Author Topic: sex and staff  (Read 10303 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #15 on: August 18, 2005, 06:42:00 PM »
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Yes there is an overall experience. I don't look back at my life and childhood and even now...and pick out those situations i hated the most or were the worst
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betsy, lets be honest, everyone i know thought you were a really cruel person at mms and sounds like not much has changes.  maybe u should examine your past because i can only imagine it has been a major conrubuting factor to how unempathetic, how ununderstanding and how 'bitchy' you can be now

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I don't define myself with those situations. I don't have mean, cruel feelings for my parents cause they spanked me to many time....etc.etc.

And now for some reason....lots of people encluding yourself anon...seem to want to define them selves by their experince at mms.
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how do you think this is the case?  what are u talking about.   no one is that one demensional, i dont care how obsessed a person is on a topic.  i think if anyone definines themselves by their experience of mms its u simple because u are so narrow in your view of the school and adamentyl opposed to seeing from other side. others seem at least willing to concede to the possibility that mms is helpful to some girls and all the while admit that it was not the case for them
 
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I persoanlly would not like to come across your path or have to work iwth you in a job....its like a ticking time bomb. who knows what youd get upset at? At work, do you like everything?? does everything go the way you want it?? School? they same....But do we sit here and write back and forth about stiuations at work where people were rude or at shool where your teacher was mean?? NO we don't cuase its life....thats how it is....
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this doesn't even make any sense, it's comparing apples and oranges.  besty, take logic 101 before u speak because every analogy u make is ABSURD!  shit, sure, bad things happen in life, that doesnt make it right, and certainly doesn't mean that you should lay down and take it.  Sometimes in life, of course, you just need to count your loses and think strategically- power and the leverage u have (or dont'have) can't be ignored, but it all needs to be considered in terms of proportionality.  Certain things are just so wrong that they can't be ignored. You need to pick your battles wisely.  I would say that this, of all battles, is a pretty good one to pick.  And yes, maybe certain instances at work or in school, if they are rude, are worth addressing.  You do understand, of course, that the main problem with MMS was likely not exactly that a few of the staff were simple rude every once in a while, right.  Maybe you are not getting it because you seem to be missing the whole point- evn though its hard to see how because its been broken down for u like a ZILLION times into tiny bite sizes peices for u to understand.  I wonder if there is not some other problem that makes it impossible 4 u to understand ?

And, christ,  ticking time bombs happen when people DONT speak up and sit on their grievances until one day they explode, NOT when they are open about and able to vent.  
I mean, damn, exactly what has to go wrong in someones life, according to you, that would make it ok to address it?  and when does addressing , according to you, turn into a thing that defines a person and how does that turn into, in your mind, the single defining thing in a persons life?  
As I see it, we ARE our past.  Have you read 100 years of solitude??  Without our memory and past we  have NO IDENTITY!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #16 on: August 19, 2005, 01:12:00 AM »
DAMN.....ATTITUIDE!!! Hate to post on here anymore after this one anon....
Everyone has there opinions. Go back and check Betsy's post...she doesn't seem one sided to me.
At one point she seems confused, and says she is.
Calm down and don't take to so personally. If anything youre the one being 'bitchy'.  She didn't attack you...so why attack her??? Isn't it okay we all have our own views??
I know her now and shes far from what she was at MMS. Like everyone, she has her bad days...........
seems you had a bad day...no???
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #17 on: August 19, 2005, 01:37:00 AM »
Why thank you Anon...appreciate the support.


"betsy, lets be honest, everyone i know thought you were a really cruel person at mms and sounds like not much has changes. maybe u should examine your past because i can only imagine it has been a major conrubuting factor to how unempathetic, how ununderstanding and how 'bitchy' you can be now"

HAHA!!! WOW, I find humor in your cruelness and a few names pop in my head of who this could be,  seems you should take your own advice, anon.. because if you really knew me, you would know this is not the case.   actually get told im one of the nicest people, others have met....see people change!.....
Plus don't take things so personal....just writing my opinion as you do, I don't take it to heart or as being mean....why do you???

"unempathetic, how ununderstanding"
Go back and read some of my past posts and then rewrite this statement....you might be suprised. .


"how do you think this is the case? what are u talking about. no one is that one demensional, i dont care how obsessed a person is on a topic. i think if anyone definines themselves by their experience of mms its u simple because u are so narrow in your view of the school and adamentyl opposed to seeing from other side. others seem at least willing to concede to the possibility that mms is helpful to some girls and all the while admit that it was not the case for them "

Are you new to this forum??? Did you just start reading it??? Take a deep breath, and go back and reread what i have written....
I do see it from both sides...im just more passionate about one side. You are passionate about saying the school was okay but overall really bad, Me, I take the side that, the school Great and yeah there were TIMES it was bad.  REREAD


"this doesn't even make any sense, it's comparing apples and oranges. besty, take logic 101 before u speak because every analogy u make is ABSURD! shit, sure,"

See how funny things sound when they are taken out of context and anaylized???

