Will someone who went to Hyde please contact me right away

[tlocklear]

Hi,
I am also a Hyde alum, and I hated performing arts. Really. Still, I strongly believe it helped me develop the courage I rely on today, to get past obstacles that fall beyond my comfort level. I STILL hate speaking in front of people, and avoid it at all costs. But when I have to do it, I reach down to my "audition" experience, and remember that there is nothing I can't do.

Same thing with sports. I had never done sports until Hyde, and my first summer school I was aghast that I had to run a mile. I couldn't believe it, and definitely rebelled. But a few years later, I wound up finding an athleticism in myself I never knew existed. A character/physical trait I use on a daily basis now (I am 38).

Regarding being attacked at a family meeting, questioning the reasoning behind an exercise.. I am sorry that happend. Hyde is generally very open about discussing philosophy and the purposes behind certain activities. My only thought is that perhaps it sounded more like acting out rather than a constructive inquiry.

Please feel free to contact me with any questions about my Hyde experience. I have thought long and hard about it, and feel comfortable discussing any aspect.

Thanks,
Theresa Locklear, classes of '85 and '87

[Anonymous]

On 2006-01-29 07:46:00, tlocklear wrote:

"Hi,

I am also a Hyde alum, and I hated performing arts. Really. Still, I strongly believe it helped me develop the courage I rely on today, to get past obstacles that fall beyond my comfort level. I STILL hate speaking in front of people, and avoid it at all costs. But when I have to do it, I reach down to my "audition" experience, and remember that there is nothing I can't do.



Same thing with sports. I had never done sports until Hyde, and my first summer school I was aghast that I had to run a mile. I couldn't believe it, and definitely rebelled. But a few years later, I wound up finding an athleticism in myself I never knew existed. A character/physical trait I use on a daily basis now (I am 38).



Regarding being attacked at a family meeting, questioning the reasoning behind an exercise.. I am sorry that happend. Hyde is generally very open about discussing philosophy and the purposes behind certain activities. My only thought is that perhaps it sounded more like acting out rather than a constructive inquiry.



Please feel free to contact me with any questions about my Hyde experience. I have thought long and hard about it, and feel comfortable discussing any aspect.



Thanks,

Theresa Locklear, classes of '85 and '87 "

You make reasonable points about what you got of Hyde's performing arts and athletic requirements.  When handled properly, these can indeed by valuable experiences.

But I've also seen these events used by Hyde staff as opportunities to verbally abuse and humiliate both students and parents.  I've personally witnessed students being yelled at and called names during athletic performances (we live within driving distance and try to show up to athletic events when possible).  In a couple of these situations I was embarrassed for parents on the other team to know I was affiliated with Hyde.  The Hyde staff were so unprofessional.

In my most recent FLC a couple of parents asked perfectly innocent, appropriate questions about Hyde's philosophy and the purposes of certain expectations (for example, the solo singing).  I was appalled by the facilitator's response, which was something like, "Your job is to do what you're told to do.  One of the reasons your kid challenges authority so much is that you've modeled how to do that, like now.  I want you to accept that there's a good reason to do this.  In time you'll figure it out."  The Hyde facilitator was so dismissive and patronizing.  That parent shut her mouth the rest of the time and now resents Hyde (for other reasons too).  

So, I disagree with your point that Hyde is always open to people who question its philosophy.  I've seen many examples of just the opposite.  Have you ever seen Joe Gauld "go off" on a parent or student who questions or challenges Hyde's philosophy?  Have you ever seen Joe point his finger and berate parents and students?

I guess you and I have had very different experiences at Hyde.  I'm glad yours was good, but mine (and it seems many others') have been terrible.

[tlocklear]

Thanks for your response. I am sorry your experience has been so negative.. what you describe does sound abysmal. My only recommendation would be to try and affect change in a positive way. One of the things I learned as a student at Hyde that I have probably used more than anything else, is when there is something going on that I don't like, I think about a proactive way to change it. For example, as a senior, I wanted some "privileges" that weren't given out at first. I wrote up a letter arguing my points in a clear, relatively unbiased way, and submitted that to someone, maybe the dean. It was discussed at a faculty meeting that I was invited to, and after some debate, our privileges were awarded.

