As i entered Straight, Springfield in march of 85, Steve Mathews was sitting in group on 1st phase with his hand down. in that sea of mindlessness Steve was a beacon of hope to me. While all the other misbehavers and non-participants(and as a percentage of group there weren't that many) would get stood up and mocked and humilliated, when Steve got stood up he would just kinda smile a little and refuse to get drawn into Staff and the Groups' attempts to trigger his emotions. That's how he was by the time i knew him. Sometime before i got there i understand he was a serious misbehaver. By the time i knew him he had already learned how to keep a tenuous balance between apeasing the group and retaining his integrity. The way i remember him he had a way of disarming the frenzied Group, and before staff would give up and let him sit down he would have everyone laughing, or at least lightening up and maybe smiling. It was great to watch him work. The way he could frustrate the staff with his humor. He managed to stay objective and not get pulled in by personal insults and such. He was intelligent enough not to be confused by all of straights' tactics to get to him. He was one cool kid.
The longer i was in the program the more i paid attention to Steves' way of dealing with staff and the group. Though we never directly communicated, because we were both on 1st phase together, he taught me tons. i modelled my own resistence techniques after his.
After copping out 7 times and nearly 3 years in the program Steve finally turned 18 and withdrew himself. i ran into him one day in northern VA at a 7/11 store on Old Keene Mill Rd. He was with 2 beautiful women and was carrying 2 bottles of wine. i was copped out and on the run at the time. i was really struggling to survive on the street. You know, stealin' food to eat, sleepin' in a different place every night, stayin' out of public during the day. We instantly recognized each other. i told him i was on the run and needed help. He was sympathetic to me and gave me a phone number to reach him at. i watched as he got in the back of some car with the women and the wine. That was the last time i saw him.
Some time later i was brought back to the program. i was back on 1st phase again after having been gone for like a month. One day 2 staff members came and pulled me out of group. They took me into the carpet room, where we were alone. They sat me down and told me that Steve Mathews had killed himself. Whatever i felt at the time i denied because in a way i felt threatened. i believed staff was telling me the truth but i wondered why they chose to tell me. i thought maybe they wanted to use Steves' death to break me down somehow. i acted as though i felt nothing and they took me back to group and i was left alone with the knowledge that a warrior and a teacher and a friend was dead.
i'll never forget Steve Mathews. Whenever i stand alone in battle i'll remember Steve Mathews and the things he taught me. You were righteous brother.
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If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end. People are not commodities. When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-05-26 14:50 ]
