The current "My teen wont forgive me" thread on ST

[Nihilanthic]

http://www.strugglingteens.org/cgi-bin/ ... 2;t=001300

Fledderwitch
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Icon 9 posted November 07, 2006 11:53 PM Profile for Fledderwitch Email Fledderwitch Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote Daughter says she will never forgive us for sending her to a TBS. She is in college now not doing real well but not real bad either. Has anyone else had this thrown in their face? Posts: 2 | From: PA | Registered: Feb 2005 | Logged: 75.117.144.102 | Report this post to a Moderator
Darian
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Icon 1 posted November 08, 2006 06:08 AM Profile for Darian Email Darian Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote Yes. Our daughter told her current therapist that she would never forgive us for sending her away. She said this about 2 years ago and I don't think she feels so strongly about this anymore. Time does heal many wounds.
We have to realize that when we take the drastic step of sending our children to a TBS or RTC, that they may, in fact, hold a grudge against us for the rest of their lives. We told our daughter that it was better to have a pissed-off kid than a dead one. Our girl was one of those hard-core cases whose body would have been found in a cornfield one day if we didn't have her secured somewhere.
Don't fret about it. She is alive. She is going to school and moving forward with her life. Had she not gone to a TBS, where would she be now?
I'm sending you a private message. Posts: 38 | From: Indiana | Registered: Sep 2001 | Logged: 74.133.96.87 | Report this post to a Moderator
mose
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Icon 1 posted November 08, 2006 06:24 AM Profile for mose Email mose Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote Not to be rude but did you send them to one of those notorious programs that are punitive and abuse the children, you know the ones, the owners are alwasy in the news about being being sued by parents and children?

[ November 08, 2006, 06:24 AM: Message edited by: mose ] Posts: 1021 | From: New York | Registered: Jul 2002 | Logged: 69.203.106.219 | Report this post to a Moderator
mose
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Icon 1 posted November 08, 2006 06:54 AM Profile for mose Email mose Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote Hi Darian,
I want to clarify that my somewhat pointed post was addressing "Fedderwitch" who I am not convinced is really a parent. I think it is a troll playing with our emotions about having a child still angry that they were sent for help at a TBS.

I think young adults can be angry with their parents for all types of reasons. The depth of their experience is as complicated as ours having to send them away for help.
And sometimes they say things to push for greater autonomy from the family, or because they were hurt and want us to understand the depth of their pain. Other times they just push our buttons and know how guilty we feel about the whole mess their adolescence became.

I like to believe that most parents and children figure out a way to heal the past emotional wounds. We have all been through so much therapeutic speak and know how to do this. Especially parents that realizes in retrospect they were misled and made a mistake sending a child to a placement that was punitive or harmful. If it harmed the child, I know first hand it harmed the parent to know their kid was hurt by their best intentions.

I made a mistake with a placement at a psych hospital that mistreated my daughter, she forgave us, and I sometimes forgive myself for that placement.

mose Posts: 1021 | From: New York | Registered: Jul 2002 | Logged: 69.203.106.219 | Report this post to a Moderator
exhausted
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Icon 1 posted November 08, 2006 04:59 PM Profile for exhausted Email exhausted Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote i don't personally think it can ever be considered a mistake to send your child somewhere that will keep them alive and hopefully bring them out as a better person

I have to be honest when I say I'd have preffered to have been sent to a hospital or any program even if they mistreated me than been allowed to carry on the way I did as a youngster, the very fact no-one cared enough to stop me has caused more mental harm than any program could ever have done......young ppl just don't see it until they are mature enough to understand that it was done out of love and fear for them

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Help help help help help ......
Posts: 68 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Sep 2006 | Logged: 84.71.104.18 | Report this post to a Moderator
WillieNelson
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Icon 1 posted November 08, 2006 05:08 PM Profile for WillieNelson Email WillieNelson Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote Mose- I had the same first reaction, but the OP has been registered for awhile. We'll see if the poster returns.