I do find it interesting that you feel the need to  talk to me in a belittling way,.....do you feel better now???
If you feel like talking down to me, and sounding so superior why not post your name???  Wouldn't that bring you the power your looking for?
If this is who i think it is, you were just as 'bitchy' as i was at MMS. I was just outright...you were more passive, but people were actually scared of you,...so sad,..........so sad. Seems not much has changed.  
Betsy
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #18 on: August 19, 2005, 01:45:00 AM »
One more thing,;

"I mean, damn, exactly what has to go wrong in someones life, according to you, that would make it ok to address it?"

Go back and read the post of my past...living with my parents, yes and issue to be addressed. Being raped...yes, another issue to be addressed...

Betsy
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline katfish

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« Reply #19 on: August 19, 2005, 10:23:00 PM »
i've never read 100 years of solitude, but i agree that your past does make up who you are.  I don't know if anyone here would say that their identity is only based on MMS experience.

I have seen and heard changes in Betsy, even if she doesn't agree, i think she has really accomplished a lot given what she has had to go through, so the personal attacks are, in themselves a low blow in my opinion.  I have great deal of ampathy b/c i know what she has been through.  I also think that (I hope b this does not offend you) Besty went to MMS at 13 (right?).  can you imagine being at MMs at 13??  Can you imagine how hard that would be?  And no one knows what she went through prior to that, but from what I understand it was pretty messed up and MMS was better.  I guess, my point is, that I think that you, B, have so few things to really hold on to in your life. Maybe MMS gave you meaning in a way that someone like me, can't understand b/c not only did I feel MMS was harmful, but I didn't feel I could ever feel safe enough to actually deal with the actual reasons that brought me there.  Maybe MMS gave you the words and that was helpful- as you pointed out.  I too was given words, but they were empty b/c the lack of substance of my experience.  

I actually do understand the points trying to be made though, becuase I too would like to understand why it is assumed that being critical of the school from the general to the specific and would like to better understand the meaning of what Betsy, you, have explained because I know that I, for one, feel that I am defined by so many other things, including, but not limited to, my MMS experience.

I would also like to understand why, Betsy, you say things like going to the reunion would make someone healthier.  I don't understand why MMS defines the standard.  To me they were the epitome of unhealthy.  I guess, really I wonder how you find that the fear was at all a helpful thing.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #20 on: August 19, 2005, 10:52:00 PM »
"I have seen and heard changes in Betsy, even if she doesn't agree, i think she has really accomplished a lot given what she has had to go through, so the personal attacks are, in themselves a low blow in my opinion. I have great deal of ampathy b/c i know what she has been through. I also think that (I hope b this does not offend you) Besty went to MMS at 13 (right?). can you imagine being at MMs at 13?? Can you imagine how hard that would be? And no one knows what she went through prior to that, but from what I understand it was pretty messed up and MMS was better. I guess, my point is, that I think that you, B, have so few things to really hold on to in your life. Maybe MMS gave you meaning in a way that someone like me, can't understand b/c not only did I feel MMS was harmful, but I didn't feel I could ever feel safe enough to actually deal with the actual reasons that brought me there. Maybe MMS gave you the words and that was helpful- as you pointed out. I too was given words, but they were empty b/c the lack of substance of my experience. "


Not offended at all,  Thanks Kat...Apprecitate what you said and couldn't have said it better myself.

MMS was my life..I literally grew up there. 13-16
was the age group I was in at MMS.


"I would also like to understand why, Betsy, you say things like going to the reunion would make someone healthier. I don't understand why MMS defines the standard. To me they were the epitome of unhealthy. I guess, really I wonder how you find that the fear was at all a helpful thing."

I don't remember saying going to the reunion means someone is healthier or makes them healthier. After the whole sex with staff came up....I was pointing to the fact that one student who had this issue, dealt with it and even came to the reunion.
Thats all for that....


I guess the whole "fear" based stuff gave me something to get better at....
I excelled at MMS. I was in great shape and physically became better than i EVER have been.
My greads were A's & B's, when normal for me is C's and D's...
It wasn't the fear, it was the drive to do better and achive things i never have...
The strict standards and discipline were not only the stucture for my day to day it was my stucture for my myself, inside......
Does this make any sense??? Not sure how to explain it....Sorry, I tried.
Betsy
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline katfish

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« Reply #21 on: August 19, 2005, 11:38:00 PM »
hey, no, i think that makes sense. so, you are saying the structure and discipline you live with now was what you were given at MMS, in a way- especially in ways that were not offered at home?
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
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Offline katfish

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« Reply #22 on: August 19, 2005, 11:42:00 PM »
i don't know how personal you want to get here, but  you've mentioned your parents were really strict, so mms was a relief to you? Because I think of MMS as strict, I was also wondering in what ways was it different than living at home?

