On 2005-10-18 11:42:00, Stripe wrote:
"If you said you were a virgin then the assumption was you were lying. I mean, how could you prove your virginity short of a physical exam? My word against theirs.
But, if you lied and said you weren't, well then, in your heart you would know that you were a liar. But somehow, being a liar at heart was better than being being confronted and forced to defend the awful truth: that you WERE a virgin, but because you were in the seed you were a druggie and therefore you must be a liar.
Picture this....I can still recall old Suzi (Not Barker), standing there on the hot pavement off to the side of the loading dock back behind the SR84 building, rythmically and repeatedly, ever so slightly bending and straighten the same leg as she rocked on the crotch of her britches saying to one sweaty little girl who was responding to a confrontation about her sexual history and tearfully pleading her virginity, "Sit down...you're lying."
How the fuck did Suzi (Not - Barker) know anything about the sexual history of this girl? And what was up with that crotch rockin' anyway?
And Suzi, if you are reading this, I will swear on a stack of anything you want to stack - you did this to that girl.
So, what's a girl to do? It's so freaking obvious....lie. What a piece of shit I am for lying.
Oh yeah, I was a virgin. But then, I also lied.
Stripe, you captured the whole thing in a nutshell, especially the part about honesty. Honesty was the first and most important rule, right? However, if you were honest, you would get Confronted and screamed at, so you were forced to violate the rule in order to survive and "progress" and earn the right to be treated like a human being.
Fondness? Ft Lauderdale, sometimes my friend you just don't get it. You aren't necessarily bitter because you don't recall past experiences in a good light.
Should for example, victims of extreme violence be expected to recall their attackers' sense of humor or be labelled as bitter?
Com'n dude, try to understand how a 12 or 13 year old boy or girl would feel during these "raps" about sexuality and upon witnessing others getting torn to shreds over sexual "lies" and so forth. Think about how fragile a child's mind is about sex and their physical maturity and how someone would feel discussing these things in a venue where they would and could be screamed at and bellittled in front of hundreds of older kids and even family members and friends from outside the seed. Imagine how these children would lie in order to protect themselves from these encounters, and then imagine how scared they would be that their "lie" would be exposed or that their "mind would be read" by the adult staff.
Kindness? These sexual boys and girls raps were nothing short of humiliating, degrading and dangerous to the mental health of the children forced to attend them.
