You little piss-wits think you're gonna git away with something, eh!? Let me tell you something, lemme tell it to you good, like you're never ever gonna forgit it!! You may think I'm some ole cracker, like I dunno what the frigin bejesus you're talking about, but I'm HIP to yer tricks, you little know-nothing, spineless, characterless, good-fer-nuttin' LOSERS!!! If I could reach out through this internet thingy, I'd smack you something good!! You need to wake up and get with the program!!
We at the Hyde Schools are committed to extracting the very best out of your child. We have devoted our lives to the concept of coercing each child's unique potential (so long as it is within our acceptable limits, of course, har har), much as one squeezes the precious delicate butterfly -- out of its ugly hairy cocoon of adolescence -- with vise-grip pliers.
Hyde is not for everyone. If you'd rather opt for the rabble of mindless mediocrity and low standards of character development, then Hyde is not for you. If you'd rather your kid ends up dead, insane, in jail, or in the Libertarian Party, then Hyde is not for you.
Emphatically,
Joseph W. Gau!d, The Educator