Author Topic: More than PTSD?  (Read 2471 times)

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Offline Withdraw

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More than PTSD?
« on: November 11, 2005, 01:32:00 AM »
If therapy will help us. I want something more than PTSD treated. We all seem to have the same kind of "symptoms" and it goes alot farther than PTSD. It is much more complex than what I've read on PTSD. I'm not sure what it is we experience, but it's deep. When I have tried to go to therapy and the first visit the counselor asks you to start telling them what happened through my life and what I experience now. I think to myself "How much time do I have to talk?" And when I start to tell them, They seem overwhelmed and unsure where to start helping. Then after a few meetings, We have still not gotten all the information out. A few meetings later....I get frustrated because "the right" stuff isn't being adressed. They always try to fit me inside one of their labeled boxxes. Or spout off so many diagnosises, I just feel like giving up. Straight Inc. grew a horrible emotional/social disease inside of me that has no name, no treatment. Well, thats how I have felt about it. I want closure. I'm not sure how to find it, but that's what I want, Closure. It wasn't even until comming here I could put "how it happened" all together. One thing Straight took from me is, my idenity. I haven't been sure of myself or lived w/o great fear since I got out of Straight. Somehow all the feelings I experienced in Straight had become once removed, like it was a dream. Then after comming here I remembered the one thing I noticed right away upon leaving Straight, A thing I had never experienced before, Fear, Fear of almost everyone and everything. I remember now upon leaving Straight being afraid of the whole world, because I knew something about our world other people didn't know. I knew there were places people were taken to and not heard from again for long periods of time and when they did get out, they were not the same people as when they went in. That reality scared me the most. I remember thinking there was always someone behind me ready to restrain me and take me back or silence my knowledge in some way.

What we all experienced is just horrific. I feel like I was in a mass genecide of the free thinking teenager. Straight took so many things from my life. Things I can never retrieve or get back. The only thing I can hope for is Valadation.
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Offline Anonymous

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More than PTSD?
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2005, 01:53:00 AM »
Brainwashing, false beliefs, mental habits like head games and doubting and rechecking your intentions & instincts. I don't think regular counselors can deal with that. I think regular counselors could be a good way to once again get somebody's agenda shoved up your ass. I submit. Diagnose me. Listen to my confessions. Ad nausea. Do you feel freer or closer to the truth after these counseling sessions? If not, they ain't good medicine for you.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Withdraw

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More than PTSD?
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2005, 02:05:00 AM »
[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2006-02-28 22:15 ]
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Offline Cayo Hueso

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More than PTSD?
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2005, 02:21:00 AM »
Quote
On 2005-11-10 23:05:00, Withdraw wrote:


It's really like Straight stole my spirit. How does one get ~that back? "


Drugs.  Lots and lots of drugs.

kidding.  well, sort of.  :razz:

That's one of the $64K questions.  I don't think there's any one (or two for that matter) answer to that.  We've all had differing experiences since being out that there is no 'one way'. I've been on and off of this place for a few years now and a lot of the time I feel like I'm still fumbling my way through.  I've tried the counseling, but ended up with pretty much the same results as you WD.  I wish I (or anyone) had the answer to this.  We all have to find our way through this somehow.  This place helps a lot.  I've made a couple of really great friends here.  Just putting some of this together helps a lot.  I had no idea how far reaching all this was until I started poking around after finding this place and others.  The more I read about everyone else's experiences, the better (or at least more sane) I feel.  Still though, I've got my good days and bad days.  Unfortunately when the bad days hit, they're pretty fucking bad.  

Reading up on Thought Reform helped me out too.  http://www.ex-cult.org/  This site helped me figure out a lot.  Helped me realize what happened to me and how it happened.  That's something I had a hard time with.  HOW the fuck could this have happened.  What exactly did they do to me...the mechanics of it.

I have to take a break from all this every once in a while too.  It gets a bit overwhelming at times.  When it gets really bad I back off for a while, spend some time at the beach or on the water and try to put some perspective on it.  I know it sounds trite, but it helps knowing that I'm NOT crazy and I'm NOT alone.