My kid claimed that he would never forgive us for sending him to a program and would not be part of our family- that was while he was in the program. He has never even questioned our decision since he got out 2 1/2 years ago. He thinks he "could have done OK with just wilderness", but understands our position and is grateful for how things fell into place for him post-program. Time does heal.... Posts: 27 | From: Way up north | Registered: Aug 2006 | Logged: 72.150.102.92 | Report this post to a Moderator
mose
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 08:09 AM Profile for mose Email mose Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote Hi Exhausted
I do think there are placements that are truly detrimental to our children?s well being and the parents. My daughter needed to e saved form herself so treatment was no longer an option or choice she had to have help. I understand and my heart goes out to you and what you are saying by feeling neglected because your family did not help you enough to gather insight to your dangerous acting out as an adolescent.

We had a terrible sitution when my daughter was hospitalized she was shot up with thorzine, and put in a basement cell at the psychiatric hospital. It is one of the premier private hospitals and if I did not go to visit her that day and see with my own eyes, what they did to her I would not have believed it possible. My daughter was in a very difficult time in her life and completely out of control (and coming down off a cocaine addiction, we did not grasp the extent of her addiction at that time) however no child ever deserves that type of treatment.

Naturally, I took her home that day against medical orders; I fired her psychiatrist and reported the incident. We transferred her to another hospital (she could not go to drug rehab, or wilderness or any type of program unless she had medical clearance). It was a mess to say the least.

By transferring her, (thankfully she sees it as rescuing her) this helped to heal the deep psyche wounds from the ordeal. I believed her (and I saw with my own eyes). She needed me to believe what she told us about what led up to the incident and how they were treating the children. I believed every word she told us.

In all of the following placements after that one, I believed my daughter, she told some remarkable revealing truths about her self. We were fortunate that the other placemats were wonderful and she had then only loving kind and nurturing experiences at drug rehab and a two yr placement at a therapeutic boarding school.

Thanks for reading this far [Eek!]

Take care, mose Posts: 1021 | From: New York | Registered: Jul 2002 | Logged: 69.203.106.219 | Report this post to a Moderator
mose
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 08:16 AM Profile for mose Email mose Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote Wille,
Fedderwitch seems like a real parent she sent me a private post and claims she is.
O well I could be wrong (maybe [Big Grin] )

Mose

[ November 09, 2006, 08:17 AM: Message edited by: mose ] Posts: 1021 | From: New York | Registered: Jul 2002 | Logged: 69.203.106.219 | Report this post to a Moderator
exhausted
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Icon 1 posted November 09, 2006 03:40 PM Profile for exhausted Email exhausted Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote I understand waht you are saying Mose, I do feel even to this day that I wasn't loved or cared about enough to be stopped, even though your daughter hada terrible exoperience, at least you loved her enough to place her in what you believed to be a safe situation - I'm truly sorry there are places out there that take advantage of these poor kids' vunerabilities and hope she will put it down to a horrible mistake on whoever is supposed to regulate theses places part and not you!

Luckily parents have gut instinct, yours naturally would have been not to believe a word that came out of her mouth at that time, however, you somehow knew she was telling the truth, I believe that you having that faith in her when she really wasn't trying yet another trick took her a long way in her road to recovery

Lord we are fantastic parents [Big Grin]

P.S. Fledderwitch is a parent with a problem as far as I can tell

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Help help help help help ......
Posts: 68 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Sep 2006 | Logged: 84.65.169.53 | Report this post to a Moderator
KimzMom
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Icon 1 posted November 10, 2006 06:07 AM Profile for KimzMom Email KimzMom Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote Fledderwitch did you ask your daughter why she won't forgive you?? I find it hard to think she just blurted this out. What was the context in which this was said?

When my daughter returned, she was very bothered by having graduated HS from her TBS. She didn't know what to put on job applications when they asked for education. She thought EVERYONE would know she must have had issues if she put the name of the school. Also, she didn't talk at all about Utah or the school for the first year. Now its been almost 4 years and she sometimes mentions "school", or kids there or her experiences. Never are they negative coments. She even has offerred to help a local kid who just came home from a year at a TBS transition back. All this from the girl who litterally jumped out of the back of the plane when she arrived in Utah w/her escort (and I DO mean jumped)!

There was a time when I NEVER thought she would come around, but she has!

