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Author Topic: Against My Better Judgement  (Read 20027 times)

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Offline Ft. Lauderdale

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Against My Better Judgement
« Reply #45 on: August 16, 2005, 01:46:00 PM »
Were you from Albany, GA?  I hear gas is like $1.79 a gallon there for some reason???[ This Message was edited by: Ft. Lauderdale on 2005-08-16 10:51 ]
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Offline Ft. Lauderdale

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« Reply #46 on: August 16, 2005, 01:55:00 PM »
Also I don't think anyone has called me Terrence since the nuns in 8th grade.
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Offline Antigen

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Against My Better Judgement
« Reply #47 on: August 16, 2005, 02:00:00 PM »
I vaguely remember there was a staffer named Terry... hmmmm...

I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious theories of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God.
--Thomas Edison, American inventor

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"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
~ Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Sweet Judy Blue Eyes

Offline marshall

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« Reply #48 on: August 16, 2005, 02:37:00 PM »
I just remember you talking frequently about playing. I started playing it some after moving back to ga. I loved tennis but haven't played for almost 20 years. Switched to badminton soon after I got married...tennis for wuss's, I guess.

Gas prices here are $2.52 for reg., 2.62 for plus & 2.72 for premium. They were cheaper in Atlanta than here a few months ago. So, it's not cheap here either.

Geez, so many of you guys seem to have been schooled by nuns. I guess it seems odd to me because catholics are such a minority in this part of the country.
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Truth, being limitless, unconditioned, unapproachable by any path whatsoever, cannot be organized; nor should any organization be formed to lead or to coerce people along any particular path. You must climb towards the Truth. It cannot be \'stepped down\'

Offline Ft. Lauderdale

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« Reply #49 on: August 16, 2005, 03:00:00 PM »
Marshall,
I don't think I've ever read a bumper sticker that says "Real men play Badminton". or playing Badminton will put hair on your chest.

I love tennis...and ping pong... I guess its a family thing.  We are all OK at it too.

It's kinda sad my father was playing singles at age 79, complained of an extreme headache and had to stop.  He wound up having major brain surgery due to a blood vessel popping and died from it a couple of months later.
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Offline Ft. Lauderdale

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« Reply #50 on: August 16, 2005, 03:02:00 PM »
and hey Banjo players are a minority here too.

Sorry I couldn't resist.

( :grin: No one is from further south than me, Miami)
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Offline marshall

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« Reply #51 on: August 16, 2005, 03:21:00 PM »
Just shows u how easy it is to be misunderstood here. I was trying to say that BADMINTON IS
'tennis for wuss's...not that tennis is..er,oh..nevermind.

Sorry about your dad. Lost mine to cancer a few years ago.
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Truth, being limitless, unconditioned, unapproachable by any path whatsoever, cannot be organized; nor should any organization be formed to lead or to coerce people along any particular path. You must climb towards the Truth. It cannot be \'stepped down\'

Offline Ft. Lauderdale

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« Reply #52 on: August 16, 2005, 03:29:00 PM »
Hey I'm jokeing.

Sorry to hear about your Dad, too.
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Offline Ft. Lauderdale

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« Reply #53 on: August 16, 2005, 03:33:00 PM »
I just reread it .  I did read it wrong...sorry.

Oh well it was funny either way.

Did you know Grant, George and Charley?

I actually visited Albany in I think 1978 or 1979.
I lived in Atlanta, in midtown for a short time around that time period.

I used to say Ya'all and everything.
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Offline Ft. Lauderdale

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« Reply #54 on: August 16, 2005, 03:35:00 PM »
I also remember mahaw (spelling?) jelly...
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #55 on: August 16, 2005, 08:42:00 PM »
"It can be a beneficial thing. It can also become a compulsive replacement for the real world and cause people to believe they are "powerless" when in reality they possess the power, not some group of zealots...in other words....Shades of Gray and not all black and white. I have met many a AA person that was reasonable and others that were as cultish as any hari krisna shaking a tamboreen."

I think this can be a pretty accurate assesment, the first 3 or 4 years in the program (AA) I went to at least 1 or 2 meetings a week. When I moved from New Orleans to the Gulf Coast I just never reestablished a group over there. I'll be sober 14 years this Sept 6th, (happy birthday to....)I have off & on picked up the big book & re-worked certain parts of the 12 steps, especially that making amends thing... But I have never felt the compulsion(?) need? to completely immerse myself back into a group & a program that intensely again... Don't get me wrong it definitely helped me get my life back together again, but I wanted it this time around, still do. I am an extremely impulsive person given to extremes (and self destructive tendencies & behaviors), adult ADHD, (son has it too unfortunately)used to give in to a really bad temper... at least AA gave me an opportunity & some of the tools to change, myself, to work on those defects, the things I did not like about me, at least showed me that I did not have to remain the person I was...

