Author Topic: Sucess stories from Struggling Teens.com  (Read 28852 times)

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Offline Devlin

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« on: June 03, 2005, 12:33:00 AM »
These are the post i like to see on the Strugging Teens program parents message board:

maggie0325
Member # 3191
posted May 22, 2005 05:14 PM                        
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We were notified today by our son's TBS therapist that his mother pulled him from the program last night. He had been dropped a level and not doing well, which she took full advantage of... stating that the program is no longer working. HA! She has been planning on doing this since March... when she went for her first family visit. We warned ths school of this, but they dismissed our suspicions. For some reason, they assumed that his bio-mom was an honest, level headed person instead of the psycho shrink that we know.

We are angry, hurt, and devastated. Although we have joint custody, we have been the residential parents for 7 years. 10 months out of the year he is with us and then 2 months in the summer he is with his mother. He has 4 sisters at our home. His mother is working on her 3rd live-in boyfriend in 5 years.

There are legal steps that we can take. She is violating the custody order. She is violating the order filed with the court a year ago agreeing to keep in the program and to pay half... But what can we do? Our son is 16. We are not in a good place with him right now because we would not "rescue" him. He has been told over and over that it was our choice alone to send him away.... that his mother was forced into a corner, forced to agree.

ANy thoughts? Suggestions? We are feeling not only that we are back to where we were pre-wilderness, but several steps behind that. More financially and emotionally drained. And, we beleive, we have lost our son to the "dark side".

[ May 22, 2005, 06:35 PM: Message edited by: maggie0325 ]

maggie0325
Member # 3191
posted June 01, 2005 09:46 AM                        
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Just thought that I would drop a post with an update on our son.

His mother took him home over a week ago and we have yet to hear a word from either of them. We have heard from bio-mom's attorney...among other demands, she would now like to have sole custody. (He is 16 1/2)

The program also called to inform us that bio-mom has stirred up quite a bit of trouble, explaining that about an hour before she left campus, she was having one on one converations with the other kids and telling them that the program could not force them to stay, their rights were being violated, etc. They will be picking up the pieces from her destruction for months.

My husband and I are not sure what we are going to do. We have considered a civil suit. We are seeing a therapist regarding our options with our son and whether we should be reaching out to him or waiting a bit longer. We continue to feel hurt and angry, but we love him. And we miss him... and we feel sorry that his mother has put him in such an unhealthy position. Although we have talked to many, no one has any real good answers or advice for us. It is such a horrible situation.
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Offline Devlin

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« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2005, 12:37:00 AM »
irol  
Member # 3567

posted May 24, 2005 05:01 AM                        
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Well, my son has decided to continue skipping school. We've played the tough love game as best as possible -- no money, no car, no cell phone. Now he just doesn't come home and doesn't contact us. I know he's okay through friends, etc... I remember reading about kids like him on this post a couple of years ago and thinking wow, I'm glad that's not me. Ha! But there is a difference this time around in his behavior. I feel like we've tried so hard and now I'm not sure I care. Does anyone get to the point where they just don't care?

Can I stop caring?
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irol
Member # 3567

posted May 24, 2005 06:3AM                        
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Thanks Kelly, I like that word "detach." I will detach. You're right Karen, he's still 17. I need to figure out what the law says about my detachment. I know that if he's part of a crime, he's an adult. If he's the victim of a crime, he's a child. I think he's staying away from home because he's convinced I have escorts hiding in the bushes waiting for him.
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irol  
Member # 3567

posted May 24, 2005 12:29 PM                        
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Well, I haven't kicked my son out. He's opted not to come home. I found out where he is staying and it is a safe place. I'm guessing he thinks I'm going to send him away in the middle of the night. I'm going to let him continue where he is for now.

As for sending him away again. It is possible, but then I wonder why should everyone else in the family have to suffer. I'm still in serious debt from the $100,000 we spent on him during the past couple of years. This time we would have to sell the house and four of us would be moving into an apartment all so he could get his act together until he turns 18. And then, who knows what would happen. So I'm trying to justify why he gets all the resources and the kids who are doing well get none.

