Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Hyde Schools
Warning about Hyde School from an educational consultant
Anonymous:
I know several people who attended Hyde in the last few years, because I graduated from a "normal" prep school in New England (the kind for high-achieving, self-motivated students) and we competed with Hyde CT in sports. The alumni I know all hated the school, and I had overheard worried discussions among parents in the boarding school world: "They don't have any psychologists on staff, or psychological evidence to back up these practices? That's troubling." "They way they treat sexuality and sexual activity is a little judgmental, possibly damaging."
One person in particular simply learned to parrot what she was told, to say all the right things and cry on cue and hug the father she still hates in fake-forgiveness. Now she's in a good college and back to being herself - smart, a Division 3 athlete, witty in her own quiet way, and a pot smoker (and legalization advocate, like I am, although that's another story) who writes some of her most insightful Literature essays with a joint in hand. The only satisfaction she gets from thinking about her time at Hyde is some pride that she managed to grit her teeth and get through "the bullshit" (as she calls it), and trick everyone into believing she bought into it. She was sent there because she was shy, smoked pot and went to parties during her freshman year in public high school, and (obviously) had conflict with her parents when they discovered the weekend drinking and smoking. She's still shy, still likes to drink and smoke - the only difference is, now she seems happy and confident in herself, because the conflict with her parents is gone now that she's an adult. Maybe all this just means that Hyde was not the right school for her, since it seems other students had much more serious problems that really needed addressing. However, Hyde treated her the same as every other student, instead of looking at each kid as an individual with his/her own needs, and discouraged her parents from pulling her out by calling it "failure" and "weakness" and "fear" when she begged to be moved.
On a whim, after talking with her, I Googled the school and found this board.Thank you all for sharing your experiences. After reading this and many, many other online accounts of dissatisfied students, I decided I had to post here, to give this page a "bump" in the search engines. I hope parents trying to make tough decisions about their children's lives find their way here, so they can see a variety of opinions before they place a child somewhere that may not be right for them.
Ursus:
Well, thanks very much for sharing that, GuestAgain... Your comments are most appreciated. The observations of a semi-impartial observer are that much harder to dismiss (than malcontented grumblings from we-of-little-character).
Interesting that you brought up your familiarity with Hyde School/several Hyde alumni through the experience of inter-school competition in sports. I do think that Hyde sees that arena as actually being an excellent venue of good PR, lol.
Team meetings, or whatever they are called these days, were yet another form of seminar/discovery group...in which your "character" could be confronted and skewered to no end. Woe be to the fatty whose heart raced to alarming rates during hill sprints. Fatty could count on being confronted on his lack of commitment and bad attitude at the next available opportunity. Somehow that prospect was scarier than the--in some cases--very real possibility of having a heart attack (I knew someone who actually did have a medical heart condition, which certainly did not buy them any consideration while at Hyde).
Ever notice how Hyde fans always scream the loudest? Malcolm Gauld even brags about that in his blogs from time to time. Guess what? It's semi-obligatory; it's part of your character education. In my time there, kids who didn't scream their brains out would be confronted on their lack of concern for, and lack of commitment to, their classmates/teammates. Where's yer good ol' school spirit?
Shy or introspective kids (amongst others) can have a real tough time there. And I am not sure what the heck that has to do with "character."
Anonymous:
I am new to this site. Our family was involved with Hyde several years ago. We deplored the school and its abusive, unskilled approach. We met many families that felt similarly and who, like us, fled the school as quickly as possible.
Ursus:
Here's an interesting post from earlier today, from another thread on fornits, that I find to be quite applicable here...
Why spend a year in a program when it can be done in a week
("So .... Why have programs at all?")
