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Messages - a sibling

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1
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Missing Puzzle Pieces
« on: August 15, 2003, 12:23:00 PM »
While I can't justify all of my antics and behaviors during my 4 years in the program, I was fighting for my life.  Alot of the things I did were survival tactics...for example, those hunger strikes that you are so resentful about, were my attempt to get out.  I figured if I stopped eating, I would be sent to a hospital to be fed by IV, and I could tell someone I was being held against my will.  I never expected to be held down and forcefed.  Dislocating my shoulder was my way to get out and be with my family.  I was a scared, lonely kid who needed help and kindness, not abuse.  I am surprised at you.  Usually the people who tell me to "just get over it" are people who were not there, and don't know the horrors that went on there.  Obviously you still have alot of issues to work out, because you still sound really, really, angry.  Please don't take that anger out on me.  My thanks to all of you who supported me.  Suzanne Z

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / some fond memories of kids
« on: August 10, 2003, 07:50:00 PM »
...while I agree that my 4 years there was a nightmare, and I don't have many "fond memories", there were a few people that made it bearable.  When Ayndrea M came on the rap stool, I knew I would be ok...she was fair to everyone.  Then Andrea went away to school and it was hell until Celeste K made it to staff and made it bearable for me again.  I made friends with a newcomer - Jennifer N.  To this day I don't know what happened to Celeste, but she was at my wedding, Jennifer was my bridesmaid, and 13 years out of the program Ayndrea is one of my closest friends.  To these 3 people, I owe my thanks.  Suzanne

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / THE LAST VICTIM OF MILLER SPEAKS OUT
« on: August 10, 2003, 07:23:00 PM »
...I recognize you from your story because I was the one held down and force fed.  I can't begin to tell you what a terrifying experience that was.  I also can't begin to tell you how much it means to me that you refused to do this...and refused to be part of my nightmare.  I'm thankful that your mom was a nurse and spoke up...and the best thing in the world that could have happened to you was being terminated from the program...it saved you years of trauma.  I will always be grateful to you.  Suzanne Z

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / THE LAST VICTIM OF MILLER SPEAKS OUT
« on: August 10, 2003, 07:14:00 PM »
If you're talking about Scott H, he runs some sort of construction business with his family in NJ and I saw him at Rebecca E's party after the trial.

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / THE LAST VICTIM OF MILLER SPEAKS OUT
« on: August 10, 2003, 07:09:00 PM »
It was so great to see you on the web-site.  I remember you well.  You were my newcomer for a long time...I hope I treated you well. I hated those damn meal plans and food charts and being observed while we ate.  I remember being jealous you got more food than me...how funny is that...then Janna P joined us...I hear she's a cop now...how funny since she always came across as so mild-mannered.  I hope you and your sister are doing well...I'd love to know what you're doing with your life now...are you close with your other sister (the one with the baby)?   Glad to see Newton didn't squash your spirit.  Take care,  Suzanne Z.

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Missing Puzzle Pieces
« on: August 06, 2003, 06:46:00 PM »
Sorry to jump in here, but as the person posting on Sue's behalf (she has limited access to the internet at her current location), I felt compelled to respond to your note.  
How sad I feel for you, holding on to all that anger and hate. Of course Sue had problems when she went into the program...everyone who went there was dealing with some issue or another. Fortunately Sue is moving forward...she remembers the pain and hell all of you went through, and has the courage to share words of empathy and encouragement with others.  
How sad for you that apparently you never really got out...not emotionally in any case...if you feel the need to use a forum like this to continue the same abusive treatment of others that you experienced while you were in.  I wish you good luck on your recovery.
Sincerely, Suzanne's sister

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Class Action Suit
« on: August 06, 2003, 06:30:00 PM »
I would love to find out more about people pursuing class action suits.  Please let me know about anything you hear happening in this area.

Thanks!  -a sibling

8
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / how is everyone?
« on: August 03, 2003, 12:44:00 PM »
When I was 21 and got out ...I went to night classes for a year and graduated HS valedictorian and got to speak at my own graduation.  I have some college credits, but most important, I went to school and became an EMT.  The job enables me to save lives for a living.  I was married for 8 years, bought a beautiful house, breeded and raised golden retriever dogs (more for fun than anything else).  I am now an Aunt and a godmother.

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / i remeber everything
« on: August 03, 2003, 12:36:00 PM »
I too have many emotional and physical scars from the program. I have many nightmares, and it haunts me.  Many people tell me that I'm not that person anymore either, but it's hard to forget.  How do you forget 4 years of being told everyday that you're worthless.  Some of us had it harder than others...I know you had it hard.  I hope your emotional scars will one day heal over and you can play better tapes in your head...tapes that tell you you're a good person and that you're worthwhile and that you deserve the best, because you do...we all do.  And if anyone deserves to suffer, it's the Newtons.  I was your newcomer a few times and you were kind and compassionate...I'm glad to see Newton didn't kill that.  You sound like a survivor.

