Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum
note to Jupiter Survivor
Jupiter Survivor:
Thanks Marc, I do agree with you. I do realize I don't need to be validated, I lived way too many years trying to please people who couldn't be pleased. It's a little strange but when reading the threads part of me can still feel the hurt and confusion of that very scared and naive kid, even though it's 30 years (damn I am old). I never talked to anyone about the Seed until the past year or so. Reading the thread brings back a lot that I had completely blocked out.
As far as my brother Ric....lol He could have and would have, I just didn't know that at the open meeting. He later told me he knew where I lived and my schedule and had 2 buddies on call (he told me this on his deathbed). Like you said, at the meeting I was scared of the staff and the power the Seed had. I also think part of me wanted my big brother to be proud of me (yeah I know that sounds weird proud of being a Seedling), I was too young to know he already was. He stood by me with a few bad choices, but they were my choices and that is what mattered to him. He believed in letting people make mistakes and learning from them. He would never force his view on someone else, especially someone weaker. I never told him about the molestation, because I have no doubt certain family members would disappear. "Secrets and skeletons" were kept tightly under lock and key in my family. He felt much regret later because he was gone (Navy) for 8 years and because of that we only saw him maybe 2 x's a year. He did know about being committed against his will.....in the late 60's it was called the draft.
Thanks again Marc, I am ok and have dealt with the issues of my past. My life is good and I am grateful in a sense of what I have went thorough, since that is made me who I am today...(unless I read to many threads here...lol)
Beauty from ashes......
marcwordsmith:
Hey Jupiter,
I so know what you mean about feeling like a well-adjusted, happy and successful adult until I start reading through some of these threads and then I find myself in an emotional time warp. Are you old enough to remember the show "The Time Tunnel" that was on TV for a while in the late 60s? Every time the two main characters went to a different point in time, they would go into the time tunnel and it swirled them in like a whirlpool. They'd spin round and round in the tunnel and then disappear into another time.
I think the whirlpool metaphor is a good one for my experience of this web site. But I'm also grateful for it! I think, insofar as I come here to chat and post and read, it's all part of the healing I STILL have left to do and can't deny (though the "together" adult in me would prefer to deny it sometimes).
It's a peculiar paradox. We've outgrown our past but it remains inside us too.
GregFL:
My personal experience is that yes, I had overcome my problems that I associated with the seed. Hell, I went into therapy around the time of my divorce and only barely touched on it and only because my ex tipped off the therapist that I had been thru it and thought it was a key to some of my issues.
Later, when I took it all out and examined it more thoroughly, got some validation for some of the things I privately held inside and thought were mine and mine alone, only then was I able to really heal the anger. Up until then it was just something I basically buried.
I would have been fine had I kept it buried and never examined this stuff from my childhood, but I am glad I have and do because I think it has improved me as a more well rounded individual, a better adjusted person, and it has helped me understand my parents better as well, especially my mother and her husband.
Jupiter Survivor:
"We've outgrown our past but it remains inside us too"
So very true! I have dealt with most of it, but like you said it is still there inside and I know as time goes on, I will have to deal with it further. I will try to channel that anger into something positive.
I know from my experience it has made me very skeptical of everything, which is a very good thing. It has not only saved me money, it saved my sanity....lol
There are always at least 2 sides to every story. You can have 100 people witness an event and come up with 100 different accounts. The funny things is, no one is really wrong, it is just a matter of perspective. What John (and others) see in the Seed is entirely for his and his alone perspective. If he was sitting on the front row in my place, it would be totally different. I would assume (more like hope) that John would be mature enough with life experiences that he could put himself in another's shoes and see the different sides. I guess to do that would make it a little hard to sleep at night, who knows.
Also, Greg....don't feed the trolls. It takes away the legitimacy of this site. I am very disappointed by so many posts. The bickering back and forth. While I understand the anger and frustration, it just seems pointless.
GregFL:
Well, I take exception to something there Jupiter surviver..this forum is relatively devoid of trolls. Trolls in the sense of people just trying to disrupt. Once in a while we get it, but for the most part there aren't trolls.
We really have an emotional issue here, and we also have some people squarely in the seed camp, and then some others squarely anti-seed. When those two mix, there is bound to be, as you describe it disapointing posts. There are also the majority here who post thoughtfull searching replys.
Feeding the trolls?
Sorry, I don't see it that way.
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