I'm going to take a back seat for awhile. I guess I was just looking for permission from someone so I could stop caring so much. sigh.
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Offline Nihilanthic

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« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2005, 12:48:00 AM »
Quote
posted May 24, 2005 12:29 PM
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Well, I haven't kicked my son out. He's opted not to come home. I found out where he is staying and it is a safe place. I'm guessing he thinks I'm going to send him away in the middle of the night. I'm going to let him continue where he is for now.


Gee, I wonder why? Because you did so!?  :roll:

One thing I'm very thankful for is that they ended up paying the $100,000 stupidty tax, and that this kid managed to get out of this hellhole with these other people and is with his biological mother.

The great enemy of truth is very often not the lie-deliberate, contrived, and dishonest-but the myth-persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.
--John F. Kennedy, U.S. President

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Devlin

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« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2005, 02:12:00 AM »
More Sucess stories
ccross
Member # 1481

posted April 29, 2005 11:55 AM                      
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I haven't updated you all since my daughter began to struggle in her senior year of high school last fall.

As background, she went to a program at age 14 for 18 months, has been in a private school three years, living at home. She is 18.

Well, this past week she was dismissed from the private school. It was the accumulation of months of absenses, failing grades and just not making school her priority. Believe me, we tried everything. She wasn't cooperating, so she's out.

Six weeks from graduation!

Believe it or not, her dad and I are relieved. It's been like trying to pull a mule up a mountain the past six months.

She's already having a hard time with the consequences -- no prom, no senior trip, no graduation ceremony. She let her part-time job know she's available for full time work, but found out she can't get promoted to a better paying job without a high school diploma or GED.

The school said they'd call next week and let us know if they can work something out where if she continues to do her thesis and other school work from home, she can earn her high school diploma. But that, again, depends on her cooperation. Plan B is to get her GED, and then enroll in the local community college in the fall.
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Offline Devlin

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« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2005, 02:26:00 AM »
FireFL5

Member # 3639

  posted November 24, 2004 07:13 AM                        
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Well.....after a wilderness and a TBS...daughter isn't going to school, not taking meds regularly, and generally back to her old tricks....lying, sexually acting out, failing,..all the old borderline tendency issues....

We have done all we know to do....any suggestions? Time is running out as she will be 18 in February.

Jodi
Florida

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FireFL5
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #5 on: June 03, 2005, 04:28:00 PM »
Its sad that a lot of these kids have a simple learning disability that can be treated if properly diagnosed, instead these teens are being punished and robbed of their childhood because they cant perform well in school.
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Offline Antigen

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« Reply #6 on: June 03, 2005, 05:48:00 PM »
Or it could be that these kids have a simple ancestor problem that could easily be solved w/ a low cost bus ticket. Do you seriously just take this parent's word for it that the kid needs medication and that her school situation is worth the time and trouble to her?

Q. I simply ask, why is PUNISHMENT the solution with regards to the narrow group of behaviors which encompass illegal drug use....?

A.Pharmaceutical Business, both legal and illegal, run by the same people either way, money coming to the middle from both ends.  Bush.
http://www.luxefaire.com/' target='_new'>Bill Gallagher

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"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
~ Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Sweet Judy Blue Eyes

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #7 on: June 03, 2005, 09:07:00 PM »
I am so very angry at Lon and Struggling Teen's they actually posted the Desisto stuff then let them advertise their new school in Florida.  Out for the buck in my opinion not the kids or families.
`a
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Offline Nihilanthic

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« Reply #8 on: June 03, 2005, 09:56:00 PM »
Strugglingteens is just a racket... and people who fall for it so easily are fools - though it seems sometimes that theyre conditioned to behave that way.