And for gods sake, why were you at MMS for so long?
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
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Offline katfish

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« Reply #23 on: August 19, 2005, 11:47:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-08-16 08:52:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I never said that sex with staff is okay....but jesus christ get your facts straight.

Her mom was told about it and like i said she obviously...unlike any of you has dealt with her issues enough to return for the reunion.
"


i understood this to mean that she has, unlike 'any of you' dealth with her issues, or is healthier and up to MMS standard, enough to go to the reunion.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
Margaret Mead

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #24 on: August 21, 2005, 01:43:00 AM »
"hey, no, i think that makes sense. so, you are saying the structure and discipline you live with now was what you were given at MMS, in a way- especially in ways that were not offered at home?"

Yes, exactly...you have a better way of explaining things than I do......hehe  :lol:

"i don't know how personal you want to get here, but you've mentioned your parents were really strict, so mms was a relief to you? Because I think of MMS as strict, I was also wondering in what ways was it different than living at home?
And for gods sake, why were you at MMS for so long?"


At MMS...I was able to kinda "do my own thing" so to speak...
I was able to think for myself and even have my own opinions.  I came to love the workcrew and the physical part of it.
At home my parents wouldn't even let me do physical stuff around the house to help out. I was a girl and needed to act like one. I had a role to fill and didn't fill it very well. (imagine coming from an enviornment when all i did was exercise and workcrew and even work out to one that didn't even me to run.)
Every time I wanted to go for a run...my mom always said "you don't need to run today".
 I had to sneak around just to get a run in.
My curfew. Everyday....unless aproved I was to be home..cleaning my room or the house and if didn't I got bitched at. I was allowed to leave for work but only in the proper time to get there and had to back right away after work.
Same with school....3:30 I was to be home, at the latest.
Persoanl activities....not allowed unless parents met my friends or the "plans" were preapproved a month ahead of time. I played soccor after MMS and my parents didn't even come to 1 of my games, even after I asked them, time after time.
At one point i had one hour a night to be on the phone. They would listen to my calls at times.
I had a car that I paid for when my brothers were bought car, after car, as they crashed them.
Even though i had a car i was only allowed to use it for work and school other times I had to get rides or take the train.
My mom was really critical and rude to me MANY times and when I stood up for myself I was being rude and totally inappropriate and I was supposed to be nice to my mom.
My mom and I got in a fight last year......she told me I was
"gonna grown up fat, they had to pay for my high school diploma,cause I was to stupid to get it myself. I was gonna be old and only be able to get a 7$ an hour job cause I was to dumb to get into college.
She told me I should be trained like a dog cause even dogs get the idea of how to clean a toliet faster.
Than on top of that....told me she wished she never adopted me...cuase she doesn't want me".

thats just a little bit of what I had to deal with.
Betsy
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Offline granny19

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« Reply #25 on: August 21, 2005, 02:18:00 PM »
Betsy,
Why don't you register so you can receive private messages. There are those of us out here who care, but are unable to post on public  forums without jeopardizing loved ones still in a program.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #26 on: August 21, 2005, 09:35:00 PM »
K, im registered now....feel free to email me.
Betsy
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Offline BarnardlyB

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« Reply #27 on: August 21, 2005, 09:36:00 PM »
NOW im registered
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Offline granny19

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« Reply #28 on: August 22, 2005, 08:31:00 PM »
Good, please check your private messages.
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Offline katfish

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« Reply #29 on: August 29, 2005, 05:33:00 PM »
Hey B,

so sorry I have not replied- your post was painful to read for me, just made me sad and even angry b/c I think you got a raw deal.

I know I asked you this in PM, but maybe it's good to get out in open b/c I think your expereince may be similar to many other girls.  You went to MMS at 13 and many of the problems you began to experience at home came after MMS, but I wonder what issues did you feel you were able to deal with at MMS that helped you later on?  Did you ever figure out where all your anger came from and how to deal?  Also, were their any problems at all that existed at home that were addressed?  Anything at all that made your parents take a second look at what they were doing to you?  I mean, honeslty, what kind of awful thing is that to say to your own child- what you wrote above.  That's so cruel.  My mom was not quite as harsh, although she certainly has sad some equally almost unforgivably cruel things to me and, while at MMS, non of it was really put forth on the table. I had to move out shortly after I moved in with her as a  result.

Part of what I see about MMS is that often parents seem to make little changes- like you pointed out to me, MMS was for you not for your parents, but upon returning home, was it not the same old grind that made it difficult for you to succeed in that environment?  Community based therapy emphasize parent/family involvment, and recognize the difficulty of implementing real change in a childs life if parents don't concede to make adjustments in their own lives...seems that could have been a far more effective way to create a support network, or at least address that lack of it...

kat[ This Message was edited by: katfish on 2005-08-29 14:39 ]
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
Margaret Mead