The same could be true for you.. if there are staff at the school who are seemingly unprofessional at sporting events, I would write a proactive letter to the coach or the headmaster, stating your points and making a recommendation for change. I advise that this be done in positive tone, rather than an attacking one, as negatives are often responded in the same manner. I would be happy to work with you on this letter, should you decide to move forward with it.

Just as a side note.. when my son was 5, he went to a school in a building that had 2 schools in it. He complained to me one day that the other school gets morning recess (before school starts), but not his school. Since we were early to school every day, I recommended to him that he take a survey to find out if there were other students from his school interested in having morning recess. He found out that there were. He presented these findings to School Leadership Team, and after some debate, morning recess was enabled for his school as well.

Regarding the FLC, this is a little more sensitive but could be handled in a similar manner. I wonder if the timing of the question may have been awkward, and could have been taken off-line to avoid seeming like an attack or a distraction from the task at hand. Even still, another of the very big lessons I learned at Hyde was/is that if you are "churning" about a certain issue, you should deal with this feeling. Again, I recommend doing this in as positive of a tone as possible, to best enable a communication, rather than an attack/defense back and forth. And again, I would be more than happy to work with you or your friend to write a letter, most likely to the facilitator, regarding your/her experience.

I hope that helps in some way. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss this more in-depth.

Best,
Theresa Locklear

[Anonymous]

On 2006-01-29 09:45:00, tlocklear wrote:

"Thanks for your response. I am sorry your experience has been so negative.. what you describe does sound abysmal. My only recommendation would be to try and affect change in a positive way. One of the things I learned as a student at Hyde that I have probably used more than anything else, is when there is something going on that I don't like, I think about a proactive way to change it. For example, as a senior, I wanted some "privileges" that weren't given out at first. I wrote up a letter arguing my points in a clear, relatively unbiased way, and submitted that to someone, maybe the dean. It was discussed at a faculty meeting that I was invited to, and after some debate, our privileges were awarded.



The same could be true for you.. if there are staff at the school who are seemingly unprofessional at sporting events, I would write a proactive letter to the coach or the headmaster, stating your points and making a recommendation for change. I advise that this be done in positive tone, rather than an attacking one, as negatives are often responded in the same manner. I would be happy to work with you on this letter, should you decide to move forward with it.



Just as a side note.. when my son was 5, he went to a school in a building that had 2 schools in it. He complained to me one day that the other school gets morning recess (before school starts), but not his school. Since we were early to school every day, I recommended to him that he take a survey to find out if there were other students from his school interested in having morning recess. He found out that there were. He presented these findings to School Leadership Team, and after some debate, morning recess was enabled for his school as well.



Regarding the FLC, this is a little more sensitive but could be handled in a similar manner. I wonder if the timing of the question may have been awkward, and could have been taken off-line to avoid seeming like an attack or a distraction from the task at hand. Even still, another of the very big lessons I learned at Hyde was/is that if you are "churning" about a certain issue, you should deal with this feeling. Again, I recommend doing this in as positive of a tone as possible, to best enable a communication, rather than an attack/defense back and forth. And again, I would be more than happy to work with you or your friend to write a letter, most likely to the facilitator, regarding your/her experience.



I hope that helps in some way. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss this more in-depth.



Best,

Theresa Locklear

"

I think one of the reasons that many of us have had an experience at Hyde so different from yours is that the student body seems to have changed significantly.  My impression is that you were there 20 or so years ago (based on your age).  I've heard Hyde administrators acknowledge that the current student body is much more likely to include students who come to the school with very significant mental health, behavior and substance abuse problems.  Hyde now faces lots of competition and appears to be accepting lots of students who are different from the profile that existed when you were there.

