I also would like to express my gratitude to John for posting his frame of reference on the Seed. John was one of the many staff members that I initially feared, grew to understand, to admire and respect. John, you were such a huge part of my "getting straight", getting honest, growing up and eventually out & beyond....Thank You... I am so appreciateive that I am able to after all these years say that; Thank You...
Even during my times of additional "research" on addiction, I never really abandoned the things that we learned at the Seed, honesty especially self-honesty is paramount. When I lost the ability to see myself as others saw me is during the times when I was truly lost...
The experiences that I remember the strongest at the Seed were the ones that were based in love, sharing & caring, kindness becomes more meaningful as you get older. The feeling of electricity during the open meetings, the fantastic talents so many of us shared and displyed during the Holiday parties. I have reestablished a number of contacts with people who were in the program at the same time I was and we have shared our stories our tales of triumph, successes, failures, sadness, and pictures. Pictures of young fresh-faced kids with hope and light shining in their eyes, pictures of laughter, comaradarie, things that were real and can't be conned or faked.
Alot of hoopla seems to be made over the names and numbers that come up of seedlings or ex- who came to a bad end, suicide, overdose, etc... but look at the number of kids who went thru the program, I talked with Greg about it and we thought is was probably 4-5,000 kids in the St Pete area alone and then the ten to twelve names come to mind that have died or killed themselves. That is incredibly small percentage of people, I would even say that it is nowhere near the percentages found in society at large. One thing I have to remember is that most of us who went into the program where damaged at worst or had issues of varying degrees / subjects at best. I am not surprised at all by the stories of how our seedlings lives have played out, I look at my own... 15 jobs over the last 25 years, 2 marriages, one quick, one with kids & messy, then later in life (30's) finding myself drawn back to AA, God, the things that help center my life again.
Sound familiar? It's called life...you either grab it or it grabs you.
And I am thankful to the Seed and in part to John Underwood that in a very large way they helped me overcome & get past that self destructive period in my young life and managed to keep me straight & sober until I had a little more life experience behind me, and could possibly make different decisions about my actions / behaviors.
"The program", your program, my program, beleive me in some way or another everyone is working their program, the important thing is to get up everyday and do it... Embrace here & now, focus on the positive, don't dwell on the past in a negative or self-pitying way, there is not a thing we can change about it.
Thanks again John for your courage, your honesty, your caring, your love, 32 years ago and now. Oh & by the way you still sound like a really cool dude.
Chris Lewis
Seed 1973 -75
AA 1991 -
