Author Topic: My apology  (Read 8199 times)

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Offline Froderik

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My apology
« Reply #120 on: September 15, 2005, 02:11:00 PM »
That tells me NOTHING, thanks. :lol:
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Offline Anonymous

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My apology
« Reply #121 on: September 15, 2005, 02:13:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-09-15 11:11:00, Froderik wrote:

"That tells me NOTHING, thanks. :lol:

"


That is where I got the reference from...sorry...maybe if you are a gentleman she will PM you...
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Offline Froderik

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« Reply #122 on: September 15, 2005, 02:21:00 PM »
Yeah....that's ok. All that post tells anyone is that "noodle doesn't like to be whipped by hot high chickies" which is totally useless and irrelevant considering my question was who is the high chickie that wants to kidnap me and give me acid.

I'm a perfect gentleman, so no worries there. :grin:
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Offline Froderik

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My apology
« Reply #123 on: September 15, 2005, 04:11:00 PM »
WELL? :lol:
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Offline Anonymous

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My apology
« Reply #124 on: September 15, 2005, 07:06:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-09-15 07:29:00, Froderik wrote:

"
Quote
who is this? this is hot. i think i know who it is.

..sticking a gun in pirate's face is 'hot'?...  pffft.....whatever.. ::noway::  ::eek3::  "


oh for GOD"s sake WHY do i have to exPLAIN everything around here?

a friend of mine says to another friend of mine:
"Since/if you refuse to fight you are already dead. I'd put you out of your misery..."

of COURSE i don't want anyone around here to get hurt!!!!!

now i am mad.

okay, i'm over it. jason just meant fight or die. and i think pirate knows exactly what he means.

by the way, you use too many emoticons. ::rolleyes::
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Offline Nonconformistlaw

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My apology
« Reply #125 on: September 15, 2005, 07:35:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-09-15 06:22:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:
"Hey, i'm the sorry ass mutherfucker tryin' to apologize.  i was readin' over some back threads when i came across a dialogue between Withdraw and Misbehaver and they were talkin' 'bout how they never gave in, never motivated. jus' sat there for months on end until it was over. They made me realize that i even owed an apology, that i did have a choice, That even though i was a victim of brainwash i wasn't unconscious.  Even though i was severely abused myself, i had a choice and i made the wrong desicion.  The only right thing for me to have done, since they wouldn't let me leave, would 'a' been to jus' sit there and wait my time out.  Since i didn't do that i apologize.

It's not like i never fought back or stood up for myself, i did countless times.  it aint like i never copped out or never misbehaved, or refused to motivate or write my M.I. i did all those things.  But i see where i was wrong too."
After reading this Pirate and giving thought to past posts from you on this topic----something hit me that bothers me....about what I did not in straight...I NEVER fought back, never resisted, never disobeyed by "misbehaving" or by simply sitting without motivating....WHY? fear of course...I was so terrified of the confrontation and "consequences" for misbehaving or copping out that I just complied for the sake of my own survival.

Now how I "perpetrated" so to speak straights vicious cycle makes sense to me...the only difference is that I dont feel the need to apologize because of the things I said before on Breakin the Spell thread like......

Quote
??did you (or I for that matter) every really have a choice? The consequences were so severe that our thoughts and actions were forced upon us and compliance meant acting and thinking straight's way for survival.

If we really ever had choices, then I would agree completely with you. Dont get me wrong, I'm not disagreeing with you actually...its just the idea of being remotely responsible for actions and thoughts while in straight baffles me.?

Quote
?Yeah I agree that we adopted straight thinking (not necessarily realizing it at the time) to survive but in a sense....isn?t this simply acting on survival instincts and having our minds twisted by straight rather than conscious decision making? I guess I don?t mean to totally eliminate "choice" because theoretically all in straight had "free will." But how much free will did we really have? We were children...like for me I was in a state of constant terror....when confronted for so-called "erroneous thinking" or "not admitting to drug use", etc., afterward I would seriously question my own thinking & feel extremely confused...and after awhile....after more confrontation, I came to believe (incorrectly) my thinking must be wrong and I must have used drugs because surely I wouldn?t be confronted, belittled unless they are right and I'm wrong....

That was my thinking in the beginning...I don?t remember ever really making choices(although maybe I did and just don?t remember).....From my view now looking back, I believe my mind (through the various abuses) became twisted into straight's thinking, because of the abuses NOT of my own will. If we were adults at the time...I think choice may have been more likely....because we would have had longer to form our own beliefs based on more life experiences.?

Quote
?I'm not saying I'm right our wrong, I dont know---I just have theories at this point----but I thinks this really hits on the brainwashing thing and I struggle to understand just like everyone else. You know---how much is a brainwashed child really responsible for while in the midst of continuous brainwashing? I think its a good question.?


