Been to the ?record room?, huh? I guess we all have to deal with who we are, and what we have done in our lives. I?m no saint, but I don?t have the fear and dread you describe. Did once, it came from all the self-effacing humbling preaching, but I decided it is more important, and MUCH better for my mental health to forgive myself for being human and remember we create each moment. We touch others daily. Life is a dynamic thing and we touch people in tiny ways we may not even remember that can effect major decisions someone else makes. We were not given the power to see the effects of our actions directly in most cases. I believe in just living my life honestly.
I mean, what is all this 'sin' business? Guess I am really a far cry from the girl who left the Rebekah home. But I?m tired of someone else defining 'sin' for me. I am an honest, decent person who makes mistakes. I refuse to shiver in my panties worrying about what judgment God is going to dole out to me for thinking for myself. I don?t try to ?lead people to the Lord? (although I?m not condemning that) but to show Creator?s love. A lot of people, like myself, have been hurt badly by people who claim to be ?Christains? and then show anything BUT Christ love.
In my disgust, I?ve let religion go. Ask me if I?m saved and I?ll say, whatever jargon you want to call it does not matter to me. What matters is not someone saying the right words, but what is in the heart. If you had an auto accident, for instance and someone was killed, that seems to fall into the shit happens category. Don?t understand why so many bad things happen to people. Just know that this world does not make sense and it is best to trust that there is an intelligent, loving source who will make sense of it all in the end.
In my humble opinion, I don?t see that it would matter much if we COULD clone Jesus (or Einstein or Hitler). All you would get is genetic make-up that would trace his physical heritage. It seems to me, all our bodies are is a vehicle for the spirit anyway. Some people have intelligence, musical ability, etc, but what really defines someone is not as much the vehicle we enter the world in, but what we do with it. We can develop our bodies and our talents, but it takes spirit and will to do so.
My conscience does not exist to beat me into submission, but to operate like an internal compass that keeps me heading pretty much in the right direction. And if I wander a little, no big deal...we are all human. Even the planets wander a little in their orbits. The tsunami made the earth wander a bit on it?s axis.
The important thing is be on track. What is 'on track'? I think each person must define that for themselves. We were given brains, intuition and spirit that can guide each of us. If I screw up really bad, I might feel the need to make some reparation of some sort, or may have to suffer some consequences but God is still in control. If I wake up in the morning alive, there must be a reason I?ve been given another day to live. God is REALLY big. I don't think we mere mortals could even grasp how big.
I love science. Science is man's search for Truth. If a scientific FACT goes against something I believe in, something needs revising, and it is sometimes my belief system. Spiritual growth comes from all kinds of sources. Other times, the science is flawed and it gets revised eventually. The whole evolution vs. creation argument seems silly to me, because in the end we ARE here, it IS a miracle, and however it happened is really not the point. Some day people may understand the details of how we got here, but it won?t take away the miracle of it all.
I don?t think feeling guilty does anything positive for you unless you are doing something you need to change. Personally, it upsets me to see how much guilt has been doled out by pastors and priests. If I?m gonna feel guilty, by damn it is going to be for something I did, not for BEING who I am. I choose to live my life with eyes as open as possible, love myself, others and my Creator as much as possible, then get up the next day and try to do it better learning each day.
