Fornits

Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Hyde Schools => Topic started by: molly on February 19, 2011, 01:38:24 PM

Title: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 19, 2011, 01:38:24 PM
Hi,

This is my first post to Fornits.  Last week my son's therapist suggested that I send him away to one of the Hyde boarding schools beginning in September of this year because he has ADD and sometimes misbehaves.  I mentioned the therapist's  suggestion to a friend from Connecticut where one of the campuses is located and she seemed very concerned that I would even consider sending my child to Hyde.  According to my friend, the students are sometimes treated ruthlessly and the administration leaves a lot to be desired.  When I told my son's therapist what my friend had said, he responded that she must be out of her mind and that Hyde would be perfect for my son.  My friend is not out of her mind.  Still, I know no one who has sent their child to Hyde and I only have one friend (the one who lives in Connecticut) who has ever heard of the school.  I'm afraid that if I don't apply to Hyde now it will be to late but I absolutely do not want to send my son to a school that is as doctrinaire as my friend describes Hyde as being.  

Does anyone here know anything about Hyde?

PLEASE HELP!

Molly
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Samara on February 19, 2011, 01:44:02 PM
No. And dump your therapist.  

I know the brochures and the website look good, but so do the ads for smoking.  The analogy is very similar.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Shadyacres on February 19, 2011, 02:11:26 PM
If you want your son to be completely demoralized and have his self respect brutally ripped from him, then yes, by all means, send him away.  Those people do not care about him, they only care about your money.  They can ruthlessly bully and intimidate him into conformity for you, but that will cause psychological damage which will follow him throughout his life.  My mother did it to me, you do not want to do that to your son.  There is a whole forum full of Hyde School threads here, here is one of them;  
viewtopic.php?f=43&t=28219&start=0 (http://www.fornits.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=28219&start=0)
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Inculcated on February 19, 2011, 02:42:24 PM
Molly,
I’m really glad you’ve followed up on the concerns voiced by your friend about Hyde School, and while definitely I agree with their assessment of Hyde School program as being doctrinaire; I’ll leave it to others more informed on the details to elaborate on.

I will offer you another consideration (which happens to also be both an indicator and result of the authorities of this particular closed environment self serving duplicity at the expense of their students) by pointing out that they seem to have had quite a lot of troubling reports ranging from inappropriate sexual contact to rape perpetrated by staff. Still more troubling than the nature and number of these accounts is the way that the Hyde School Administrators has dealt with this over the years.

See this thread for but one recent example of discussion on the topic posted by Hydemom:
 Sexual assaults and inappropriate behavior by Hyde Staff (http://http://www.fornits.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?p=279325#p279325)
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 19, 2011, 02:57:05 PM
Thanks so much to everyone who has replied.

I showed this forum to my husband who is very pro-Hyde based upon the therapist's recommendation.  My husband feels that because most of the threads are a few years old that Hyde must have changed and that the people who abused the students are probably gone.  

Does anyone know whether Hyde is still as compromised as it was a few years ago or has it changed course and become a humanistic, welcoming and yet academically rigorous place?  If it has not changed appreciably, I can probably dissuade my husband from pursuing it further.

Thanks so much.

Molly
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Inculcated on February 19, 2011, 03:09:53 PM
Wow, he’s already been able to read through the provided threads and the linked testimony at Heal and ISAC and other Hyde specific sites and to cross check the names of the staff mentioned with the current roster in all of approximately fifteen minutes…seems he’s already made up his mind or that you need to take the lead on the research toward an informed decision.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 19, 2011, 03:15:04 PM
Dear Inculcated,

He did not read the entire threads but dismissed them because he was concerned that they contained outdated information.  I am taking the lead in the research but my husband still has a vote and his vote is likely to be buttressed by the therapist's perception that Hyde is an excellent school.  I should have noted that the therapist has stated that he is currently treating Hyde students and that the school has done them a world of good.  I'll try to locate the other websites that you mentioned.  

Thanks so much!

Molly
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: heretik on February 19, 2011, 05:26:17 PM
Quote from: "molly"
Dear Inculcated,

He did not read the entire threads but dismissed them because he was concerned that they contained outdated information.  I am taking the lead in the research but my husband still has a vote and his vote is likely to be buttressed by the therapist's perception that Hyde is an excellent school.  I should have noted that the therapist has stated that he is currently treating Hyde students and that the school has done them a world of good.  I'll try to locate the other websites that you mentioned.  

Thanks so much!

Molly


Molly,

Hey I was reading this thread and came away with one concern and it was actually in your last response to Inculcated 2nd sentence, " I am taking the lead in the research but my husband still has a vote and his vote is likely to be buttressed by the therapist's perception that Hyde is an excellent school". Here is my concern, I understand that you are looking for a better situation for your child because you are concerned about his inabilities to function within normal parameters. What I have found from reading on this site, other sites and from my own experience is that 2 parents will probably always disagree at first about where there son should go or not go. Fear is the major stumbling block, parents are sort of passive/aggressive when it comes to fear. The fear I am talking about is what brought you here. Your intuition led you here, you want to know what is going on out in the Troubled Teen Industry and what schools they have to offer.
Molly, be careful and be overly assertive in your quest for documented information from these schools. There are so many schools (including Hyde) that are not giving children the education or therapeutic tools for coping they advertised. The employees they hire are barely qualified if at all to perform the duties they were hired for.
Last point, the only buttress your convictions should be supported by are your sons. He is the most important person here, not you or your husband. Make sure please you remember that you will be handing off your son to another to craft and shape. (IMO) I just have not found that a child needs to be placed anywhere. That with more creativity your husband, your son, local facilities and yourself can deal with whatever problems your son is having. Yes I does take an enormous amount of patience and time and it will alter lifestyles for a while but it is worth it.
Check out your community for help, go see another psychiatrist for a second opinion. Please get more information.

Thanks for reading if you did.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 19, 2011, 05:51:33 PM
Dear Heretik,

Thank you so much for your clarifying post.  Obviously, I am very anxious about the school situation or I would not be answering responses so soon after they are posted.  Unfortunately, I had never heard of "the troubled teen industry" until today.  Call me naive but I truly had no idea that such an element existed.  Until about a day ago, I only knew that my son's therapist thought that one of the Hyde schools would benefit him and that my friend in Connecticut was appalled at the idea that I would even consider such an option.  I had googled "reviews Hyde School" and found reports that were largely positive.  It was only today that I noticed that some of the sites that I had ignored on my internet searches were those listing schools for troubled kids and I only checked these sites because I was looking more deeply after hearing my friend's concerns about Hyde.   I feel like an idiot now but I thought that Hyde had been mistakenly included on such sites because although my son has ADD and he can be difficult or lazy, I couldn't imagine his therapist thinking that he belonged at a school for troubled kids.  My husband does not like researching things on the internet but if I do the legwork and find reasonably timely information on Hyde he will most likely read it.  At this point, he has decided to call the therapist next week and ask him to share more of what he knows about Hyde.

Sincerely, Molly
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Ursus on February 19, 2011, 06:40:07 PM
Quote from: "molly"
Hi,

This is my first post to Fornits.  Last week my son's therapist suggested that I send him away to one of the Hyde boarding schools beginning in September of this year because he has ADD and sometimes misbehaves.  I mentioned the therapist's  suggestion to a friend from Connecticut where one of the campuses is located and she seemed very concerned that I would even consider sending my child to Hyde.  According to my friend, the students are sometimes treated ruthlessly and the administration leaves a lot to be desired.  When I told my son's therapist what my friend had said, he responded that she must be out of her mind and that Hyde would be perfect for my son.  My friend is not out of her mind.  Still, I know no one who has sent their child to Hyde and I only have one friend (the one who lives in Connecticut) who has ever heard of the school.  I'm afraid that if I don't apply to Hyde now it will be to late but I absolutely do not want to send my son to a school that is as doctrinaire as my friend describes Hyde as being.  

Does anyone here know anything about Hyde?

PLEASE HELP!

Molly
If he has ADD, a "doctrinaire" environment, as you put it, would probably not be the best choice, imo.

I am concerned that your son's therapist is so adamant about Hyde School being an appropriate environment for your son, if I understand you correctly. Most therapists that I know (admittedly not many) are not so vested in so specific a destination. Does this therapist have personal ties to Hyde?

Have you considered just a "regular" boarding school, if an "environmental change" is hoped to be of help?
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Ursus on February 19, 2011, 06:51:13 PM
Quote from: "molly"
Thanks so much to everyone who has replied.

I showed this forum to my husband who is very pro-Hyde based upon the therapist's recommendation. My husband feels that because most of the threads are a few years old that Hyde must have changed and that the people who abused the students are probably gone.

Does anyone know whether Hyde is still as compromised as it was a few years ago or has it changed course and become a humanistic, welcoming and yet academically rigorous place? If it has not changed appreciably, I can probably dissuade my husband from pursuing it further.

Thanks so much.

Molly
I should qualify what I'm about to say as to a personal bias against Hyde School, based on my personal (and ultimately quite negative) experience there, so please feel free to take what I say with a healthy grain of salt.

There are many reasons why people may have opted not to update information, which include personal intimidation and Hyde's highly acclaimed peer pressure (http://http://www.fornits.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=25286) occurring behind the scenes. Let's not forget the emotional blackmail — all those dirty little secrets that kids and their parents are "pressured" into "discussing" in group. Although, it must also be said that some folk really get off on that stuff, and find that it gives their lives more "meaning." Just sayin' !

As to Hyde metamorphizing into "a humanistic, welcoming and yet academically rigorous place," I'll eat my best bear suit, if that proves to be the case.

The thing is, a place like Hyde operates under the dictates of a particular ideology. That ideology has not changed. The key Administration, many of who were indoctrinated in the system while they themselves were Hyde students, has changed but little. Whether or not particular lower echelon staff are or are not still there ... says more about the staff turnover rate than it says anything about conditions conducive or not conducive to abuse.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Ursus on February 19, 2011, 07:05:47 PM
Quote from: "molly"
Dear Inculcated,

He did not read the entire threads but dismissed them because he was concerned that they contained outdated information. I am taking the lead in the research but my husband still has a vote and his vote is likely to be buttressed by the therapist's perception that Hyde is an excellent school. I should have noted that the therapist has stated that he is currently treating Hyde students and that the school has done them a world of good. I'll try to locate the other websites that you mentioned.

Thanks so much!

Molly
Just curious, Molly, 'bout how your son's therapist is "currently treating Hyde students," when your inference in your first post above (http://http://www.fornits.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=36154&p=397763#p397716) is that you reside nowhere near either of Hyde's two boarding school campuses?

I take it that this therapist is not treating students recovering from the aftermath of Hyde School (of which, incidentally, there are not a few)?

Does this therapist receive a referral fee for each student shipped off to Hyde? Does his own kid or other relative currently attend, or had attended previously? Jes askin' !

If I were you, I'd get a second opinion before committing to a decision, one way or the other. Moreover, I'd certainly ask your son's current therapist as to exactly what his connections to Hyde School are. It can't hurt to know...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Oscar on February 19, 2011, 07:44:46 PM
I would certainly hesitate.

Recently we had a downing accident with 13 students and 2 teachers from a Danish boarding school. Due to a massive rescue involving half of our helicopter rescue force all but one teacher was rescued.

They went out in a boat not suited to open and icy waters. They had only normal clothes and a swim vest on. 6 ended up in coma and all were hospitalized for a period. The students seem to survive.

Everybody with just a little knowledge think that it is certain suicide to go out without survival suit when there are in face ice on the ocean.

Still the students think that their teacher is a hero. Despite the stay in hospital the parents would not hesitate to send their children off again.

Everyone involved with the school thinks that it was OK to go out that day. How can you create a group of students highly motivated to participate in a suicide mission?

The answer: Isolation.

During the first 3 month they dont have access to cell phones in their dorms and no own laptop with facebook or myspace. Ordinary letters are almost not used in Denmark anymore. Our politicians are considering to change the law so the mailservice can settle with delivering mail 2-3 times per week when it is not commercial.

When you isolate people in a community where everybody is closed and forced to live 24/7 you can very easy create a community where the rules are so different that they would be unaccetable in the normal society. And remember : Lundby Efterskole is not boarding school targeted at at-risk teenagers. Of course some are smuggled into the boarding school by the social services. It is normal for the social services and the courts to hide the past of a student before they present the student to the boarding school, because group homes or youth prisons are costly. They strike a deal with the teenager so it becomes a year in a boarding school with no incidents in return of removing the records. But most of the students are normal teenagers wanting to excel in sports or in outdoor education.

I guess that Hyde for a start would restrict you from communicating with your child freely until your child have caught the Hyde spirit just as Lundby do with their students until they think that they are superhumans.

I would never risk sending my child to a boarding school unless I can communicate with my child every single evening on a cell phone after this incident. Opposite the parents at Lundby who didn't even know that their children were out on the ocean, I want to be able to stop crazy stunts before they happen and potential hurt my child.

I don't know your child, but I guess that you are strong enough to withstand his pleas even when they come uncensored to you through a cell phone. Then why not choose a normal boarding school where you can talk to your child without a staff member present?