Unless your daughter has eluded to some abuse or something bad, you just have to let these comments roll off your back. They may just be some lingering manipulation.

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19 Yr old daughter home since 2/04 and doing great!
Posts: 190 | From: Upstate, New York | Registered: Mar 2003 | Logged: 70.165.184.239 | Report this post to a Moderator
JBH
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Icon 1 posted November 10, 2006 10:17 AM Profile for JBH Email JBH Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote I am not trying to start an arguement but say a daughters prospective on what I went through.

I have not forgiven my parents for sending me away and they have said they have not forgiven me for some of the stuff I did. I did not have a good experience ans still live with effects of what happened most of it is because of what one therapist did and not the program but I don't agree with how the program was run either. I told my mom that the day they left me at my first program I felt abandoned and she said that's not how it was, whether is was or it wasn't doesn't change how I felt on that day. The therapist I lived with after my first program told me that my parents don't want to hear or accept that what they did hurt thier child. I know in order for me to heal I have to forgive them for sending me away and hopefully I will sooner rather than later. I don't even care that much if they agree with me I just want them to look at things from my prospective and see that is wasn't all great.

They said they ran out of options which I disagree with because I was suppose to go into a program in Seattle that I lived at a place and had to go to school and get a job and make a weekly menu, go to the store and cook your own meals. To me that program would have been a lot more real life application that I could have actually used not learning how to go around and say to people my experience of you is... Posts: 1 | From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Nov 2006 | Logged: 67.168.95.147 | Report this post to a Moderator
exhausted
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Icon 1 posted November 10, 2006 03:39 PM Profile for exhausted Email exhausted Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote Hi JBH

I feel very sad you're having such a tough time with accepting what happened

All I can say to you from a parents point of view is that it takes real courage to send your child away in order to help them, it really is an absolute heart breaker wondering if you've done the right thing, are they safe, will they ever forgive me, and the missing your child is almost like going through the grieving process, it really hurts

On the other hand I do understand how you feel, as a child who was constantly shoved from kids homes and foster parents, although it was not through my behaviour, it was through the behaviour of my mother, so I was the victim of her issues and instability as a person, I'm not sure I will ever forgive her for doing that to me, I know for fact I will never understand it, but, it happened and I'm not going to let it ruin my life because I cannot change it, I want to shape my future, not waste time on being bitter about the past

I hope this makes some sense to you and I also hope you can one day realise that your parents did whatever it took to help you, don't beat yourself up if it takes years to come to that realisation, just promise yourself you'll try to make it a goal in life to get to the point of letting it go, you'll be far happier for it
Take care

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Help help help help help ......
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CarolS
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Icon 2 posted November 10, 2006 07:22 PM Profile for CarolS Email CarolS Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote On the drive home from a detox unit about a year ago, my then 20 year old daughter told me how much she resented our sending her away for 2 1/2 years from age 14 to treatment centers and TBS. My first instinct was to defend my position. She was able to accept that she needed to go away initially or she might not have survived, but she challenged whether she had to stay away as long as she did. I was able to really question myself and humbly admit that perhaps in retrospect it became easier for us to keep her away than to face further disruption in our lives. We were doing what we were advised to do and we also were concerned about the potential impact to our younger daughter - yet, as she pointed out, she suffered greatly the last year and is still working on those feelings of abandonment. When we did bring her home, there were indeed continuing problems which eventually centered around the theme of addiction. The latest research I read on the subject suggests that addiction may stem from early childhood attachment issues. In any case, we have been through a lot together. Life is good right now - although we no longer ever become complacent. I talk to my daughter daily now - usually she makes the call - and I really think the conversation we had that day made a big difference. Good luck to all. Posts: 87 | From: NY | Registered: Feb 2000 | Logged: 68.175.11.62 | Report this post to a Moderator
Anne from Minnesota
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Icon 1 posted November 11, 2006 08:02 AM Profile for Anne from Minnesota Email Anne from Minnesota Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote To Fledderwitch; my heart goes out to you, it sounds like you did what you really thought was best for your child, given the circumstances. And yet she is not, at this point, either accepting of, or grateful for, what I know was a hard, hard decision.