He that will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not, is a slave.
--William Drummond (1585-1640)

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
t. Pete Straight
early 80s

Offline starry-eyed pirate

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More than PTSD?
« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2005, 03:41:00 AM »
Quote
On 2005-11-10 22:32:00, Withdraw wrote:

"If therapy will help us. I want something more than PTSD treated. We all seem to have the same kind of "symptoms" and it goes alot farther than PTSD. It is much more complex than what I've read on PTSD. I'm not sure what it is we experience, but it's deep. When I have tried to go to therapy and the first visit the counselor asks you to start telling them what happened through my life and what I experience now. I think to myself "How much time do I have to talk?" And when I start to tell them, They seem overwhelmed and unsure where to start helping. Then after a few meetings, We have still not gotten all the information out. A few meetings later....I get frustrated because "the right" stuff isn't being adressed. They always try to fit me inside one of their labeled boxxes. Or spout off so many diagnosises, I just feel like giving up. Straight Inc. grew a horrible emotional/social disease inside of me that has no name, no treatment. Well, thats how I have felt about it...

Yeah, me too.


Quote
Fear of almost everyone and everything. I remember now upon leaving Straight being afraid of the whole world, because I knew something about our world other people didn't know. I knew there were places people were taken to and not heard from again for long periods of time and when they did get out, they were not the same people as when they went in. That reality scared me the most. I remember thinking there was always someone behind me ready to restrain me and take me back or silence my knowledge in some way.


What we all experienced is just horrific. I feel like I was in a mass genecide of the free thinking teenager. . "


You are so right on.  That is it.  High Anxiety, babe.  We are stressed beyond what is sustainable so we are constantly exhausted.  Nervous breakdowns.  The sense that it's been dark so long now, that people don' even recognize the light.  ...Ringwraiths...

'Ey   ...:wink: [ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-11-11 00:45 ]
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If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

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More than PTSD?
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2005, 08:46:00 AM »
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Offline Carmel

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More than PTSD?
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2005, 09:25:00 AM »
As far as a label or diagnosis/treatment....my guess is you can try any one of them and they can be helpful.  BUT, not to sound cliche....you can only get as far as you go yourself.  No one can treat or fix whats inside you, ultimately, except you.  You might spend years trying different therapies, but until you can become strong enough to face your demons on a very personal level and commit to excorsising them yourself.....well, I feel until you do that you will always have an "out", a reason not to heal, or a place to lay blame or a label to lean on as a crutch. No one is every gonna know as well as we know whats wrong inside.  Who better to take the reigns?

I am NOT accusing you of being weak or of being flawed, I am only relating what I have experienced personally and what I perceive in others in the same situation.  

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-Beastie Boys, Paul Revere[ This Message was edited by: Carmel on 2005-11-11 06:26 ]
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
...hands went up and people hit the floor, he wasted two kids that ran for the door....."
-Beastie Boys, Paul Revere

Offline Withdraw

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More than PTSD?
« Reply #7 on: November 11, 2005, 09:50:00 AM »
I understand what your saying, And it's why I have never trusted anyone else to heal me (ie: traditional counselor).... What I am asking is: Is anyone doing something diffrent?

I hear alot of people here  sitting around saying.... exactly what Betty Sembler said, Get a life.. move on.. -Well ~That isn't working for me.

The words Psycological murder keep comming to mind. I do think that was an accurate description. My entire Psyche was kidnapped, twisted, tortured, murdered and hidden away in a shallow mass grave along with all the rest of the Psyches Straight stole from us. We were psychologically murdered, How does one recover from that?

Many native peoples have ceremonies/rituals which people in-act a retrieving of ones soul. I have considered doing something like that. I know some of you have thought of things like that also. Has anyone actually done it? I have done many native ceremonies, sweat lodges... etc, But never with the intent of recovering from Straight's trauma.

I am not asking anyone to "fix" me, because I do not think that is possible. I know I am the only one who can affect a change, but the thinking doesn't ever stop...The thoughts aren't fluently simple nor possitive.
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Offline Anonymous

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More than PTSD?
« Reply #8 on: November 11, 2005, 10:09:00 AM »
Quote
On 2005-11-11 06:50:00, Withdraw wrote:


I hear alot of people here  sitting around saying.... exactly what Betty Sembler said, Get a life.. move on.. -Well ~That isn't working for me.




Wow.  That's a little harsh.  I know I sure wouldn't want any of my words confused with anything that bitch said.
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Offline Anonymous

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More than PTSD?
« Reply #9 on: November 11, 2005, 10:50:00 AM »
Quote
On 2005-11-11 07:09:00, Anonymous wrote:

"
Quote

On 2005-11-11 06:50:00, Withdraw wrote:



I hear alot of people here  sitting around saying.... exactly what Betty Sembler said, Get a life.. move on.. -Well ~That isn't working for me.







Wow.  That's a little harsh.  I know I sure wouldn't want any of my words confused with anything that bitch said."


True, Anon.  But its important to understand that the comment itself holds merit, even if the speaker does not.

Where else do we have to go but forward?  Thats just reality. Life is for the living.  Everyone has a choice.  Everyone also has the choice on when they are going to MAKE the choice. Get it?

Just because it isnt working for Withdraw now, doesnt mean it will not work for them in the future. Moving on isnt a bad thing; if it was then why the worry about whats wrong in the first place?  Once you understand whats wrong with you, what are you going to do about it?  That day WILL come.

Healing=Moving on, whether Betty esposued it or not.  And thats not a bad thing.
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Offline Carmel

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« Reply #10 on: November 11, 2005, 11:01:00 AM »
That was me.
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...hands went up and people hit the floor, he wasted two kids that ran for the door....."
-Beastie Boys, Paul Revere

Offline Withdraw

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« Reply #11 on: November 11, 2005, 11:04:00 AM »
Did you have a suggestion or idea? Or did you just once again want to twist my words? It's not like I go around quoteing others here and twisting their words. Picking out small fragments of someones post to use against them, I haven't done that. Matter of fact, I don't think I have ever disagreed with anyone here. I normally say, Yes I can see it that way, but I experience it diffrently..So, I just don't see why you few Anons pick me out that way.

Some people here and some people who  have never been here, have taken the attitude of "move on" "theres nothing we can do, so don't dwell in it".. I understand if that has worked for some people. I am telling you... That isn't working for me, And I am asking for other ideas. I'm sorry Anon if that sounds Harsh, why are you still afraid of the truth? (I'm not asking for an answer to that, but it's something to think on.) It's harsh to just come out and say it? I don't think so, I didn't judge anyone for living from the "don't dwell in it" attitude. It is a great coping mechinism, But one which isn't working for me!

Bitch?? How about someone who is desperately searching for some understanding of how it is I came to be this person I am, and where do I go from here? For this, you fault me? Ironic, isn't it.
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Offline Withdraw

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More than PTSD?
« Reply #12 on: November 11, 2005, 11:08:00 AM »
That post isn't to you Carmel. You probably knew that.

[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2006-02-28 22:19 ]
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #13 on: November 11, 2005, 11:46:00 AM »
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On 2005-11-10 22:53:00, Anonymous wrote:

 Do you feel freer or closer to the truth after these counseling sessions? If not, they ain't good medicine for you.



"


Excellent point!
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #14 on: November 11, 2005, 11:59:00 AM »
Quote
On 2005-11-11 07:50:00, Anonymous


True, Anon.  But its important to understand that the comment itself holds merit, even if the speaker does not.



Where else do we have to go but forward?  Thats just reality. Life is for the living.  Everyone has a choice.  Everyone also has the choice on when they are going to MAKE the choice. Get it?



Just because it isnt working for Withdraw now, doesnt mean it will not work for them in the future. Moving on isnt a bad thing; if it was then why the worry about whats wrong in the first place?  Once you understand whats wrong with you, what are you going to do about it?  That day WILL come.



Healing=Moving on, whether Betty esposued it or not.  And thats not a bad thing.  "


Granted its not a bad thing, but to put it in the context that it was, was IMO a little harsh.  I dont' want to have anything I've said to be connected in any way with those people.
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