Some of parents down at Lundby have started to understand what they have allowed to happen. They have doubts about their decision to allow boarding school in the first place. However, it could have been to late for them. Don't make their mistake.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Inculcated on February 19, 2011, 10:46:53 PM
Quote from: "molly"
Dear Inculcated,He did not read the entire threads but dismissed them because he was concerned that they contained outdated information. I am taking the lead in the research but my husband still has a vote and his vote is likely to be buttressed by the therapist's perception that Hyde is an excellent school.  I should have noted that the therapist has stated that he is currently treating Hyde students and that the school has done them a world of good.  I'll try to locate the other websites that you mentioned.  Thanks so much! Molly
Ah, I see. Well, I suppose that gang rape mentioned on the Hyde School is Hell on earth (http://http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2253419519) link is so four years ago.
Excerpted from the wall post:
Quote
…one of the girls in my wing got gang-raped and mccrann told everyone if we said anything to our parents we would be in more trouble than we'd ever known. obviously i told my parents, and look what happened? mccrann got fired…
The good news is that McCrann was reportedly fired. (That was a prudent move as the word got out anyway.) The bad news is that there was a gang rape and staff tried to exhort the students to conceal knowledge of this from their parents. The news that is relevant to your situation is that while no mention in this case of whether the victim was accused by staff of being culpable makes it a somewhat atypical example of how Hyde has chosen to deal with such crimes over the years—the attempted cover up with threats to the students is not an unfamiliar theme.
How’s that for character building?

I think the other posters have pretty much raised the other pointed concerns about the therapist’s recommendation of Hyde School for your child w/ ADD --that I completely agree that any parent should consider with care.
Title: Duncan McCrann
Post by: Ursus on February 20, 2011, 01:13:45 AM
Quote from: "Inculcated"
The good news is that McCrann was reportedly fired.
Fwiw, although Hyde seems to have taken pains to allow that impression, Hyde never fires a good kool-aid guzzler. Perhaps over administrative power struggles, yes, absolutely. But for "minor" transgressions and faux pas such as this? Pffft.

The "guilty" party in question might have to go away and ponder great questions such as the meaning of life, the consequences of their actions and what-not, but they're always not only welcome back, but expected back, as long as they're still drinking the kool-aid.

Given that Duncan McCrann's salary plus benefits (http://http://www.fornits.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=21028&p=252827#p252822) (not including housing, etc. which was probably free) was roughly $166,000 in 2006, I imagine that he was quite happy to continue drinking the kool-aid. I don't know if he actually even left Hyde, but his role as "Head of School" appears to have ended in the aftermath of this incident.

I've never quite figured out whether such directives were for the supposed benefit of the alleged offender or a savvy public relations move, but I s'pose it all depends on the situation and the personnel involved.

Anyway... Duncan McCrann returned to Hyde, or just assumed other duties at Hyde, shortly after the above incident and was there until 2008 or so (the gang rape was reported to have occurred in 2006). From what I've been able to discern from my research (not having overlapped with the man), he was involved with Hyde Schools for approximately twelve years in one capacity or another, starting in 1996.

In 2008, he left to become President and COO of the Houston area location of the KIPP Charter School network (another nightmare of but slightly different hue), leaving earlier this year to form his own EdCon firm (http://http://www.linkedin.com/company/duncan-mccrann-consulting), "specializing in school growth, mangagement and operations." Apparently not specializing in spelling. [Right... Rip me for my standards for what an "education professional" puts on their online resumé. I should be so honored. :D ]
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Inculcated on February 20, 2011, 01:55:56 AM
Oh, for f* sake …I’m actually appalled. How is it possible that I am still so able to be routinely disgusted as if surprised by what takes place in these places?

I bought the hyde-hype assuming that terminating him would’ve been the reasonable thing to do (even if not for ethics).

Well, there you have it Molly...when it comes to Hyde School no news is good news.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Samara on February 20, 2011, 11:41:53 AM
Molly,

If your kid gets sent to Hyde, he will not be able to advocate for himself.  You will not get him out once he is there. He will drink the Kool aid as a matter of emotional survival, believing he is worse than he is. The program is particularly gifted at manipulating kids and parents into feeling the kid will be deadinsaneorinjail to keep the resident.  I've seen this happen personally many, many times including with me.  The level of pressure is so great you admit things far worse than you ever did in order to level up and escape the constant harassment and barrage.  The parents begin to view the school as the authority, and abdicate their own including their own intuition. The school will also give you a very false sense of treatment modality.  They may tell you he is getting individual therapy, but its really one-size-fits-all BS. When parents waffle, the program is excellent at reeling them back in using fear based techniques.  You will begin to see your kid not as who he really is, but who the program says he is. Your kid will, too, and when he graduates, he will say that right things and be scared straight for a period, but inside feel a profound sense of dislocation and later fall apart. there are no longitudinal studies fro a reason. Testimonies are from recent grads and I've known a lot of former "recent grads" who drank the kool aid and sold the school and wanted to vomit once the kool aid wears off.

When you visit the school, you will get the PR tour.  

Therapists often make recommendations based on brochures and websites and marketing (and kickbacks for some)... but they don't know. You have no idea how effective these programs are at marketing their PR tour.  I can't tell you how many former kids at my old program and other programs wanted to yell "RUN!" to prospective visitors but a special kind of hell, ostracization, and group attacks would occur if any of us ever contradicted the program. Heck, we even had to lie to ourselves to get by. We learned we even had to do the whole "this program saved my life" with our parents, too.

Find a better therapist who is committed to helping our your family - not warehousing your kid. Learn new skills at communicating.  My kid is a precocious, sensitive, oppositional kid and when I change my approach and stick to it, I see the benefits. Take the initiative and research options for YOU to change your style. Don't make it fear or worry based. One of the things that helped me as a mother is to realize I can't control everything, just me, and to try new approaches and do what I can, but not to live in fear or worry. We talk a lot about choices in my family and that I will guide them, but ultimately, they make choices; their choices net good, bad or neutral outcomes.  

Clearly, what you are doing doesn't work, but instead of outsourcing your kid, change your approaches.

If there is any part of you that is resistant to programs, do not bend to your spouse. This is too important.  

I will say that one of the things that helped me attending a private school (NOT A "THERAPEUTIC" school) that was college prep but alternative with university professors. The atmosphere was more conducive to pursuing real inquiry and open discussion over conformist, industrial education. Maybe your kid has a creative or athletic bent.  There may be schools that play to his strengths and interests.

Good luck.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Paul St. John on February 20, 2011, 01:45:44 PM
Quote
PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???

No.
Title: thanks...
Post by: Zippie12 on February 20, 2011, 04:36:59 PM
thanks, that helped me a lot!    
regards,          
chantal
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: heretik on February 20, 2011, 05:23:27 PM
Quote from: "Samara"
Molly,

If your kid gets sent to Hyde, he will not be able to advocate for himself.  You will not get him out once he is there. He will drink the Kool aid as a matter of emotional survival, believing he is worse than he is. The program is particularly gifted at manipulating kids and parents into feeling the kid will be deadinsaneorinjail to keep the resident.  I've seen this happen personally many, many times including with me.  The level of pressure is so great you admit things far worse than you ever did in order to level up and escape the constant harassment and barrage.  The parents begin to view the school as the authority, and abdicate their own including their own intuition. The school will also give you a very false sense of treatment modality.  They may tell you he is getting individual therapy, but its really one-size-fits-all BS. When parents waffle, the program is excellent at reeling them back in using fear based techniques.  You will begin to see your kid not as who he really is, but who the program says he is. Your kid will, too, and when he graduates, he will say that right things and be scared straight for a period, but inside feel a profound sense of dislocation and later fall apart. there are no longitudinal studies fro a reason. Testimonies are from recent grads and I've known a lot of former "recent grads" who drank the kool aid and sold the school and wanted to vomit once the kool aid wears off.

When you visit the school, you will get the PR tour.  

Therapists often make recommendations based on brochures and websites and marketing (and kickbacks for some)... but they don't know. You have no idea how effective these programs are at marketing their PR tour.  I can't tell you how many former kids at my old program and other programs wanted to yell "RUN!" to prospective visitors but a special kind of hell, ostracization, and group attacks would occur if any of us ever contradicted the program. Heck, we even had to lie to ourselves to get by. We learned we even had to do the whole "this program saved my life" with our parents, too.

Find a better therapist who is committed to helping our your family - not warehousing your kid. Learn new skills at communicating. My kid is a precocious, sensitive, oppositional kid and when I change my approach and stick to it, I see the benefits. Take the initiative and research options for YOU to change your style. Don't make it fear or worry based. One of the things that helped me as a mother is to realize I can't control everything, just me, and to try new approaches and do what I can, but not to live in fear or worry. We talk a lot about choices in my family and that I will guide them, but ultimately, they make choices; their choices net good, bad or neutral outcomes.  

Clearly, what you are doing doesn't work, but instead of outsourcing your kid, change your approaches.

If there is any part of you that is resistant to programs, do not bend to your spouse. This is too important.  

I will say that one of the things that helped me attending a private school (NOT A "THERAPEUTIC" school) that was college prep but alternative with university professors. The atmosphere was more conducive to pursuing real inquiry and open discussion over conformist, industrial education. Maybe your kid has a creative or athletic bent.  There may be schools that play to his strengths and interests.

Good luck.

 :tup:  :tup:  :tup:
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 20, 2011, 10:36:31 PM
I greatly appreciate everyone's response.  It looks like Hyde-Woodstock is a nefarious place and, hence, my family will no longer pursue it as an option.  I'm wondering if anyone knows if Hyde-Bath (the school with which my son's therapist has familiarity) is of the same dark ilk?  Should I consider that branch of Hyde or stike Hyde in its entirety from consideration?

Since I never knew until yesterday that the "troubled teen industry" existed, the question that follows might seem quite naive.  Still, I hope that anyone reading this will bear with me because it will involve revealing far more information than I had hoped to reveal and because I am seeking the solution that might best benefit my son and our family.  What I chose not to post is that my son is on his last option in our community in terms of day schooling.  He is extremely bright but he does not do his homework or study.  He had been violent with both my husband and me up until a few months ago.  Some days he has friends, some days he does not.  He appears to be addicted to the internet.  He has ADHD which has been described as severe.  I believe that my son does have a conscience and, occasionally, he allows me to get close to him.  I love him deeply.  His therapist and the schools he has attended say that he needs more structure than we are capable of providing him at home.  While I do not want to send him away, I am sadly considering that this might be his best option.  Now for my question:  should it be the case that he gets kicked out of the school he is now in, where might I send him that is healing and that would befit a sensitive but lost kid?

I greatly appreciate everyone's help.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 20, 2011, 10:40:05 PM
I forgot to add that my son is artistically gifted.  Also, sorry about all of the misspellings and grammatical errors in my previous post.  It is hard to read what I'm typing through tears.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: none-ya on February 20, 2011, 11:27:15 PM
Quote from: "molly"
I greatly appreciate everyone's response.  It looks like Hyde-Woodstock is a nefarious place and, hence, my family will no longer pursue it as an option.  I'm wondering if anyone knows if Hyde-Bath (the school with which my son's therapist has familiarity) is of the same dark ilk?  Should I consider that branch of Hyde or stike Hyde in its entirety from consideration?

Since I never knew until yesterday that the "troubled teen industry" existed, the question that follows might seem quite naive.  Still, I hope that anyone reading this will bear with me because it will involve revealing far more information than I had hoped to reveal and because I am seeking the solution that might best benefit my son and our family.  What I chose not to post is that my son is on his last option in our community in terms of day schooling.  He is extremely bright but he does not do his homework or study.  He had been violent with both my husband and me up until a few months ago.  Some days he has friends, some days he does not.  He appears to be addicted to the internet.  He has ADHD which has been described as severe.  I believe that my son does have a conscience and, occasionally, he allows me to get close to him.  I love him deeply.  His therapist and the schools he has attended say that he needs more structure than we are capable of providing him at home.  While I do not want to send him away, I am sadly considering that this might be his best option.  Now for my question:  should it be the case that he gets kicked out of the school he is now in, where might I send him that is healing and that would befit a sensitive but lost kid?

I greatly appreciate everyone's help.


Why do you have to send your son away at all?  Don't you think he's gonna' hate you for that? He's your son. If you put him in someone elses hands,you do him no good. It doesn't matter what program you choose. Or can't you read?
If he's that gifted, then send him to an art scool. There are no positive testimonials of any treatment programs here. If you can aford to send him away, then it sounds like money is not an issue here. Use it wisely and find another option.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: none-ya on February 20, 2011, 11:32:16 PM
ps. for Molly
You need to read the Wayne Kerncohan book.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Life-Go ... 8161820497 (http://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Life-Gone-Awry-My-Story-of-the-Elan-School/148998161820497)
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Samara on February 20, 2011, 11:53:28 PM
The Hyde programs are ALL the same. Screw programs. Seriously.  Be creative. And dump your dumb ass therapist who thinks warehousing is the answer. Build on his strengths.  Maybe find an ADD counselor who specializes in helping him build tools/strategies. Don't treat him like a problem. Lead with love and not with fear.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: none-ya on February 21, 2011, 12:35:14 AM
Quote from: "Samara"
The Hyde programs are ALL the same. Screw programs. Seriously.  Be creative. And dump your dumb ass therapist who thinks warehousing is the answer. Build on his strengths.  Maybe find an ADD counselor who specializes in helping him build tools/strategies. Don't treat him like a problem. Lead with love and not with fear.


You said it much nicer than I did.
AMEN!!
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Ursus on February 21, 2011, 12:51:13 AM
Quote from: "molly"
I greatly appreciate everyone's response. It looks like Hyde-Woodstock is a nefarious place and, hence, my family will no longer pursue it as an option. I'm wondering if anyone knows if Hyde-Bath (the school with which my son's therapist has familiarity) is of the same dark ilk? Should I consider that branch of Hyde or stike Hyde in its entirety from consideration?
Bath begat Woodstock. If anything, it has even more skeletons in its closet, having accumulated them for a longer period of time.