In our family, we were pretty lucky because at the school my son attended, we went through the "never forgive" frame of mind while he was still at the school. So we were able to work a lot out there.

And by the time he was home, even when we were in disagreement aobut something, the playing field was 1) his pre-TBS behaviors were clearly something that he would not allow to happen his kids if he had children of his own and 2) his knowing that we, as parents, had done the best we could, given the situation and the people we all were at the time.

In my work, I see parent-child problems frequently and it's obvious to the point of being a truism, in both work and life in general, that kids and adults process experiences in many different ways. Equally obvious that every situation is individual.

I would strongly suggest that if a child has finished a program and is still notably ambivalent about the parents' choice to send him/her in the first place, then have some kind of aftercare (with a clergy person, loved elder in the family, counselor, life coach, whatever) if an within-family discussion doesn't put the issue to rest. No point in letting resentment and disunderstanding fester and poison life going forward

Don't despair Fledderwitch, this may not be permanent. It may be just be the way that your child has to fight the whole experience through, given her own demons, strengths, and personal way of being in the world.

Just my opinion, but from what I've seen, your best response is to let her know that whatever decision you made, 1) it was done out of love and concern for her and 2) it was the best you could do (given who you were, the choices available to you, and what you knew at that point in your life). Earlier, I commented, I think on this thread that if I had known more about parenting and teenagers in the years before we placed our child in a TBS, then perhaps I could have been more proactive and this step wouldn't have been needed. I don't see anything wrong in admitting to this, others may feel differently. But in my experience at least, some honest vulnerability can sometimes enrich a dialogue.

Also, I do know families where the child never did come to the point of thinking that the school experience was the right decision, but still came to accept why parents made that choice, with a resulting loving family relationship that was able to put the whole experience into an "agree-to-disagree" category. Posts: 5 | From: Minnesota | Registered: Feb 2004 | Logged: 24.118.46.220 | Report this post to a Moderator
techdad
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Icon 1 posted November 11, 2006 05:14 PM Profile for techdad Email techdad Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote

quote:Originally posted by Anne from Minnesota:
To Fledderwitch; my heart goes out to you, it sounds like you did what you really thought was best for your child, given the circumstances. And yet she is not, at this point, either accepting of, or grateful for, what I know was a hard, hard decision.
...
Just my opinion, but from what I've seen, your best response is to let her know that whatever decision you made, 1) it was done out of love and concern for her and 2) it was the best you could do (given who you were, the choices available to you, and what you knew at that point in your life).

While reading this, I couldn't help but imagine this: subsitute "parent" for "child", fast forward thirty years and imagine that the above was written by your adult child, discussing his or her difficult decision to place you in a nursing home, hoping they made a wise choice and that you wouldn't have a "never forgive you" attitude about it.

[ November 11, 2006, 05:20 PM: Message edited by: techdad ] Posts: 32 | From: AZ | Registered: Jun 2006 | Logged: 68.3.26.171 | Report this post to a Moderator
Anne from Minnesota
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Icon 1 posted November 11, 2006 06:11 PM Profile for Anne from Minnesota Email Anne from Minnesota Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote Interesting observation, techdad.

Nobody in my family has ever been in a nursing home actually, we've always managed to pull together somehow to care for the physicailly or mentally incapacitated at home, and to the end.

Hope that continues, btw, if I become one of the incapacitated.

But if I did in fact become unable to care for myself (actually unable, I'm not talking about the scenario of the evil son making a power grab for poor old mom's $$$) and my family really could not, for some reason, care for me, well, I'd expect them to work with me to the level of mental capacity that I had to find the best place possible to me.

Maybe some people think that a "good" son or daughter should sit back, in some confused parody of personal freedom, and let a mother with say, advanced dementia, sit around unaware in soiled diapers and at risk of burning to death in her home because she can't remember to turn off the stove.

That isn't love to me. So in our family, happily we trust our child to do the very best that he would be able to for us in that hopefully hypothetical circumstance, as he (now) believes that we did and would do for him when he was in trouble.

