Author Topic: Yet Another Experience  (Read 1370 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164663
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Yet Another Experience
« on: April 29, 2005, 06:12:00 PM »
I have spent the last three days reading everything that everyone has posted as far back as it would let me go. I have been a graduate of this school for almost a year now, and still question how I got through it. Many people think we are trying to be dramatic or get attention when we make cliche comments like that about our experience, but I well assure you, that It is an accurate statement. I look back at those 2 years and wonder if it really happened? How could it have? The only way I found to survive was to become everything they wanted me to be.

Ive been writing since I was young, and have my own certain style and subject matter I enjoy writing about. My journal was found one day by a staff member in a random room search (common) and given to my counselors. From then on they read my journal regularly and confescated it when the subject matter didn't fit to to their liking. That was one of the biggest violations of privacy i'd ever had, and finally just stopped writing. Same with my art, and musical interests. I'd be put on restrictions if any of those areas rubbed them the wrong way.

Countless other incidences occured while residing there but I think the most offensive was feeling like I had to change everything about myself to not be punished. Not negative behavior, not acting out, just simple personality traits like taste in music, and style of art and writing. Its an awful feeling.

You'll hear from me again... Just need to register and stuff. Parents, please dont be hesitant to ask anything. I am definitely against Hidden Lake, but I am also honest. I dont embellish or lie about what went on there, and would like to be considered an objective source for facts about the place. Hah, and then opinions I'll give on my own time.

Oh, and Deborah, Robert, and Dysfunction, thank you for your incredible research and devotion to putting an end to HLA. It helps us who have gone through that place and were told every day we were liars and manipulators to know there is someone who believes us. Thank you.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Antigen

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 12992
  • Karma: +3/-0
    • View Profile
    • http://wwf.Fornits.com/
Yet Another Experience
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2005, 04:11:00 PM »
Quote
On 2005-04-29 15:12:00, Anonymous wrote:

That was one of the biggest violations of privacy i'd ever had, and finally just stopped writing. Same with my art, and musical interests. I'd be put on restrictions if any of those areas rubbed them the wrong way.


I know just what you're saying. Before the Program I played guitar. Ok, I was no brilliant rising star or anything. But I could make pretty sounds and I enjoyed it immensely. Well that guitar had been a bone of contention for years. My mother refused to buy me one because, in her mind, guitars were part of the vast druggie culture conspiracy. So I mowed lawns, babysat kids and saved up my allowance to buy the damned thing and I practiced hard every day.

Of course I wasn't allowed to have my guitar in the Program. Wouldn't have had time to play it anyway. And I would have been scared of getting confronted for whatever songs or styles I might choose to play, so it wouldn't have been worth the risk. That was just one area of my life that I decided to keep quiet about. I didn't want Group commenting on it and so I never complained or anything.

What I didn't understand then was how my thinking on the matter of music, along w/ no practice or even listening time for over two years, would permanently damage my ability. You tell a lie often enough and you start to believe it. Well the accepted Program attitude toward rock music and all the rest did a number on me. The one time they put a guitar in my hands and asked me to play, I couldn't do it! I tried to play Amazing Grace (safe enough selection) and just couldn't. Couldn't get the rythem, couldn't remember the chords, coudln't make it happen. That was one of the few times I cried real tears in there. I also lost my green thumb and a lot of other little details that made up who I used to be.

I tried not to work for, you know, anyone who ate children with their bare hands. I won't pretend that I was ideologically consistent.


--Dick Morris; Political consultant for Bill Clinton, Trent Lott and Tom Ridge

« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
"Don\'t let the past remind us of what we are not now."
~ Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Sweet Judy Blue Eyes

Offline SHH Anon Classics

  • Posts: 574
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
    • http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?topic=13488&forum=41&start=34#165552
Yet Another Experience
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2005, 06:03:00 AM »
Are you the same person who posts under the name Chris Legacy on the amazing forums site?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline mikehunt

  • Posts: 360
  • Karma: +0/-0
    • View Profile
    • http://suicidegirls.com/members/ilovemikeHunt/
Yet Another Experience
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2005, 11:39:00 AM »
i went to cedu and the same thign happened to me...
i had to leave my beloved saxophone - which i'd been playing for 3 years.  meanwhile, in the program, i stopped drawing AND writing.  by the time i was technically "allowed" to have my saxophone (which i didn't find out until later) the drive was gone.  these three things were huge staples in my life, but i no longer felt the same urge to do them; burnt out, i felt creatively oppressed.
these hell-holes that they call skools remind me a lot of communist russia.
 :roll:
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
aura solomon