Samara is right. The two campuses are essentially the same, with but small variation depending on the mix of people at any given time. Admins and faculty sometimes switch campuses, and I seem to remember hearing, about a year or two ago, that they were planning to implement switching the students around on some regular basis to make the two campuses more cohesive (all part of that "Hyde experience"). There may also have been other motivations for this musical chairs scenario. Whether this plan actually got off the ground, I have no idea.

Quote from: "molly"
Now for my question: should it be the case that he gets kicked out of the school he is now in, where might I send him that is healing and that would befit a sensitive but lost kid?
Have you considered the possibility of him taking a year or two off from school until he can get his act together or grows out of his funk? Presuming it's feasible (I don't know what the laws are in your state, not to mention your son's age), he'd graduate high school a year or two later than he would normally, but that's hardly the end of the world.

Ideally, he'd have to hold down a job during that interim while not in school, and perhaps paying you a small stipend for his room and board. That might help him focus, give him some positive feedback in holding down that job, and motivation to finish his schooling since the job prospects without a high school diploma have a rather low ceiling as far as hourly wages go.

Just a thought, fwiw, which may or may not be appropriate in your case...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: none-ya on February 21, 2011, 01:20:44 AM
Molly,
Does your know what you are planning?
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 21, 2011, 02:03:06 AM
Thank you to all who have responded.

My 13-year-old, 8th grade son cannot be out of school according to state laws.  The therapist he is seeing is an ADD therapist.   We've run out of educational options (both public and private) except for a school where extremely dangerous kids are warehoused and which is rife with substance abuse and violence that includes an occasional knifing.  I'm not leaving any stone unturned.  Besides Hyde, the therapist has suggested hospitalization because of my son's temper.  While it has not happened in several months, he has beaten me severely.  I am smaller than he is and I cannot defend myself from him.  

I am most certainly not a bot.  I am a despondent mom.  I think that by accident I stumbled upon a forum here that is primarily for people who have been terribly hurt by their educational experiences.  I thank everyone for their caring responses and wish everyone the best.

Molly
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Samara on February 21, 2011, 02:34:12 AM
One problem a lot of these therapeutic (which is a BS marketing term) "schools" have is that they overstructure  not only your time but also your mind to such an extent that you CANNOT duplicate it in the real world and then you fall apart.  The program's structure is NOT real world structuring.  In the program I went to, every single second was accounted for down to shower minutes. Every second was taxed by "emotional" work (which was just crazy psychodramas that are discarded by real therapists) and chores and hard physical labor from the early am to bed time.  You were so emotionally and physically spent you actually could sleep at night on a regular schedule.  Sounds good, right? Well, no, every person I knew fell apart afterward because in the real world, you don't participate in heavy group psychodramas for four hours every other day right after four hours of running a mile and back several times chopping wood, hauling wood, sawing branches, etc...It's hard to explain. Even your "non working time" was not free time because it was really an extended period of social indoctrination.   But real life imposes its own structure when you work.  In a program, they are not only taking inventory of your time, but your thoughts and feelings. And not in a good, reflective way.  In any event, one of the biggest immediate issues by far was that kids fell apart in the real world because program structure is NOT analogous to the structure of daily living and responsibilities. Kid leave and are at a TOTAL loss. The program ultimately disempowers the kids.
There is also no opportunity to learn from mistakes because you were always terrified.

So the "give your kid the structure he needs" is one of big bowl of therapeutic malarkey.

Read Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction - books by a top doc with ADD. It is more solution oriented -especially the last one.

Another good book is The Defiant Child by Jeffrey Bernstein. The title is a bit of a misnomer in many ways because its really about parents changing their approaches and making loving choices  (not to be confused with enabling) over fear based choices.  Some of the skills are counter-intuitive but work with consistency.  It's not an ADD book, but it does help with approach and perspective.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Samara on February 21, 2011, 02:58:02 AM
OK -  I did not get a chance to read your last post before sending my last post. This issue is more complex. I still would not send him to Hyde.  I highly recommend The Defiant Child for his anger/frustration/defiance with Delivered for ADD skills.  In fact, the doctor who wrote The Defiant Child is very compassionate. If you email him from the site, I would not be surprised if he e-mails you back with some ideas.

Are you the only target for your child's violent anger? It's not uncommon for Moms to get the brunt because they know Moms are unconditional. The reason I ask is because I am wonder if your spouse and another caretaker can take over for a few days. It might help you need to get away for a few days to rest, and then a few more days to research, make calls, go to the library, etc. AWAY from the turmoil. You might need a mental vacation to give yourself the emotional space to cope and strategize.

The problem with reaching a crisis point where you no longer feel safe is that it is easy to make rash decisions. I am sure your son is going through emotional hell as well - it never feels good to be out of control.We all want our children to develop good coping skills for emotional resilience and practical living.  It is just very tricky terrain.  Try The Defiant Child.I sincerely wish you and your son the best of luck; I know there are options and there are smart, thoughtful people on this board who may have some good ideas.

Ideas, anyone?
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 21, 2011, 03:04:48 AM
Hi Samara,

My husband and I have both read Driven by Distraction and we gained a lot of understanding from it.  We have not read The Defiant Child but I am going to order it from Amazon now.  Thank you so much for the suggestion.

Molly
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Samara on February 21, 2011, 03:28:28 AM
I think that Delivered from Distraction is better than his first book Driven because it offers more solutions.  One of my kids is younger but not really easy. He has improved a lot in the past few years, but The Defiant Child helped me not to treat him as a problem, and to think of us all on the same team. It takes a lot of personal discipline on my part to maintain a level of calm as a stressed single Mother, but it has helped with consistent use. I read it after my son punched me in the arm. He did it once and hasn't done it again, but I do notice the book helped me to deal with him more effectively and not fall into an adversarial trap.  I've done other things too to help him, but the book was instrumental in helping me change my approach and perspective, and realizing that certain response  patterns were not working so why cling to them?

Lots and lots of kids deal with these issues, and most don't go to programs.  Many eventually come out of it, and it may be a rough ride for awhile.  I can't tell you how many kids have loving relationships with their parents after some hellish years, so, don't get attached to negative future outcomes. Just say, today is a challenge. How can I meet it best?
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: none-ya on February 21, 2011, 04:00:30 AM
Molly wrote:
"I stumbled upon a forum here that is primarily for people who have been terribly hurt by their educational experiences".

I don't think any of the survivors here consider their program an "educational experience". No more than jail or a mental hospital is an "educational experience". If you put him in a program you might not have him back at home until He's 18.
Remember these places reserve the right to "start" over or "shoot down"anyone at any time for any reason. You need to find survivors from Hyde, who are no longer afiliated with the program, whom the place can't hurt anymore and ask them.
Anybody who is still in the program and badmouths it ,is sure to be punished. Surely your not so nieve that you can't see that. Again, does He know what your'e planning? I guarantee He will hate you for it.

molly wrote:
"My husband and I have both read Driven by Distraction and we gained a lot of understanding from it."

You two should read Help at any cost by Maia Szalavits. Or rent Over the GW.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 21, 2011, 10:08:20 AM
I've never heard of Delivered From Distraction but I'll find it and read it.  I have read a number of books by Ned Hallowell including When You Worry About the Child You Love and Positively ADD.

My son does know that we have been considering Hyde.  He, in fact, completed part of the application.  The only thing that has upset him about the place is the dress code and the fact that he would not be allowed to dye his hair.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: none-ya on February 21, 2011, 10:16:29 AM
Quote from: "molly"
Hi Samara,

My husband and I have both read Driven by Distraction and we gained a lot of understanding from it.  We have not read The Defiant Child but I am going to order it from Amazon now.  Thank you so much for the suggestion.

Molly

First you did and now you didn't?
????
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Samara on February 21, 2011, 10:28:12 AM
Maia's book is a great place to start if you are still considering programs.  Maia's background is journalism and she has stellar credentials.  She takes an objective, investigative approach. It's just that it didn't lead to a promising place for programs. I read the book awhile ago and loaned it to someone else before I completed it,and hopefully, she included alternative solutions.  I know she clearly addresses program cons and deficiencies. If you are still thinking of programs, this is the book to read. The author is not a crackpot, alarmist sensationalist. I believe she also has compassion for parents who feel their families are in crisis. Guys - I'm trying to remember if Maia has a list of other resources to pursue at the end of the book.  For some reason, I think she does.

There are a million ways to do that without a program, but it is hard to keep your head together in the midst of chaos. That is why you have to let go of fear and control while also meeting issues head on.  All I know is that power struggles do NOT work.  It is hard to let your ego go as a parent, because frankly, when your kid is acting like a pain in the ass brat, you want to pull the authority card, but the one book illustrates very clearly that your kid will never be on board with this approach.  I've just had some good results with it.  It's gotten to the point will my kid can evaluate his own actions and choices and take responsibility and even make difficult choices because he knows it is better for him - but I also work hard not to invalidate his feelings even when I am making parental choices he doesn't love. But if you ask him, he'll tell you that my expectations are reasonable and fair.

The thing about parenting is there is no cure-all. It's just progress, not perfection, and progress is not a straight trajectory. It dips and climbs.

The dress code and dying your hair is NOTHING. That will be the least of his concerns if he is sent there.  Please read Maia's book if you can. At least do this.the younger the kid is that goes to these places, the harder it is fro them to sort out the kool aid later.  If you e-mail Maia, she might respond.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 21, 2011, 10:38:31 AM
Thanks, Samara.  I will read Maia's book.  In terms of the Hallowell books, what I wrote is that I have read Driven to Distraction but not Delivered from Distraction.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: dragonfly on February 21, 2011, 07:35:27 PM
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Awake on February 21, 2011, 09:36:02 PM
molly


I would be very wary of any program that uses mandatory group therapy or uses group pressures for conformity, and I think there are several reasons that it carries with it a high risk of being harmful to your child as well as being utilized as a powerful tool of coercion by staff, something that can be very hard to identify by a novice outside observer. I think it is worth considering that if therapy does not help your child it is going to actually harm him. Depending on the nature and intensity of the therapy the effects may be negligible, or the damage done could last a lifetime and destroy your relationship, but do not assume that if it doesn’t work it will result in ‘no change’. Another point of concern is that it is not the child’s option to participate in therapy, it will be forced upon him, and lack of progress may come with punishment, shaming, which might exacerbate current issues, inhibit their resolution, and even create new issues.  Troubled teen programs have an incredibly, incredibly disturbing history of employing coercive tactics and experimental therapies.  If you see a possibility where the program could be motivating peer pressures, and those pressures can be used as motivation to achieve individual therapeutic goals, if you see that therapeutic progress is held in the context of peer group progress through level systems, then my advice is to not take a chance. It is not worth it.



To switch gears a bit here, I may have some advice that you may want to look into. I was also diagnosed add when I was young and went through the gamut of prescriptions. Take this for what it is, but as an adult looking back on it all, I think it is either pretty easy to misdiagnose, and/or the diagnosis itself and the search for treatment can be more problematic to overcome than the add itself and just letting the child learn to deal with it naturally, just personally.  



That said I do recognize that you may need to keep exploring alternatives here.  My advice is to look into Landmark College in VT, I don’t know if you can find something quite like this for minors but maybe they know of some that work in a similar way. It is academically focused but will incorporate learning disability issues like add into the process. Actually I think it would provide huge advantages in getting accepted at other colleges. It is not focused on solving behavior issues, just very structured, but also very flexible in considering individual needs in academic learning. It is less a group thing and the daily learning schedule is structured individually, as stated they have the highest faculty to student ratio in the country. I know your son may not be old enough to go yet, but I think you should look anyways and call them and see if they can point you in a good direction. Maybe it will lead you toward better options, hopefully some you can find at home. (Unless he wants a change of environment).   I would prefer to see that any sort of therapy is individual and optional, and that the structuring of time is not dominated by group building excercises, but by academics, and a healthy amount of free time.  Anyways, I feel this is a far better environment than Hyde by comparison, so just thought I’d offer.  

  http://www.landmark.edu/index.cfm (http://www.landmark.edu/index.cfm)


.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: mlg81 on February 21, 2011, 10:06:15 PM
I can almost guarantee your sons therapist is being paid by Hyde schools.  Molly, I work in child welfare, and I have seen the damage that residential treatment and boarding schools have done.  Experts in the child welfare system say that no child should be removed from the home unless its absolutely necessary.  Try In home services first before you make any decisions. Also, find another therapist, because this one sounds very unethical.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Paul St. John on February 22, 2011, 01:01:44 PM
Molly, I skimmed through this thread just now... My previous answer was just "No.".  I like being direct, and that is in fact the right answer.

A lot of people have made inferences about your child's therapist, and they are probably right about them, too.  Either way, I would probably look around for someone else.  ADHD and misbehavior- " Okay send him to Hyde"  That kinda scares me. There is nothing wrong with shopping around, and there are counselors out there who could be far more helpful, and you would look back and be very glad that you did not listen to this guy.

My personal opinion is that you should start from scratch.  If this guy had not brought it up, there never would have been an issue, about sending your kid to a treatment center. I would say, do your own research.  There is a lot you can do to help your child on your own.