The German Nazis and the Russian Communists came very close to us in their methods, but they never had the courage to recognize their own motives. The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0451524934/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'>O'Brien, the apparatchik

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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2005, 10:15:00 PM »
I will say this it is not appropriate in my opinon to cut/copy/paste from another list or board it would be better appropriate to use a link to the board.  The folks that turn to them looking for help are desperate and I know if it were me I would be very angry at this cut/copy/paste thing not to say I agree with the folks who run the stuff there, I am always posting about escorts, ed consultants, programs that are not licensed etc., and get a lot of flack because of it, but I keep doing it as it is the truth - I don't do it in an offensive way and I don't bash the parents as they are desperate.  
Andrea
pfrr.org
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Offline Nihilanthic

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« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2005, 11:21:00 PM »
So desperate they turn into milquetoast, stupid little twits and their kids pay the price when they're too scared/stupid/deluded to thnk "gee, why is it ok we cant talk to our kid for months?" "Gee, why is he totally cut off from the outside world?" "Gee, we have no fucking idea what theyre doing or how its supposed to help him?" ?

Thats OK? No, its not ok. Its retarded. If they were good parents they'd do what the good parents I've seen do - realize its bullshit and pull their kid out.

If your expecting a pat on the back for someone who gets scared and tricked into giving up their kid for months to years to get fucked up brainwashed and abused, you really should go to a parent seminar or open meeting.

Perhaps the sentiments contained in the following
pages, are not yet sufficiently fashionable to procure them
general favor; a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong,
gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises
at first a formidable outcry in defence of custom.  But the
tumult soon subsides.  Time makes more converts than reason.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0679433147/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'>Thomas Paine, Common Sense

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DannyB on the internet:I CALLED A LAWYER TODAY TO SEE IF I COULD SUE YOUR ASSES FOR DOING THIS BUT THAT WAS NOT POSSIBLE.

CCMGirl on program restraints: "DON\'T TAZ ME BRO!!!!!"

TheWho on program survivors: "From where I sit I see all the anit-program[sic] people doing all the complaining and crying."

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2005, 12:53:00 AM »
Andrea,
You should understand that when you post on a PUBLIC forum the information is fair game.
If you are concerned about anonymity or scrutiny then you best search out PRIVATE forums that screen their members and prohibit the sharing/criticizing/analyzing of personal information.
Further, whether you copy/paste or provide a link, along with personal opinion or commentary... what's the difference? What's public is public.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2005, 02:12:00 AM »
I agree.

Further, most parents, loving, caring parents, would not ever consider the following:

1. Allowing someone to convince you it's  a good idea to have an escort service come pick your child up in the middle of the night, from his/her bed, without you in the room to explain what is happening, but rather providing your child with a letter from you telling them you are doing this because you love him/her? I doubt a child who feels they are being kidnapped is going to feel any of that love. Not all feel like they are being kidnapped, but many do.

2. Allowing someone to convince you it's a good idea to not speak to your own child for months, until he or she has learned to "work" the program, basically meaning he or she has become their puppet and has learned his or her rights have been taken away and in order to ever get out of there they'd better go along.

3. Allowing someone to convince you it's a good idea to take your child to a place you've never seen to be put into the control of people who you have never met out in the middle of no where somewhere clear across the country, or worse, outside the country.

Think about it ... most parents would not do this. So, it leads me to believe the people on the other end of the phone have perfected their sales pitch and somehow have figured out a way to take people who are at low points in their  lives, a time when they might think they are losing their child to drugs, etc., and convince them to do things they would NEVER consider doing.

Many of us cannot comprehend how that could happen because we've never walked in those shoes.

But I know it does happen because I've heard it from parents who have sent their kids away and then felt that deep, sickening, pit in the stomach feeling, wondering what possessed them to make such a rediculous decision. By that time many have mortgaged their homes or taken out large loans and feel somehow committed to at least trying to make it work.

Then they get calls from the family rep who tells them things are going great. They wonder how great they can be going when they get their first letter from their child telling them he or she is being starved, abused, is miserable, the place is horrible, and so on. Their fears are relieved when they talk again to the family rep who tells them things are fine and that this is one stage their child is going through. This is normal, they say, all kids go through this. This means your child is actually working the program and soon you will see letters improve.

