Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Ridge Creek School / Hidden Lake Academy

eventually we are all forced to reflect

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A post I found while googling HLA. The link has been removed at the author's request:

I stare into the looking glass being careful to not look past the chin or too deeply into the eyes. 'How terribly long have I been alive,' I begin to wonder. My mind churns and like a robot spits out '18 of course. You have been alive for 18 years.' But how can I believe what my mind tells me anymore. I feel like I have lived long enough for two people and not happily either. I feel like I have died over and over and have been brought back to life - every new chaper even more heinous and frivolous than the next. And that is exactly how I live, not by years but by chapters. There was the brief childhood chapter, actually spanning the longest amount of time but agreeing with the natural irony of life, felt like the shortest. Then there was the era of anorexia (each page a different doctor or treatment center). Next came the isolation, followed closely by the compulsive overeating, the bulimia, and then Hidden Lake Academy. Hidden Lake is a chapter within itself - two years locked away in an institution they tried to pass off as a "school." Those idiots, no school packs 9 hours of therapy per week into their normal curriculum. And now I am an adult living in the mind of a child. I know of real things like emotion, addiction, communication, art and intuition, but I have no clue when it comes to the things that humans have thought up. The most intimidating things like bills and work, society and media. I can't handle living in a society that mistakes wealth for instant happiness and popularity for undeniable enrichment. However, I've been stolen from myself and placed into this decaying society. I can't help it, I must conform.

[ This Message was edited by: Deborah on 2005-08-24 11:36 ]

"To 'know thyself' must mean to know the malignancy of one's own instincts and to know, as well, one's power to deflect it."
-Karl Menninger

It's comforting to know that you are taking some time to deeply reflect on your malicious nature.

"The man who cannot believe in himself cannot believe in anything else. The basis of all integrity and character is whatever faith we have in our own integrity."

[ This Message was edited by: Deborah on 2005-08-05 07:15 ]

Yes, well, thank you. I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not, but I really am taking time to reflect on my malignant instincts. However, I don't know if my nature persay is malignant...but I'd rather not argue that point.

I liked your quote and here's one back:

"Man is wise only while in search of wisdom; when he imagines he has attained it, he is a fool."

It would be comforting to know that more people would reflect on this quote.

PG 59/60: Haven/Metamorphosis

PS I thought most interesting your quote's usage of the word "faith" when referring to our own integrity. Where is that quote from?

By the way, I don't mean to sound vague and/or mysterious and/or smart...I just have to go to sleep, so don't have much time for details here. You want some, ask for 'em.

PG 59/60 Haven/Metamorphoses


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