INDIAN CHIEF DIRECTOR WON'T TALK
By THE ELAN REPORTER'S ASSISTANT
Martin "Chief" Kruglik, Indian chief director of the Elan School in Poland Spring, Maine, has thus far refused to speak to police in the case of several child molestations in the woods at a mysterious tepee made of boys' underpants.
"We might have to convene a grand jury to indict Chief Kruglik," Poland Police Chief James Sutton said Monday. "Every time we try to contact him, he just says 'hi yuh yuh yuh, me no talk,' and hangs up. This man runs a school but he likes to walk around the woods naked in his spare time. It's pretty bizarre."
The Elan Reporter attempted to visit the school on Friday, but was forced to retreat when several arrows and a tomahawk were fired in his direction from the direction of a trailer. Calls to the school were met with a recording, saying, "Leave message on buffalo tape, me so give verbal reprimand to buffalos."
Several area residents said they were very concerned for the safety of their neighborhood and are making plans to install arrow-proof shielding on their double-wide trailers.