In this uncertain world, I can only wish the same level of trust for you and your family members. Posts: 5 | From: Minnesota | Registered: Feb 2004 | Logged: 24.118.46.220 | Report this post to a Moderator
galen
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Icon 1 posted November 14, 2006 05:19 AM Profile for galen Email galen Send New Private Message Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote This hits home for me. Not only do we have a 16 yr old son in a TBS, but my elderly mother fell in her apartment. Thank goodness nothing was broken! She was hospitalized for a day and is now in a skilled nursing facility for therapy and rehab. She had moved into assisted living from a regular apartment only a week before the fall. She has been diagnosed with dementia and was doing well enough until the summer. She began to go downhill at around the same time we sent our son to WC. The decline has been very rapid since her move to assisted living last month. I am so overwhelmed. I can't remember the last night I actually got some sleep! Needless to say, everyone is b*tching and complaining. We get nasty phone calls from our son at TBS, and my Mom is upset and angry, too. Frankly, I hate to imagine what DS will choose for us as we age!

To top it off, we are also in the process of applying to private high schools for our very academic eighth grade son, who wants to go to a competitive boarding school out-of-state. As if we had the time (or money) ... although we are still checking out the options ... Posts: 29 | From: Houston, Texas | Registered: Jul 2006 | Logged: 67.10.187.238

Wow. This makes me livid.

"B-b-but we did the most we could! It was out of LOVE! Nevermind we ignored your pleas for help becuase the program told us to, we really truly did it for YOU! And right now we're not defending it for ourselves its so you can accept what happened!

:flame: I'm gonna go try to forget about this for a while. Jesus FUCKING Christ I can't believe this happens so much, but OH WELL.

[Milk Gargling Death Penal]

[ img ]

[Guest]

We told our daughter that it was better to have a pissed-off kid than a dead one. Our girl was one of those hard-core cases whose body would have been found in a cornfield one day if we didn't have her secured somewhere.

:rofl:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[psy]

I can't even read it. I have a headache already... and i just found the rest of my school files today. God how can parents be so stupid.

[Guest]

Nihil.

1 have you no ability to summarize, then maybe refer readers to the source

2 if u must copy, at least please clean it up to help readability

3 if the topic so offends others - the subsequent posters - and presuming you share goals/interests, why disgust them so much?

psy ... how can kids be so stupid?

[Guest]

psy ... how can kids be so stupid?

WTF! Do kids have a choice most of the time? What do you mean kids? Sure some of em screw up from time to time but that's a normal part of growing up (not that program would tell you that). When they're sent to program they are portrayed as little monsters to their parents until they believe it. If kids want to get their "level" they better be damn sure to further this illusion in supervised phone calls. "Oh Dad, Mom, I was headed for jail. I'm so glad these people are here to help me. Thank you for giving me this opportunity" Eventually, some kids even start to believe it themselves (especially after intense BM). Even then, most of them realize (usually after a year or so), that they will never be allowed to graduate as long as their parents keep forking over the dough. Once you get a level, you will inevitably lose it for something as inane as "negitive attitude towards program" or "breaking bans". They will find a reason, and as soon as the kids realize how they are being played they really become a handful for the program and parents don't understand why they would be upset: EG: "Why is he acting out all of a sudden, he was doing so well". Where I was they isolated them at this point to avoid the "negativity" spreading. The parents are never told the real (if any) reasons for "consequences." The programs make up fairy tales to make you look like satan incarnate. After all the things they tell your parents. Who would want you back.

And that's the point. That's how they make their money. Whether they keep you at their program or pack you off to one of their back rubbing buddies it's all the same result in the end: Instutuionalized until the age of 18 / however long they can profit from you, then dropped on the streets as failures. But who knows. Maybe the streets will set the little fuckers straight!?!?

Kids are the pawns of the staff in these programs whether they realize it or not. Sure you might be able to hold them accountable for actions before program, but once in program i hold them blameless. How could they be so stupid?!?! Hah! They have little choice. They are fucked if they follow the program and fucked if they rebel. It's not called the "fuck-its" in program for nothing.

[psy]

that was me above. forgot to login

[Niles]

Nihil.