Sure they do improve because the poor kid finally realizes every time he or she writes the truth he or she gets into trouble. It doesn't take a long to finally give up and make things up just to get out of there.

The poor kids are damned if they do, damned if they don't.

The parents are so confused their heads are spinning. Then they are convinced to go to seminars where they will further be confused and convinced they're doing the right thing. But for many the nagging feeling never really goes away and they wonder if they've made the right decision.

This is a racket. People are getting rich off of families who are desperate and who need some guidance, not to send their  child thousands of miles away to be with strangers.

Most parents truly would not consider doing these things. We can say some are desperate, and I'm sure they feel desperate at the time. But to let someone on the other end of a telephone line convince you that it's a good idea to have someone yank your child out of his bed from a deep sleep, to give that person the right to handcuff or do whatever else they might do to your kid, then to take your kid away and be told you won't actually be able to talk to your child for months - well, now that really makes no sense to me.

Even if you are a desperate parent, it's time to
think about what you are allowing someone to do.

Really, is this reasonable? Something to ask yourself - did my child do anything bad enough that he/she should be locked up for months without the right to contact anyone in the outside world?

Even if your child were to be abused, beaten to within an inch of his/her life, he/she would have no way to tell you or anyone else for that matter.

Now that's dang scary if you ask me. I think it's important to keep all of this in perspective when trying to decide what to do with your child.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #13 on: June 04, 2005, 08:06:00 AM »
I am not concerned about my privacy or posting I am concerned though for the vulnerable folks and their postings - if you have a beef with Struggling Teens and what they do - that is fine you are entitled to that, but the parens who know no better or differently it is not fair to take it out on them is all I am saying - they don't know they are desperate and if you google anything it all leads to the same site.  
So this is where they turn.  
They hate me there trust me.
Andrea
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #14 on: June 04, 2005, 11:07:00 AM »
Quote
On 2005-06-04 05:06:00, Anonymous wrote:

"I am not concerned about my privacy or posting I am concerned though for the vulnerable folks and their postings - if you have a beef with Struggling Teens and what they do - that is fine you are entitled to that, but the parens who know no better or differently it is not fair to take it out on them is all I am saying - they don't know they are desperate and if you google anything it all leads to the same site.  

So this is where they turn.  

They hate me there trust me.

Andrea"


Sometimes, "Why does everybody hate my guts and villify me for doing this?" is the only way to reach someone who's allowed themselves to be convinced that something truly monstrous is "the right thing to do."

The parents are "vulnerable"???

Oh, wah!  They're supposed to be the adults.

Does it hurt?  Well, fine, as long as they bring their kid home, let the *parents* be the ones to spend years in therapy, "Doctor, I sent my child to be abused and I paid them to do it, doctor.  Doctor, am I bad?  Am I a bad person?  How could I ever have done such a thing, doctor?"

Maybe if I was twenty I'd have some sympathy.  Maybe I'd have some even if I was thirty.  I'm thirty-eight.  Being a grownup means shielding your kids from the things they're not ready to face yet until they *are* old enough to face them.  But not shielding them from too much.  It's a constant tighrope act.

As most of the rest of you know.

Life frequently sucks, and often the Knight in Shining Armor doesn't arrive to save the day and evil wins.  Or the Knight arrives and he's good at shining armor up but not real good at picking "the right side."  Life frequently just sucks, and even if you do your best you can die badly.  Sometimes there isn't any silver lining in the clouds.

It's an adult's job to look that in the face and then tell the child to put his tooth under his pillow so the Tooth Fairy can come.

So they're "vulnerable."  Yeah, life sucks sometimes.  If you chose to be a parent, shielding your kid from that---shielding slowly and progressively less and less, but never too little---until she's grown, herself, is your job.  Even if it does sometimes suck.


Okay, generic you, but not you, Andrea, "you" time:

I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes if you don't hear other people say what you're doing is really bad, you miss the point that you really need to change.

Anyway, the adults already know all this, and the kids won't understand it.

Timoclea
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