A major part of the controversy at Hyde now has to do with these changes and the school's inability to meet these kids' needs.  Many of us think Hyde is using its traditional "character education" model with a population that has lots of kids who need many services in addition to character education.  That's why many parents are disappointed with Hyde.  The school seems to work well for certain kinds of kids, but not others.  The problem is that Hyde admits so many kids it isn't prepared to serve effectively.

[tlocklear]

Hi,

Thanks for your response. What you say may be true, that the student body is different than it once was. I am not sure what the current admissions are doing. But, I have to admit, that when I went, Hyde had a reputation of accepting "f***-ups" as someone stated earlier in this thread. By saying that, I am some what admitting that I was a "f***-up" myself.. which is partially true.

The truth of the matter was that my parents lost control of me. Between a painful divorce, some mental illness, alcohol abuse and growing up basically unchaperoned, you could say I developed a bit of a "tude." This is actually normal self-protecting behavior, in an unsafe environment.

It took a safe, structured place, like Hyde, and some parental confrontation for me to realize I wasn't just the throw away I had grown up believing I was. It wasn't easy, especially not the performing arts, sports, or FLCs. Wasn't easy for my parents either. But in retrospect, I am, and they are, truly grateful to have had the experience.

I don't mean to discourage you from confronting Hyde in a proactive/positive way with regards to your feelings about their admissions process. By all means, if you see a change that should be made, you should recommend it! And again, I would be more than happy to assist in that effort.

Best,
Theresa Locklear

[Anonymous]

On 2006-01-29 15:33:00, tlocklear wrote:

"Hi,



Thanks for your response. What you say may be true, that the student body is different than it once was. I am not sure what the current admissions are doing. But, I have to admit, that when I went, Hyde had a reputation of accepting "f***-ups" as someone stated earlier in this thread. By saying that, I am some what admitting that I was a "f***-up" myself.. which is partially true.



The truth of the matter was that my parents lost control of me. Between a painful divorce, some mental illness, alcohol abuse and growing up basically unchaperoned, you could say I developed a bit of a "tude." This is actually normal self-protecting behavior, in an unsafe environment.



It took a safe, structured place, like Hyde, and some parental confrontation for me to realize I wasn't just the throw away I had grown up believing I was. It wasn't easy, especially not the performing arts, sports, or FLCs. Wasn't easy for my parents either. But in retrospect, I am, and they are, truly grateful to have had the experience.



I don't mean to discourage you from confronting Hyde in a proactive/positive way with regards to your feelings about their admissions process. By all means, if you see a change that should be made, you should recommend it! And again, I would be more than happy to assist in that effort.



Best,

Theresa Locklear

"

Thanks for your posts Theresa.  I am interested in knowing what you have been doing since graduating from Hyde.  What is your career and what area of the country do you live?

[tlocklear]

>> Thanks for your posts Theresa. I am interested in knowing what you have been doing since graduating from Hyde. What is your career and what area of the country do you live?

Hello,
Thanks for your interest. After graduation in 1987, I went to Earlham College, which is a Quaker school in Indiana. I graduated in 1991 with a BA in Philosophy of Religion and then joined the Teach for America program. I was placed in North Carolina, where I taught high school Science and Math at a rural public school. I met my husband (playing sports!) in NC and had my son, Grady. While Grady was small I taught myself computer programming, then moved back to New York and took a job as a software developer. In my move to NY, I also left my husband, and spent 6 years as a single mom in the city. Two years ago, my husband and I reconciled and Grady and I moved to Washington, DC to be with him. I am still doing software development here, but I recently took the official title of Technical Business Analyst.

Hope that helps. Again, please feel free to contact me with any questions about my experience at Hyde.

Best,
Theresa

[Anonymous]

On 2006-01-29 21:19:00, tlocklear wrote:

">> Thanks for your posts Theresa. I am interested in knowing what you have been doing since graduating from Hyde. What is your career and what area of the country do you live?



