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Messages - kellyadams

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Ha. I am more a fan of Carl Rogers/Person-Centered Approach myself.

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Parents, please consider this
« on: June 25, 2010, 04:38:42 PM »
again, with the interruption of a long post!

3. The time frame. Yes, it took me awhile to fully grasp my real feelings about the program. I was subjected to systematic, powerful messaging about who I was for 18 months - day in, day out, every minute. Your mind does not simply shake that kind of conditioning off in a few days when you're removed from the environment. It is a gradual process, starting in confusion, going to an eventual catharsis (when the feelings are at their peak), and finally settling into some kind of acceptance. In the "confusion" stage (while I was at UTA in college), I absolutely had PTSD. I dissacociated, I had recurrent nightmares, I was always looking for an "escape route," and I did horrible, shameful things that I NEVER would have done were it not for my psychological distress caused by the program. I won't tell you all what I did, it is that shameful to me still. I did those things because I had lost my "anchor" - since I had been stripped of my ability to be confident in my own instincts, I went through life nihilistically. Nothing mattered, nothing made sense, so why not put myself in danger over and over again?

4. Abuse at CCM. Yes there was abuse at CCM. Emotional abuse is abuse. "Take downs" of teenage girls by grown men who are not trained in proper restraint techniques are abuse. "Sitting" on someone is abuse. Confining people to stimulus free rooms (the ISO rooms) for hours, days, weeks at a time is abuse. I absolutely stand by my statements that I witnessed physical abuse at Cross Creek.

So that's about all for now. I have no idea if anyone will read this, but I had to put it out there. Part of me wishes I'd never written that stupid story, because it really pisses me off to read others' twisted interpretations of my experience. But oh well, too late now.

Kelly Adams
(kcadams1980)

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Parents, please consider this
« on: June 25, 2010, 04:21:01 PM »
Sorry, had to make a new post b/c the window started freaking out on me...

So here are the specific points made by Amanda (and others I suppose) about my story that I want to address.

1. The talk show appearance. I have never claimed that I was "forced" to appear on this show and defend the program. Quite the opposite! AT THAT TIME (right after I "graduated" CCM), I TRULY BELIEVED IN THE PROGRAM. It wasn't "fake." I actually believed everything I was saying AT THAT TIME. Once I figured out that there was no way I could leave CCM successfully (ie, not being put on a bus to Denver with no money and no way to contact any relatives in Houston that would've helped me) without graduating, my mind had a choice to make. Either resolve the cognitive dissonance by completely "buying in," or attempt to get by until my parents caved and remain miserable. I found it much easier to handle being in the program once I finally BELIEVED in it for real. I honestly believed that the program saved my life, and that if not for the program, I would be dead in a gutter. I BELIEVED the false/exaggerated stories I told about my past drug use because it "fit" my new concept of who I was in the program. So yes, Amanda, I "chose" to go on TV and sing the program's praises. But I did so because I had disconnected from reality so much that I actually believed what I was saying.

2. The seminars. This is something I feel very strongly about, especially now that I am an LCSW myself. THESE SEMINARS ARE DAMAGING, PERIOD. Please Amanda, tell me what therapeutic value came from Garth screaming in my face during a "process" that my grandfather was dead, and that he died knowng what a piece of shit I was? By the way, he told me the next day that my grandpa wasnt actually dead, he had been "mistaken." Please enlighten me about how it is helpful for a survivor of childhood sexual abuse to be physically held down by several peers and screamed at to "get up" because "he's on top of you again!" I have never read any professional literature that would condone such "treatment" for sexual abuse survivors. Any "good" that you or others felt you got out of these barbaric exercises is completely negated by the trauma inflicted on others. There was no choice involved here. Either you "get real" in the seminars or you don't level up, it's that simple. How is that a real choice?

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Re: Parents, please consider this
« on: June 25, 2010, 04:04:47 PM »
Okay wow, this is completely surreal... I just googled my usual user name on forums (kcadams1980) looking for something I had written that was work-related and came upon this very old post here. Apparently my account of what I experienced at CCM has been widely distributed on the web and analyzed. I have absolutely no idea if any of the original posters will see this (amanda?), but I just couldn't read other people's interpretations of MY words/feelings and not respond.

Let me say first that when I wrote that story, I was in an extremely bad place. It's a long story, but it stemmed from the fact that when I was in CCM my parents and therapist, Garth, decided that my lifelong passion of political journalism would be "nonworking" for my "recovery." Keep in mind that I was almost 19 at the time and had spent most of my school years pursuing this goal. Oh yeah, and I wasn't allowed to go to Univ. of TX in Austin (the best public university in the state, IMO), despite my excellent grades, b/c my parents and Garth thought too many of my "non-working friends" attended. Okay. So, I ended up going to UT Arlington for no particular reason other than wanting to move out of my parents house, and I decided I would major in Anthropology. I had a major breakdown when the program brainwashing (I'll get to that point later) fell away and I felt completely dissacociated from any concept of who I "was." I ended up switching majors several times, finally settling on graphic design for no reason other than I took one class and was pretty good. When I graduatetd college, I moved back to Houston and got a job as a designer in an ad agency. I absolutely hated it. It's really hard to do something 8+ hrs a day that you were never really into in the first place. So I quit that job, fell into an extreme depressive episode (I was later diagnosed with bipolar, but that's another story) and finally began to "deal" with the feelings I had about the program. So yes, my account was pretty angry... I was very, very angry at that time - particularly b/c I was searching for some validation from my parents and got none. That can make a person pretty resentful. That is the context of my testimony commented on in this post.

At this point, the raw emotions associated with my program experience have dissapated somewhat. Once I became functional again after that severe depression, I discovered the social work master's program at the University of Houston and finally got back to something that was really "me." Lefty and all! Garth was an LCSW and honestly I don't know how he keeps his license. I could get into the details of our professional code of ethics but I won't.

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IMO as a clinical social worker Choice Theory/Reality Therapy are harmful constructs. I absolutely HATE this theoretical perspective, because it essentially "blames the victim." Are there some rebellious teens who are "acting out" just to get a "pay off?" Sure, of course. But my big problem with Choice Theory is that it implies there is "choice" associated with a person being mentally ill. There is no "choice" involved in schizophrenia or bipolar or major depression. Patients do not "choose" to have bizarre paranoid delusions or psychotic manic episodes. When a professor in graduate school introduced this text (Glasser's "Choice Theory") as reading material, I let her know in no uncertain terms that I felt this was inappropriate for students entering the field of mental health practice. Stuff like this only adds to the stigma around mental illness, it does not empower the mentally ill at all.

Kelly

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