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=25925&p=316338#p316328[/list]
--- Quote from: "alabama" ---I think it's because programs aren't really designed to improve behavior. Well, they sort of are, and sort of aren't. From the perspective of a parent, this might be what they assume. After all, they are told some form of this variant to assuage their fears of the obvious intrusion into person hood they find themselves ready to engage in. To be honest though I have no idea what future program parents think, and I never will. Some say wait, when your kids are teenagers and become crack whores you will empathize with our decisions. The problem with that though is simple. I have already been through the wringer and my judgment is very much dependent upon my experience and memories. I just can't forget it at will, or even pretend to. I can theorize what a parent might think, a truly ignorant parent whose knowledge of programs is little more than a brochure and phone call. But I will never really know.
Back to behavior and whether or not it is improved. Some might tour a program, say a parent, and be amazed at how well behaved the kids are. From this outside perspective it might be surprising that a group of the roughest teenagers you could find, are so quiet and cordial. The problem with this assumption is two fold. First, the kids are not bad or as bad as most make them out to be. Second, the well behaved group of kids is trained in the art of emotional assassination and physical pain. They know not to speak out of turn for those simple yet effective reasons.
So it really depends and goes back to intent. We must question if the parents wish to have a well behaved, rather, quiet and obedient child, knowing full well of the means used to reach such a conclusion. One might assume that those receiving tours of programs who are amazed at the appearance of order might ask how it is done. You might also assume that the parents might ask this same question, and if we are lucky some sort of government official might become curious and ask this question. For it is in this question wherein lies the secrets.
How do you get a kid who smoked pot a couple times to admit freely and publicly to being a full-on drug addict for life?
How do you get a kid to admit their darkest deepest secrets in front of a large group of strangers, secrets they know full well will be used to hurt them, yet still reveal what most would take to the grave?
How do you change a rebellious free spirit into a sycophantic, fearful automaton in just a few months?
How exactly are these things accomplished, one might assume someone would ask.
The answers to these questions are complicated, brutal and ugly. Behavior modification is a codeword, euphemism for abuse, plain and simple. The idea so goes if you make a child so uncomfortable, as in pushing them to their human breaking point until you hear snap, they will be forced to reevaluate their life, and the decisions which led them to this reprogramming in the first place. The problem is the instant and most obvious, and usually correct answer is what led them to this place is their parents ignorant, mean-spirited, or generally stupid decision to send them. They might answer they would be in high school right now like a normal teen if not for their unnecessary and grossly overbearing parental intervention. They would probably be right. The programs feels otherwise.
Fast forward a few months and now ask that same kid why they are at the program. Nine times out of ten, the answer might surprise you. They will make no mention of their parents, or bad decisions. They have now learned to take "responsibility" and "accountability" for their actions in a way that would make any paying parent proud. The burden lifted and replaced, absolved, forgiven and forgotten. At this point the parents don't ask why or how, they are just happy with their adolescent 2.0, reprogrammed to be the stepford parents dream child.
The problem is there is a bug in the software. It only seems to work when installed on program hardware. You take the immense fear, intimidation, snitches, controlled environment, fence, censorship, abuse, emotional turmoil, sickness, terrible living conditions, relentless brainwashing sessions, blackmail familial love, etc, away - well then there is a problem. Suddenly the program software doesn't work so well. At this point you might assume the parents ask why that is. Were we conned, duped, bamboozled in an elaborate, expensive, diabolical hoax? Is that why the program limited and censored our contact and only sent us quarterly pictures, like a child held for ransom? Could what my child is telling me be true? Did I really spend all of that money to subsidize the systematic, long-term, unforgettable emotional and physical abuse of my very own child?
I assume people ask these questions. In that sense I think I might be wrong though. These are questions coming from an insider, courtesy of a front row seat to the all inclusive, parental endorsed horror show. So to me the questions are obvious. To them, well, I really don't know.
--- End quote ---
Anonymous:
I was there in the early 80s and about 1/2 were enrolled with behavior issues from wealthy famlies, the other 1/2 were either scholarship kids who were happy to get out of the city or kids with parents that were wooed by the schools philosophy and personalities. It was diverse for sure. The sharing of intimate details thing still gives me the willies, but all in all it was "positive" (abiet expensive) experience.
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