How did you tell your children, spouse about the Seed?

[ChrisL]

"That is, we seem to expect too much from other people, we tend to tell people things about us they haven't earned the right to know, and when people dissapoint us over things that to others just seem so common, we dismiss our friendships with them or tell them off in a way that seems extreme to them."

Greg - this is exactly what I am dealing with right now... & it is difficult, also as an answer to a later posed question. I think part of my "compulsion" (or not) to spill my guts up front (or early on) was to see if the person was going to run away or not... I also have no allusions about myself I am a very difficult person to live with... just ask my two x's... But in all seriousness I like the idea that Stripe proposes about finding someone who doesn't mind the baggage rather than not having any...
I am a hopeless romantic and I will not give up

[Anonymous]

Exactly... we all have baggage. AS long as someone is good, and loving and true (and right for you) I think we can all be a little more understanding about accepting eachother's baggage and maybe helping to lighten the load.

And that is one thing that seems to get better with age. More emotional flexibilty.  I know in my past relationship some things I shared kept getting thrown back in my face when it was in the past when the person I dated had more baggage that I didn't feel the need to keep redressing.
Shanlea

[PerfectStraightling]

On 2005-10-23 19:14:00, ChrisL wrote:

""That is, we seem to expect too much from other people, we tend to tell people things about us they haven't earned the right to know, and when people dissapoint us over things that to others just seem so common, we dismiss our friendships with them or tell them off in a way that seems extreme to them."



Greg - this is exactly what I am dealing with right now... & it is difficult, also as an answer to a later posed question. I think part of my "compulsion" (or not) to spill my guts up front (or early on) was to see if the person was going to run away or not... I also have no allusions about myself I am a very difficult person to live with... just ask my two x's... But in all seriousness I like the idea that Stripe proposes about finding someone who doesn't mind the baggage rather than not having any...

I am a hopeless romantic and I will not give up

"

Oh so maybe it's good that you did since it seems they couldn't deal with it?? Just a thought. I think for me whenever I do that it's because I'm afraid of lying or something. Thankfully it's not very often anymore that I get that urge.

[Antigen]

On 2005-10-23 19:14:00, ChrisL wrote:

I am a hopeless romantic and I will not give up

Oh, no need to go to drastic talk like that now, darlin! If I were single, I'd certainly want to at least meet you for lunch.

Truth resides in every human heart, and one has to search for it there, and to be guided by truth as one sees it. But no one has a right to coerce others to act according to his own view of truth.
                                     
--Mohandas K. Gandhi

[PerfectStraightling]

On 2005-10-22 21:40:00, Anonymous wrote:

"When I said bad boys, I meant boys who did not treat my friends well.  



I know what you mean about romance. The whole lightning strikes thing. It would be hard for me to accept a relationship with someone nice just for companionship. But maybe that's just because my last relationship was pretty intoxicating. (Incidentally, he was also in the same program I was in at a different time, and felt the same way about it. So we shared that common draw.)



But the thing about sexual interest. It seems to me that men(please correct me if I'm wrong) are more easily sexually interested and thus, have more options.  Good looks doesn't necessarily do it for me, and certainly not money. The guy who wanted to marry me before I married my ex was great looking, a great friend, and well off, but I wasn't attracted to him. He felt like my brother.  I would have killed to feel the slightest bit of sexual interest in him just because in every other way he was my best friend.

(And yes, he did know about the program and never judged me.)

 

Ideally, you should be with someone you jibe with enough to share these aspects of your life freely, but maybe you have to suss out first what to share and when, and if the person even has the emotional complexity to understand it.  That might sound snotty, but the truth is, I've met a lot of people who just wouldn't get it.  And there is nothing worse than feeling lonely WITH the person you're supposed to feel bonded to.



shanlea





"

Oh I see what you mean about bad boys. But who really likes to be treated badly?? I've never understood that whole idea that certain women like to be mistreated. Eventually it gets old, I think it's more a matter of getting to know the person and realizing that aren't who you thought. Then it's time to move on.

[Anonymous]

No one really likes to be treated badly and most of the time it's more insidious and takes awhile to figure out.

[NOT12NOW]

Greg said "BTW, my girlfriend moved in with me on Wednsday. Flew back with me from Colombia,"

Mail order bride?

[NOT12NOW]

Greg said, "Hehe....go right ahead. We all know young men have a hair trigger sexually, no sense of style or knowledge of women, and to top it off displaced anger issues."

Those aren't the benefits I was thinking of.

[NOT12NOW]

ChrisL said  He's a hopeless romantic who doesn't want to change.
IDon't see why you should.  I didn't and got a great guy.  Baggage is baggage we don't have more than most people, were all fucked up, we just need to know whats in ours.  I think assessing wether people deserve to know your life is the way to go.  It's ok to keep somethings for yourself.

I started wondering if part of the reason we over disclose in stressful situations, like dates.  Is that we learned to seduce the staff by dumping, that's what they encouraged.  It was a way to make people like us, it kept us safe.

I really get the judgement stuff I hadn't thought of it but I am definately  hard on people.  I used to sort of fire all my friends every once and a while---to make a fresh start--try to make friendships I thought would be better for me.

_________________
Cleveland chick 76-77

[GregFL]

On 2005-10-24 05:40:00, NOT12NOW wrote:

"Greg said, "Hehe....go right ahead. We all know young men have a hair trigger sexually, no sense of style or knowledge of women, and to top it off displaced anger issues."



Those aren't the benefits I was thinking of.


"

Okay, then how about the lack of money, the propensity to chase around college girls, or the ability to swig large amounts of beer and puke on their shoes, remembering nothing the next day?

 :grin:

[GregFL]

On 2005-10-24 05:53:00, NOT12NOW wrote:

  I think assessing wether people deserve to know your life is the way to go.  It's ok to keep somethings for yourself.



I started wondering if part of the reason we over disclose in stressful situations, like dates  Is that we learned to seduce the staff by dumping, that's what they encouraged.  It was a way to make people like us, it kept us safe.



I really get the judgement stuff I hadn't thought of it but I am definately  hard on people.  I used to sort of fire all my friends every once and a while---to make a fresh start--try to make friendships I thought would be better for me.



_________________

Cleveland chick 76-77"

I think you are onto something here, and
Man o man, me too. I would dismiss a friend and claim that they let me down or that "they didn't treat me the way I treated them" kind of attitude.  I way overexpected from friendships  and part of it was trying to manipulate people to behave a certain way or I would reject them.  I never suspected I learned this behavior in "treatment", but I did.

Nowadays I just take people as they come and let the relationship build based on how the people are, not how I think they should be.

[Anonymous]

I did not need to.
They did not ask.
If they did I would tell them all about it.