Great Idea

[SyN]

Instead of these parents dumping into the cash cows wouldnt it be more "Theraputic".  Would it not resonate better with the kids if the parents took a month off of work and had their own brat camp? Did the hikes with them, the talking, the  relateing.  Not only would it show the kids that they are important enough to take the time off, but would also keep them out of strangers hands.
random thought.
Mike

[Anonymous]

This really is a great idea.

[Nonconformistlaw]

I agree...a huge piece of many "troubled kids" is lack of parental attention so kids feel neglected and unimportant....but since most parents refuse to see themselves as part of the problem...the idea might not fly with most parents...but then again...who knows...sometimes great ideas just take enough people thinking the same thing at the same time, who are all willing to nourish the idea until it becomes reality...

BTW, speaking of people thinking the same thing at the same time... I know of one Delinquency Magistrate in a juvenile court who requires parental involvement by making them parties to a complaint against any child. In other words, this Magistrate understands that parents are part of the problem and have to be part of the solution.

A thought....Maybe add mediation (this is not a therapist!)to it....a neutral person along for the ride, or is close by and accessible, who does and says nothing until inevitibly tensions arise...its a technique used in some Juvenile Courts to help the problem solving along when families cant seem to communicate anymore without being at each other's throats...although mediator's can make suggestions, the idea of it is to encourage parents and children to find their own solutions. This still keeps them out of stranger's hands, which is one of the reason's its being used to keep the JJ system out whenever possible.

Mediation might be impractical, and not what you are thinking...but since it just hit me, I thought I'd throw it out there, because camping trips might not help if all a family's communication ability has completely broken down.

BUT, I do think there's something to your idea.... ::rainbow::  ::rainbow::

[Deborah]

I happened to be at the park late last night and observed a dad and son (14-16) on the jogging track. Dad walking, son running. I thought how nice it was for dad and son to be spending time together that way.

Son sits down to take a break.

Dad screams from across the track: 'Get your ass up Brandon. Run.'

Oh, this wasn't 'time together', it was punishment, PT... military style. Dad did look and sound like a drill instructor.

Son: 'I need some water.'
Dad: 'No you don't, get your ass up god damn it and run.'

Son made five or six more trips around the track with dad ocassionally screaming 'Pick it up god damn it. Run.'

Mind you this was loud enough that anyone within a block could hear. Fortunately it was late. I was probably the only person to observe it.

Son: 'I am running.'
Dad: 'I didn't say you weren't running. I said pick it up god damn it.'

The kid apparently finished his mandatory laps and was allowed to stop. He staggered over to the grass and collapsed.

Dad standing 10 feet away, screams: 'Get your ass up, Brandon. I didn't tell you you could sit down. Drop and give me 25. All the way up Brandon. Get on your hands and knees if you have to but, don't stop.'

Son gives him 25, they get in their car and drive away.

Right, wrong, indifferent... a prime example of how parents absolutely could implement their own tough love, military, wilderness, bm program at home; save themselves tons of cash while keeping the family together. We can only hope that the kid gets some positive attention from his dad.

My guess is that the kid will have less resentment toward his dad than if he'd isolated him from the world and hired strangers to do the dirty work.

It's possible that some day they might look back and laugh about this- Damn dad, you were a hard ass. Yeh, I was.

My sons don't laugh with their dad about their respective incarcerations. It's not even a topic of discussion. They know his limitations, in terms of dealing with reality. They just smile and settle for a less-than authentic relationship with him. Something the programs did teach them.

[BuzzKill]

I'm thinking you saw a "coach" dad -
High school foot ball coach or something like that - trying to keep Jr at the top of his game.
Have you maybe read Grisham's "The Bleachers"?

[Nihilanthic]

Not everyone is appreciative of that as youd think they would be, Karen.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
--Anonymous

[Nonconformistlaw]

Was this what you were responding to Nihilanthic?, when Deborah said----
"They know his limitations, in terms of dealing with reality. They just smile and settle for a less-than authentic relationship with him. Something the programs did teach them."----

If so, that makes sense to me...because its really tough to live with that overactive "gift of awareness" forced upon me by Straight, that enabled me, and I assume many others, to see a crappy parent for what they really are. There's a lot of pain that comes with the truth of what Deborah said, and no amount of time erases it...its always there. In my case, I just have done the best I could with a less-than-authentic parent incapable if dealing with reality.

[Deborah]

Nope, haven't read 'The Bleachers'. Could've been a 'coach' dad. Judging by the dad's tone, I do think my original perception, that it was an act of punishment, was accurate.

If it were a coach dad, that just wouldn't be right. If Jr doesn't posses the desire to be at the 'top of his game', he should be allowed to be and average player, or be allowed to join band or shop or whatever activity interests him.

I spend a lot of time at that park. I saw another dad coaching his two sons the other day, and it didn't bare any resemblence to this. He was not barking orders in an angry tone. He was throwing passes and giving them sons tips. IMO, that's coaching, and an example of spending quality time together.

[BuzzKill]

//Not everyone is appreciative of that as youd think they would be//

If you were responding to me, I wasn't saying any one appreciates it.
I was just saying thats what it made me think of - a coach working the but off his kid.
Excepting jocks and Marine wannabes - I don't think this would work with the average teen. I feel pretty sure, most would tell this dad where to go, and what to do when he gets there.
As for weather even the jocks appreciate it - you might want to read the above mentioned book.

[BuzzKill]

Well in case you'd like a book review -
it is written from the perspective of a high school foot ball player whos all grown up now.
He hates his coach.
He and the other players witnessed the coach work a kid to death, running him up and down the bleachers.
The coach was much like this dad (and a lot of them are)but he had a winning team that the boys were proud to be on.
The coach had died and the narrator and the other players were returning to town for the funeral.
Because they loved the coach.

[SyN]

I do know alot of parents wouldnt go for it.  But how many even had the thought cross their mind.  I guess thats more the point i was leaning towards.  I find it disturbing that most parents dont see that they could do more to be a solution, but as most parents go they innocently make things worse.  I for one know if my kids get that bad, I will be hitting the woods, getting away from distractions and providing indepth  poppa and momma therapy.  Though in the greater scheme of things perhaps i went through a hellish program to be a better parent.?. hmmm something else to ponder for a bit.
Mike

[Deborah]

PM therapy is always better than BM. And nature has a lot to teach. Spending time in nature should never be used as punishment.

[Shortbus]

The are programs out there that offer custom trips for families. I have been approached to work as a field instructor/guide. The family, the therapist and me. I take care of the logistics side.... gear, food,  what were gonna do, where were gonna go. The therapist does his/her thing. The family gets their work done. I think its a great idea. Absolutely awesome. What usually gets in the way (and what got in the way this time) is not money, but time. Somebodys schedule is just too full and its a shame.



I cant rave enough about the concept. Id love to have the opportunity to do this a couple times a year.

[Shortbus]

BM - behavior modification
PM - ?

[Deborah]

From the post above....
Poppa and Mamma Therapy