Warning about Hyde School from an educational consultant

[Anonymous]

I know several people who attended Hyde in the last few years, because I graduated from a "normal" prep school in New England (the kind for high-achieving, self-motivated students) and we competed with Hyde CT in sports.  The alumni I know all hated the school, and I had overheard worried discussions among parents in the boarding school world: "They don't have any psychologists on staff, or psychological evidence to back up these practices?  That's troubling."  "They way they treat sexuality and sexual activity is a little judgmental, possibly damaging."  

One person in particular simply learned to parrot what she was told, to say all the right things and cry on cue and hug the father she still hates in fake-forgiveness.  Now she's in a good college and back to being herself - smart, a Division 3 athlete, witty in her own quiet way, and a pot smoker (and legalization advocate, like I am, although that's another story) who writes some of her most insightful Literature essays with a joint in hand.  The only satisfaction she gets from thinking about her time at Hyde is some pride that she managed to grit her teeth and get through "the bullshit" (as she calls it), and trick everyone into believing she bought into it.  She was sent there because she was shy, smoked pot and went to parties during her freshman year in public high school, and (obviously) had conflict with her parents when they discovered the weekend drinking and smoking.  She's still shy, still likes to drink and smoke - the only difference is, now she seems happy and confident in herself, because the conflict with her parents is gone now that she's an adult.  Maybe all this just means that Hyde was not the right school for her, since it seems other students had much more serious problems that really needed addressing.  However, Hyde treated her the same as every other student, instead of looking at each kid as an individual with his/her own needs, and discouraged her parents from pulling her out by calling it "failure" and "weakness" and "fear" when she begged to be moved.

On a whim, after talking with her, I Googled the school and found this board.Thank you all for sharing your experiences.  After reading this and many, many other online accounts of dissatisfied students, I decided I had to post here, to give this page a "bump" in the search engines.  I hope parents trying to make tough decisions about their children's lives find their way here, so they can see a variety of opinions before they place a child somewhere that may not be right for them.

[Ursus]

Well, thanks very much for sharing that, GuestAgain... Your comments are most appreciated. The observations of a semi-impartial observer are that much harder to dismiss (than malcontented grumblings from we-of-little-character).

Interesting that you brought up your familiarity with Hyde School/several Hyde alumni through the experience of inter-school competition in sports. I do think that Hyde sees that arena as actually being an excellent venue of good PR, lol.

Team meetings, or whatever they are called these days, were yet another form of seminar/discovery group...in which your "character" could be confronted and skewered to no end. Woe be to the fatty whose heart raced to alarming rates during hill sprints. Fatty could  count on being confronted on his lack of commitment and bad attitude at the next available opportunity. Somehow that prospect was scarier than the--in some cases--very real possibility of having a heart attack (I knew someone who actually did have a medical heart condition, which certainly did not buy them any consideration while at Hyde).

Ever notice how Hyde fans always scream the loudest? Malcolm Gauld even brags about that in his blogs from time to time. Guess what? It's semi-obligatory; it's part of your character education. In my time there, kids who didn't scream their brains out would be confronted on their lack of concern for, and lack of commitment to, their classmates/teammates. Where's yer good ol' school spirit?

Shy or introspective kids (amongst others) can have a real tough time there. And I am not sure what the heck that has to do with "character."

[Anonymous]

I am new to this site.  Our family was involved with Hyde several years ago.  We deplored the school and its abusive, unskilled approach.  We met many families that felt similarly and who, like us, fled the school as quickly as possible.

[Ursus]

Here's an interesting post from earlier today, from another thread on fornits, that I find to be quite applicable here...

Why spend a year in a program when it can be done in a week
("So .... Why have programs at all?")
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=25925&p=316338#p316328[/list]

I think it's because programs aren't really designed to improve behavior. Well, they sort of are, and sort of aren't. From the perspective of a parent, this might be what they assume. After all, they are told some form of this variant to assuage their fears of the obvious intrusion into person hood they find themselves ready to engage in. To be honest though I have no idea what future program parents think, and I never will. Some say wait, when your kids are teenagers and become crack whores you will empathize with our decisions. The problem with that though is simple. I have already been through the wringer and my judgment is very much dependent upon my experience and memories. I just can't forget it at will, or even pretend to. I can theorize what a parent might think, a truly ignorant parent whose knowledge of programs is little more than a brochure and phone call. But I will never really know.

Back to behavior and whether or not it is improved. Some might tour a program, say a parent, and be amazed at how well behaved the kids are. From this outside perspective it might be surprising that a group of the roughest teenagers you could find, are so quiet and cordial. The problem with this assumption is two fold. First, the kids are not bad or as bad as most make them out to be. Second, the well behaved group of kids is trained in the art of emotional assassination and physical pain. They know not to speak out of turn for those simple yet effective reasons.

So it really depends and goes back to intent. We must question if the parents wish to have a well behaved, rather, quiet and obedient child, knowing full well of the means used to reach such a conclusion. One might assume that those receiving tours of programs who are amazed at the appearance of order might ask how it is done. You might also assume that the parents might ask this same question, and if we are lucky some sort of government official might become curious and ask this question. For it is in this question wherein lies the secrets.