Hello,

Thanks for your interest. After graduation in 1987, I went to Earlham College, which is a Quaker school in Indiana. I graduated in 1991 with a BA in Philosophy of Religion and then joined the Teach for America program. I was placed in North Carolina, where I taught high school Science and Math at a rural public school. I met my husband (playing sports!) in NC and had my son, Grady. While Grady was small I taught myself computer programming, then moved back to New York and took a job as a software developer. In my move to NY, I also left my husband, and spent 6 years as a single mom in the city. Two years ago, my husband and I reconciled and Grady and I moved to Washington, DC to be with him. I am still doing software development here, but I recently took the official title of Technical Business Analyst.



Hope that helps. Again, please feel free to contact me with any questions about my experience at Hyde.



Best,

Theresa

"

It's good to know that you're doing well.  

I have a question: It seems that Hyde now accepts lots of kids with serious mental health issues and diagnoses.  Do you think the school should have mental health professionals on staff to increase the chances that these students' needs will be met?  Do you think it's very risky to accept these students without any mental health professionals?  Or do you think the school's traditional "character education" approach is enough?

[Anonymous]

It's good to know that you're doing well.  



I have a question: It seems that Hyde now accepts lots of kids with serious mental health issues and diagnoses.  Do you think the school should have mental health professionals on staff to increase the chances that these students' needs will be met?  Do you think it's very risky to accept these students without any mental health professionals?  Or do you think the school's traditional "character education" approach is enough?"

Thanks for your response.  

I have to admit that I really do not know the difference between the numbers of kids at Hyde with mental health issues, then and now. I remember there being some issues while I was there, but as a student, my perspective was limited. I can tell you what I might do as a parent in that situation...

I am personally an advocate for what in public schools is known as an "inclusive classroom." Having a son who is severely dyslexic, having mental illness in my immediate family, and having been "low tracked" myself before Hyde, I tend to think that people that fall under these categories have a right to a good education.

I do not believe that "good education" for some should jeopardize the other, as I don't see the two as mutually exclusive. Rather, I strongly believe that in a safe environment, the inclusive paradigm, or diversity, is most beneficial for all, even those without "issues." It exposes otherwise sheltered kids to what they will have to learn to work with for their whole lives.

If there is a specific incident where you feel that a student at Hyde is not receiving the services that you believe he or she requires, then I think you should address that issue. Again, I recommend moving forward in positive and productive manner with a letter perhaps, of which I would be happy to help draft.

I really appreciate your thoughtful and open-minded responses. This dialog has been very gratifying for me. Thank you.

Best,
Theresa Locklear

[tlocklear]

I can't edit my previous response. That second-to-last paragraph should read...

I must say that not being a mental health professional, or knowing the students or incidents that are troubling, I can't really weigh in one or another on whether there should be more professionals on staff at Hyde. If there is however, a specific incident where you feel  a student is not receiving the services that you believe he or she requires, then I think you should address that issue. Again, I recommend moving forward in positive and productive manner with a letter perhaps, of which I would be happy to help draft.

Thanks again,
Theresa Locklear

[Anonymous]

On 2006-01-30 16:46:00, Anonymous wrote:

"

It's good to know that you're doing well.  





I have a question: It seems that Hyde now accepts lots of kids with serious mental health issues and diagnoses.  Do you think the school should have mental health professionals on staff to increase the chances that these students' needs will be met?  Do you think it's very risky to accept these students without any mental health professionals?  Or do you think the school's traditional "character education" approach is enough?"

Thanks for your response.  



I have to admit that I really do not know the difference between the numbers of kids at Hyde with mental health issues, then and now. I remember there being some issues while I was there, but as a student, my perspective was limited. I can tell you what I might do as a parent in that situation...



I am personally an advocate for what in public schools is known as an "inclusive classroom." Having a son who is severely dyslexic, having mental illness in my immediate family, and having been "low tracked" myself before Hyde, I tend to think that people that fall under these categories have a right to a good education.



