A New Topic

[beckyuga]

I was looking through a list of drug treatment centers on the internet last night and I started to feel sick....especially when thinking of someone I knew that I recently found out is back on drugs/shooting up.
Over the Christmas holidays my younger brother told me he is shooting up.....and I felt that same sick feeling.
As far back as I can remember, whenever I hear of someone hooked, I get this empty, lonely, cold, SICK feeling deep in my gut.
I think its because I don't know the answers.  I don't know why some people get hooked & can't quit and others can.  I don't know why I was so rebellious and drank and got into trouble as a teen.....and why I used so many drugs after I left Straight.  I know many obvious reasons why I did some of those things (I think there are very few people who DIDN'T use drugs at some point after having been in Straight!); but I don't know what started it all for me and I don't know exactly what stopped it all for me.  My parents are good, well meaning people and I've always known they loved me.  I wasn't spoiled with a lot of riches....we didn't have any material wealth.  I wasn't abused.  I don't know exactly WHAT made me f*&#ed up.  
People have said to me before that I could help others using drugs, but at the thought of that I feel almost dead inside or something.....I just feel nothing....I'm at a total loss.  I can't explain it, I don't know why it happens, I don't know why some stop & others don't, I don't know what the answer is to any of it. It's been 20 years now that I've pondered this.
I've never mentioned it to anyone.  I've just always felt the sickness and wondered to myself.  I knew it would be pointless until now.  There's never been anyone that would even remotely understand what I'm talking about.
I didn't know what to say to my brother or what to offer him.  So I said nothing.  (What can I say?  What can I do?)  I just stood there and listened.  

I'm grateful to all of you for having these boards set up & posting on them.  I wish I had found them sooner.  (I guess we all do/will find them when its time for us.)
Becky

[hedwigfan]

I went through the same thing with my younger brother. He got hooked on crack, and ended up serving a couple of years in prison. It was heartbreaking for my family. I was really angry with him at first. He'd get bailed out of trouble again and again, and then screw it all up. I started wondering if he was a sociopath. What I've realized is that somewhere between being a Straight sibling and becoming an adult, my brother's self esteem got squashed. The emotional boundaries in my family were so screwed up that forming an adult identity was next to impossible. He never experienced the consequences of his actions because my well-meaning parents were always bailing him out.
  Unfortunately, treatment did him no good. He spent close to 2 years in prison, worked hard in there, and got out about a year and a half ago. Today, he is doing really well. He is involved in AA and NA and has been clean for several years. He's working and supporting himself. I'm really proud of him. I don't think anything I could have said or done would have made a difference back then. I wrote him letters and visited him in prison. I think he had to figure things out for himself.
  I understand a lot of the feelings you're having. I don't know if there is anything you could say or do to help your brother. In my case, my brother had my quiet support (after I got over being angry with him) and that did seem to help. I wish you and your brother well.

[Tampa survivor]

You sound so sad and lost, and I can offer no solution.  I had a wife. When clean and sane, she was great.  She has cycled off and on the shit for years.  I have watched my kids deal with it, and NOTHING tears them up more.  
There are no answers.  You cleaned up.  I did too.  Maybe your brother will, but, like my X, maybe not.  It is a viscious cycle.  
I wish YOU well.  Hang onto a friend.  Hang onto sanity.  I rarely find anything to say nice about program type stuff, but remember back...
...accept the things I cannot change.
It has helped for us.
Bill

[Shelby]

You're doing fine. By listening when he was ready to talk, you gave him exactly what he needed. Aside from that I think all you can really do is to keep loving him - and make sure he knows it - and be there to help when he's ready to stop using. I'll be thinking of you both.

Shelby
allathome8@yahoo.com

[beckyuga]

Thanks for your stories & your help-
Becky

[Antigen]

If it's opiate addiction, methadone is about the best way to make things a little better. It depends A LOT on how the clinic is run, though. You may want to look around at http://bitchandgripe.com for pointers about which ones are good and bad.

Aside from that, most people mature out of regular opiate use (even if the craving comes back from time to time) some time after age 30. If they can stay alive, healthy and out of prison till then, the odds are real good for getting a handle on this.

I don't know anything about your brother's circumstances or what part of the country you're in, but I hope this is helpful info for you.

Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise that it will last; but in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0300001479/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'> Ben Franklin Letter to M. Leroy, 1789.