There are lots of things still f***d up with me, but I at least can admit they are there, haven't figured them all out, yet.... After 22 years of marriage #2 (divorced a year & a half) I am just now realizing what an emotional child I am, and the fears & insecurities I still have & deal with on a daily basis. It's pretty pathetic when I think about it intellectually. Grew up the youngest of 5 boys, Irish Catholic household, lots of love, lots of fighting, lots of screaming. Took me many years to figure out that this might not be the way a family has to be or has to behave.

Oh Yeah & getting older helps too, has a tendency to help "put things in perspective" looking back over a longer time frame, like knowing what I know now, I would have asked all those classmates of mine to sign my year-book, stupid huh? Thanks for being there...

Chris Lewis
Seed 73-75
AA  91 -
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Offline GregFL

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« Reply #56 on: August 16, 2005, 09:22:00 PM »
Your son may have albhabet soup, but he is a cool kid in my best estimation.

I imagine him as a cool adult as well.  I think when we were young, they called ADHD hyperactive, creative, athletic, or any number of other things that didn't require amphetamines to fix. I saw behind your sons very alert eyes an intelligent sensitive kid.

I really liked your son. You too Chris. You guys are okay in my book.

 :tup:
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #57 on: August 16, 2005, 09:56:00 PM »
Thanks Greg, right back at you brother!
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Offline SMiamiPimp

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Against My Better Judgement
« Reply #58 on: August 16, 2005, 10:04:00 PM »
John, if we move beyond the escape from drugs and alcohol (which is huge), how did the Seed and your experience as a staff member mold you and affect the rest of our life?

I would image it developed leadership and confidence.

Did it lead you into your lifetime profession?

Was everything kind of boring after that intensity?

Would you do it over again as a staffer?

Why did the Seed not draw more from AA, like having people read the AA Big Book and 12 and 12?

AA uses the traditions to offset classic alcoholic ego mania. The seed did not operate under a set of traditions of this nature to keep things in check. Were there enough checks and balances in the system?

Although clearly Art was a person like all the rest of us, do you think he had special gifts with at the same time counterbalanced weaknesses?

Did success affect Art?

Have you thought about writing a book about the explosion and implosion of the Seed phenomeon? It would be cool.

When I left before graduating (being kicked out) why did they not refer me to AA as a fall back? Verses telling me the Seed was the only answer?

Is there anything you would have changed in your choices and behaviors while in the Seed?

Are there things you had to learn the hard way working with addicts and parents?

Do you believe you were naive in any ways?

Were there changes that occured at the Seeds that were slow in progression, so they were suddenly seen with the realization the trend had been progressing all along?

Did you see the Seed and staff change with growth and success.

I have thought about your posting. I would say everyones experience is different. I would not say the Seed was perfect, but I would say that I saw and experienced compassion there and I have never forgotten it. I had the impression the goals there were positive.

IMO, maintaining control in a environment full of schemeing hard core dope fiends propelled by addictive behavior and years of street hustler mentality is no small task and looks like a dirty job in many ways. The system had to set up to maintain that contol since the particapants were not voluntary (like for instance AA is).

I now have 18 years sober in AA. If I look at the treatment centers and halfway houses I have worked with peaple from, there is success rate is very low and the environment looks like it would be a challenge for even non-addicted. There is alot of ego, relapse mentality, staff end pateints with control issues and few positve role models go draw from.

I have heard, and it is my experience that if a person is touched/connects in a positive way with one person it can make a difference between success and failure. I would say I got this at the Seed. An when I got there I was way out of control in addiction, realized it and being in the Seed miraculously allowed me to break the vicious cycle of addiction. Theapy and counciling, parents praying for my deliverance ect had already been tried. At that point I had already done way to much damage to myself and did not need to spend any additional time on the streets (things never quit seemed the same after all the LSD, ect. and erosion of my value system). In my opinion the Seed saved my life.

If I bottom line it, I got what I needed and am grateful to this day.

Of course, if I had the choice to do it over again, I would certainly have passed on the whole drug and alcohol addiction thing altogether. That was was a real mess.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #59 on: August 17, 2005, 12:20:00 AM »
::bangin::  ::cheers::  :wstupid:  :smokin:

Why dont you go celebrate with a blunt and a glass of whiskey ?
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