I do not believe that "good education" for some should jeopardize the other, as I don't see the two as mutually exclusive. Rather, I strongly believe that in a safe environment, the inclusive paradigm, or diversity, is most beneficial for all, even those without "issues." It exposes otherwise sheltered kids to what they will have to learn to work with for their whole lives.



If there is a specific incident where you feel that a student at Hyde is not receiving the services that you believe he or she requires, then I think you should address that issue. Again, I recommend moving forward in positive and productive manner with a letter perhaps, of which I would be happy to help draft.



I really appreciate your thoughtful and open-minded responses. This dialog has been very gratifying for me. Thank you.



Best,

Theresa Locklear



"

All sounds so great when reading your posts Theresa, but the truth is many people I know have addressed Hyde on this and other issues and Hyde basically shows you the door if you don't like the way they do things. Of course if you walk out that door you lose your $50,000!! This is not an exaggeration, it is truth.

You seem very sincere and honest and it sounds like you are the type that Hyde should hire. Your posts indicate that all one has to do is address the school about troubling circumstances and Hyde will respond in a positive way!  Trust me Theresa, this is not how Hyde operates these days.  Joe Gauld has gone off the deep end and needs some psychological help himself.  The schools are a mess and the arrogance and control has gotten out of hand.  It doesn't sound like you are familiar with "this Hyde."  I witnessed girls running to the bathroom to deal with their eating disorders.  Hyde does nothing medically about this.  They address it as a character problem.  Same goes for ADD and many other afflictions that should be dealt with by professionals.

It just is not as simple as you would like to think Theresa.  If it were, we wouldn't be having these discussions.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure that Theresa would be glad to assist you in drafting a letter. :roll:

[tlocklear]

Hi, Thanks for your response. What you say does sound troubling. And I am sorry for your negative experience. My only recommendation at this point would be to make a list of all the issues that are worrisome, and let's try and draft a rational and constructive letter.

One of the clichés that Hyde over-uses, which I have always found to be both antagonistic and insightful, may have some truth in this circumstance - if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. I don't mean to sound antagonistic myself in saying that, but I do fall back on that quite often in my own life.

Joe Gauld has always had a bit of a reputation of being, let's say, passionate. I am not going to defend him, as I don't know the specific incident(s) to which you are referring. In my experience however, if I am able to peel away the eccentricity of his expression, he often makes a good point, worth thinking about.

Thanks again for your response.
Best,
Theresa Locklear

[Anonymous]

On 2006-01-31 05:58:00, tlocklear wrote:

"Hi, Thanks for your response. What you say does sound troubling. And I am sorry for your negative experience. My only recommendation at this point would be to make a list of all the issues that are worrisome, and let's try and draft a rational and constructive letter.



One of the clichés that Hyde over-uses, which I have always found to be both antagonistic and insightful, may have some truth in this circumstance - if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. I don't mean to sound antagonistic myself in saying that, but I do fall back on that quite often in my own life.



Joe Gauld has always had a bit of a reputation of being, let's say, passionate. I am not going to defend him, as I don't know the specific incident(s) to which you are referring. In my experience however, if I am able to peel away the eccentricity of his expression, he often makes a good point, worth thinking about.



Thanks again for your response.

Best,

Theresa Locklear

"

I have a very important question for you Theresa that I hope you will answer honestly.  Are you still involved with Hyde?  Do you facilitate or participate in seminars, family weekends, regional meetings, or FLC's?

[tlocklear]

Hi,
The only way I am currently affiliated with Hyde is that I have been participating in an alumni list discussion (classes of '85-'90), in preparation for the 40th anniversary of the school this summer.

That is actually how I found this thread, as I was looking for Hyde logos for our reunion t-shirt, and I happened upon this site.

I worked for Hyde as an intern the summer after I graduated in 1987, but that is the extent of my Hyde professional experience. Honestly. :smile:

Thanks again for your responses!
Best,
Theresa