How do you get a kid who smoked pot a couple times to admit freely and publicly to being a full-on drug addict for life?
How do you get a kid to admit their darkest deepest secrets in front of a large group of strangers, secrets they know full well will be used to hurt them, yet still reveal what most would take to the grave?
How do you change a rebellious free spirit into a sycophantic, fearful automaton in just a few months?
How exactly are these things accomplished, one might assume someone would ask.

The answers to these questions are complicated, brutal and ugly. Behavior modification is a codeword, euphemism for abuse, plain and simple. The idea so goes if you make a child so uncomfortable, as in pushing them to their human breaking point until you hear snap, they will be forced to reevaluate their life, and the decisions which led them to this reprogramming in the first place. The problem is the instant and most obvious, and usually correct answer is what led them to this place is their parents ignorant, mean-spirited, or generally stupid decision to send them. They might answer they would be in high school right now like a normal teen if not for their unnecessary and grossly overbearing parental intervention. They would probably be right. The programs feels otherwise.

Fast forward a few months and now ask that same kid why they are at the program. Nine times out of ten, the answer might surprise you. They will make no mention of their parents, or bad decisions. They have now learned to take "responsibility" and "accountability" for their actions in a way that would make any paying parent proud. The burden lifted and replaced, absolved, forgiven and forgotten. At this point the parents don't ask why or how, they are just happy with their adolescent 2.0, reprogrammed to be the stepford parents dream child.

The problem is there is a bug in the software. It only seems to work when installed on program hardware. You take the immense fear, intimidation, snitches, controlled environment, fence, censorship, abuse, emotional turmoil, sickness, terrible living conditions, relentless brainwashing sessions, blackmail familial love, etc, away - well then there is a problem. Suddenly the program software doesn't work so well. At this point you might assume the parents ask why that is. Were we conned, duped, bamboozled in an elaborate, expensive, diabolical hoax? Is that why the program limited and censored our contact and only sent us quarterly pictures, like a child held for ransom? Could what my child is telling me be true? Did I really spend all of that money to subsidize the systematic, long-term, unforgettable emotional and physical abuse of my very own child?

I assume people ask these questions. In that sense I think I might be wrong though. These are questions coming from an insider, courtesy of a front row seat to the all inclusive, parental endorsed horror show. So to me the questions are obvious. To them, well, I really don't know.

[Anonymous]

I was there in the early 80s and about 1/2 were enrolled with behavior issues from wealthy famlies, the other 1/2 were either scholarship kids who were happy to get out of the city or kids with parents that were wooed by the schools philosophy and personalities. It was diverse for sure. The sharing of intimate details thing still gives me the willies, but all in all it was "positive" (abiet expensive) experience.

[Anonymous]

I was there in the early 80s and about 1/2 were enrolled with behavior issues from wealthy famlies, the other 1/2 were either scholarship kids who were happy to get out of the city or kids with parents that were wooed by the schools philosophy and personalities. It was diverse for sure. The sharing of intimate details thing still gives me the willies, but all in all it was "positive" (abiet expensive) experience.

  God bless you my child, we needed some bear bait to liven things up around here.   I was beginning to think that hyde was irrelevant, no one cared and we were on out way to evisioning a reality with Hyde.  But the maelstrom of energy is strong around the one they call Joe.  

Father Tim S.J.

[Ursus]

I was there in the early 80s and about 1/2 were enrolled with behavior issues from wealthy famlies, the other 1/2 were either scholarship kids who were happy to get out of the city or kids with parents that were wooed by the schools philosophy and personalities. It was diverse for sure. The sharing of intimate details thing still gives me the willies, but all in all it was "positive" (abiet expensive) experience.

God bless you my child, we needed some bear bait to liven things up around here. I was beginning to think that hyde was irrelevant, no one cared and we were on out way to evisioning a reality with Hyde. But the maelstrom of energy is strong around the one they call Joe.  

Father Tim S.J.

Hell's bell's, Father Tim, but methinks you'll be having to yank our dear friend Mikey out of his Ivory Tower for a bit, to be laying the bait right proper. God knows, he must be bored to death by his dearth of mirth by now...  :seg:

@guest: Tell me, were you there for the "changing of the guard?" Perhaps that should be more properly termed "reversion." For all of Legg's righteous espousal of "Truth," I found him to be--in his own way--one of the more perniciously dishonest people Hyde School ever had in their administration.

[Anonymous]

I don't remember much about the faculty there. One year I came back and ED Legg was no longer there. I actually remember him as a pretty astute teacher. The others were not memorable in the least. I better amused by some of the kids that came and went. One genious was this guy who used to disappear each night after we would all "go the the store". Here he was taking his popcorn and soda and camping out behind the "new Dorm". It was a girls dorm and shaped as a horseshoe arround him and no one ever thought to put up drapes. So he could watch all the back room occupants getting ready for bed. I think it went on like that for almost a full year before he was discovered. He did not last long after that, I wonder where he is now? Jail?, Wall Street?, high school gym teacher?