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / A note from Leanne
« on: August 03, 2003, 12:24:00 PM »
Dear skydiver,

Thank you so much for your words of power, strength and wisdom.  I too came out of the program 21 years old with no high school diploma.  Fortunately I had a therapist who insisted I get my HS diploma and my drivers license immediately.  I pretended the program never happened and went on with my life...then about 10 years later the nightmares started...and I didn't know where they were coming from...and my whole world fell apart.  I decided to write a book about everything that had happened to me, thinking I would close a chapter on that part of my life, and instead I relived every horrible thing that had happened, and remembered things that I never wanted to remember.  I've been struggling to get my life back in order ever since. You have given me a great idea of how to go about getting past some of this PTSD and moving on, because I've been stuck in it for a really long time.  Thank you for taking the time to write me back.  If you wouldn't mind breaking your anonymity, I'd love to know who you are, but if not, it's enough that you cared enough to take the time to respond to my question.  Thank you,  Suzanne Z.   Ps.  You can email me through my sister at sazucker@aol.com  Thanks

[ This Message was edited by: a sibling on 2003-08-03 09:25 ]

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / A note from Leanne
« on: July 27, 2003, 09:55:00 PM »
My shoulder is fine.  Popping my shoulder out was my only guaranteed way of getting out of the program for weeks at a time...it was my safety net.  In fact my shoulder is doing so well, I became an EMT and lifted people on a stretcher for a living with no problem.  Thank you for asking!  Sorry if it freaked you out.

Thank you for your kind words and relating to me about your PTSD.  I'm glad to hear you found a way of dealing with it.  As I'm still really struggling with my PTSD, I'd love to hear more about how you're dealing with yours, putting it behind you and living life on life's terms.  Please write back.  -Suzanne

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / A note from Leanne
« on: July 27, 2003, 12:10:00 PM »
Yes this is Suzanne Z.  Sobriety doing ok.  Struggling badly with PTSD, but working on getting it under control.  It's nice to know people think of me.  I think alot about people I was with and if they struggle just like I do.  I'd love to know who you are. Hope you are doing well. Please write back.
Love, Suzanne

13
Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / A note from Leanne
« on: July 26, 2003, 11:56:00 AM »
To Leanne,

While I have read your apology, it's a very hard pill for me to swallow.  While I am very happy to hear that you have grown and changed, you were my primary abuser for almost 4 years at KIDS.  You terrorized me greatly and you are the cause of many of my nightmares now.  

You treated the other newcomer in the home, Janice, like gold, but yet for some reason, hated me.  To this day I don't understand why, but my self-esteem very much suffers because of it.  While I am working very hard on my PTSD, I've got a long way to go.

I saw your parents at Rebecca's party...I'm glad to see they're well...they were always very nice to me.  For your sake, I really hope you have grown and changed, and I hope your nightmares aren't as bad as mine.  I know you wrote your letter over a year ago, and I don't know if you still read the web-site, or if you'll ever read this, but for my own peace of mind, this needed to be said.   Suzanne

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Missing Puzzle Pieces
« on: July 26, 2003, 11:42:00 AM »
Thank you for sharing your story.  I was one of those people that was continuously humiliated and abused routinely for no apparent reason and I seemed to have no ally for almost 4 years.  

My most horrible story is not so much embarrassing as it was extremely painful and terrifying.  Being an eating disorder and not eating for a week, they brought me into an intake room, had 6 people hold me down, shoved food into my mouth and held my nose and mouth closed so that I was forced to eat it.  When I choked, they sat me up and I threw up.  When they asked me if I was ready to eat on my own and I told them to screw off, they threw me back down, picked up what I threw up and forced me to eat that.  In a million years, I will never forget that horror, and I relive it in my nightmares regularly.  That is only one of my many horrific memories.  Thank you for reminding me that we're all survivors.  I need to remember that to keep me alive.  Suzanne

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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / Writing a play about KIDS
« on: July 26, 2003, 11:17:00 AM »
I too was a victim of the program for almost 4 years and suffered such horrible abuse, to this day it's hard to even talk about.  I have been in and out of hospitals trying to deal with my PTSD and am still struggling with it.  In the program, I was held down and force-fed, I was restrained and my head was cracked open and was not taken to a doctor (in total I was restrained over 200 times).  I was sexually abused by a host family, I was shoved downstairs, thrown into shower doors, ignored for months in group, and my nightmares and flashbacks are so tremendous that I have attempted suicide many times.  I am still struggling to get my life together and I think what you're doing to tell our story is extremely commendable.  I myself have written a book, I'm almost finished with it and I intend to try and get it published.  Thank you for what you're doing...I hope you're successful...good luck to Heather  -Suzanne

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