Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

Why Did YOU Stay Away?

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jgar:
Hey Anon,

Liked your post and I agree. By the way Jgar(me) (would have been know at the Seed as Corky G. :grin:  :grin:

jgar:
Hey Anon,
 :roll:
I was all too aware of how I would be perceived and of course judged. What I find as funny is how that insecurity ruled and prevailed when we preached the importance of being solid and secure people. It was painfully obvious that we were anything but. If they only would of realized how much I thought of all those people (Seed kids) with nothing more than fondness and love and a genuine nostalgia.

   Yet the thought of being or feeling so trapped scared the hell out of me. I used to have nightmares about this.
 :roll: [ This Message was edited by: jgar on 2005-10-01 11:27 ]

Anonymous:
then i was correct!! i wasnt sure if you knew at the time. i was actually somewhat shocked by itall. for having the reunion and looking forward to people coming , why was someone so worried then. it was on one had pathetic. if the worse thing you did was go to dinner wiht someone and decide that they werent the person you thought they were, what have you really lost? the seed at one point was more about fear in this way.

your second post there also raises a good point. if the seed really had let people be honest about this stuff, maybe more people would have talked about it and actually become more secure and stable. but you were really just expected in some ways to maintain the illusion of it. i was somewhat dismayed as i realized more and more people were less and less capable then there reputation stated they should be. i can also understand that. if you arent allowed to make decisions for 10 years or 15 years of your life at some point you will become incapble of it. and yet they encouraged this to go on. or allowed this to go on.  

in the end i believe where the seed failed is where it failed to follow its own teachings. those failings caused the downfall not just of the group, which had to end some day, but in the end hurt the lives of those that believed but didnt see what was going on around them. they stayed true, and as a result were handicapped somewhat. i dont feel sorry for anyone. we all made choices, so if someone chose to stay they in the end did so of their own free will. but when it comes to looking at the person who would have been telling them to stay, telling them it makes them stronger, i see the lie in that. it caused me to lose respect for those people. anyone who discouraged someone being independant. even if its going to be a bad choice to do something..its still their choice. when you go into the seed they tell you its too help you stnd on your own, but then they didnt really want this.

GregFL:
Of course they didn't want it my man.  Any cult needs underlings to do the dirty work and to prop up the head egos in charge. Without the slaves at the bottom, what do they have?

This is why when I was in they really didn't care much once you graduated unless you made the effort to stick around.  Why? Because fresh bodies were coming in daily.  Later on, when enrollement was trickling in, you poor people were conned into sticking around indefinitely so those in charge would have people  to focus their egos for them and to keep the cult perpetuating.


Sad, but true.

jgar:
Quote(?if the seed really had let people be honest about this stuff, maybe more people would have talked about it and actually become more secure and stable.

Hey Anon,

   I could not agree with you more and the question you pose is a difficult one to answer. I respect your post and your opinion because the way you post I can tell you were there to the bitter end and your experience is what I can relate to the most. You post from your heart.
 
Quote: (if the seed really had let people be honest about this stuff, maybe more people would have talked about it and actually become more secure and stable).

I don?t think this would have been possible because control was paramount and this would have put into question the existing power structure. When I say control I do not always see this control in a negative light for example, when I first walked into the Seed, I needed to learn a new way of thinking so that I could regain control of my life. In my mind I had no problem with relinquishing control so that I may learn and get my life back on track. At this point to have questioned the existing and established power structure would have been wrong and even more importantly it would have been very detrimental to what I was trying to do. I had to put aside my false pride and ego and realize I at this time needed strong parameters and guidance and that is just the sad truth.  I can only imagine what kind of stupidity I would come up with if I would have been allowed more freedom at this time.
   The other side of the coin was how the Seed still did not allow people to take full control of their own lives after they were back on track We were filled with bull-shit reasons of the importance of edification and hierarchy and why we should not have full control of our lives(This was not said but only implied). The biggest thing that used to bother me was how people used to always profess that only through Art?s wisdom and guidance could we fully be well adjusted and capable of living our lives in a correct manor. I will admit during this time I knew something was not right about this philosophy however, my emotional ties clouded my judgment confusing the issue and creating at the time a great internal conflict. In retrospect and with much soul searching I have found this, the biggest flaw and the crack in the foundation which eventually led to the collapse of the Seed. The underlying currents of years of pent up frustrations and unspoken feelings and desires that went unanswered for so long. I only recognized this because this was the internal conflict I had with in me and I am not that different from everyone else.

You are so right how difficult it was to regain the control of one?s life after being controlled for so many years. I thank God that I walked away when I did because at this point I declared myself free and did not have to stick around for so long to wake up feeling betrayed and directionless. Wondering what happened to all this time. I will still admit I can still be haunted by the old taboos that were ingrained into me in what would constitute proper behavior of a Seed graduate for both the right and the wrong reasons.
 
When I found this site and began to read all the posts I began to question my experience at the Seed in a whole new light and began to think where I stand in all of this. Many times I looked at this as a big unnecessary waste of my time but I find myself strangely drawn to read up everyday the new posts.

   For all the good and the bad I took from the Seed I still remember above all the friendships and the valuable lessons I learned and obtained during this important time in my life. And because of this I can make my own informed decisions and freely state with confidence my opinions.  I don?t want to forget the struggle that has given me this clarity along with the place it all began.

 I am racking my mind trying to figure out who you are.          
[ This Message was edited by: jgar on 2005-10-04 15:01 ][ This Message was edited by: jgar on 2005-10-04 15:04 ]

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