1 have you no ability to summarize, then maybe refer readers to the source

2 if u must copy, at least please clean it up to help readability

3 if the topic so offends others - the subsequent posters - and presuming you share goals/interests, why disgust them so much?

psy ... how can kids be so stupid?

• I would rather let people decide for themselves than summarize
• I can figure it out, and so did psy and MGDP
• Just becuase it's hard to stomach, and makes me angry, does not mean it should not be addressed. And its "discuss them so much" not disgust. Anyway, yes, its offensive, but that does not mean it is OK and should be tolerated or not discussed.

Also, on the troll-o-scope, I give you 8/10

P.S. the cookies are broke.

[Milk Gargling Death Penal]

Actually, the programmie did mean "disgust them so much", but it misses the point; this is fucking disgusting. Welcome to Fornits.

Also, if you're going to quote ST, it's best to quote in full without a link; since they have no integrity they may edit anything and everything at any time. "We are currently at war with Eurasia", anyone?

P.S. the cookies are broke.

I noticed.

Fixed.

[psy]

I'm going to post some snippets of my parent's correspondance (yes they gave me all the letters Jayne. Don't tempt me or i'll post em all.) with Benchmark Young Adult School in an effort to help explain to those who "just don't get it" what exactly happens behind the scenes:

some background information: I was at Benchmark to finish High school. That was my "issue". Ann Weiss, Ed-con from the department of State and personal friend of Jayne S. Longnecker referred the place as a "theraputic boarding school". The school age ranged from 17 - 24 at the time. There is another thread i stated here with more specific information. I post this here because it pertains to parent manipulation.

When Michael's blowup came, we directed him to
move off property, go to school, with the intent in mind to complete high
school asap.

That was a lie. When they sent me into motel they sent me 20 miles outside redlands into a motel in Calamesa (desert in every direction). They did this becuase i was attempting to orchestrate a student protest and had found a contract law book which i was using to inform students that they could not have signed away their rights. I had to threaten them with legal action to get them to allow me to be able to go to school after they sent me to motel. I told Jayne i had contacted an education lawyer willing to work on this pro-bono(bluffed). She bought it since i had been busy studying California education law in motel and was saavy enough to explain to her exactly what she had done illegally.

He has not been attending daily

She told my parents had not been attending Redlands Adult School daily. First off. I was bussed there from the motel, and never missed a single day of school except for a few occasions when they forgot to pick me up. School attendance records can show this. why would she lie about something like this?:

(He can finish anytime

Not true. I was only allowed to work at Redlands Adult School when Flo (the education lady) was there which was approx 2 hrs / day.

but must finish before graduation on June 6 if he wants to walk.) He is apparently trying to do this. My question is, if Michael does finish HS by graduation, will he still have funding to continue his program at Benchmark at least until September? ... He will improve if we have the time to turn him around. I am not sure
how much improvement we can get done in a year, but we will do our best. I believe he could use at least 18 months, but you'll have to let me know what you are willing to do in order to accomplish this.

At this point my parents had already stated this was not a possablity. The US Dept of State was not willing to pay for more than a year of "high school" (i was a junior, why would they). She continues:

Can Michael do all of this before
September? It's possible. Will he need more time? He could use the time, and you'll need to tell us what is in your thinking

more time more money. Maybe the previous letter from my dad (in which er letter was a response to) had something to do with it:

It was my understanding from both Carl and Flo that Michael was going to graduate in June. Flo told us she was ordering him his cap and gown. Now I understand things can change, but his graduation date is crucial for us as to whether the U.S. State Department will pay for Benchmark. With only a month to go until graduation, is he on track for graduation, or not?

Now that i think about it. It's about that time the "school bus" started being a little less punctual.

This was the relavant part of the letter my father was responding to:

As to school, Michael could be finished very quickly if he so chose. He seems to realize that he needs more time, but I'm not sure he thinks its for the same needs as the rest of us. Academically, he is pretty sound. but emotionally, he is still very dependent. He could use more time than September

She does not seem to get NO MORE TIME. conidering my parents made the situation clear when i enrolled.

this regarding the three cup o noodle soup / day diet:

we could put him on the same old boring menu... anything that will underscore his need to comply.