Paul St. John
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 22, 2011, 01:35:13 PM
Dear Everyone,

I am so grateful for your insightful responses and all of the care that you have shown to my family.  As a result of all that has been written in this thread, my husband and I are no longer pursuing Hyde.  We have considered boarding school to be the last resort--one to provide a safety net should our son be asked to leave his current school.  We don't want to send our son away.  He does have very severe neuropsych challenges according to a recognized expert who sees prescribing meds to be a last resort and yet prescribed them for my son because "he is bouncing off the walls."  My son has ADHD and executive function issues according to a very thorough (and expensive) neuropsych exam which, just to be safe, we are repeating.  We've tried to put as many supports in place as we can afford:  therapy (individual and family), coaching and tutoring.  We are not wealthy people.  Not by a long stretch.  For example:  I've been to one movie in three years and I buy my clothing in thrift shops.  Because he is so bright, he is on partial scholarship at the school he attends but he is holding onto his matriculation by his fingertips because he will not study.  Hyde did not promise us a specific amount of assistance but indicated that there is financial aid available.

We still think that we need a school out of our city as a safety net.  My son has an extremely high IQ and is gifted in writing (he's been published), the visual arts and, especially, music.  If possible, we would like to find a boarding school in the middle-Atlantic or New England areas but we are open to other parts of the country as well.  Does anyone have a suggestion of a boarding school for a kid entering the 9th grade?  No regional public school, except the most marginal and dangerous, is willing to accept him.

Thanks for your kindness and understanding.

Molly
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: RTP2003 on February 22, 2011, 02:16:13 PM
Quote from: "molly"
Dear Everyone,

  As a result of all that has been written in this thread, my husband and I are no longer pursuing Hyde.  

That is a good decision.  You may have saved your relationship with your son, his sanity, and possibly his life by your decision to eliminate Hyde as an option.



Quote

Thanks for your kindness and understanding.

Molly

Thank you for your open mindedness and willingness to listen to survivors of Hyde and similar programs.  You exhibit a degree of clear headed thinking that many parents in your situation seem to be unwilling to exercise, or incapable of manifesting.  

Too often, shills for the teen torture industry are able to convince parents to write off the experiences that we as survivors have endured at places such as Hyde, by slandering us as "disgruntled junkies, hell-bent on ruining the good name of (insert teen torture camp name here)".  

I wish you and your family all the best,

RTP2003
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 22, 2011, 02:20:55 PM
Dear RTP2003,

Thank you for your kind wishes.  I hope that you did not personally endure abusive treatment at a school like Hyde, although your note suggests that you are coming from a place of sorry experience.  Maybe I'm wrong.  I hope so.

Molly
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: RTP2003 on February 22, 2011, 02:23:22 PM
I survived incarceration and torture in Straight, Inc. in the 1980s.  I have met survivors of Hyde both through this website and in my personal life.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 22, 2011, 02:40:03 PM
I'm so sorry that you suffered such cruelty.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: heretik on February 22, 2011, 04:43:15 PM
Molly,
I trust that through your intellect and heart you will find the answer for your son. This is a communal family problem one that can only be resolved by the family participating. I am so relieved that you are allowing the survivors here to educate you. We have I feel some of the brightest most caring people here I have ever met. Not only did they endure the hardships of decisions made for them by their parents but they learned from their experiences and are willing to help others. Such as you.
Fornits has helped me immensely in the short time I have been here, please stay in touch and continue to educate yourself. Include your husband and son when there ready. This is a family problem and there is a solution, I know you'll find it.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Paul St. John on February 23, 2011, 02:48:33 PM
Molly,
     I've always found it hard to give responses to questions like this.  There are just so many details and specifics that are unknown to me... even the essence of a situation, with all it's subtle nuances, which make up the complete tapestry of this living, existent situation of your's.  I don t know of any boarding school that I could recommend.  I know of few, and the ones I do, I've only heard mostly bad things about.... and also just from my point of view, in my own mind, it is hard to see how a boarding school, of all things, is going to help your son with his condition.

Here is my perspective.  I'm not answering as an expert, or even someone who went to a program.  I'm just gonna tell ya what I would do, 'cause why the hell not? I wouldn't be looking for a safety net.  I wouldn t be preparing for a failure that has not yet occurred, but rather, focusing all my attention, on my boy staying in his school, as you said, you do not want to send him away.
I wouldn t think twice about it.  I wouldn t waste my time thinking about it.  If, in the end, I could not keep him in his school, it would not be for lack of my trying, or due to my preparing my mind for an ensuing failure.  And if it did go down that way, I would deal with it then.  Life is fluid.  You gotta go with what you have now, and make the best of it.

My perspective is that, if you are already saying ' hopefully his school will keep him, but if not we got such and such place already planned out', it's like you already have him all locked up in your mind... like a problem needing a solution, not a person. ' ( I am not trying to criticize but only offering an outside perspective.)
Let's say he improves, and starts doing amazingly... Do you have a safety net for that?  ( see where I'm going with this?)

For me, I would just decide how I want this to go, and then asking questions based on that....
Is it possible to do this?  Has anyone done this?  What can help?   Basically- How can I do this?-

It starts with a solid resolution to keep your son with you, and help him develop to be his best. I would tell myself that this is important to me, and I am going to get it done.  I would seek out my own resources.  i would listen to the ones, that were useful to me, and build on those.

As far as the doc only believing in using drugs, as a last resort, personally, I am in full alignment with that. I do a very small, but important bit of knowledge on neuroscience, and of the belief, that yes brain chemistry absolutely effects behavior, BUT almost every time, our brain chemistry is at the effect of our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions.  You say that the test confirmed he had ADHD.. In my viewpoint, of course, it did.  It only told you what you already know.. If it didn t, then that would just mean that he is an actor. It's like watching the weather on TV to confirm you really see rain outside your window..
But most people do not think of it that way.  Tests are all official and important, and this one has confirmed that your child has a condition.... But you have to be very careful here... There is always the pull to blow the condition out of proportion, and this is bad... We like confirmation of a condition, because if it is an actual thing with an actual name, then we can cure it .. and we can say " Hey .. he has a condition.  Give him a break.. It's not his fault, and it's not ours... he has a condition dammit!"

But in this particular situation, there are problems with this-  One being that a psychological condition is not the same thing as a medical condition, because we are as far in this area of study, as we were eons ago, in medicine.  All they have is theories, hopes, and along list of failures.. most of them anyway.

The other is this, and this is very , very important in my mind- If you get focused on the condition, you lose sight of the person, and if you lose sight of the person, you lose ALL hope of helping him. That's a fact.  Our brain chemistry effects our behavior, but the only health way to change the brain chemistry almost every time, is through the person.. Through the person!

A Spartans had different brain chemistry then you and I . Different beliefs.. different ideas.   I have different brain chemistry when I am relaxing then when I am working my ass off.

Let's say a person has a belief that keeps them trapped in a state if fear or anxiety, perhaps, it so deep, that they are not even aware of it.. That could account for it.. Traumatic loss or phobias never dealt with could account for it.

The way I see it, ( and granted this is just the way I see it), you have 2 choices:

You can be the average human being, accept that your child, is very intelligent but also diseased.  let society cater to the disease.  he will probably never get better, but you can always blame the disease, and the condition.  people will understand.  they have to or they will be considered inconsiderate.  many people will offer their hope and counsle.. priests family, neighbors , etc.  all in a big drama to get nowhere... and many people will take over many things for you and relieve some of the burden, as for every disease there is at least one expert, taht just loves to have a diagnosis of which they know all...

or you can take a heroic approach.. Forget the disease, and focus on the boy.. Focus on the boy.. Focus on the boy.. get it done .. make it happen.  It will be messy, unclean, with no illusions of certainty.. Lots of times you will make progress, only to lose it later.. You will not be able to view him as a victim anymore, and it will take discpline on your part to move forward.  most people will disagree with what you are doing, and almost no one will support you, and in the end, hopefully, you get the job done.

As I see it, there is no cure.  There is only you.  there is you, and your boy, and your hope and intentions for him, because in the end, there is no one in this world, who will care about him as you do.  Me, I just don t think I d give up.   but again, I don t no any of the particulars..

Be well.. Take care..

Paul St. John

PS I hope this ain t Whooter..
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Ursus on February 26, 2011, 12:23:39 AM
Although it appears that Molly has taken her search for solutions elsewhere, I thought I'd share a tale, in the event that any future parent in such a quandary should come across this thread, which I think epitomizes the kind of focused humiliation and group-fueled ostracization that Hyde is capable of when it wants to "break" certain individuals.

I'm sure that Hyde hasn't employed the dog collar and the digging of one's own grave for many years, but the mindset on which these protocols were based lives on in full fury and is practiced to this day via less obvious (but no less damaging) similar such activities.


Originally posted (http://http://www.fornits.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=20343&p=242592#p242592) on 29 Jan 2007:
Quote from: "Old Hyde Student 1973"
I have been lurking on this site for some time now trying to get a feeling for what has been occurring at The Hyde School since I attended from the summer of 1971 through graduation 1973 (High School Diploma, not Hyde School Diploma). I have been struggling with my feelings about the school. I have been trying to conjure up my past, taking into account that all of my experiences there were not negative. I have come to the conclusion that the years have changed but the place is still as poisonous as ever.

It was my decision to attend The Hyde School mostly to get away from a smothering situation at home. I was your typical academic underachiever, labeled by the public school as having above average intelligence but extremely immature and lazy. I was getting into more and more trouble at the public school for minor infractions, such as smoking cigarettes and not handing in homework. Up until that time I had not done any illegal drugs and had only a few experiences with alcohol. I wanted a fresh start away from the labels I had been given at the public school. I did have many non-academic interests including piloting small aircraft, playing guitar formal lessons, camping, hiking, and fishing. Not much into organized sports and not a joiner.

My experience with The Hyde School started in the summer of 1971, I had a really great time during that summer doing what I liked to do hiking, camping, rowing dory's etc.. During that summer there were your typical Hyde "Busts & Purges", runaways and challenges to ones abilities, trying to expand beyond ones comfort zone. In short, learning the "Hyde Way", not a bad thing. I decided to return for the regular session fall of 1972.

My first year at the school I don't recall to much conflict between myself and the "Hyde Way", I don't think I was flying under the radar, some may disagree, I was just trying to achieve what I needed to do and then move on with my life. Trying to learn what I thought were some good fundamental ways to live life. Of course "Seminar" was something that I and no one looked forward to but I was never abruptly confronted or asked to reveal anything I didn't feel comfortable with. I viewed Joe Gauld as someone who had my best interests at heart and someone I could confide in. As we all learned "Joe" did have his own way of dealing with student issues but I felt at the time that if you have two hundred children with different levels of problems and parents who never dealt with the problems then his sometimes abrupt ways were understandable.

I returned for my senior year in the fall 1973, more responsibility, and more expectations. This is the year I witnessed things and experienced things that made me question the methods of the Hyde School and I believe negatively impacted on my life. I had witnessed questionable forms of punishment my first year but at that time I dismissed it as a process that I did not fully yet understand and felt it  was probably necessary for the ultimate benefit of the recipient.

As I gained more experience with the "Hyde Method" I began to see these forms of punishment as sadistic and having no merit in the development of a student. I personally witnessed and participated in the approved shaving of student's heads. Students being forced to wear dog collars and lead around campus on a leash. The "Cool Hand Luke" method to get a students "Mind Right" of repeatedly digging and filling in of ones own grave until exhaustion and submission was ultimately achieved. Endless work crews, sleep depravation until students broke down in gasping tears. I saw little improvement by the students that these punishments were inflicted upon, in fact most ended up leaving the school and if there was an improvement it wasn't a real "break through" in the students development it was only a pavlovian response so as not to repeat the horror.

The abuse was not limited to the student body. There were two incidents involving teachers that to this day I can't believe were not only allowed but encouraged. One involved a teacher by the name of Larry Prey who was a real nice guy, very supportive of me but kind of quirky which left him wide open for criticism. He was forced to stand in front of the entire student body and reveal his very private and personal marital transgressions with another women enduring the judgments and ridicule of two hundred savage teenagers. Another involved the crucifixion of a teacher by the name of Mr. French whose only transgression was that he didn't fit the definition of what we felt was the hip young teacher. He was forced to stand in front of the student body and receive his brutal punishment of unfettered ridicule. To this day I sometimes lay awake at night and shudder at the thought of those teachers faces as these incidents took place.

The incident that scarred me,  still haunts me today and that I kept buried for many years involved a younger student and friend. This student who trusted me, was accused of stealing money and would not admit to his supposed guilt. I was given total control of this student to break him and ultimately obtain a confession of guilt. I was seventeen years old, immature for my years with no experience in dealing with this kind of issue. I was given no counseling as to how to proceed, no methodologies,  no boundaries of conduct were given. He was forbidden to attend any classes, sports activities or have any contact with other students. He was not to leave my sight. My only instructions were to break him. His head was shaven and a dog collar and leash applied. I must apologize I was given two methodologies one was  to force him to sleep next to me on a hard cold wooden floor with no bedding of any kind clothed only his underwear. The other was if he protested he was to receive a cold shower. I can't remember all of the sanctioned brutality that was inflicted upon this student but it was intensive and complete. I remember once when he was given a cold shower that the water was so frigid that his lips turned blue I became afraid and told him he could get out and warm up. My mind was in total conflict I couldn't continue this anymore, but I also believed that he needed to confess in order to be "Saved". I finally told Joe Gauld that this was of no use he was not going to confess and that I could not continue with this. The student left the school and went home. For many years after leaving the Hyde school myself, I would wake up at night in a cold sweat, having dreamed about what I did and the harm I must have caused to this then child.

