Author Topic: Bee's thoughts.  (Read 2863 times)

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Offline Anonymous

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Bee's thoughts.
« on: October 21, 2006, 05:43:38 PM »
Oh wow.  I just spent a bit of time reading some of these posts.  I have thought so many times of sitting down to research what is going on with MMS...if anyone else feels what I feel...(for inquiring minds: many feelings)--

I was at mms for 30 months.  When I did leave it was because I chose not to return home from my (second ever) home visit.  I never got closure, as it were, with the core of MMS.  I'm not stating an opinion here.  Only fact.

I chose not to go to the reunion because I was never given that closure.  Not that I think finding peace with something is entirely up to any one party.  Might it have given it to me?  I dunno.  Time heals.  It's an amazing and beautiful, yet savage beast.  The latter because I remember thoughts I had while at MMS.  I don't act on those thoughts now.  (I'm being vague because although I DO NOT FEAR taking a side, some of what is on this site makes me not wish to be cubby-holed).  I will not be on here again to defend my initial statements, not that I would try but...

I want to say this.  I was involved in the knowing of some things that have been referenced, and questioned on here.  Some of the things I think many people wonder about.  I was there during some hard times at MMS.  I'm a tough bitch, and was an even more stubborn young girl.  I swore up and down that I would make my voice heard, my anger heard, when I left MMS.  

This is how I feel.  This is not how anyone should or maybe does or whatever.  I'm speaking for myself only.  

Regardless of the mistakes that were made on (it seems) everyone's part, I felt loved and cared for.  I felt love FOR the core staff there.  I specify the CORE very intentionally.  Gary will always be in my heart, bleed through my music, inspire me.  Colleen will always be a mentor, and a mind I respect.  Mike, what to even say.  He's who he is and truth is I dug him.  Deb was a no nonsense woman.  Tough.  I get it, and although I never felt the love from her that I wanted to...I think she cared for me in the best way she knew how.  John.  Oh John.  A man that the thought of just made my eyes water.  I wish I could see his face one more time.  I think he truly loved me and wanted the best for me.  THAT is a gift that will be with me always.

I'm so sorry for those who are continually plagued by their specific experience at Mission Mountain.  Mine was not peaches.  Time, however, has given me the gift of both distance and (a slight bit of) wisdom, by which I weigh my memories and experience.

I waited 7 years to say anything about MMS.  I'm happy I did.  I think it's wonderful there is a forum like this.  Good luck to all of you.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Re: Bee's thoughts.
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2006, 10:28:22 PM »
Quote from: ""Bee""
Regardless of the mistakes that were made on (it seems) everyone's part, I felt loved and cared for. I felt love FOR the core staff there. I specify the CORE very intentionally. Gary will always be in my heart, bleed through my music, inspire me. Colleen will always be a mentor, and a mind I respect. Mike, what to even say. He's who he is and truth is I dug him. Deb was a no nonsense woman. Tough. I get it, and although I never felt the love from her that I wanted to...I think she cared for me in the best way she knew how. John. Oh John. A man that the thought of just made my eyes water. I wish I could see his face one more time. I think he truly loved me and wanted the best for me. THAT is a gift that will be with me always. .


yes, feel and felt the same way too at times.  I attribute that to, not sure. Stockholm Syndrome?  Problem as I see is that 'love' for me was not a choice love.  It bordered on worship and was entwined with the easy dismissal of mistreatment, what other choices were available? We couldn't really hate, could we?  How to reconcile?  Just dont know.  Is is possible to truly love while incarcerated byt those who imprison?  hard to say for sure.  in the end, some qualities were great, no one is all evil. love those parts.  but the distruction just makes that 'love' seem all too sickly.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline katfish

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Bee's thoughts.
« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2006, 10:38:22 PM »
As a follow up to fellow posters I'd like to say, let us not forget that the love of alumni in no way excuses human and patient rights abuses those loved have perpetrated.
Even individuals whose behavior is inexcusable are may be somewhat supported through an admirer's adoration.  Rationalizations, identified as retrospective distance, will never excuse.

http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?t=17295
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
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Offline Anonymous

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Re: Bee's thoughts.
« Reply #3 on: October 28, 2006, 08:37:31 AM »
Quote from: ""Bee""
John.  Oh John.  A man that the thought of just made my eyes water.  


I think the thought of him makes a lot of eyes water. and roll back. and squint.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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Bee's thoughts.
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2006, 10:33:59 PM »
damn................has that school shut down yet?.........I keep on hearing bla bla bla bla........it saved me.....bla bla bla........if it werent for.....bla bla bla............thank...you.bla bla...........
thats all I hear!!!!!!!!!!! John Mercer you are pshyco and I wish some one would slap u silly.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline Anonymous

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hello
« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2007, 05:15:04 AM »
i don't know if you will remember me or not but for some reason you had a large impact on my time at MMS and I wanted to thank you. Myname is Jessi and I was 13 when I went to MMS and ended up graduating the program at 16. There is a lot of negative things thatI could say about the school but it did more good than harm to me.  I wouldlike to speak with you or anyone else that is open to a discussion and not a bashing or ego boost for the school but a real discussion on the good and bad from MMS as well as what you may have learned, if anything, from the school regardless if you want to admit it to yourself or not.  Mynumber is (925) 283-9632
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Offline Anonymous

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Bee's thoughts.
« Reply #6 on: February 11, 2007, 12:17:49 PM »
id just thought id add this, I didnt even go to MMS. Im just speaking about the feeling considered "love" people who exercize unholy power over can inspire from their detainees.

You know Dr Mengele right? Well do you know he had a group of admirers- among his human experiment victems who remember him as a gentelmen 40 years later, and mourned him when they learned of his death?

They view him as their "savior" as technically, by reserving them for experiments he saved them from the gas chamber.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »