THE FAMILY THAT HATES TOGETHER STAYS TOGETHER
Daniel brought on his wife of 38 years, Darlene, and his son, Daniel Junior. It was clear from the start that both the Mrs. and Junior subscribed to Daniel?s views on race, religion and homosexuality. Darlene admitted that there have been times during their marriage when she and Daniel have argued, but that the KKK has kept them together. In the meantime, Junior described himself as ?the n_____ hater agitator number 2.?
Daniel insisted it isn?t that he and his family hate other people, it is that they love the white race so much that they can?t stand the thought of it being destroyed. Despite his enlightened comments, neither Darlene nor Junior agreed. Junior said that if a package is ever delivered to his house and the deliverer is black, he makes the person drop it off at the end of the driveway. Darlene added that if she were on fire she would rather stay that way than have a black person put out the flames.
CARVERS TALK KATRINA
Howard was curious what the Carvers made of Hurricane Katrina. Daniel thought God created the devastation because He hates black people. He also said that the black people forced to take shelter in places like the Astrodome have a better life now than they did before the hurricane hit. Junior added that if it had been white people who were primarily affected the government would have had the area restored by now. Howard told Junior he sounded like Kayne West.
BIZARRO SOPHIE?S CHOICE
Scott DePace called in to see if the Carvers would save Robin if they saw she was drowning. Both Daniel and Junior claimed they would, although Daniel said he would save a dog before her and Junior mentioned he would drag her through a parking lot afterward just for good measure. However, Darlene said she would leave Robin to die. Howard felt they should play a game to see which of the Carvers was the most racist. Everyone agreed that in her own quiet way Darlene would definitely take that title.
GOOD VERUS EVIL
The first question of the game pitted Wendy against Daniel. Howard asked them what the worst name was to call a Jewish person. Daniel buzzed in and said ?kike,? which was the number one answer. Darlene responded with ?devil,? Junior with ?Christ killer? and Daniel with ?Jew boy,? none of which made the survey.
Since they had a chance to steal the points if they could guess one of the remaining answers, the question went to Wendy?s family. Wendy wanted to go with ?fag,? but Joyce decided on ?Jew bastard,? which was incorrect. Therefore, the points were awarded to the Carvers. The other answers were ?heeb,? ?dirty Jew? and ?cheap.?
Next up were Joyce and Darlene who were asked to name a job a retarded person could do. Joyce said grocery bagger, which was number three on the list. Darlene answered ?fast food worker,? which was the number one answer. After Junior incorrectly responded with ?Special Olympics,? Daniel got the number four answer, ?door greeter.? Joyce then guessed ?window washer,? which got no votes. The number two response, ?janitor,? was given by Junior before the question was turned over to Wendy?s family after Daniel?s guess of ?movie star? earned the team its final strike.
Because she bowls in the Special Olympics, Wendy wanted to say bowler. However, Joyce went with ?crafts,? which was not on the board. After Howard gave the points to the Carvers, he announced the remaining answer was ?busboy.?
When Becca and Junior got up to play, Gary noted that Junior kept looking at him to try to figure out his race. When Gary revealed that he is, in fact, white, Junior told him he was proud to be standing next to him.
Howard asked for the name of a black person who acts white, but neither Becca nor Junior?s guesses ? Jesse Jackson, Michael Jackson and Bill Cosby ? was correct. According to the survey, the answers from first to last were Bryant Gumble, Colin Powell, Denzel Washington, Oprah, Al Roker and Wayne Brady.
As a makeup question, Howard asked what the worst name to call a black person was. Junior said ?n___r,? which was number one. Daniel went with ?boy,? which was number five on the list. Joyce responded with ?black,? which had no votes, before Junior and Daniel got answers number four and two, respectively, with ?coon? and ?porch monkey.? The Carvers lost their turn, though, when Darlene incorrectly responded with ?bubble lips? and Junior did the same with ?jigaboo?.
Although Wendy once again wanted to go with ?fag,? the family settled on ?dog,? which wasn?t right. Howard revealed that the third most popular answer was ?jungle bunny,? while number four was ?eggplant.?
A DISAPPOINTING RESULT
The third round was enough to give the Carvers the $10,000 prize. Howard mentioned he was thoroughly depressed with the result of the game. He added that once again hate prevailed in this world. Robin pointed out that she was sure Samuel L. Jackson, one of the stars of ?The Man,? would be thrilled to know where the promotional money from the film went.
NOT-SO-SURPRISING THOUGHTS ABOUT GAYS
With all the talk against minorities and Jewish people, Gary asked the Carvers what their thoughts were on homosexuals. Both Daniel and Junior insisted gays were the lowest forms of people. Junior went as far to say that if he knew a gay person was in the same room as him, he?d rather wear an oxygen mask than breathe the same air. Because Mark Harris was waiting in the green room, Gary advised Junior to get his mask ready before he left.
MARK HARRIS TO THE RESCUE
Because of all the disparaging things the Carvers were saying about gay people, Mark burst into the studio to speak his mind. Mark told the Carvers they were in the minority with how they feel about gay people, but Junior disagreed. In addition, Howard noticed that as soon as Mark walked into the room, Daniel got a glimmer in his eye like he was ready for a fight. The question was posed to Junior what he would do if one of
his children ends up being a homosexual. Junior claimed that there was no way that would happen, seeing as, according to his logic, people only become gay because their mothers did drugs while they were pregnant or they were molested.
THE PROPOSITION
To see just how far his hatred toward gay people went, Howard asked Daniel if he would make out with Mark if doing so would rid this country of all Mexicans, a group that doesn?t exactly rank high on Daniel?s list of favorite races. Daniel said he would never do such a thing because homosexuality goes against God?s wishes, which would mean he couldn?t go to heaven when he died. Darlene added that she would kill Daniel if he ever pulled such a stunt. Daniel said that she would never have a chance to though, because he would kill himself first if he ever kissed a man. Robin then encouraged Mark to make a move on Daniel hoping one of them would keep their promise.