As the end of my senior year approach we had what I remember as some sort of review of our progress to determine if graduation with a "Hyde Degree" was to be obtained that year. I was told that I had not made significant progress because the "Big" senior history paper I had written and required by Ed Legg for graduation was of poor quality and not up to college standards. Interestingly enough I don't remember any classes being given that addressed the proper way to write a term paper. I was also told that I had not confronted enough of my personal issues to graduate with a "Hyde Degree" and that they recommended that I return for another year. Well I told them that I didn't agree and would not be returning for another year at a school that I felt had deteriorated into some sort of gulag. I also remember having the distinct feeling that they liked my father's money a little too much. So off I went into the world with an expensive standard High School Degree and some knowledge of how to live my life based on the Hyde School Principals.

Well my life became a nightmare, insomnia, constant bad dreams of my experiences at the school, inability to cope in social situations, lack of focus, deep feelings of guilt. I succumbed to alcohol and drug abuse, I self medicated to hide these feelings and ultimately flunked out of college after only one semester. My life became a misery for an entire decade, I cannot blame all of it on The Hyde School, some of it was my own immaturity but I later learned that the blinding binges of drugs and alcohol were deffiently related to what I had witnessed and participated in at the school.

My life did turn out to be good and worth living I straightened out my substance abuse problems not needing any Rehabilitation Center, I just decided enough was enough and stopped. I met the girl of my dreams have been married for over twenty years, have a wonderful son, a good job and am looking forward to the rest of my life. Funny thing is I don't attribute much of the good part of my life to The Hyde School, I probably just needed to forgive myself, come to terms with who I am, deal with my short comings, grow up and get on with it, which was my intension from the very beginning of this long strange trip called life.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Inculcated on February 26, 2011, 02:42:09 AM
It pains me to read accounts such as the one quoted above, it also causes me a genuine anguish to view the attempts at revisionist histories of these places that minimize harsh and unconscionable cruelties meted out there as naïveté (in a blame it on the zeitgeist sort of way) or to hear claims of progress that glancingly acknowledge what they’ve long tried to justify and then to simply minimize...
These small acknowledgments in the then and now context reframing of the persistent and no less insidious legacy of these methods as *progress* are the lies of program propaganda.
True the shaving of heads is not so commonplace anymore, but blatant humiliations and still severe and punitive pressures disguised as therapeutics and character building are common tactics that persist throughout. So many of these places continue to operate with such methods in part precisely because of the inescapable ease with which they offer an effectively executed short term appearance of change
(at long lasting expense including PTSD), and in part because those who inflict or abet/allow them are too blind to see that they are not any less damaging they’ve just gotten more sophisticated.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: molly on February 26, 2011, 07:52:30 PM
It has been a horrifying experience for me to read so many posts about the bizarre and rampant cruelty at Hyde.  As a parent seeking a healing school for my son, I had to read the first nine pages of Google results to find this website.  On the first two pages of results are many positive evaluations from parents and former students.  I'm wondering whether it might not be helpful for people who are now out of harm's way to describe their experiences on these more readily searchable sites that actively ask for reviews.  Maybe parents would think twice about sending their children to Hyde if they had access to some of what has been described here.

Thanks to everyone for all of the help you've given me.

Molly
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Ursus on February 26, 2011, 08:41:45 PM
Quote from: "molly"
It has been a horrifying experience for me to read so many posts about the bizarre and rampant cruelty at Hyde.  As a parent seeking a healing school for my son, I had to read the first nine pages of Google results to find this website.  On the first two pages of results are many positive evaluations from parents and former students.  I'm wondering whether it might not be helpful for people who are now out of harm's way to describe their experiences on these more readily searchable sites that actively ask for reviews.  Maybe parents would think twice about sending their children to Hyde if they had access to some of what has been described here.

Thanks to everyone for all of the help you've given me.

Molly
"Negative reviews" have a way of "disappearing" from some of those sites, Molly. The institution or program complains and it is removed. Many of those review sites are even run by the programs themselves or groups of programs and allow only certain material on their sites. I'm not saying they all are, but enough are ... to dampen the enthusiasm of those wishing to tell their story.

Lon Woodbury, who runs Struggling Teens, is famous for such editorial activity. He used to run a forum on his site (perhaps still does, although, if so, it's no longer open to the public), and posts which portrayed one of these programs in a negative light, no matter how respectful or devoid of "inflammatory language," were excised quite quickly.

Hyde is especially canny when it comes to gaming the public relations and marketing scene. They spend a lot of money and time on it. They have many many blogs, all pretty much posting the same material, but by different bloggers. Many of their "articles" and "press reviews" consist of much of the same material chopped and rearranged so as to appear "new." Perhaps a few sentences in the opener refer to some recent newsworthy event, but the rest of the piece is merely the same old same old rearranged to relate how Hyde is the answer to whatever societal ill the news makes reference to.

I'm sure that Hyde employs the services of a firm like "Reputation Defender" or similar to help sanitize their image and boost the positive material over the negative on search engines. The sheer volume of their blogs is certainly part of that. Hyde and/or their apologists have also managed to block certain material on fornits from even appearing on a google. You can use a direct quote of material you know is here, perhaps even the thread title, put quotation marks around it, and Google will not be able to find it.

But thank you for your suggestion. There are a couple people here trying to get something like that underway. Mostly it's a question of trust. Achieving the state of being "out of harm's way" is a highly subjective criterion. What with long term PTSD, fear of reprisal from program advocates, not to mention assorted other effects, recovery from one's program experience takes considerably longer than the average person, not familiar with the insidious culty nature of this industry, could possibly even begin to imagine.
Title: Should I send my child to Hyde???
Post by: deslock on March 06, 2011, 03:00:50 PM
Dear Molly,

I was in no way a perfect teen, but Hyde definitely helped me become a worse adult. The people who founded that school care about their own agenda, children are merely a means to that end and nothing more.

I suggest that you spend your money on enhancing your son's life with exposure to music, art, sports,(with good coaching), travel, and meeting good kids in his age range. When you stick a kid in any boarding school, you abandon control of his day to day life and learning to strangers, some better than others. Just don't do it. Don't become a stranger to your son, remain a parent. Be consistent with rules, but also be consistent in paying attention to his changing needs.

Also, consider getting a new therapist for your son. Anyone who would suggest an extreme solution such as Hyde must have a screw loose themselves.

Best,

A
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: momanddad on March 07, 2011, 09:02:02 PM
Please DO NOT send your child to Hyde!  This and other websites are full of passionate, thoughtful statements by parents who regret having sent their child to Hyde.  Many, many educational consultants refuse to refer teens to Hyde; they have learned about the intense controversy surrounding the school.  Many professionals question Hyde's draconian, outdated, and simplistic methods.  There are many reputable alternatives.  Please find an educational consultant who is knowledgeable.  I'd be suspicious of any educational consultant who would refer to Hyde.  Hyde has been the subject of intense criticism in a number of professional publications.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: forjessinits on March 08, 2011, 04:40:02 PM
I give my son Super Snooze at 7:30 pm.   ADD can = sleep disorder.   A huge lack of sleep makes it harder for them to concentrate, sit still, and behave.
Super Snooze is an all natural combination of melatonin, and chamomile, and other herbs, that induce sleep and help you stay asleep.   Within 3 weeks, his behavior was a complete turn around at school.   I also give him a fish oil with the highest amount of DHA in it.   DHA has shown to improve the symptoms of ADD in many clinical trials, adding to concentration, as well overall benefits any one would receive.      I get them at CVS.   I let him slide on the Super Snooze on weekends.           Im really glad I was told about this.   I couldnt take the conferences, and remarks from teachers anymore.    Michael made 4 A's, a B, and a D, last grading period.   He was on honor roll the 1st 2 sessions.    Its not a drug so patience is a virtue, and theres no too much really of the fish oil.      The gummy ones taste the best to him and dont give him fishy burps.    Its a bit of trial and error, but daily in a month or so, you will see results.   Ive also heard that Mellisa Root works, however I am unable to afford it.     My advice:   Ditch the shrink and go to a chiropractor.   Alignment works miracles and they are generally homeopathic healers.  

I was put in a residential treatment facility.   I would never be able to put my own children through what I had to endure in secret until my parents got wise.   Its had long lasting effects on me that arent positive.    Dr's push what pharmacuetical companies make.   They do not tell you about diet and suppliments.   You buying vitamins does get them those vacations and kick backs.

My elsdest son was put on Ritalin, and 7 years later, it was just taken away with no weaning.   He turned to what he could find on the street to feel 'normal'.   Im blessed to stars that it was pot, and not crack.   However he tried lots of things before settling down.    He has relayed to me what he couldnt at 13 since, and it sounds like hard withdrawals.   Knowing better this time, theres no way im putting Michael on amphetamines.   Mitch was a zombie that couldnt even get excited at Christmas on Ritalin.    I will always regret that.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: heretik on March 08, 2011, 05:38:07 PM
Quote from: "forjessinits"
I give my son Super Snooze at 7:30 pm.   ADD can = sleep disorder.   A huge lack of sleep makes it harder for them to concentrate, sit still, and behave.
Super Snooze is an all natural combination of melatonin, and chamomile, and other herbs, that induce sleep and help you stay asleep.   Within 3 weeks, his behavior was a complete turn around at school.   I also give him a fish oil with the highest amount of DHA in it.   DHA has shown to improve the symptoms of ADD in many clinical trials, adding to concentration, as well overall benefits any one would receive.      I get them at CVS.   I let him slide on the Super Snooze on weekends.           I'm really glad I was told about this.   I couldn't take the conferences, and remarks from teachers anymore.    Michael made 4 A's, a B, and a D, last grading period.   He was on honor roll the 1st 2 sessions.    Its not a drug so patience is a virtue, and there's no too much really of the fish oil.      The gummy ones taste the best to him and dont give him fishy burps.    Its a bit of trial and error, but daily in a month or so, you will see results.   Ive also heard that Mellisa Root works, however I am unable to afford it.     My advice:   Ditch the shrink and go to a chiropractor.   Alignment works miracles and they are generally homeopathic healers.  

I was put in a residential treatment facility.   I would never be able to put my own children through what I had to endure in secret until my parents got wise.   Its had long lasting effects on me that aren't positive.    Dr's push what pharmaceutical companies make.   They do not tell you about diet and supplements.   You buying vitamins does get them those vacations and kick backs.

My eldest son was put on Ritalin, and 7 years later, it was just taken away with no weaning.   He turned to what he could find on the street to feel 'normal'.   Im blessed to stars that it was pot, and not crack.   However he tried lots of things before settling down.    He has relayed to me what he couldn't at 13 since, and it sounds like hard withdrawals.   Knowing better this time, there's no way I'm putting Michael on amphetamines.   Mitch was a zombie that couldn't even get excited at Christmas on Ritalin.    I will always regret that.


Thank you very much for this education. I am going to look into these possible alternatives. I love the chiropractic exercise, it makes sense.
Thanks
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Samara on March 08, 2011, 09:57:15 PM
Can you explain how chiro alignment helps ADHD. Need help and prefer all natural.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: hgrant on June 22, 2011, 08:05:30 AM
i hesitate to respond, only because of the dark place in my life created by the psychopaths at this institution. a friend has called me at his wits end because his son, 17, is about to be expelled from another private institution for misbehavior...nothing violent, but anti-social, you might call it. Defacating from dorm windows, defiance, refusal to follow any instructions...etc. You either know the behavior i am referring to or you do not. Now a wilderness program is being suggested and my nightmares return. This past February was the fourth anniversary of my son's suicide in the basement. Prior to that he had spent some time at Hyde, perhaps a year or less and whatever problems he had to begin with were so exacerbated by his experiences there that i have always linked the two. I couldn't say it was direct because there was some time between when he was thrown out of hyde and when he shot himself, but i believe to this day that the actions of the head of that school and several of its psycho caretakers were direct contributors. i can't go into details about what happened at hyde except to to say that the profound, deep, dishonesty practiced by the staff, many of whom i am sure are unqualified to be called such, the cultism, the terrorism inflicted on already disturbed children would result in long prison terms to the practioners thereof in any reasonable society. Hyde, in my opinion, is a nightmare, a mental torture chamber created by a psychopaths and created to breed acolytes...Do not send your son to Hyde. If you have already done so and he wants out; do not believe the staff at Hyde. Their entire purpose functions just as the street soldiers of Scientology function to recruit and impress more members. If you want to discuss this personally, face to face (figuratively speaking) perhaps there is some way to arrange this, though I don't know how we might accomplish this. If I were a praying man, I would pray for you and your son; as it is, I can only avail you of the benefit of my experience there and the terrible consequences one faces when allowing these kinds of individuals to oversee the psychological development of a child, especially one already having difficulty in the world.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Misled on June 22, 2011, 09:59:57 AM
I completely agree with HGrant and his assessment of Hyde Schools. I recently saw where they are advertising themselves as a "college prep school." Hyde does not prepare students for college. In fact it was very difficult to get our child back into a mainstream school after attending Hyde.

My educational consultant felt Hyde was a good placement for my child who needed motivation in school. He has since stopped sending any of his clients to Hyde and I obviously took my child out as soon as I discovered what type of place Hyde was. The majority of Hyde's students have drug and behavioral problems, although they are ill prepared to deal with either one of these issues. Most of the "teachers" at Hyde are either former students or parents of former students who themselves are dealing with major psychological issues. I strongly caution you about Hyde based on my family experience there. I saw many sickening things take place at Hyde and personally believe it damaged my child more than helped him. It was an experience that we try to forget. Hyde operates very much like a Cult and encourages the students and parents to solicit donations from outside sources in the community as well as bullying you into giving more dollars to the school. If you don't, then you are considered "not committed" and will be pressured from all those around you. What I saw at Hyde was very similar to brainwashing both the parents and kids. They prey on the weakest. Those  weakest swear by Hyde similar to members of a Cult. It's frightening to say the least.

