Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Straight, Inc. and Derivatives

Sleepless in Canada

(1/2) > >>

Cheeky54:
Sleepless in Canada I was in AARC in 93 and 94, I signed myself in and could have left at anytime, God I wish I would have.  Years later, I still judge everything I do, still think that I am a bad person.

After I was out of treatment for about 6 months, I made the horrible choice to go and work there.  That is the truly ##*&*%ed up thing, getting clients to work on staff.  I was so proud of myself at the time, believing that I was helping people, thinking I had that special gift to reach out to others. HA!  I just drilled into them everything that had been drilled into me.  The sexual confessions were always the worst for me.  Someone shares how their father raped them or about having sex with animals, and five minutes later, its the end of rap, so "just let it go".  


I know I am just going off here, but it's good to finally talk about it with people that understand.  I am totally going to break my own anonyimity here by sharing this story, but what the hell.  When I was in treatment, I tried to kill myself, did a really good job of it to.  I slashed my wrists about forty times on each wrist, I was covered with blood, literally.  I walked out of the bathroom where I did it on my own, realizing that I really did not want to die.  I was taken to the hospital, stiched up and then brought back to group, still covered with blood, so that group could yell at my for an hour or two, telling my how selfish I was, how full of #%#, how pathetic I was.  I had to sit on a "rap" stool in front of everyone and listen to their crap.  Can you say, just a little traumatic.  That night I was of course upset, and I was crying in bed, and my oldcomer used the ever popular phrase "let it go".  Oh, and months later, when I was a shining example of "an addict in recovery", Vause would tell the story of my suicide attempt, but somehow the way things happened changed.  Apparently they broke the door down to get my, "would have died if they hadn't done that", anything for effect.


Pathetic. I dream a lot, I wish that would stop.

Antigen:
AARC, the kinder, gentler Straight? Welcome, Cheeky. Glad to make your acquaintance. Man! What an awful memory to have to live with. So much for the idea of a kinder, gentler Program, eh? Pretty much the same sort of thing that happened in Sarasota, `80 - `82.

Elle:
Can't get away from me can you? But the thing is that you weren't exactly like the other staff members. If it's any consolation, you're probably the only person who didn't permantantly injure me in some way! I would have been there many more months (or longer) if it weren't for you. By going back it caused you unecessary pain, but I don't think that you passed it on to anyone else, which is something that none of the others can say for themselves. We knew that you had to play the game the same way that everyone else did or that you would be in an equal amount of trouble, but we also knew that you wouldn't judge us. You were the nice guy, that's got to amount to something.


I'm quite sure that we'll be able to see karma work in the near future. Near enough anyways. With hell slowly beginnng to break loose it will all fall apart.


                                                   "Elle"

Cheeky54:
Advice? Thanks Elle,  I appreciate hearing that from you.  I know that I was always a bit of a rebel there.


You're right in saying Hell is breaking loose there.  Those flyers sure caused a stir.  Especially the "Brain Washing" and "Mind Control" words.  I hope that someday everyone can open there eyes.


I think that a lot of the people involved would be interested to know how Vause became a Doctor, having other people write his Thesus.  I know that I never suspected him being anything other than a trained Physchologist.  I know that he definitely leads people to believe that.


I was asked by a guy involved in the flyers if I would go on T.V. and talk about my experience.  That is a very scarry prospect.  Would you all do it?  I feel that in order to move on from this, I need to  stop hiding behind my fear of the centre and Vause.

Cheeky54.

velvet2000:
God, I hope it's Oprah : ) Yeah, I'll do TV, but I'm probably even more intimidated than you are, and probably for totally different reasons. But with the project I've been working on I won't really have a choice. All I can say is that I'm not ready yet, but I hope that I'm ready very soon.


The thing is, it can only help both of us. Especially when the flyers bring more people out and we'll have a strong group to share their experiences. The only people angry at you for doing it will be AARC, and their probably pissed at you anyways, so who cares? So they make nasty phone calls, oh well.


One of the things I've done the last couple of years is not keep it a secret to anyone. I used to not tell new friends until I'd know them for a while, but now I'm always open with it even at work and stuff like that. My dentist knows about AARC. I usually say that I was a part of a Christian based theraputic cult, and if anyone wants the details I'll fill them in on it.


I don't have your email address, so if you mail me I can send you an article where he gives an outline of his career from playing hockey until now. It doesn't say that he's a psychologist (which he says he is and we know that he's not) but it does say that he's got his doctorate in physical education, and worked on a doctorate before AARC in Vancouver. So that whole passage on to psychologisthood during the beginning of AARC doesn't fit in anywhere.


You know what would be great? If we found out wha psych ward he got fired from for getting all of the patients drunk : ) Silly cult leader should have kept  his mouth shut about that!

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page