Well maybe you are apologizing for something you had no control over, after all, you were brainwashed, it was as though you had Borg electrodes stuck in you, you were a brainwashed robot, you had no power over your actions.
The other possibility of course is that you were the operator, you had control over your actions, you were not just suddenly pitched into a situation where someone is telling you to wrap yourself around the leg or arm of the person you are helping to restrain. You had training, including ethical training, to be in this position. You were aware when you signed that paper, whatever that paper was, that you were entering into an institution strictly designed for the purpose of practicing thought reform on children. You were equipped with the civic law knowledge and insight into cult workings so that you exercised your legal right and requested to speak privately with a lawyer. You had the emotional fortitude to deal with the crushing blow of being in prison without trial, the fact that your parents made this happen, and maintain independence of mind in the face of mean teenagers keeping you awake til 3 a.m. That did not break you. Nor did the fact that your parents heard your helpless pleas again months later, and again chose to abandon you. The hapless circumstances following your last cop-out. This all combined was not enough to drive you to despair so deep you lost your mind and had no freedom but only insane drive to keep going day after day in hell.