Save your money, keep your child at home, and look for a good family psychologist. Most children work out their problems eventually. I was misled, but thankfully I did not have the same outcome as HGrant. I am very sorry for you and your loss. I can understand how Hyde can send someone over the edge.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Misled on June 22, 2011, 10:00:03 AM
I completely agree with HGrant and his assessment of Hyde Schools. I recently saw where they are advertising themselves as a "college prep school." Hyde does not prepare students for college. In fact it was very difficult to get our child back into a mainstream school after attending Hyde.

My educational consultant felt Hyde was a good placement for my child who needed motivation in school. He has since stopped sending any of his clients to Hyde and I obviously took my child out as soon as I discovered what type of place Hyde was. The majority of Hyde's students have drug and behavioral problems, although they are ill prepared to deal with either one of these issues. Most of the "teachers" at Hyde are either former students or parents of former students who themselves are dealing with major psychological issues. I strongly caution you about Hyde based on my family experience there. I saw many sickening things take place at Hyde and personally believe it damaged my child more than helped him. It was an experience that we try to forget. Hyde operates very much like a Cult and encourages the students and parents to solicit donations from outside sources in the community as well as bullying you into giving more dollars to the school. If you don't, then you are considered "not committed" and will be pressured from all those around you. What I saw at Hyde was very similar to brainwashing both the parents and kids. They prey on the weakest. Those  weakest swear by Hyde similar to members of a Cult. It's frightening to say the least.

Save your money, keep your child at home, and look for a good family psychologist. Most children work out their problems eventually. I was misled, but thankfully I did not have the same outcome as HGrant. I am very sorry for you and your loss. I can understand how Hyde can send someone over the edge.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 22, 2011, 10:28:02 AM
Quote from: "molly"
Hi,

This is my first post to Fornits.  Last week my son's therapist suggested that I send him away to one of the Hyde boarding schools beginning in September of this year because he has ADD and sometimes misbehaves.  I mentioned the therapist's  suggestion to a friend from Connecticut where one of the campuses is located and she seemed very concerned that I would even consider sending my child to Hyde.  According to my friend, the students are sometimes treated ruthlessly and the administration leaves a lot to be desired.  When I told my son's therapist what my friend had said, he responded that she must be out of her mind and that Hyde would be perfect for my son.  My friend is not out of her mind.  Still, I know no one who has sent their child to Hyde and I only have one friend (the one who lives in Connecticut) who has ever heard of the school.  I'm afraid that if I don't apply to Hyde now it will be to late but I absolutely do not want to send my son to a school that is as doctrinaire as my friend describes Hyde as being.  

Does anyone here know anything about Hyde?

PLEASE HELP!

Molly

Molly, Hyde is an excellent school with an excellent reputation for turning around at-risk youths and getting them on a good path.  You should definitely enroll your child, the sooner the better.



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Misled on June 22, 2011, 11:04:30 AM
Molly, I STRONGLY disagree with this last poster who recommends Hyde. Hydes education system has a lot to be desired. Although they advertise 98% college acceptance, it is misleading. First of all, Hyde holds many of it's students back and then getting your child back into mainstream school is a nightmare because some of the credits are not accepted. Anyone can get accepted into a local or community college. I would love to see the stats on graduates of Hyde a year after they leave school as many that I knew, dropped out of college, never went to college or dropped out of life!

Most former students and parents will tell you that Hyde is more of a Cult than a prep school. The honest ones will tell you tales of bulimia, sexual abuse of males and females, runaways, drug abuse, and more. My child did not fit in, but once you take your child out of mainstream education, it is difficult to go back. Its a catch 22 and I highly recommend you research other alternatives. Hyde will sell you a great story, at a very high cost, but I didn't see any success stories while there.

This poster is one of those few each year who drink the koolaid. Please be careful.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Shadyacres on June 22, 2011, 11:18:09 AM
Molly,
Whooter is an industry troll and his attitude is indicative of the kind of people you would be turning your son over to.  He was formally known as "TheWho", go back and look at some of his advice over the last six or seven years on this forum, it should shed some light on his motivation.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 22, 2011, 11:21:26 AM
Quote from: "Shadyacres"
Molly,
Whooter is an industry troll and his attitude is indicative of the kind of people you would be turning your son over to.  He was formally known as "TheWho", go back and look at some of his advice over the last six or seven years on this forum, it should shed some light on his motivation.

You have no Balls, Shadyacres. Why do you piss and moan about me but accept all the lies said about me personally? People say I profit from the industry, had kids who committed suicide a wife that left me etc. The list is extensive.

People make up stories all the time and lie. Why do you stand by and accept this if lying bothers you so much? Could it be a double standard?

How about if I started saying you deserved to be in a program because your parents didnt want to raise their own grandchild and that you had dropped out of school and were heading for your 3rd abortion and they were tired of paying to get you out of jail? Would that be okay? or is it only okay if the person being lied about is pro-program or holds a moderate view?

You only see what you chose to see Shady.



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 22, 2011, 11:25:59 AM
Quote from: "Misled"
Molly, I STRONGLY disagree with this last poster who recommends Hyde. Hydes education system has a lot to be desired. Although they advertise 98% college acceptance, it is misleading. First of all, Hyde holds many of it's students back and then getting your child back into mainstream school is a nightmare because some of the credits are not accepted. Anyone can get accepted into a local or community college. I would love to see the stats on graduates of Hyde a year after they leave school as many that I knew, dropped out of college, never went to college or dropped out of life!

Most former students and parents will tell you that Hyde is more of a Cult than a prep school. The honest ones will tell you tales of bulimia, sexual abuse of males and females, runaways, drug abuse, and more. My child did not fit in, but once you take your child out of mainstream education, it is difficult to go back. Its a catch 22 and I highly recommend you research other alternatives. Hyde will sell you a great story, at a very high cost, but I didn't see any success stories while there.

This poster is one of those few each year who drink the koolaid. Please be careful.

If you step out and look at the larger view you will see that there are 50,000 kids going thru the system every year and only a few are damaged by it. There are thousands of kids getting back on the right path without brainwashing or degrade to suicide or ptsd etc. The programs work and the proof is in the pudding, Molly. Prospective families talk to families who have had kids go thru the system. They hear the success stories first hand. The programs have reunions with kids attending from years past and recent grads come back to attend future graduations. These are not signs of cults or brainwashing. Many programs have no fences and if you want out then you could break a few rules and get your ass tossed back home or just walk out….. we just read about a girl who ran away from a program and is now home with her family…. cults don’t operate like this. The studies are now being performed by outside agencies with oversight from independent third parties.... its getting harder and harder for you to keep denying or ignoring the facts.

To keep your beliefs alive, Molly, you cherry pick articles and identify an abusive staff over here and a few abusive stories and wala you are able to sit back cozy with your world intact. But your stories are collecting dust without new ones to replace them….things are changing around you and if you step outside your world you will see that todays programs just aint the same as the façade you have built for yourself over the years.


Sometimes a little sunlight is the best disinfectant.



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Shadyacres on June 22, 2011, 11:43:48 AM
Let there be light;

http://www.nunya.com/index.php/tag/hyde-school/ (http://www.nunya.com/index.php/tag/hyde-school/)
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 22, 2011, 11:59:00 AM
Quote from: "Shadyacres"
Let there be light;

http://www.nunya.com/index.php/tag/hyde-school/ (http://www.nunya.com/index.php/tag/hyde-school/)

Not so fast, Shady.  Not everyone agrees with your narrow and bias view.  Here are a couple of links for you:

1)  This was a study conducted surveying 1,000 parents and graduates of a few programs.  The study was overseen by WIRB (The Western Institutional Review Board) and they also approved the study.  The results were presented at the Annual meeting of the APA American Psychological Association.

Link (http://http://www.scribd.com/doc/503084/Residential-Treatment-Outcomes-Study)

2)  There was a writer who spent 14 months (I thought it was 16 months) inside a program and then wrote a book about his findings

Link (http://http://www.davemarcus.com/content/what-it-takes-pull-me-through-about-book)

A Pulitzer Prize-winning writer untangles the mysteries of the
teenage mind as he witnesses troubled kids transformed by fourteen
months at a school that offers therapy for adolescents in
crisis.
Millions of parents struggle to grasp what goes on in their kids' heads,
on their computers, and among their friends. As an education correspondent
for U.S. News & World Report, David L. Marcus
wrestled with similar
questions while reporting on the welter of pressures American teenagers
now face – a resurgent drug culture, proliferating temptations and threats
on-line, skyrocketing suicide rates (three times higher than in the
1960s).

To find answers, Marcus gained unfettered access to students, staff,
and parents at the Academy at Swift River
in the hills of western
Massachusetts. The kids at Swift River had already ventured down a
number of perilous paths all parents fear their own children might
take – drug use, violence, theft, internet addictions, eating disorders,
promiscuity. Known for combining intensive academics, a wilderness
program and group therapy, the school helps troubled teenagers emotional
health.


It seems the facts are on my side, Shady lol.



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Shadyacres on June 22, 2011, 12:17:26 PM
Quote from: "Wh??ter"
Quote from: "Shadyacres"
Let there be light;

http://www.nunya.com/index.php/tag/hyde-school/ (http://www.nunya.com/index.php/tag/hyde-school/)

Not so fast, Shady.  Not everyone agrees with your narrow and bias view.  Here are a couple of links for you:

1)  This was a study conducted surveying 1,000 parents and graduates of a few programs.  The study was overseen by WIRB (The Western Institutional Review Board) and they also approved the study.  The results were presented at the Annual meeting of the APA American Psychological Association.

Link (http://http://www.scribd.com/doc/503084/Residential-Treatment-Outcomes-Study)

2)  There was a writer who spent 14 months (I thought it was 16 months) inside a program and then wrote a book about his findings

Link (http://http://www.davemarcus.com/content/what-it-takes-pull-me-through-about-book)

A Pulitzer Prize-winning writer untangles the mysteries of the
teenage mind as he witnesses troubled kids transformed by fourteen
months at a school that offers therapy for adolescents in
crisis.
Millions of parents struggle to grasp what goes on in their kids' heads,
on their computers, and among their friends. As an education correspondent
for U.S. News & World Report, David L. Marcus
wrestled with similar
questions while reporting on the welter of pressures American teenagers
now face – a resurgent drug culture, proliferating temptations and threats
on-line, skyrocketing suicide rates (three times higher than in the
1960s).

To find answers, Marcus gained unfettered access to students, staff,
and parents at the Academy at Swift River
in the hills of western
Massachusetts. The kids at Swift River had already ventured down a
number of perilous paths all parents fear their own children might
take – drug use, violence, theft, internet addictions, eating disorders,
promiscuity. Known for combining intensive academics, a wilderness
program and group therapy, the school helps troubled teenagers emotional
health.


It seems the facts are on my side, Shady lol.



...

Industry shill says what?  Here is some more light for ya Whootie.

http://www.heal-online.org/swiftriver.htm (http://www.heal-online.org/swiftriver.htm)
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 22, 2011, 12:20:51 PM
Ha,Ha,Ha, Shady that is funny!  You are quoting the hippies at Heal, a known exremist anti-treatment group?  This only makes you look worse, Shady.

As you know, I have a lot of experience with ASR and it is a great school with a 100% graduation rate and 100% of kids go to the college of their choice.  Does this sound like a "brainwashing cult" to you? lol



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Shadyacres on June 22, 2011, 12:45:08 PM
It sounds like fiction to me.

http://cafety.org/index2.php?option=com ... f=1&id=279 (http://cafety.org/index2.php?option=com_content&do_pdf=1&id=279)
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 22, 2011, 12:48:54 PM
Quote from: "Shadyacres"
It sounds like fiction to me.

http://cafety.org/index2.php?option=com ... f=1&id=279 (http://cafety.org/index2.php?option=com_content&do_pdf=1&id=279)

Sheesh, Shady.  The topic here is "Should I send my Son to Hyde?"  The answer is "yes".  But your nonsense is off topic.  You can start an attack thread like Bruce use to do and spend your days attacking me there, but I will have to alert a moderator that you're derailing this thread in the mean time.



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Shadyacres on June 22, 2011, 12:52:39 PM
Quote from: "Wh??ter"
Quote from: "Shadyacres"
It sounds like fiction to me.

http://cafety.org/index2.php?option=com ... f=1&id=279 (http://cafety.org/index2.php?option=com_content&do_pdf=1&id=279)

Sheesh, Shady.  The topic here is "Should I send my Son to Hyde?"  The answer is "yes".  But your nonsense is off topic.  You can start an attack thread like Bruce use to do and spend your days attacking me there, but I will have to alert a moderator that you're derailing this thread in the mean time.



...

Whooter, you are the one who brought up Swift River as a shining example of ethics and competence.  Get a life.  Hyde is still a torture mill.  What are you doing about it?
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 22, 2011, 12:59:55 PM
Quote from: "Shadyacres"
Quote from: "Wh??ter"
Quote from: "Shadyacres"
It sounds like fiction to me.

http://cafety.org/index2.php?option=com ... f=1&id=279 (http://cafety.org/index2.php?option=com_content&do_pdf=1&id=279)

Sheesh, Shady.  The topic here is "Should I send my Son to Hyde?"  The answer is "yes".  But your nonsense is off topic.  You can start an attack thread like Bruce use to do and spend your days attacking me there, but I will have to alert a moderator that you're derailing this thread in the mean time.



...

Whooter, you are the one who brought up Swift River as a shining example of ethics and competence.  Get a life.  Hyde is still a torture mill.  What are you doing about it?

We disagree here, Shady.  From what I have read Hyde is a great school that also builds character.  They have a strong track record of helping at-risk youths get back on track and become successful.  I even heard STICC is now referring to Hyde which is yet another mainstream professional stamp of approval.  What more do you want, Shady?  

All you have is a couple of stories from a few disgruntled kids who didn't do well at Hyde which is not very convincing.



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: hgrant on June 22, 2011, 01:15:47 PM
to the parent...you can see by this discussion that every once in a while you come across really extreme advocacy for Hyde. I urge you to be wary on this basis alone. This whooter or whoever he/she is, is a shill for the troubled teen industry and even if he/she isn't making money directly from placements etc./, if you investigated i can almost guarantee you will find that he/she/it is insinuated into the system somehow. There are many children who go through hyde and come out the other side but that isn't the issue...those cretins don't know one illness from another from a third and they simply put everyone through the same filter, discarding those who don't pass...if your child is among them, he will be destroyed by the hyde process...it's hyde as in dr. jeckyl and mr. hyde. these people ( i use the term loosely - they are monsters in their own right) are self-appointed cultists, emotional terrorists and liars through and through...the fact that some less vulnerable children survive the experience and come back prosthelytizing for the cause means nothing...these people and many like them should be shut down and i believe that sooner or later the awful truth about what goes on at hyde will "out" and people like mr. wooster/rooster here will find some new excuse for it...don't send your son to hyde unless you are certain that he is strong enough to withstand the emotional battering he will receive there. they have made themselves very rich on the despair of others and employ their family and friends and other advocates as rewards - just like any cult...these people are dangerous, untrustworthy and eventually I believe they will be seen as criminal.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 22, 2011, 01:31:01 PM
Quote from: "hgrant"
to the parent...you can see by this discussion that every once in a while you come across really extreme advocacy for Hyde. I urge you to be wary on this basis alone. This whooter or whoever he/she is, is a shill for the troubled teen industry and even if he/she isn't making money directly from placements etc./, if you investigated i can almost guarantee you will find that he/she/it is insinuated into the system somehow. There are many children who go through hyde and come out the other side but that isn't the issue...those cretins don't know one illness from another from a third and they simply put everyone through the same filter, discarding those who don't pass...if your child is among them, he will be destroyed by the hyde process...it's hyde as in dr. jeckyl and mr. hyde. these people ( i use the term loosely - they are monsters in their own right) are self-appointed cultists, emotional terrorists and liars through and through...the fact that some less vulnerable children survive the experience and come back prosthelytizing for the cause means nothing...these people and many like them should be shut down and i believe that sooner or later the awful truth about what goes on at hyde will "out" and people like mr. wooster/rooster here will find some new excuse for it...don't send your son to hyde unless you are certain that he is strong enough to withstand the emotional battering he will receive there. they have made themselves very rich on the despair of others and employ their family and friends and other advocates as rewards - just like any cult...these people are dangerous, untrustworthy and eventually I believe they will be seen as criminal.

Oh come on, hgrant this is too much.  Hyde is a well respected and successful school.  Don't you think if what you are saying is true that it would have been discovered a long time ago and it would have been shut down.  Hint, that never happened.  Why?  Because everyone knows Hyde takes trouble teens and turns them around.  

Did you graduate Hyde, hgrant?  Or are you like most people here that make these crazy statements but have never even been to Hyde?  Or did you not do well and fail out?



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: hgrant on June 22, 2011, 02:02:36 PM
i am not sure this jerk deserves a reply, but i think i made my association with hyde completely clear in my first post...in any event, whooter's association with the industry is still suspect and i urge anyone considering hyde as a destination for a troubled child to disregard the sycophantic gibberish he spouts as having any real validity. if you have a psychologist or counsellor, by the way, who also seems like a hyde advocate, ask them outright if they received kickbacks for recommendations. you may be surprised and sickened by the response. years of abuse by the catholic church went unreported for centuries. does that mean it didn't happen. this whooter is a shill, as i said before. a liar, a shill, a conman and probably on the take in some form. ignore him.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 22, 2011, 02:18:43 PM
Quote from: "hgrant"
i am not sure this jerk deserves a reply, but i think i made my association with hyde completely clear in my first post...in any event, whooter's association with the industry is still suspect and i urge anyone considering hyde as a destination for a troubled child to disregard the sycophantic gibberish he spouts as having any real validity. if you have a psychologist or counsellor, by the way, who also seems like a hyde advocate, ask them outright if they received kickbacks for recommendations. you may be surprised and sickened by the response. years of abuse by the catholic church went unreported for centuries. does that mean it didn't happen. this whooter is a shill, as i said before. a liar, a shill, a conman and probably on the take in some form. ignore him.

It appears this poster did not do well at Hyde.  Hyde doesn't teach kids to call names and make wild accusations as far as I know.  I think he needs some more character development.



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Ursus on June 22, 2011, 03:34:18 PM
Quote from: "hgrant"
i hesitate to respond, only because of the dark place in my life created by the psychopaths at this institution. a friend has called me at his wits end because his son, 17, is about to be expelled from another private institution for misbehavior...nothing violent, but anti-social, you might call it. Defacating from dorm windows, defiance, refusal to follow any instructions...etc. You either know the behavior i am referring to or you do not. Now a wilderness program is being suggested and my nightmares return. This past February was the fourth anniversary of my son's suicide in the basement. Prior to that he had spent some time at Hyde, perhaps a year or less and whatever problems he had to begin with were so exacerbated by his experiences there that i have always linked the two. I couldn't say it was direct because there was some time between when he was thrown out of hyde and when he shot himself, but i believe to this day that the actions of the head of that school and several of its psycho caretakers were direct contributors. i can't go into details about what happened at hyde except to to say that the profound, deep, dishonesty practiced by the staff, many of whom i am sure are unqualified to be called such, the cultism, the terrorism inflicted on already disturbed children would result in long prison terms to the practioners thereof in any reasonable society. Hyde, in my opinion, is a nightmare, a mental torture chamber created by a psychopaths and created to breed acolytes...Do not send your son to Hyde. If you have already done so and he wants out; do not believe the staff at Hyde. Their entire purpose functions just as the street soldiers of Scientology function to recruit and impress more members. If you want to discuss this personally, face to face (figuratively speaking) perhaps there is some way to arrange this, though I don't know how we might accomplish this. If I were a praying man, I would pray for you and your son; as it is, I can only avail you of the benefit of my experience there and the terrible consequences one faces when allowing these kinds of individuals to oversee the psychological development of a child, especially one already having difficulty in the world.
I'm very sorry to hear of the tragic and untimely end to your son's life, hgrant! Sadly, as more people find this forum, one hears of more stories like this.

I am curious as to what actions on the part of the school admins and staff you felt were contributing factors. If you'd rather not state it on the thread, please feel free to PM me.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 22, 2011, 03:53:56 PM
I don't see how this poor kid's suicide could be blamed on Hyde unless he left a note or something saying this is why he did it.  Many people unfortunately commit suicide for many reasons, usually depression.  Blaming the school does not seem to be logical at all.  A guy I went to school with killed himself last year but people aren't going around blaming our school.  Almost all of us are doing great, just like kids who went to Hyde.



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: hgrant on June 22, 2011, 04:35:14 PM
to ursus:...i think you can see by the post from whooter following yours exactly what kind of character this fellow is. Knowing absolutely nothing about the circumstances, he proclaims Hyde could not have had anything to do with my son's death and even describes the circumstances that would convince him otherwise...he is also now an expert on suicide and et al...His obsessive defense of this institution is a pathology in itself.
i am not ready, even after these years to discuss the details of what happened to my son, the long tortured path that led to his death. I said that Hyde was a station along the way and contributed, though Hyde is not solely responsible in that sense.  am also afraid to give too much away that might identify me to Hyde trolls (like Whooter?) or others. The people at Hyde have shown they are quite capable of the most nefarious behavior in protecting their God Gauld and their little enterprise and I have no room left in me for fighting. I can tell you that they spun him like a rat...changing the maze whenever he thought he had it down and convincing him that he was a piece of s--- unless he played their game. He couldn't. He didn't. He failed there and they smashed his self-confidence to pieces. He was weak, mentally ill, needed some form of treatment but no one recognized it. I pulled him out jail over and over again, retrieved him from international locales after he'd been arrested, incarcerated in various institutions...his illness progressed and everyone along the way who made it worse - like the people at Hyde - contributed. I contributed myself. When your  20-year-old son takes your shotgun after breaking into a gun cabinet and blows his brains out, you are also destroyed by it. Suffice to say that the vulnerable types must be protected from institutions like Hyde because Hyde is no different from the general society, in that respect. Who doesn't conform, is destroyed. It is the school's failure to determine who it can help and who it cannot - who it will in fact make worse - that makes it a quasi-criminal enterprise. any truly idealistic institution would recognize its limitations to protect those it might harm. Not Hyde. Money drives hyde. Money, power and self-aggrandizement are its stock in trader. Once they get your money, it's actually in their interest to force you out because it's non-refundable and they get paid for not doing anything. Meanwhile the next fool steps up, urged on by Mr. Whooter, no doubt and another $30-40-50,000 goes into the company safe. It's a racket run by a kind of mafiosi, sociopaths with suits and sob stories and a very slick brochure. I really wonder what Whooter's agendas is here....do others?
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 23, 2011, 12:14:25 PM
hgrant, you know nothing about me except for maybe some of the lies posted here at Fornits.  I'm totally impartial, see both sides of the issues, and add balance to the discussion here.  Maybe you should try to get involved in the dialog instead of just bashing and lying about someone you don't even know.  Try something new for a change.



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: none-ya on June 23, 2011, 01:10:20 PM
Quote
Whooter wrote;
"I'm totally impartial, see both sides of the issues"

I almost choked on my pizza when I read that.
If you are so impartial,and play it right down the middle,How come no one here sees your piont. Nobody here has ever agreed with you execpt maybe Danny B. And even he's changed his tune.(still not so sure about that one either)
But my point is that if you were really objective, you would have connected with someone here on more that just an insult level. I've never heard you say 1 bad thing about any program that is still open. It's always PROGRAM=GOOD
WORK THINGS OUT AT HOME=BAD. I've never even heard you suggest that a program should be a LAST RESORT
in dealing with your child. Remember just because the majority of kids suvive these place,what about the few that don't? What about the ones who come out of these tough love gulags ACTUALLY BELIEVING what the the program pounded into their heads."YOU'RE A WORHTLESS PEICE OF SHIT,AND YOU ARE HERE BECAUSE YOU OWN PARENTS DON'T WANT YOU ANY MORE. WHITHOUT THE PROGRAM,YOU WILL DIE!"  Hell normal kids don't respond well to that kind of "treatment". Nobody knows how kids with soecial needs will react. (russian roulette).As in any kind of treatment,one size can't possibly fit all. Execpt for you Whooter.You're not gonna' quit until every kid in America has be indoctronated through one program or another.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 23, 2011, 01:37:18 PM
none-ya get real.  You know there are many programs I would not use.  I have listed them here before.  I only recommend safe and effective programs that are proven to work.  For example, I sent my child to ASR.



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Misled on June 23, 2011, 02:09:01 PM
Whooter,

How can you say you are impartial? Also, how can you attest to Hyde being a great place that turns kids around unless you have personally experienced Hyde. I have experienced Hyde and I can tell you that it is seldom that they turn kids around. Not only does Hyde seldom turn kids around, but they damage the kids who are there by giving them a very poor education while continuing to say they are a "college prep school." Prep for what?

There have been accusations of sexual abuse, physical confrontations between students and faculty, and one faculty member, (part of the family) was fired for plagiarism. Another long time faculty member was fired after being sued by a family for sexually molesting their child. The school still allows him to hang around the school while the wife continues to teach there. The reason these things don't come to light is because when a parent raises a stink, they get rid of the family, or pay them off. Trust me when I tell you there have been many instances of inappropriate acts by the faculty at Hyde, but most family's want to get the hell out of there and forget they ever went to Hyde. I saw this many times while at Hyde, what about you Whooter? What did you experience while on campus? Where you on campus when one of the long time faculty members physically attacked a kid? Or were you there when someone was hurt so badly they went to the hospital with a concussion only to be brought back to campus, without being checked on through the night or the parents being informed? If you aren't a former student, then you must be an Ed Consultant! Whatever or whoever you are, Hyde can in no way be called a college prep boarding school or a school that "turns kids around."
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Wh??ter on June 23, 2011, 03:45:14 PM
Quote from: "Misled"
Whooter,

How can you say you are impartial? Also, how can you attest to Hyde being a great place that turns kids around unless you have personally experienced Hyde. I have experienced Hyde and I can tell you that it is seldom that they turn kids around. Not only does Hyde seldom turn kids around, but they damage the kids who are there by giving them a very poor education while continuing to say they are a "college prep school." Prep for what?

