Teens are very social typically. He also may feel some empathy or need to be with the boy, to provide some companionship, if he feels bad about the boy's situation. If that's the case, you wouldn't want to punish his demonstration of caring.
The way I'd approach it is to tell him that I didn't want the role of policing his activities but needed to have some mutual agreements with him. Then ask if we could work out a schedule which included some social time with the boy (preferably at our house) along with some self-study, personal chores, etc.
You know what he doesn't want. Do you know or does he know what he wants? What excites him.
How about asking him to do a report which would require some research and thought about his future. He could explore what kind of lifestyle he desires and how much income he'll need to support it. The cost of housing, utilities, food, etc. Check internet and local newpaper. What work would he enjoy doing. This in itself could take weeks if you take him to the career counseling center at the college. Thousands of jobs to look through. What level of education is required, etc, etc.
I'm guessing that he's just trying to get his 'needs' met which appear to be in conflict with your's. And could benefit from discovering his passions.
Anotherscaredmom:
I had had such a conversation with him and thought we had come to a mutual agreement. It wasn't a few hours later when he took off and he is still missing. There is a whole group of kids that are covering for this one kid. He has now been gone (my son) since last night with no contact. I've notified police, all other parents that I know of, and have toured the town, made visits to his friends houses, and went to the local mall and all other hangouts. He was last seen this morning with the kid. I have given him every choice to make decisions with me. And I know he does feel empathy towards this kid who has run away, but he isn't going about it even remotely responsibly.
And don't forget that we live in an age where parents are held responsible for their kids behavior. Even on this forum! So I could very well be looking at DSS invading our home because of his actions. And because I think he might have an emotional disorder that has not yet been uncovered, I am extremely worried what he would do in a foster care or juvenile situation.
When I started looking into RTC's, which is how I landed here, I was hoping to find something that would provide very tight structure with a therapeutic element. He's refusing to see his therapist, who he LIKES, refusing to try medications, and refusing to enter into compromises with me. He is rapidly removing all of our choices. I could take the stance that he just needs to outgrow the phase...well that didn't happen with his father. I could try more freedom....already done it. I could try policing him...doesn't work. He waits for the first moment he knows that I'm busy, i.e. HAVE to go to work or class eventually, and need to care for his sister as well. Grounding doesn't work. I've offered alternative schools of his choosing, including homeschooling, which he is clearly blowing off by taking off.
This is where parents get desparate. And I am.
BuzzKill:
I want to try and give you a word of encouragement.
Both my kids were frequent run aways.
I know the fear - the overwhelming anxiety involved with a run away situation. And yes, its true there are real reasons for anxiety. However - these kids are usually fine.
Like your son, my daughter has some emotional issues. I had many of the same concerns you have with your son. When my girl took off - she really took off. She once left school and took off with the rainbow people (a cross between gypsies and hippies) and lived for a couple months in the national forest in Illinois - I think it was.
Another time, she actually ran off with the circus.
Turned up in Mississippi.
Another time, she left for a "job" painting murals in New York, and instead ended up in Arizona. Lived for awhile in a abandoned buss.
All of these episodes where heart stopping for me. I have spent entire months crying - just not able to stop.
But she is fine. Never came to any real harm at all. Once she got to a point where no one was chasing her to bring her home - she quite running off.
My son was a little different. He never left the neighborhood. I knew exactly were he was. But the people there lied to me and the cops were useless.
It made me angry, but I wasn't as worried. Not that there weren't reasons for worry - there were - but it helped knowing, more or less, were he was.
Nothing made much difference with my daughter.
With my son, there were some things that might have helped.
I got good results on one occasion, by making a wanted poster - I took his school picture and scanned it and printed out a bunch of "posters" - If seen, call JCPD - listed the case number the cops gave me, and the cops phone number. I put them up in all his hang outs spots. The pizza hutt, the KFC, and so on. He was home before I was. Ran home in the pouring rain, just as soon as the first one was posted. The "network" gave him a heads up, I guess.
Another time, at the holidays, I used a present he wanted badly to manipulate him. Told the girl whose house he was at, if he didn't get his ass home, it was going back to the store. On that occasion, I had it set up with YMCA's shelter house for him to go there. And That might be an option to consider. They really do have a good sort of situation set up. They provide food and shelter free of charge to the kid; but the kid has to attend school or take GED classes - and they have to attend counseling with therapist provided by the Y - also free of charge. If its an older kid who doesn't want to return home, they work on independent living skills. If a younger teen, or one who wants to go home, they work on helping the family figure out ways to get along - family counseling.
If this sounds like something that might help, just call your local YMCA and ask about their shelter house program. If they are in your area - your son can access them by going into any designated "safe place" and calling them. They will go get him. This can help if you have a kid who will not go near the parents.
If you decide you really need to look into an RTC, then look at ISAC's site, and read over their warning signs - so you'll have a better idea how to evaluate the various choices.
http://www.ISACcorp.org
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