Here is my father's subsequent response to her requests for more time:

-- If he graduates in June, the State Dept. will pay, and has already paid, for Benchmark until September 30.
...
-- Assuming that he graduates in June or sometime between June and
September, the State Dept. will not, I repeat not pay after September 30.
...
-- We are not in a financial situation that we would be able to pay after
September 30.
...
the U.S. is crucial to whether the State Dept. will fund Benchmark passed September (assuming that Michael does not finish high school by September and State is willing to pay) that would be crucial as well since if we are in the States, the U.S. State Dept. will not pay for Benchmark... we must be overseas for State to pay.
...
I have some concerns about any discussion about going beyond September because I don't see how that would be funded? My last conversation with Carl seemed to indicate that Michael was told that he has until September 30 to Sink or Swim. At least, that was my understanding and that is why we are considering being reassigned to the States. If he were to fail at being independent and he reached out to us, we wanted to be more available

I was very lucky my parents were so kind. If it were not for their compassion they would never have discovered the truth about what was really going on.

You guessed it folks. In her response she urges my parents to go overseas:

Whatever you do, should not
include Michael's returning to home, wherever that may be, to live. He
needs to tell us what he is willing, and able to do to take care of himself.
However, the emotional issues that still plague him are still there, and he
needs help to deal with them in order to be at his best, and hopefully by
now, he is willing.

Interesting isn't it. Translation: "NO NO NO.. don't come back... just stay thousands of miles away... and we'll take care of him."

oh. but don't worry we'll offer him a scholarship but DON'T TELL HIM ABOUT IT!!!:

"I may or may not wish to have Benchmark continue with Michael beyond September, but I have scholarshipped some kids who I believe in and who will absolutely take advantage of this in a healthy way. This is a fact that I do not wish anyone to discuss with Michael. I share it only because he could make significant gains by then and would benefit by staying awhile longer.

Not quite. She shared it because she wanted to further convince my parents to go overseas, and that i would be fine without them. Why not tell me? Because "scholarships" aren't quite what they sound like. She gives "scholarships" to kids when she needs a remodeling job done. It's free labor, just give them a $60 / week motel and a cup o noodles diet. It's cheaper than mexican. When the job is done they get dropped on the streets. She'll tell your parents whatever she feels like: EG: "He ruined his last chance ..." This happend to a friend of mine, he was raped while on the streets. His parents would not take him back. He was sent to Benchmark for ADHD.

When you did that Jayne. You made youself a lifelong enemy.

Now. to get back to more general things. What happens when a parent asks about the specifics of "therapy?"

I am not
eager for parents to get involved in the questions surrounding therapy
anymore than I am eager to explain the in's and out's of our emotional
growth program, and frankly, Dr. Nelson is so busy, that I can't guaranteethat he will have the time to answer all the questions you may have. We don't generally involve parents in this way, with the professionals that we have dealt with for years, and whose work we have seen and trust.

Well i wonder why. But parents. Trust them. They know what they're doing. They have GED degrees.

Oh. And Nelson is their only psychologist they refer to, and is not employed by the school. Yes. they're had a long healthy relationship over the years. Hypothesis (not allegation, since it would be very hard to prove): Nelson says all the kids are fucked up, nelson gets more business, Jayne is happy, parents think kids crazy, Nelson is happy, he keeps getting more "clients".

The contract signed on intake states a kid will only see doctors / shrinks the school approves and recommends. Hmm...

At some point i am going to post all these letters online. Soon. Jayne, Soon. ::jawdrop::

PS to Fornits Webmaster: the cookies ARE broke. Maybe i clear my cache and try it again. you did switch hosting companies so maybe it has a cookie stored but will not be used because of differing IP addresss.

[psy]

Also, if you're going to quote ST, it's best to quote in full without a link; since they have no integrity they may edit anything and everything at any time. "We are currently at war with Eurasia", anyone?

There's actually a trick to this milk. It's based on the principle of a "diff" / "patch". I regularly archive certain sites and run a
"diff siteOld.htm siteNew.htm" (this shows only what has changed)
Do this after scaring them a little in a general manner. When they run to cover things up. BAM. They've just shown you exactly where to look.

