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Messages - landyh

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The Seed Discussion Forum / some specific staff members
« on: April 29, 2006, 04:09:00 PM »
On 2006-04-29 09:18:00, TRUCKER wrote:

"Yes,that was Authur. His heart was as big as he was. He was intimidating due to his size.


Thanks for clearing that up. Was my memory serving me well in thinking he was at one time an NBA or at least full scholarship college level hopeful? Seems to me he had a bad knee injury.

The Seed Discussion Forum / some specific staff members
« on: April 29, 2006, 01:17:00 AM »

Was that the staff member Arthur?  "

I am not sure. While Arthur's name seems vaguely familiar as well as some of the stories I have seen here about him I don't know if they could be the same person or not. Since I don't specifically remember Arthur it's hard to tell and somehow I got the impression, which could be wrong, that Arthur was somewhat older. I think the guy I am talking about was around 27. Even that I am not sure of.
The thing about this guy that was most memorable was his size. I had never seen anybody that big before (nor many since). I think he might have had jail over his head when he came to the seed and possibly came from Georgia and was soft spoken. Wasn't Arthur from New York?

The Seed Discussion Forum / some specific staff members
« on: April 28, 2006, 04:41:00 PM »

Were you there when the Miami Seed moved to Ft. Lauderdale? That's the exact time frame when we were there. Like I've said, I wouldn't have been noticed much, but I think you'd remember my sister, because she'd make such scenes. Little brunette. She used to sit on her hands to avoid holding hands during singing, and the other kids would more or less "hold hands by force" with her.

As far as selling out, my sister still accuses me (lovingly) of being a sellout. We have a sense of humor about all of it. I say, "I was just playing along!" And she says, "NO, you were really INTO IT."  Geez, maybe I was. It's hard to tell, at that age. I'm not hard on myself about it though. We were kids (so were you!).


I sort of remember some talk at the time about the blimp hanger closing and being somewhat dismayed or saddened by it. I can't remember your sister from your description but in spite of having a pretty good memory about alot of things I have noticed that my seed memories are fuzzy in several areas. Every once in a while someone will come in here and say something that triggers a whole bunch of old memories for me. If you and your sister were there when I was and cute I would have noticed both of you.LOL! I keep thinking I don't remember any girls that young but maybe you didn't look that young? Someone who really stood out to me was a black guy that was almost 7' tall. Seems I remember him watching the door for obvious reasons (no one would try to get past him) and that the rumor was he was going to be a pro basketball player. Can't remember if it was drugs or an injury that derailed his aspirations.

The Seed Discussion Forum / F---ed
« on: April 27, 2006, 11:20:00 AM »
On 2006-04-19 07:35:00, cleveland wrote:


I too feel the need to think and talk about the Seed quite a lot, after keeping it buried for many, many years.

These are the people who, at least for a while, wanted to talk about this experience and reconnect. I am aware that there are others, many many others, who would just rather not talk about it. I think because it confuses them, they are not ready to deal with ambivalent feelings, or perhaps anger, or other disturbing emotions. They prefer to remember vaguely that it was tough but they did it, and maybe they're better of for it, or maybe not, but the past is the past.

For whatever reason, I needed to dredge it all up and have a look at it...


You really captured my feelings with the above. I came here looking to connect with past seedlings and thinking that overall my experience wasn't all that bad. But the truth is really a bit more complex than that. Being able to look at it in an open-minded way has brought out the fact that my feelings are much more ambivalent than I originally thought. That ambivalence or to put it another way not really being able to make up my mind about how I really feel was the genesis of this sick feeling I sometimes get in the pit of my stomach when I come here. The realization that my occasional lack of confidence in regard to my own core feelings may be the result of what happened to me at the seed is disturbing to say the least. I stopped coming here for a little while because of it. Thanks for capturing so well what many of us go through in attempting to resolve our experiences there.

The Seed Discussion Forum / Northeast High Ft Lauderdale
« on: April 26, 2006, 09:55:00 PM »
Hey Colorman,
I live in Central Florida nowadays but my sister still lives down south not far from NE.

The Seed Discussion Forum / some specific staff members
« on: April 26, 2006, 09:53:00 PM »
On 2006-04-25 16:35:00, Anonymous wrote:

Oh, did you talk about the Seed on Skipper Chuck? My sis did. They really loved the novelty of a 10- or 11-year-old "druggie."  Hmm, I must have seen you in 72. I went in voluntarily in 72 (well, I did whatever my dad said, "voluntarily," let's put it that way). Of course, I was a barely-noticeable, very-compliant and very-dorky little thing -- so no one even bothered to harass me!  :smile: You sound more like my sister (who was also getting quite "non-compliant" at 12).  "

Skipper Chuck did a little mini interview with me and asked about my "druggie past". We were anomalies to be into drugs so young back then. I thought it was pretty cool in one way but I remember being a little concerned about being percieved as a narc by my old friends even though I didn't talk about anybody specifically on the show other than myself. I would think I would have had to have seen you in 72' but I can't remember anybody that young. There was one 12 year old boy that I took home with me for a night and I don't remember why he didn't stay any longer. Don't remember his name either. sigh! As to being non-compliant. Well I went in the second time very angry and rebellious but it didn't take me long (that and a failed escape) to see that I wouldn't get out of there if I didn't talk the talk. In the end though I bought back into it and that is probably what troubles me most now.

[ This Message was edited by: GregFL on 2006-04-26 19:28 ]

The Seed Discussion Forum / some specific staff members
« on: April 26, 2006, 09:39:00 PM »
On 2006-04-25 12:32:00, GregFL wrote:

"Thanks Landy.  You know, sometimes when I talk to people I see things that are almost imperceptable to the average person.  An inflection maybe, a certain language style...".  The only people I really talk to about this stuff are my sister, my best friend, (who doesn't really get it), and of course, you people on this forum.


