I was in one of these programs - I am 33 and stumbled across this s- It has brought up alot of memories some good some bad - I have heard the testimony about the abuse etc. In my program I witnessed some instances where people were restrained, this did not happen often and was in only in extreme circumstances - I can easily see how in other programs that this kind of thing happened more frequently even daily I think it depended on the culture of each individual program how bad the restraining got - I have very conflicting emotions about the whole thing - do I think I was brainwashed - yes- do I think I was imprisoned - yes - do I think it broke the kid down - yes - what is said on these forums is all true - it happened - I had a difficult program -when I first got in I thought I was in the twilight zone but like most kids I learned quickly that to get out you better start getting in line - and the next thing I know I am on 5th phase - pretty quickly- then one day when i was home on my day off I took off - and was caught several days later and my parents took me back - sat on 1st phase for 150 days - I didn;t speak to anyone for about 90 days - sat in that chair and fantasized about how I could break out or kill myself- it is difficult to write that down - one day it just clicked and I got myself through it and graduated - and I have had a pretty good life ever since but the place still haunts me -personally I don;t think I could have gotten better without such a dramatic therapy but at the same time I hate the place - I kind of think of the program as medical warning on a pharmaceutical - take for instance chemotherapy - chemo helps people from dying from cancer but it also has serious side effects that can damage other parts of the body - and this is how the program is - it can be good for those who really need such a dramatic therapy but you are risking yourself to the side effects bad memories, nightmares, anxiety, paranoia- I think this is where all the programs do not tell the whole story to the parents - remember all our parents were at their wits end, they didn;t know what to do with me as 15 year old smoking pot, completely rebellious to any authority figure, I think in their mind they did the right thing and then they get brainwashed just as us kids did which then caused a host of other problems for the kids cause your parents would end up talking just like one of your staff members - when i realized that I knew there was no way out of that place - so I ask myself what is the alternative solution to a program like this that could help the kid out but not leave the extra baggage that you carry with you for the rest of your life- I don;t know - personally I don;t think it can be done- for people as messed up as me your sense of moral compass is so schewed that it must be corrected in a drastic way - I think the program accomplishes that by making you feel guilty for every little thought you have, they teach you to analyze yourself, thoughts and actions so much that you feel guilty for everything and that is no way to live and nearly make you an incapable human being I think that is why they have all those harsh rules and punishments for the least of infractions - by the time you are on your 7th step 6 months you try and get that compass back to a more normal standard which I had a very hard time doing and I even after 17 years i still don't feel completely normal- that is where the program really begins - how to get yourself back to normal - and I think most kids just couldn;t do it which I can see why cause it is hard after going through so much of a traumatic experience - I can see why it was hard it was hard for me and I can easily imagine during certain times in my life just letting it go and telling myself I would rather drink than do what is necessary to keep straight- I was completely straight for about 14 years and then my wife and I hit a rough patch and one night I went out and drank some beer, I didn;t even finish the thing - but for 14 years I remembered what the program told me that I would go back to being a druggies that my life would go to shambles but I woke up the next morning, went to work, had a good day, didn't even feel that bad that I drank after such a long time - my wife and I worked things out and every now and then we have a glass or wine - i felt a sense of freedom that I did not have for a long time it was a real strange experience but at the same time I can see why a kid who took 400 days to get to 4th phase and got started over back to 1st would want to kill themselves - I know they just sat there and wondered how and the hell am I going to get back to 4th phase or even graduate and the wrath of group on these people who got sent back or came back from running like I did was absolutely horrible I really feel bad for the stories of those folks who were in there that didn;t need to be in there, the kids who had a bad attititude, smoke pot once, drank a few times I just couldn;t imagine living in that place knowing that I had no drug problem and the crazy thing was even those kids would end up thinking they needed to be in there after a few days or months- I really do think it was an occult type experience, I even wrote my parents and told them to look at this site, and even though I don;t think I would have maybe made it to adulthood without it I am haunted by the fact of my memories there - I mean it can;t be that good if after 17 years it haunts me to this day the ridicult from group, the loneliness I felt but it is weird cause I can remember happy times too I also find it strange that when I contact people who i was in the program with that I have this undeniable unbreakable bond with people I haven;t spoken to in years cause of the experience that we went through together - even the ones who chastised me - like I said I can;t disagree with the people's testimonies here, they were as I remember and this forum has opened up memories that i haven';t thought about for years and I feel sorry for myself and all those who were in the place - I just hope we can all myself included can move on from our experience there whether we feel it was all good- some good some bad or all bad - I think all our feelings are justified - but my deepest regret is for those kids who really didn;t need to be in there but does that mean it is ok for those who needed to be in there to have to go through such hell - i would have to say no that too but there has to be people out there that admit that they were in a bad way that they were really going down hill or were already at the bottom - what kind of program should be developed for those that need it that a general concensus would deem appropriate? I have no idea