[Anonymous]

I don't remember much about the faculty there. One year I came back and ED Legg was no longer there. I actually remember him as a pretty astute teacher. The others were not memorable in the least. I better amused by some of the kids that came and went. One genious was this guy who used to disappear each night after we would all "go the the store". Here he was taking his popcorn and soda and camping out behind the "new Dorm". It was a girls dorm and shaped as a horseshoe arround him and no one ever thought to put up drapes. So he could watch all the back room occupants getting ready for bed. I think it went on like that for almost a full year before he was discovered. He did not last long after that, I wonder where he is now? Jail?, Wall Street?, high school gym teacher?

  I think he was teaching at Hyde Woodstock.   Wasn't his name Dubcowawitz or Dubgurberfarb?

[Anonymous]

R U talking about Larry Do-be-stinky? He's from the 70s.

[Ursus]

I don't remember much about the faculty there. One year I came back and ED Legg was no longer there. I actually remember him as a pretty astute teacher. The others were not memorable in the least.

Oh, he certainly had his moments of intelligence; I wouldn't want to begrudge him those. But I think his involvement with the whole Hyde School gig sprung primarily out of a species of political aspiration, rather than any deep-seated desire to help kids. And I think those kinds of priorities enabled him to make--and rationalize--a number of unethical actions and choices.

Do you remember which year this was (that he was no longer there)?

[Ursus]

...I better amused by some of the kids that came and went. One genious was this guy who used to disappear each night after we would all "go the the store". Here he was taking his popcorn and soda and camping out behind the "new Dorm". It was a girls dorm and shaped as a horseshoe arround him and no one ever thought to put up drapes. So he could watch all the back room occupants getting ready for bed. I think it went on like that for almost a full year before he was discovered. He did not last long after that, I wonder where he is now? Jail?, Wall Street?, high school gym teacher?

 :roflmao:  The first thought that popped into mind--re. the query "where is he now?"--was a flippant "He must be teaching at Hyde!" (a la Larry Dubinsky, as We Willy Winky and Beavis alluded to...) But, yeah, he was before (and after) your time.

Those dorms have changed gender a number of times; I can't even keep track anymore. The drape thing was probably a rule so that the occupants couldn't get away with any shenanigans.

[Anonymous]

i am currently a student at hyde and am leaving in 2 days after i take my finals...i dont know how many of you are farmiliar with "summer challenge" at hyde but it is very misleading...it tricked me and my parents....summer challenge was easy and fun...so i thought why not ill give it a chance...it wasnt until school started that the 40,000 dollars was in there hands and the propaganda was over...for the last 3 months ive been living in hell and my parents are finally realizing it...the way the faculty treats you is rediculous...just last week there was 60 kids out to work because of the threats to students that they will have no vacation and no finals...this lead to the so called "brothers keeper" of this school...they held kids in rooms for hours until they dropped names...did i mention we arent part of the commmunity when we are being punished and we eat on the floor above the cafateria...now that i am leaving i am ready to expose this cult and could use all the help i can get...

[Ursus]

i am currently a student at hyde and am leaving in 2 days after i take my finals...i dont know how many of you are farmiliar with "summer challenge" at hyde but it is very misleading...it tricked me and my parents....summer challenge was easy and fun...so i thought why not ill give it a chance...it wasnt until school started that the 40,000 dollars was in there hands and the propaganda was over...for the last 3 months ive been living in hell and my parents are finally realizing it...the way the faculty treats you is rediculous...just last week there was 60 kids out to work because of the threats to students that they will have no vacation and no finals...this lead to the so called "brothers keeper" of this school...they held kids in rooms for hours until they dropped names...did i mention we arent part of the commmunity when we are being punished and we eat on the floor above the cafateria...now that i am leaving i am ready to expose this cult and could use all the help i can get...

Hey, dbuteau -- be careful that Hyde doesn't read your emails. One poster even reported that their correspondence with a friend had been altered by Hyde. I'm not sure if that was a text filter that substituted more "palatable" words for those which were considered offensive, but kinda creepy either way!

There have also been incidents reported in the past where the Administration hasn't been too happy with students who have left early, or with what they have posted here and/or elsewhere, and has retaliated by withholding personal property and/or delaying release of transcripts.

About the $40,000, I would suggest that your parents consider a lawsuit. Sounds like "false advertising" to me. Do a search on this forum for former Hyde parent "Gary Eskow"; his email should be posted somewhere. He has walked in those shoes before, and might be a good source of some advice and perspective. (As have several others, but they haven't posted their contact info!)

Point your parents in the direction of this forum. If you think they might be too overwhelmed by the angry sentiment and the tales of Hyde's hypocrisy and assault history, have them check out International Survivor's Action Committee, though the documents on file there are but the tip of the iceberg.

Above all, keep the faith! You are not alone. And be sure to keep us posted, especially when you are in a safer place.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha! Bust time again? Bath or Woodstock? Hyde cant survive without cooking up drama like this!