Funny I kind of feel like someone who went through something kinda unimaginable to most people much like the girl I mentioned. But your thoughts here made me think about how I was feeling after this somewhat revelatory conversation I had. Mostly about how this girl has always seemed a little bit distant to me. I had always thought she didn't really like me (telling as well) but her disclosure made me look at her behavior in an entirely different way. Also I found it interesting to watch how she literally came to life as she started describing her experiences in Safe. Much worse really in many ways than mine at the Seed but in the end I could see it coming even before she said "but it probably saved my life" and I got that same sick feeling in my stomach that began with my initial experience with this forum as I started to recognize how much I may have been fooling myself. Seeing it in someone else made it all the more obvious. I generally don't talk about my experiences outside of here except in passing to AA friends and of course my sister who was there with me. Funny though but before I found this place I don't think we had discussed our mutual experiences in over 25 years
Take Care

The Seed Discussion Forum / some specific staff members
« on: April 25, 2006, 12:53:00 PM »
On 2006-04-25 09:28:00, landyh wrote:

Most of the earlier members had fairly serious drug histories.

Cheers "

Before anyone says it I am well aware that some of those earlier members could have inflated their drug history for egocentric purposes or further acceptance within the group but both my sister and I brought people we knew into the program and none of them would have had to create a fictitous past in order to sound "bad" enough. Beyond that I have little doubt that most of those (even the worst) eventually stopped using on there own. None that I can remember stayed clean because of the Seed. As a footnote I met a girl last night at an AA meeting who it turns out went through Safe. The conversation started with her saying something to the effect that she had been through something when she was young that I couldn't even imagine. It ended with her realising she wasn't completly alone. I pointed her in this direction and I hope she will at least take a look at what is offered here. It has helped me to begin to come to terms with how The Seed caused me to fool myself most of all.
Take care all

The Seed Discussion Forum / some specific staff members
« on: April 25, 2006, 12:28:00 PM »
I also got to do my turn on the Skipper Chuck Show. Just for the record though I went to the seed the first time voluntarily in 1970. I was nine years old. By the time I was the age you were when you went into the program it was 1972 and I was re-entering the program somewhat less voluntarily for the second time. In 1970 not only was I the first sub teen to ever go to the Seed there simply didn't exist a seedling population that was enrolled for attitude problems alone. Most of the earlier members had fairly serious drug histories.

The Seed Discussion Forum / Northeast High Ft Lauderdale
« on: April 17, 2006, 04:41:00 PM »
Sorry to take so long to reply. I went in from 74-78' my sister went 4 years earlier

The Seed Discussion Forum / Northeast High Ft Lauderdale
« on: April 03, 2006, 12:26:00 PM »
My sister and I both went to the seed in the 70's and both of us attended NE. Would we know you?

The Seed Discussion Forum / some specific staff members
« on: March 07, 2006, 12:02:00 PM »
Sorry it took so long to reply. Went through the seed twice. Both times with my sister Marcia. I was there in 1970 at the little house on 3rd avenue, was an oldtimer by the time we moved to what would become the Haunted House on Andrews and went back when the program was on St Rd 84 around 72' or 73'. I was most recognizable the first time around because I was only 9 years old and at the time nobody had ever come in that young. Blond hair/ Blue eyes and my screen name is a giveaway for my nickname at the time which is a play on my first name. Would I know you? In reference to another post I did stay at a house in Davie the second time around. My oldcomers mom would drop me off there to sleep on the floor from around 6am until it was time to go to the morning meeting. Don't remember the guys name who lived there but he treated me ok and it was a very nice house in its own way.

The Seed Discussion Forum / some specific staff members
« on: February 11, 2006, 06:03:00 PM »
Hi! Haven't been able to spend any time here for a while. My sister and I were talking the other day and I was asking her what she remembered about the trips to the beach which would have been early 70's not sure if we were at the house on 3rd or andrews at the time. Anyway she reminded me that one of the girls who I think was staff (maybe renee) had parents who owned a house on the beach not far from the Yankee Clipper and we used to go there as a group. Anybody remember that? Like whose house it was etc.

The Seed Discussion Forum / "if you don't, she will die"
« on: January 12, 2006, 10:44:00 PM »
Come on Greg. This isn't fair

The Seed Discussion Forum / Good Friends/Reunions Only
« on: December 14, 2005, 10:15:00 PM »
On 2005-12-13 19:37:00, Antigen wrote:


On 2005-12-13 17:22:00, landyh wrote:

How often do you wonder? How long have you wondered? And have any ideas occured to you? I have a few.  

There was something comfortable about an America where all but the most serious criminals or our current villain of the time could cross a few state lines and start fresh. That of course is gone. So why since I am not currently involved in anything seriously criminal do I have the most extensive library of anyone I know on alternate identity and puposeful disapearance? Lack of trust  in our system and the direction it is going due to firsthand experience with it. I suppose there are some that think the military focus for the last 2 decades on urban door to door warfare is just to be directed at those outside of our borders unless of course we have a hurricaine or something.
I have thought about it for a long time except I was a little tied up over the last decade or so advocating for my profounding deaf son and others like him as a board member and Vice President for the Alexander G. Bell Association ( Florida Chapter) and running the non-profit parent support  group Sound Approach, Inc. that I founded and directed. So I apologize for not being a stellar activist in the general area of Civil Libeties but  I feel pretty comfortable with the priorities I set.

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