So after a lot of thought, I am now saying that being a victim and a ?villain? at the same time makes more sense because I see how my compliance in straight helped allow straights abuses continue?but I think that in a situation like straight as we were at the time?.being that ?villain? in Straight is really just a symptom/part of being the victim, which is forgivable and no apologies necessary?..in my opinion of course. BUT, again in my opinion, if a ?victim? truly embraced Straight ideology and continue support it, and perpetuate it in a way such as becoming an executive staff member and/or continuing to justify Straight?s madness to this day---that, to me anyway, requires remorse and apology, and I would feel the need to try to forgive that person. Again hope I am making sense. ::rainbow::
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quot;In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.\" George Orwell

Offline Froderik

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My apology
« Reply #126 on: September 16, 2005, 12:10:00 AM »
NCL, you're gonna make one hell of a lawyer..if you aren't one already. You present a good case, I'd hire you.
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Offline Withdraw

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My apology
« Reply #127 on: September 16, 2005, 02:10:00 AM »
[ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2005-09-22 23:03 ]
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Offline Nonconformistlaw

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My apology
« Reply #128 on: September 16, 2005, 11:19:00 AM »
Quote
On 2005-09-15 23:10:00, Withdraw wrote:
"I can not tell a lie.. (even if I try, lol) I am grateful and hold dearly the fact I did not participate in Straight. But I don't negativly ~blame anyone who did.I know how scarey it was. Each individuals personal dynamic make-up is diffrent,but equally important in this world.

I did things later like , secretly Organize a High school walk out ( 750 kids, TV, newspaper etc )... for mold growing in several areas... LOL. In 10th grade I was EXPELLED from school for .. refusing to say the pledge ( because I would not say One nation under God..).. (now it's been reconized as unconstitutional)

So,rebelling against what I believe is wrong comes natrually for me. That is what kept me from complying. Don't get me wrong! Non compliance has been a harsh lesson in my life. I don't ever seem to choose the path of least resistance. I can't help but be this way, There is no other choice for me. Apparently, This is the soul I choose or was given.. and These are MY lessons.

There HAS to be both compliant and Non compliant people to make this world go round. So I honor both ways of living, because they are necessary."

I think there are different types of nonconformist/rebellers. Just by reading this I could tell you are a different type of rebeller than I am. I'm sure personality differences have a lot to do with it.

My extreme compliance in straight was actually unusual for me and purly fear driven....no one was ever able to control me before straight, no one could tell me what to think, how to live, etc. which is really how I ended up in straight in the first place...my parents falsly attributed my rebelliousness to being a bad kid.

After Straight...I recovered my nonconformist self....I think I am a different type of rebeller than others though.....I never have felt the need to do many outward things to show my disagreement with the world, maybe because I am the quiet type....although I will say it showed up in how I dressed for years....if it pissed off or offended my parents or society....I wore it.

My nonconformist streak has always shown up more in the form that ----nobody can tell me what to do, Period. Nobody can tell me how to think, Period. Nobody can tell me who my friends should be, Period. stuff like that.

And you are completely right about how difficult it is walking on the road less traveled....those who refuse to follow and play along do pay a high price...I know what you mean. I have paid dearly just for doing things my own way over the years....its often in subtle ways too (IE. one by one various so called friends in law school turned on me because I refuse to accept their mentality---and because I will disagree, because I wouldnt adopt their views, etc. I made enemies in law school just because I insist on being myself...)

And sometimes my refusal to accept mainstream thinking has led others to label me as one who "thinks outside the box." I've run into a few lawyers who actually respect that about me (suprisingly)...but they dont see it for what it really is...I just have my own ideas...my nonconformist streak...etc. ::rainbow::

Oh and Frod...Thanks...I hope you are right...I want to be a good lawyer. (less than a year to go).
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quot;In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.\" George Orwell

Offline starry-eyed pirate

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My apology
« Reply #129 on: September 16, 2005, 11:58:00 AM »
Heavy shit.  Str8 was a 23 month long fuckin' war for me.  i make the apology of one who has known his enemy and fought long and hard only to face defeat.
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If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

Offline Nonconformistlaw

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My apology
« Reply #130 on: September 16, 2005, 12:23:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-09-16 08:58:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:
"Str8 was a 23 month long fuckin' war for me"

Well its obvious that you are winning that war....Being in straight was just the beginning........and seriously, I'll say it again, even though I dont expect apologies from most people who went through straight...this is just my opinion-and I do realize that my opinion is shaped in part by my experience in straight...just as your opinions are shaped in part by your experience in straight. Its clear to me that my experience was vastly different from yours there...

And...If you feel the need to, then by all means, if it gives you peace, then its the right thing for you to do.  ::rainbow::
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Offline starry-eyed pirate

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My apology
« Reply #131 on: September 16, 2005, 12:42:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-09-16 08:58:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:

"Heavy shit.  Str8 was a 23 month long fuckin' war for me.  i make the apology of one who has known his enemy and fought long and hard only to face defeat.  



 "


Such is life... :smokin:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.

Offline Nonconformistlaw

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My apology
« Reply #132 on: September 16, 2005, 01:10:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-09-16 09:42:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:
Quote
On 2005-09-16 08:58:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:

"Heavy shit.  Str8 was a 23 month long fuckin' war for me.  i make the apology of one who has known his enemy and fought long and hard only to face defeat.


Such is life... ::rainbow::
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quot;In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.\" George Orwell

Offline the wet noodle

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My apology
« Reply #133 on: September 16, 2005, 01:36:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-09-16 10:10:00, Nonconformistlaw wrote:

"
Quote
On 2005-09-16 09:42:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:

Quote

On 2005-09-16 08:58:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:


"Heavy shit.  Str8 was a 23 month long fuckin' war for me.  i make the apology of one who has known his enemy and fought long and hard only to face defeat.


Such is life... ::rainbow:: "



FREEDOM :exclaim:  :exclaim:  :exclaim:  :exclaim:
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Offline starry-eyed pirate

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« Reply #134 on: September 16, 2005, 01:43:00 PM »
:skull:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end.  People are not commodities.  When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.