Offline Anonymous

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 164663
  • Karma: +2/-1
    • View Profile
Yet Another Experience
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2005, 12:24:00 PM »
The following is a letter I had written in response to a concerned parent who currently has a child at Hidden Lake Academy:
     "Hello.  The letter you viewed was one I'd written last year around this time actually.  I'd love to answer any questions you have.  I must first ask though, why was he sent to HLA?  The reason I ask is because you need to ask yourself a very serious question,  Was the way he was before he went to HLA as dangerous as how he may feel upon his life after HLA?  I'll give you a quick background of my story in order for you to understand.  Right up to the time before I went to HLA, I had ceased caring whether I lived or died and had become a wandering junkie among the streets after dropping out of school and running away from home.  I was sent to HLA upon a court order.  I don't want to go into detail about how horrible my experience was at HLA, but I will say that there's no real individual counseling in order to find out what each child needs.  It's all done the cheapest way possible in order for them to still say that they are counseling, which is group counseling.  Group counseling on a mass structure can be successful when everyone may be suffering from the same problems such as Alcoholics Anonymous, but in this case what one child needs another may not.  You must also understand that because of this they fill everyones heads with the same rules of life by breaking down everything they've been taught and rebuilding their thinking.  This sounds as if it could be good, yes?  But it's not.  It's not actually correcting any problems.  It's covering them up with a therapeutic veneer and teaching them to suppress their problems since they're not actually working through them.  This insures that they may seem like things are better for them and that they're cured for a long enough time for them to leave HLA and then some.  As you know though, anything suppressed will eventually surface and need to be dealt with again.  So in actuallity HLA did nothing except offer a temporary fix.  For some it does work, but very few.  Most of the children end up with double the amount of problems, because you then have to worry about the same old problems accompanied by the trust issues and identity disorder that HLA has installed.  After leaving HLA I started noticing that I felt like a robot.  It took awhile to figure out who I was again.  Through all this searching I was lucky, because I started noticing subtle beauties in life that made me want to live, plus being sober I was able to look back at all the wrongs I'd done and people I'd hurt and became determined to change some of my ways.  Now I'm a very happy person for the most part, but I do suffer from some problems that I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to overcome, because my mind doesn't recognize them.  They're purely irrational thoughts that I can't control which cause me to have panic attacks.  I have social anxiety disorder and some serious trust issues from things my last psychologist said had become such a deep part of my psyche that it was part of my personality and could become a danger to try to change.  I have learned to function fine as long as I take my medication.  I am in a very successful relationship,  my parents and I are now much better friends, and I care about my life as well as others'...  Once again, I must say, that was my story.  Everybody's story's different.  For some the rebellious teenager is just a phase.  It's practically impossible to know that though since we can't see the future.  My parents have apologized a few times about getting me sent to HLA, because they see what it has done.  They say that if they could go back they would do things differently.  I don't think it's that easy though.  I needed some help and my parents just didn't know what to do.  I do not blame them for anything.  They did what they felt they had to after we'd gotten into some serious scuffles and they saw me slowly but rapidly dying.  You can see why I said that this is a very hard question to deal with.  My advice personally is not HLA and is one on one counseling with the whole family.  Make sure also that the psychologist is not a friend of anyone in the family, because you do not want them to be tempted into taking sides because of the personal relationship he/she has with a family member.  For all we know, there may be things about all of you that may need to change in order for there to be that balance that your family needs.  I know that's how it was for us, my family that is.  This means that you must be open for anything that your therapist may say to you without getting defensive.  There is no easy way out of this.  Remember that...  I to have never told my parents certain disturbing things that have gone on there, because they already beat themselves up over sending me there, so I can understand why your son is reluctant to say anything.  Plus there's also the fact that he's scared to because of what they may try to pull.  I was brainwashed into trying to commit suicide when they found out that I was trying to get my court order dropped because I felt like I'd worked through all of my problems, mostly on my own because i was willing and wanted to change things in my life.  They wanted me to slip up and try something so as not to lose my money.  It didn't exactly work as they wanted it to because we discovered what they were trying to do.  Avarice and the ability to control someone's mind don't mix...  Concerning your academics worry, there are no real academics.  In spanish, the answers were always on the bottom of the page upside down and no teaching was involved, just worksheets.  It's a gimic in order to make the parents feel as if some change is occuring.  You cannot fail a class, you get incompletes until they make you do it with work assignments or calistenics.  I remember when I made honor roll, my parents were so proud that I didn't even tell them that I was only in my first week of the school classes and hadn't actually done anything yet.  So he may get good grades, but there's no serious learning taking place.   I'd be more worried about his being able to function upon leaving than his academics though, because his credits should transfer fine.  But he may do horrible in the next school because although it states that he made an A in the previous math class, there's a good chance he didn't learn anything, so it's going to be more difficult for him to keep up since he's been out of a real school environment for so long...  I hope that all of this will encourage you to make the decision you feel is best.  I'm sorry you must go through this, but since you must, please make the best educated decision possible.  This is your son's future and possibly his life at stake.  Since you obviously care about him in order to seek my help, I'm sure you'll do what is best.  Here is a link yu may find helpful, http://www.heal-online.org/hiddenlake.htm....  Are you aware that there are a few class action lawsuits in the works against HLA?..  Please do not tell HLA that you have spoken with me.  They are very powerful and have the ability to come up with answers to anything, hence the psychologist part.  I'm risking alot by sharing these things with you.  Thankyou and Goodluck.  Love, Me"
I have posted this with the hopes that I could help answer some questions for those in worry.  If you are planning to or know someone who may be planning to undergo such circumstances, please forward on this letter.  Thankyou.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »