There is no gradually workin' your way back into society. At least not for me. At least not yet.
i copped out twice the minute i got to school. i couldn't stand to be under str8s' control in the building and at host homes, let alone in public and at high school at that. No way was i gonna submit like that. As soon as i saw a friend i knew in the hall at school, i guess that would be a "druggie" friend to those in the program, i went to them for help, and got it, in the form of a ride somewhere safe to hide. My friends never even stopped to think that they could get into trouble for helpin' me. They were cool.
But you know the story...i was hunted and brought back. And after another cop-out i finally had to go along with the program. They(commonwealth of VA, my parents and Str8) were blackmailin' me with threats of jail time.
When i made 3rd phase again, this time with the help of a court order, i got out of goin' back to my regular high school again. i went to adult Ed. instead. It was a real small school. It was an ol' elementery school which had been converted into a senior citizens daycare center(that was on the first floor), along with some of the school districts' administrtive offices. The 2nd floor was where the adult education classes were. i was psyched to be goin' there 'cuz it was like i had pulled some kind of a coup. At the high school i had attended before, WT Woodson, there was all kind o' staff and phasers but at this little adult ed. joint, which was like all the punks and pregnant girls and refugees tryin' to pick up English, there were jus' a couple of cop-outs and a termination or somethin'. A Clockwork Orange Chris was there. i got away with all kinds of shit at that school. i had a couple extra hours between classes which i never mentioned to anyone. i filled out my permissions for school as if i had classes all day, but i scheduled my classes for first thing in the mornin' and late in the afternoon so i would have long breaks in the middle of the day. It was the way the Adult Ed. system was organized that allowed me to use it to my advantage. i would go for long walks every day between classes. i would walk down to the public library and watch classic movies or i would go hang out in the woods or just walk around exploring McClean, VA. Sometimes i would go to sleep in the woods or catch up on my sleep on the bleachers at the ballfield(i was so tired from all the str8 induced anxiety) There were no other phasers or staff at my school, so there was no-one to report my "misbehaviour".
Well, i wanted to say that i still don' feel like i've been re-introduced to society. bein' on the higher phases in str8 just made me feel even weirder when i was in public. i'm sure there are a ton of interesting psychological positions/conditions which could arise from such a social state. str8 alienated me even further from a society which, in my suspicion, i was already pulling away from.
It was always my fantasy that my parents would withdraw me before i had to go through that horrendous trauma of tremendous social humilliation which 3rd, 4th, and 5th phase were. Having explored this now with you , i see how difficult it must have been for you too.
