See Darren? Helena has embraced the gospel truth of Pastafarianism. Shes a linguinist, and has been been saved! You can be saved too! Dont you want to save your soul from the damnation of carb-free diets? Dont you want the great noodly to embrace you with his wet wobbly appendage?
All you have to do is wear the consecrated Tri-point hat of the holy one, bear the sabre and swashbuckle of truth.. and eat a big bowl of Fettuccine Alfredo!
Then, once you have injested the great holy noodles, come to me and receive the Gospel truth. Maybe with you and Sara I could hold a sermon!
You can lead a camel to water but you can't make it stink (any more than it already does)
-- Job