There have been accusations of sexual abuse, physical confrontations between students and faculty, and one faculty member, (part of the family) was fired for plagiarism. Another long time faculty member was fired after being sued by a family for sexually molesting their child. The school still allows him to hang around the school while the wife continues to teach there. The reason these things don't come to light is because when a parent raises a stink, they get rid of the family, or pay them off. Trust me when I tell you there have been many instances of inappropriate acts by the faculty at Hyde, but most family's want to get the hell out of there and forget they ever went to Hyde. I saw this many times while at Hyde, what about you Whooter? What did you experience while on campus? Where you on campus when one of the long time faculty members physically attacked a kid? Or were you there when someone was hurt so badly they went to the hospital with a concussion only to be brought back to campus, without being checked on through the night or the parents being informed? If you aren't a former student, then you must be an Ed Consultant! Whatever or whoever you are, Hyde can in no way be called a college prep boarding school or a school that "turns kids around."

Misled, the very reason I am here is to add balance to the discussion.  I see both sides clearly.  Many of you only see only see one side and aren't capable of recognizing that there are always two sides to every story.  I am completely unbiased and able to see the good and the bad of the industry.  Maybe someday you will also be able to.

Hyde has been around a long time and has helped many youths get back on track.  If the things you are claiming actually happened, why hasn't anyone been arrested, charged or convicted of anything?  Doesn't it seem a little strange to you that Hyde staff could be assaulting and raping kids and not one kid or one parent or one good staff member has ever gone to the police?  Not everyone can be "brainwashed" or "bought off", Misled.  We can all agree that scenario doesn't hold water.



...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: hgrant on June 23, 2011, 04:27:31 PM
whooter is a shill for the industry or for hyde itself...there is no other explanation for his slobbering worship of the hyde demons...my guess is his wife or brother is employed somehow in "rehabilitating" bad kids...he's a  jerk off who would do or say anything to protect whatever it is he's protecting from all this criticism.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Ursus on June 23, 2011, 04:44:16 PM
Quote from: "Wh??ter"
Misled, the very reason I am here is to add balance to the discussion.  I see both sides clearly.  Many of you only see only see one side and aren't capable of recognizing that there are always two sides to every story.  I am completely unbiased and able to see the good and the bad of the industry.  Maybe someday you will also be able to.
Hey, why limit yourself to just two?! There are always many sides to any story! That doesn't mean that they're all equally valid, however. Some sides may be missing some information; some sides may have a skewed POV due to "special circumstances," etc. etc.

Quote from: "Wh??ter"
Hyde has been around a long time and has helped many youths get back on track.  If the things you are claiming actually happened, why hasn't anyone been arrested, charged or convicted of anything?  Doesn't it seem a little strange to you that Hyde staff could be assaulting and raping kids and not one kid or one parent or one good staff member has ever gone to the police?  Not everyone can be "brainwashed" or "bought off", Misled.  We can all agree that scenario doesn't hold water.
Lol. With your reasoning, Wh??ter, we might as well discount all those allegations regarding pedophile priests in the Catholic Church. After all, that shit's been going on for centuries. Must be bogus!

I'll tell you one thing about going to the police, at least as far as Hyde School's Bath, Maine, location goes: you can find a nice not-so-little placard reading "Truth Over Harmony" hanging up on the wall in the local police station. Gee, I wonder where they got that from?

:beat:
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: quanat on June 23, 2011, 07:43:17 PM
Quote from: "hgrant"
to ursus:...i think you can see by the post from whooter following yours exactly what kind of character this fellow is. Knowing absolutely nothing about the circumstances, he proclaims Hyde could not have had anything to do with my son's death and even describes the circumstances that would convince him otherwise...he is also now an expert on suicide and et al...His obsessive defense of this institution is a pathology in itself.
i am not ready, even after these years to discuss the details of what happened to my son, the long tortured path that led to his death. I said that Hyde was a station along the way and contributed, though Hyde is not solely responsible in that sense.  am also afraid to give too much away that might identify me to Hyde trolls (like Whooter?) or others. The people at Hyde have shown they are quite capable of the most nefarious behavior in protecting their God Gauld and their little enterprise and I have no room left in me for fighting. I can tell you that they spun him like a rat...changing the maze whenever he thought he had it down and convincing him that he was a piece of s--- unless he played their game. He couldn't. He didn't. He failed there and they smashed his self-confidence to pieces. He was weak, mentally ill, needed some form of treatment but no one recognized it. I pulled him out jail over and over again, retrieved him from international locales after he'd been arrested, incarcerated in various institutions...his illness progressed and everyone along the way who made it worse - like the people at Hyde - contributed. I contributed myself. When your  20-year-old son takes your shotgun after breaking into a gun cabinet and blows his brains out, you are also destroyed by it. Suffice to say that the vulnerable types must be protected from institutions like Hyde because Hyde is no different from the general society, in that respect. Who doesn't conform, is destroyed. It is the school's failure to determine who it can help and who it cannot - who it will in fact make worse - that makes it a quasi-criminal enterprise. any truly idealistic institution would recognize its limitations to protect those it might harm. Not Hyde. Money drives hyde. Money, power and self-aggrandizement are its stock in trader. Once they get your money, it's actually in their interest to force you out because it's non-refundable and they get paid for not doing anything. Meanwhile the next fool steps up, urged on by Mr. Whooter, no doubt and another $30-40-50,000 goes into the company safe. It's a racket run by a kind of mafiosi, sociopaths with suits and sob stories and a very slick brochure. I really wonder what Whooter's agendas is here....do others?


i am confident Hyde caused your poor son's suicide (arguably murder). being tortured into submission is not an easy thing to live past. i am very sorry you got involved with those violent lunatics.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Misled on June 24, 2011, 07:22:45 PM
Whooter, I don't know how you can make certain statements. You ask why no one has gone to the police. In my couple of years there, I know of instances where the police have been called in as well as social services. Don't make statements you can't back up. From what you have written, you have no first hand experience at Hyde so you shouldn't make blanket statements!
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: andy on June 24, 2011, 08:09:14 PM
Quote from: "Misled"
Whooter, I don't know how you can make certain statements. You ask why no one has gone to the police. In my couple of years there, I know of instances where the police have been called in as well as social services. Don't make statements you can't back up. From what you have written, you have no first hand experience at Hyde so you shouldn't make blanket statements!

Whooter is a dip shit, that's why he makes the statements he does.  Who knows Whooter's modus operandi the best on this website?  Psy, Antigen and Dysfunction Junction.  Enough said!   :twofinger:
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Ursus on June 27, 2011, 10:41:09 AM
Quote from: "hgrant"
to ursus:...i think you can see by the post from whooter following yours exactly what kind of character this fellow is. Knowing absolutely nothing about the circumstances, he proclaims Hyde could not have had anything to do with my son's death and even describes the circumstances that would convince him otherwise...he is also now an expert on suicide and et al...His obsessive defense of this institution is a pathology in itself.
I wouldn't worry too much about Wh??ter's agenda. The admins here have seen fit to label him a parody, probably for good reason. :D  Moreover, he appears to fancy himself an expert on a variety of programs here, not just the Hyde Schools, and sees fit to pontificate accordingly with equally insightful contributions. So... respond or not, as you wish. Oft times I have more compelling material I'm focussed on, but sometimes I can't resist...

Quote from: "hgrant"
i am not ready, even after these years to discuss the details of what happened to my son, the long tortured path that led to his death. I said that Hyde was a station along the way and contributed, though Hyde is not solely responsible in that sense.  am also afraid to give too much away that might identify me to Hyde trolls (like Whooter?) or others. The people at Hyde have shown they are quite capable of the most nefarious behavior in protecting their God Gauld and their little enterprise and I have no room left in me for fighting. I can tell you that they spun him like a rat...changing the maze whenever he thought he had it down and convincing him that he was a piece of s--- unless he played their game. He couldn't. He didn't. He failed there and they smashed his self-confidence to pieces. He was weak, mentally ill, needed some form of treatment but no one recognized it. I pulled him out jail over and over again, retrieved him from international locales after he'd been arrested, incarcerated in various institutions...his illness progressed and everyone along the way who made it worse - like the people at Hyde - contributed. I contributed myself. When your  20-year-old son takes your shotgun after breaking into a gun cabinet and blows his brains out, you are also destroyed by it. Suffice to say that the vulnerable types must be protected from institutions like Hyde because Hyde is no different from the general society, in that respect. Who doesn't conform, is destroyed. It is the school's failure to determine who it can help and who it cannot - who it will in fact make worse - that makes it a quasi-criminal enterprise. any truly idealistic institution would recognize its limitations to protect those it might harm. Not Hyde. Money drives hyde. Money, power and self-aggrandizement are its stock in trader. Once they get your money, it's actually in their interest to force you out because it's non-refundable and they get paid for not doing anything. Meanwhile the next fool steps up, urged on by Mr. Whooter, no doubt and another $30-40-50,000 goes into the company safe. It's a racket run by a kind of mafiosi, sociopaths with suits and sob stories and a very slick brochure. I really wonder what Whooter's agendas is here....do others?
As far as your son's experience goes, what with Hyde's inability and/or refusal to deal with his difficulties in an appropriately compassionate fashion, it's been my observation (which may very well be different from your observation or anybody else's observation) that, regardless of what's going on with your kid, Hyde plays the "mental illness" card according to what's in Hyde School's best interests. That is, they generally claim, and prefer to claim, that it's all really a "character disorder" or moral flaws on the part of the child in question, and not a mental illness.

However, should such a position prove untenable in light of the facts, and/or the kid suffers some unequivocal abuse at Hyde which could easily turn into a public relations nightmare, Hyde will claim that the kid is mentally ill, or something along those lines, whether or not they actually are, and try to get rid of him or her.

To my knowledge, Hyde School is really not equipped to deal with, and cannot claim to actually diagnose or treat any serious mental illness, although that may have changed.

There have been other posters here who've maintained that, in the past, certain kids were even more or less "encouraged" to run away. Whether that still goes on, I have no idea. I'm sure Hyde claims that it "never happened," a type of assertion on their part that I've learned to become more than a little suspicious of...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: momanddad on July 29, 2011, 08:19:31 AM
I just met a family that considered sending their child to Hyde in Sept.  This summer they spoke with staff at length and, by the end of the day, were absolutely convinced that Hyde resembles a cult operation that has a narrow mindset.  The parents are very thoughtful, intelligent and perceptive people.  They have now visited several schools and realize that considering Hyde was a very serious mistake.  They are counting their blessings that they saw the light early.  Before they visited Hyde they knew little about residential schools and did not use an educational consultant.  A relative had heard about Hyde and that's why they visited.  Apparently they later found a good educational consultant who made it clear to them that Hyde has a horrible reputation among many educational consultants and among those outside of the narrow group of Hyde "groupies."  Hyde staff seem to exist within their own bubble and convince themselves of the quality of their approach.  They seem not to realize what much of the outside world, including some of the most impressive educators in the field, thinks of them.
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: freyjacksen on January 16, 2012, 10:50:43 PM
Mostly parents are trying to get there kids into Hyde about the school.. But I would like to know one thing that how exactly parent feel about the school.. and what they don't like about it...
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Anonymous on February 25, 2012, 08:13:44 PM
Quote from: "Inculcated"
Quote from: "molly"
Dear Inculcated,He did not read the entire threads but dismissed them because he was concerned that they contained outdated information. I am taking the lead in the research but my husband still has a vote and his vote is likely to be buttressed by the therapist's perception that Hyde is an excellent school.  I should have noted that the therapist has stated that he is currently treating Hyde students and that the school has done them a world of good.  I'll try to locate the other websites that you mentioned.  Thanks so much! Molly
Ah, I see. Well, I suppose that gang rape mentioned on the Hyde School is Hell on earth (http://http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2253419519) link is so four years ago.
Excerpted from the wall post:
Quote
…one of the girls in my wing got gang-raped and mccrann told everyone if we said anything to our parents we would be in more trouble than we'd ever known. obviously i told my parents, and look what happened? mccrann got fired…
The good news is that McCrann was reportedly fired. (That was a prudent move as the word got out anyway.) The bad news is that there was a gang rape and staff tried to exhort the students to conceal knowledge of this from their parents. The news that is relevant to your situation is that while no mention in this case of whether the victim was accused by staff of being culpable makes it a somewhat atypical example of how Hyde has chosen to deal with such crimes over the years—the attempted cover up with threats to the students is not an unfamiliar theme.
How’s that for character building?

I think the other posters have pretty much raised the other pointed concerns about the therapist’s recommendation of Hyde School for your child w/ ADD --that I completely agree that any parent should consider with care.
:bump:
Title: Re: PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???
Post by: Violet on May 10, 2012, 03:24:05 PM
Make no mistake, Hyde is about money NOT kids.  

I believe there are some good faculty members there with good intentions, but the bulk of the faculty members are in over their heads.  The biggest problem with the Hyde method is that they are simply not qualified to handle the emotional aspects of their "program".  They are not therapists.  They are not trained to deal with families in a group setting.  Imagine a young teacher, fresh out of college, trying to manage a group therapy session with some pretty dysfunctional families. It's just not a pretty picture.  THEY ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO DO WHAT THE SCHOOL ASKS THEM TO DO.

So on to the money...
Hyde is now doing, like most desperate boarding schools, taking more foreign students.  These families have no idea what they are sending their kids into.  Hyde really is not the right school for them, but they have money. Lots of money.  So Hyde welcomes them with open arms, even though they can barely participate in what is so integral to the Hyde philosophy. They become their own separate entity within the school and don't really integrate or participate.  But they have money.  Lots of it.

It is sad to see a school, run by a greedy family, mostly idiots who care more about their faculty and staff's loyalty to the school than human decency, kindness, honesty, or integrity.  Look at who stays and who leaves.  Look at who gets fired. Look at who gets paid six figures.

Parenting experts.  What a load of shit.