Yes i have been using this for a while on you Jayne. Why do you think i would warn you?

[Guest]

I went and read the Benchmark website.
This Don Harper...the wife of Jayne S. Longnecker......
His title is "Director of Work Education"
It says he has extensive experience working in a variety of areas.
He exhibits a wide range of skills and abilities and knowledge.
He is a jack-of-all-trades.
He teaches how to work, how to start and finish a job.
That he helped to shape the work program into what it is.

WTF does this mean. What does this DO-DO actually do?

[Guest]

Benchmark's Educational Staff:

Flo Reynolds: Director of Academics
She brings a history of experience that includes retail management.
She assists students in finding classes in work programs.

Mona Tripple:
Has a 2 year AA degree in Art
Her previous jobs include installing carpet, and a Vet assistant.
She opened the Art Dept with stain glass and ceramic classes.

Tony Armanderes: Crew Chief
He has various duties which began with security for night watch.
He helps students comply with work assignments.
He supervises work on "our apartments."
He too, is a Jack-of-all-trades"

Steve Kruse"
He only has 2 years of college, yet claims he MAJORED in Psychology.
He teaches the concept of work. by helping them build "the required projects or what ever is needed.
He has "many hands-on-talents"

I HAVE TO ASK:
Isn't this a school? What happened to English, Math, Science, History......that sort of thing.
This place sounds like a fucking working-these-kids-to-death zoo!

[psy]

I went and read the Benchmark website.
This Don Harper...the wife of Jayne S. Longnecker......
His title is "Director of Work Education"
It says he has extensive experience working in a variety of areas.
He exhibits a wide range of skills and abilities and knowledge.
He is a jack-of-all-trades.
He teaches how to work, how to start and finish a job.
That he helped to shape the work program into what it is.

WTF does this mean. What does this DO-DO actually do?

Not much at all. In your search did you find any official qualifications.

[psy]

Benchmark's Educational Staff:

Flo Reynolds: Director of Academics
She brings a history of experience that includes retail management.
She assists students in finding classes in work programs.

She escorts the kids to Redlands Adult School and makes sure they don't use the computers (cant have them discovering fornits now can we). She helps teach occasionally but has no qualifications to do so.

Mona Tripple:
Has a 2 year AA degree in Art
Her previous jobs include installing carpet, and a Vet assistant.
She opened the Art Dept with stain glass and ceramic classes.

She's flo's girlfriend. She teaches kids the invaluble sciences of gluing little pieces of glass together. She also does the drug testing.

Tony Armanderes: Crew Chief
He has various duties which began with security for night watch.
He helps students comply with work assignments.
He supervises work on "our apartments."
He too, is a Jack-of-all-trades"

he teaches kids how to fix the toilets (really).

Steve Kruse"
He only has 2 years of college, yet claims he MAJORED in Psychology.
He teaches the concept of work. by helping them build "the required projects or what ever is needed.
He has "many hands-on-talents"

He teaches "Building trades." You basically learn how to build dressers, coffee tables, etc. It's so they don't have to buy furnature for the apartments. What isn't shipped to the apartments is sold off. As Deborah would say:
"Get your money for nothin, and your slave labor for free"

I HAVE TO ASK:
Isn't this a school? What happened to English, Math, Science, History......that sort of thing.
This place sounds like a fucking working-these-kids-to-death zoo!

Well it's more of a BM them until they dissociate into like 5 people type of place. The behavior modification is CEDU style (propheets, raps, etc). Jayne used to be the director of Hilltop (CEDU's college) in Running Springs (about 10 miles from Redlands).

Well they claim to be a school according to the affidavit they filed with the state of california. They also claim to have 10 full time teachers. I don't know how they figured that one out. Flo is the only one who actually does some limited teaching at Redlands Adult school, and 2 hours a day could hardly be described as full time. They also claim to offer HS diplomas (not true). They did not claim to offer LD assistance though they mention it on their website, as well as an alphabet soup of disorders in their "meta" html tag (which they later deleted, which pointed me to california regulations on practice of psychology, which are actually quite strict). There is a thread on this here with much more information on a lot of this if you want to comment. I don't want to hijack this thread.